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True Blood: I Got A Right To Sing The Blues - Review

Here's a cool interview with Lindsay "Crystal Norris "Pulsipher.

Alan Ball wrote and directed this episode, so you just knew it was going to be a doo-hoo-HOOzy. And boy howdy it did not disappoint. Let's get to it!

King Russell brings him some Sookie to his humble abode. Talbot's bent all out of shape that Russell is interested in a woman. Now that everybody is at Russell's, I was tempted to belt out a refrain of "Hail hail the gang's all here." But blessedly I did not. Bill is enraged that Sookie is being treated so poorly he kills one vampire and has a go at offing Russell. Russell shrugs him off, causing Bill to bounce off the ceiling, pissing Talbot off even more. Who's gunna clean that up? Bill is hauled off to the slave quarters where Lorena (who wants to wear Sookie's ribcage like a hat) has orders to end him. Slowly, painfully, creatively. Eric takes Sookie to the library to await Russell's questioning. Mr. Plum with the candlestick perchance?

At Merlotte's, an old woman in curlers is really giving Arlene the runaround much to Jessica's amusement. Lafayette is playing pool with Jesus. Not pocket pool, just regular old fashioned pool. But they're not really playing pool, you know what I mean? Jess glamours the old biddy to leave a monster tip, then takes the old crone into the loo for a quick slurp and sip. Don't leave any hickeys, Jess.

Jason and Crystal are making out in the blue moonlight. Those two crazy kids seem like they're just made for each other. But Crystal has a deep secret and she just can't be with Jason. My oh my, whatever could it be? My guess? She's a witch. I suppose I could read the books to find out for sure, but that would be cheating. I'd rather be wrong all on my own.

Eric tells Sookie to keep her yap shut, that he's this close to getting his vengeance on Russell. Russell comes in and tells Eric to get gone. Tell me what you are, says Russell to Sookie. I'm just a waitress, replies Sookie. A hot blonde waitress - who rarely ever actually waitresses - with a rock-hard beach body and a whole series of best-selling books, but that's neither here nor there.

Lafayette and Jesus are parked and trading their life stories. Turns out that Jesus' mom was raped so he doesn't know who his father is, and he and his mother moved around a lot. Lafayette tells Jesus that he's a drug dealer and a V peddler and a male forget that. He didn't say any of those things because he has trust issues.

Back in Russell's library, Russell is literally playing with fire. He's got a hot poker in his hand, and boy is he happy to see Sookie. Russell and Sookie start playing 20 Questions, swapping questions and answers like they're on a game show. Sookie tells Russell that her grandfather had the telepathy gene. Russell tells Sookie that Lorena will kill Bill (Uma Thurman style) or Russell will kill Lorena. Then Russell hands Sookie the dossier that Bill had been keeping. And oh, by the way Sookie, Russell wants to know, what is that hand-flashy thing that you do? Sookie doesn't know, but if you need a maenad flung across the room Sookie's your go-to gal. Russell directs one of his minions to take Sookie upstairs so he and Eric can go run a little errand.

Lorena's got Bill all trussed up like a Christmas turkey. And she's got a tableful of sharp and painful-looking implements all neatly lined up just waiting to carve that holiday bird better known as Bill Compton. She starts by carving her initials in his chest, then goes on to slice and dice him better than Ron Popeil ever imagined possible.

Franklin's still got Tara tied up. Sookie is in the house so, technically, Franklin's job of delivering her to Russell is now done. Tara plays to his ego - and his "little brain" - and he stupidly unties her so she can bite a big ol' gaping hole in his neck. Kinky. But hey, that's vampire foreplay for ya.

In her locked room, Sookie hears Tara's thoughts: Keep cool, Sook. Hang in there til dawn then me and you are gunna bust outta this joint. Tara is in her room, spooning with Franklin post-coital pre-honeymoon. Franklin is looking like the horse's head in movie producer Jack Woltz' bed in The Godfather.

Russell and Eric are in a limo headed to we know not where. Well, that's not completely true. We know it's not Shreveport. Eric is biding his time until he can claim his vengeance on Russell. Russell's master plan is to unite all the supernaturals - under his dominion of course - and wipe the humans off the face of the Earth. Russell is much much older than Eric and much much stronger, so I don't know how Eric plans on killing Russell. But something tells me that Sookie will play a big part. That's going to be a helluva lotta fun.

Lafayette brings Jesus to his cozy love cottage. Jesus is digging on Lafayette's tableau/altar of religious icons and artifacts. So much so that they want to slam some tequila shots off of each other's navels. But this tender moment is broken up by those pesky rednecks busting up Lafayette's car. Lafayette and Jesus go all Neanderthal on they asses. In the melee, it comes out that Lafayette is a drug-dealing V-peddler. Sitting in a bar swilling beer for nine hours might be Lafayette's idea of a nice guy, but a drug-dealing V-peddler is not Jesus' dream guy. Jesus boogies, and doesn't even leave Lafayette with an, "I'll call ya."

Old pal Sophie Anne, Queen of Mississippi (remember her?), is scratching off instant lottery tickets to try to clear up her IRS problems. Russell suddenly appears, single red rose in hand. I thought Sophie was going to say, "A wed wose. How womantic." But she didn't. Russell proposes for the umpteenth time, but Sophie ain't having him. Russell tells her that he can clear up all those annoying little financial problems of hers. She retorts that she's no longer worried about the magister because she's pinned the V-selling on Eric. That's all Eric needs to hear. He takes Sophie down and says he's stronger than she is but he's been holding back out of loyalty. Them days is over, Eric, tells her, and he wants to rip off her head and use it as a pool toy. Russell calls off Eric, and Sophie reluctantly agrees to marry Russell. Poe-tay-toe, poe-tah-toe...really tugged at the a little weepy I did.

Lorena has had all night to carve up Bill, and she's done quite the job. Ed Gein coulda learned a thing or two from her. Debbie and Cooter come in looking to knock off a piece and maybe grab some vampire blood. Some vampire blood that Bill is leaking all over the bloody place. Man, they know how to party down there in Mississippi.

Sam and brother Tommy are having a nice chat as well. Sam wants to know what's going on between Tommy and Joe Lee. Tommy ain't ready to talk about it. Net yet anyway. Sam's new mom Melinda comes in bearing a nice big tray of corn fritters fried in bacon grease. Dang if I couldn't smell 'em right through the TV. Sam leaves so Melinda and Tommy can chat. Don't trust Sam, Melinda tells Tommy. What can they be up to? The only thing I can think of is dog-fighting. Or greyhound racing. Or Polly and her Prancing Poodles. We'll just have to wait and find out. Not too long though. Arlene tells Sam that that new family of his has a mean ass-looking pit bull. Sam does the math and heads off to the local dog-fighting ice cream parlor.

It's daylight, and Franklin is sleeping. But Tara is not. She de-spoons and, spying a number of medieval weapons on the wall, grabs a lethal-looking spiky ball-on-stick thing and proceeds to cave in Franklin's skull with it. And very graphically too, may I say. Franklin's already dead, so I don't know that this is going to do much more than really piss him off, maybe give him a headache, but it made Tara feel better, so let's just move along. She frees Sookie and the two of them high-tail it for parts unknown. Unknown for Tara, that is. Sookie is hell-bent on rescuing Bill.

Jason is still trying to woo Crystal. He found out where she lives and comes a-knocking on her door, bouquet of white roses in hand. A shirtless guy answers the door, and he and Jason discuss the best way to get ripped abs. Crystal comes to the door and claims she's never met Jason before. You best git gone, she tells Jason, or my shirtless fiancé'll give you a whupping. Jason leaves, tail tucked firmly between legs. But that tail don't stay tucked for too long. Jason happens to come across the young hotshot Bon Temps High School quarterback boinking a cheerleader in the backseat of his car. Jason says I'm gunna be a cop someday, and when I do, I'M gunna be the hotshot boinking the cheerleader. In the backseat. Of YOUR car.

Cooter and Debbie drank all the Bill they can stomach and get to dirty-talking as they run off into the woods to get weird. Sookie enters Lorena's Slice and Dice Motel and finds Bill in dire straits. Just then, Lorena appears from out of the shadows, pins Sookie to the wall, and chomps down on her neck. Sookie screams, and we get a nice view of her dental work and epiglottis.

Posted by Randy Welk on July 25, 2010 11:50 PM
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