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True Blood: Trouble - Review

I really liked this episode. The pieces are really starting to come together. But much like a jigsaw puzzle with no picture on the box I'm not really sure what the finished picture is gunna look like.

Let's get to it!

Tara is still Franklin's paramour/prisoner/love slave at King Russell Edgington's Manor of the Damned. Problem is, Talbot thinks Tara clashes with the décor. After all, she does have breastages. Bill and Lorena and Russell come in from their evening of stripper-draining. Tara is veeeerrry surprised to see Bill. I know because she says, "Bill?" in a manner that expresses extreme surprise. Franklin wants to talk to Russell about getting paid for completing his task. His task that has something to do with the dossier of information about Sookie that Bill kept in his underwear drawer that Franklin found when he was looking in Bill's underwear drawer for dossiers. Bill gets off a zinger at Lorena's expense calling her a "...tiresome cow..." doing a disservice to tiresome cows everywhere.

Alcide and Sookie are driving away from the were-bar rave like them Duke boys eluding Sherriff Roscoe P. Coltrane when Sookie tells him to slow down and tell her about Russell. Alcide stops short and cops a feel. They're off to the see the Pack Master. I don't think they're talking about the Boy Scouts.

Eric comes to see Russell. It's getting like Peyton Place over there. Talbot takes one look at our boy Eric and gets a fang-on. It's love at first lisp. Eric is at Russell's to inquire about one Bill Compton. Russell says he never heard of him. And that's when Bill walks in. Eric, ever the quick one, figures out Russell may have lied and does know who Bill is. Eric confesses to Russell that yeah okay Bill was not actually the guy selling the V, that Eric was actually the individual selling the V, but that he was only doing it because Sophie-Anne ordered him to do it. And oh by the way Bill, Eric asks, do you mind if I nibble on Sookie's naughty bits?

Tara is tied to the bed posts in a kinky bit of foreplay that I believe is illegal south of the Mason-Dixon line. Franklin notices that Tara has received a text from Lafayette questioning her whereabouts. Franklin speed-texts (not to be confused with Eric's speed-sexing Yvetta a coupla of episodes ago) and writes back to Lafayette, "Doin' fine, hon. Y'all take care now, y'hear?"

Jason shows up at the Sherriff's station, all ready for his first day of work. The other deputies are all like, "What you doin' here not in handcuffs, wearing a shirt and shoes, lookin' like somebody showing up for work who ain't got no business showing up looking like somebody showing up for work?"

Sam is helping his new family move into one of those little houses he owns down by the river. His new family spared no expense in their luggage purchases going all out with spiffy cardboard boxes and top-notch triple-ply Hefty bags. Terry shows up. He's moving in with Arlene. And getting all emotionable over it, too. Pops gets weepy too when Sam offers him the position of Dogpatch Handyman. Might be able to afford some new tidy whities...

Tara is still tied up at Russell's, but not for much longer the way she's chewing through the ropes like a manic hamster. It's daylight, so Franklin and all the other vampires are sleeping. If she can get free, she can skee-daddle and get back to slinging drinks at Merlottes. Right now, that sounds pretty good to Tara. At least, that's the plan. She escapes, and high-tails it across the lawn, but she forgot about Russell's werewolf guards. I was hoping to hear Monty Burns say, "Smithers, release the hounds." But I was sorely disappointed.

Sookie and Alcide meet up with the Pack Master. He's the alpha (head) of the werewolf clan who gets to pee on everything first. He tells Sookie and Alcide not to go see Russell, that Russell has had his own personal private werewolf army for centuries. Sookie mind-reads him and finds out he just a yellow coward with his tail between his legs. The Pack Master leaves off with an, "Alcide! Obey! Sit! Stay!" Yeah, I know. I don't think it's gunna work on Sookie either.

Lafayette is hanging outside Merlottes smoking cigars with a pal ...remember...sometimes a cigar is just a cigar...when Jesus from the nursing home shows up. Lafayette immediately thinks the worst, that his mother is dead. But Jesus assures Lafayette that no, Jesus is just there to get to know that hunka-hunka burnin' hunk of man-meat with the guyliner and dew-rag. Lafayette is flattered, but he's got nine hours of shift-work to do. Jesus says that's okay I got nuthin' better to do that sit in a bar and swill beer. Lafayette thinks that's just the kind of guy I can go for.

Jason finds deputy-ing to be challenging. Filing, paper clip-joining, and fingerprinting himself pretty much task his mental abilities. So he decides to set himself a stretch goal and wash the police car. As he's doing so, shirtless of course, the pretty girl from the drug bust a few episodes ago drives by. Jason hops in the cruiser and chases her down, lights flashing, siren siren-ing. She won't pony up her license and such to a shirtless badgeless gunless mope in a cop car. Her name is Crystal and she says she won't agree to meet him at Merlottes later. But I think she will.

At Merlottes, Jessica is actually waitressing and Arlene ain't happy about it. That's just one too many redheads for her comfort. As Arlene snarks away, Jessica glamours the next customers and hypnotizes them to leave no tip for their waitress, Arlene. Raylan/Tommy finds Jessica cuter than a bee's knees, but Jessica is distracted when Hoyt comes in with a girl not Jessica.

Russell is discussing Bill's Sookie dossier with Bill. Much like Russell has never seen Bill, Bill has never seen that file before. Vampires really do make lousy liars. Russell believes that Bill was looking into Sookie's past to try to discover the origins of Sookie's uncanny telepathy genes. Maybe if he'd watched X-Men he would've seen Anna Paquin display a lot more talents than those. But he didn't so it's all news to him.

Speaking of news, Andy meets up with Jason at Merlottes and he has some news of his own for Jason. Andy can make Jason a real deputy if Jason takes the physical exam. Jason's like cool yeah, boyeee! And the written exam. Crappers. But Jason's more bummed out because Crystal stood him up. Meanwhile, over in the billiards area, Lafayette's shift is over so he and Jesus are shooting pool, gay-dar pinging madly. How many innuendoes can two gay men make about playing pool? I lost count at twenty-seven.

Cooter enters Bill's room and drops a bombshell about Sookie and Alcide; specifically, that Sookie and Alcide are bumping uglies. They're not, but it serves to tick off Bill enough so that he whomps the snot out of Cooter and slams the vampire guard's face into the silver door, melting it like Belloq's face at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Jason leaves Merlottes, despondent and alone. But, and who didn't see this one coming, Crystal is outside. She was just afraid to enter the bar. She agrees to go on a walk with Jason and they end up getting all smoochy-face in the moonlight. She has a backstory that she won't tell him (and us) about. I suspect we're gunna hafta wait another episode or two before we get to the bottom of her story. But she's way cute, so I'm good with it.

Tara is at the dinner table (at, not on) but day-lilies do not exactly float her boat. Franklin has no idea what women want. Stand in line, Franklin my man. Stand in line. Tara starts to figure out that she can play Franklin, that she can use her womanly wiles to get what she wants. Franklin agrees to take her out on a date for real food, namely Shoneys. Oh yeah, then he's going to marry her and turn her into a vampire. Now THAT sounds like what women want.

Talbot is showing Eric around the ol' place when they get to Russell's trophy room. Eric spies an old Viking crown in the trophy case that looks terribly familiar. Flashback to Eric's pre-vampire youth, and the crown is perched rakishly on his father (the king) 's head. Eric would rather bang redheads in the barn than take up his princely duties. As Eric is banging the redhead in the barn, vampires and werewolves (with funny little z-shaped brands) attack and kill his father, taking the crown as a trophy. Eric promises his dying father vengeance. This oughta be good.

Sookie is in bed when Bill shows up at Alcide's hotel room. Luckily for all involved, Alcide was not in bed with her. Bill tells Sookie that she's gotta get gone and I mean like now. But now is not soon enough as Russell and his merry band of hench-vampires and werewolf flunkies show up. Alcide and Bill hold their own, but when one of the vampires attacks Sookie she does that hand-flashy thing she did to MaryAnn last season, flinging the vampire away like a soiled diaper. Russell stands back and roars appreciatively. Methinks he was expecting it. Things should get very very interesting for Sookie. And that right quick.

Posted by Randy Welk on July 18, 2010 11:24 PM
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