Last week's episode felt like one of those clown heads at the carnival that you shoot the water stream into. Only everybody was shooting the water stream into the same clown's head. This week's episode felt like nothing more than setting up the last two episodes. I don't really feel like much happened. I know something did, but for the life of me I can't get past the feeling that that they put too much in last week's episode and not enough in this one. Maybe I'll change my mind as I write the review. So let's get to it!
Storyline A - The One With Sookie And Bill In It
They dragged it out about as long as they possibly could. We finally have an answer to the question Bill asked Sookie ("What are you?") way way back in Season 1. Sookie is a fairy. Seems kinda harsh. Just because Anna Paquin is bisexual? Sookie is descended from the fey people, the little people. Like right out of an Artemus Fowl book. According to Bill, at some point one of the fey people had some boom-chicka-bow-wow with a human, and not necessarily consensually. Furthermore, in vampire lore, the fey folk were supposedly all but wiped out by vampires. Why? Fey blood is super tasty to vampires. Like bacon. That gets Sookie to thinking that maybe Bill isn't interested in her so much as he's into her fairy blood.
Bill assures Sookie that her crack-like blood isn't why he loves her, but Sookie's not entirely convinced. Especially with Eric buzzing in her ear like a mosquito telling her Don't trust Bill. Sookie's even dreaming about Eric. And Eric is fantasizing about Sookie. Actually, he's doing more than fantasizing about Sookie: He's kidnapping her. But not until AFTER he lays a big lip-lock on her. Pam tells Eric that he should give Sookie to Russell in exchange for his continued existence. Eric won't, but he just might be willing to use Sookie to keep not drawing breath what with Russell looking for him.
Storyline B - The One With Jason In It
Jason is all over the place this week. He's helping Tara clean up the steaming pile of red goo that used to be Franklin. He's fighting with Bill and Sookie over who can protect Sookie better, and he's spilling his guts to anyone who will listen that he killed Eggs, Tara's ex-boyfriend. But Jason's best bit is when he goes into his bedroom to find a sleek snarling black panther (no, not the 60's militant group) suddenly morphing into a naked Crystal. You gotta lot of 'splainin' to do, Crystal!
Storyline C - The One With Sam In It
Sam's drinking in the woods. Sam's also flashing back to 2003. Sam knew how to shave in 2003, and he liked his hair slicked back. Sam also liked cute blondes and stealing people's jewelry and watches and diamond necklaces. He's just about to get busy with his blonde partner-in-crime when her boyfriend (What? I thought Sam was her boyfriend?!?) enters and whacks Sam upside the head. The dude and Sam's erstwhile girlfriend take off with the swag leaving Sam on the hotel room floor with a headache and a bad attitude. They don't know 2003 Sam very well. Sam tracks them down, shape-shifts into a dog, gets his loot back and pops a couple of caps into their double-dealing asses.
Being a cold-blooded murderer...could that possibly have something to do with Sam's current milquetoast demeanor? Other than whomping the snot out of Crystal's dad last week I mean. Apparently, the wait staff at Merlotte's thinks so. The whole staff shows up early for work and actually displays respect and deference - or maybe a healthy dose of fear - to their boss. 'Bout friggin' time, I say.
Storyline D - The One With Lafayette In It
Lafayette and Jesus do not have time to get Crystal's dad to the hospital twenty miles away. The guy simply won't make it that long. They pull up to Lafayette's place. Lafayette runs into the house and comes out with a vial of V. A couple of drops later and the guy is up and about and slapping Crystal around. Nothing like a father's love.
Dropping V looked like so much fun to Jesus and Lafayette that they take a few drops and spend the next twenty minutes (of showtime) hallucinating through time in Jesus family scrapbook, meeting aunts and grandparents who all seem to have the conjuring gift, especially when it comes to conjuring up cursed burritos and evil Cohibas. Seems odd to me that only a week or two ago Jesus was all bent out of shape that Lafayette was dealing V, and now not only is he cool with it but he want to take some himself.
Storyline E - The One With Eric In It
Eric considers himself a dead man. Well, he's already dead, but he thinks he's gunna be deader. Russell is just about the most powerful vampire around, and now after de-spining the evening news anchorman, all vampires are targets. Even Reverend Steve Newlin gets some TV time.
Eric is prepared to leave everything to Pam, including Fangtasia and his windy shithole of a farm back in the old country. But all Eric wants is some Sookie. Eric knows what Sookie is and what her fey blood can do; specifically, it allows vampires to be out in the daytime.
Storyline F - The One With Hoyt and Jessica In It
Hoyt's still way hung up on Jessica. Even when Summer whips out her bodacious ta-tas he still has the man-marbles to go back to Jess. Hoyt lays it all on the line for Jessica, but she still resists him. He walks out of Merlotte's a broken man. Sam's brother Tommy is right outside and gives Hoyt a Way to go Slugger. Hoyt slugs Tommy but good. Tommy shifts into a pit bull and attacks Hoyt. Hoyt's screaming brings Jessica on the run. She flings pit bull-Tommy into the woods and tells Hoyt to drink her blood so he can heal from his wounds. She still loves the big lug after all.
Storyline G - The One With Russell In It
Russell is a broken man. His Talbot is dead, and he is being hunted by humans and the V-Feds alike for his Emmy-worthy performance on the evening news. But Russell is in fine fettle. He picks up a swarthy looking fellow in a back alley and they go back to the guy's apartment for an evening of man-love. After confessing his love for Talbot, Russell plunges a stake into the guy's chest.