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True Blood: It Hurts Me Too - Review

Here's a couple good articles and interviews. The gang from Bon Temps is really making the PR rounds.

Kristin Bauer van Straten says, "There's lots of good eye candy (on Season 3 of HBO's True Blood)."

True Blood Renewed for Fourth Season

Howsabout an interview with Denis "Russel Edgington" O'Hare?

Or maybe an interview with James "Franklin Mott" Frain?

Let's get to recappin'!

Last week, as you may recall, Sookie and Eric were on the pointy end of a werewolf attack. Sookie whipped out the gun Terry loaned her and fired. But Eric, with dreams of a Secret Service career that might have been, leaps in front of the bullet and catches it in his gut. Eric and the werewolf roll around biting each other, scratching, clawing, growling, teeth and fangs snapping in inter-species homo-erotic foreplay. Eric wants to know who the werewolf's master is. Werewolf won't give up the information, so Eric rips the werewolf's throat out, making confession that much harder. He looks up at Sookie and says, "Sorry, got your rug all wet." Quick - what's the number for Sunshine Cleaning?

Lorena spent the last week since Bill doused her with that oil lamp, stopping, dropping, and rolling. She's a bit crispier, but she'll heal. The King of Mississippi, Russell Edgington, tells Bill, "Don't be setting fire to my houseguests." Apparently, that sort of thing is simply not done in Mississippi. Russell tells Bill that somebody is going to turn Sookie into a vampire and his initials are Bill Compton. Before things get out of hand, they decide to take a dirt nap on it.

Eric's digging a hole in Sookie's backyard. He's going to plant the dead werewolf and maybe grow a whole crop of 'em. Eric leaves a nice pretty flower wreath to help disguise the newly dug shallow grave even more. Before Eric noshed on the werewolf, Sookie heard him think something about Jackson. Not a who, but a where, as in Jackson, Mississippi. So that's where Sookie's headed. To find Bill.

Tara's gotten over Eggs and under Boots. They're doing the nasty and getting all shaky freaky-deaky. Tara's eyes are rolling back in her head and Boots' fangs pop out. They shift positions to Reverse Cowgirl, a little Texas Side-saddle, then some Siamese Butterfly, then a bit of Escaped Prisoner and the Warden's Wife. It's all very tantric.

Sam scrapes himself off the side of the road where he almost got himself splattered to find brother Tommy and Pops (still in his grey under-dunders) watching some NASCAR. Or Judge Judy. Sam's mad at Tommy for almost getting him killed. Where's the puppy love?, I ask you. Pops does throw down some fatherly words of wisdom, telling Sam, "Don't ever get married. They'll woman ya." Brilliant.

Hoyt and Jason are discussing career opportunities. Hoyt wants to be a truck. Jason wants to be a cop, the taste of last week's drug-dealer takedown still fresh in his room temperature IQ mind. Hoyt asks Jason if there might be reading involved somewhere in the becoming-a-cop process. Jason's eyes glaze over.

Tara's in the sack with Boots, a little post-coital pillow talk. Her beating of the rednecks turned him on big-time, and made her panties fall off. He tells her his name. He's Franklin. She's finds her clothes. She's leaving.

Pam's spending some quality time with the new exotic dancer at Fangtasia. Good on her. The phone rings, and it's Jessica. She has a problem. There's no dead body in Bill's house. We should all have problems like that. Pam hangs up and returns to orally ministrating to the semi-clad nubile young lovely.

Sookie and Sam are discussing Sookie's upcoming trip to Mississippi. Sookie's status as Bon Temps' favorite waitress is in serious jeopardy. In her absence, if Sam could kindly keep an eye on Jessica so she doesn't accidentally kill and misplace anybody, why, Sookie would be eternally grateful.

Jason and Hoyt are taking the on-line police officer entrance exam. Between them their IQs add up to four score and seven. But Jason's no quitter. There's two kinds of people in the world, and Jason's neither one of them.

Merlotte's other favorite waitress, Arlene, the one who actually works there, is on the doctor's examination table. He's giving her lady parts the once-over, and tells Arlene that she's about nine to ten weeks pregnant. Since she's only been sleeping with Terry for considerably less than that, she's not quite entirely sure who her baby's daddy might be. Those drunken blackout orgies at Maryann's notwithstanding, this could be a Miracle Baby.

Tara's at Eggs' funeral. It's being held by a guy named Mike Spencer, a guy who really puts the fun back in funeral. Eggs has himself a nice casket, paid for by one Sookie Stackhouse. They make up after last week's fight, and the funeral goes ahead as planned. We watch as everything goes all sepia and we flashback to 1868. Bill Compton is strolling through that same cemetery, homeward bound. He peeps through the window, and his wife Caroline comes out toting a shotgun aimed at our boy Bill. She recognizes him, tells him their young son Thomas died of the pox. He cries tears of blood. Caroline recognizes Bill for the undead freak that he is and she shoots him. Lorena appears, tsk-tsk-tsking.

Jason's taking the police officer entrance exam. Turns out there actually is reading involved. Sherrif Dearborn is proctoring the exam, and Jason sees the omnipresent bullethole in Bud Dearborn's fivehead. Then Jason drops trou and he's bare-ass nekkid. No, not really, he's just dreaming. In his pick-up truck. On the side of the road, supervising the Bon Temps road crew. Lafayette asks Jason for some work direction, but Jason is preoccupied. He's got a lot of things on his mind. Lafayette says, "That must feel new." Good one that. Right about then Hoyt finds a headless corpse in the storm drain.

Sookie is scrubbing the werewolf out of her rug when a handsome stranger appears. She mind-hears him, and deduces he's a werewolf. The tail and paws might've been a bit of a giveaway, but Sookie's nobody's fool. She's her very own fool. The werewolf's name is Alcide, and Eric sent him to keep a watchful yellow eye on her. He digs on her mind-reading ability, and agrees to take her to Ol' Miss.

Guests are the order of the day as Sam's newfound family shows up at Merlotte's to mooch a free meal and suck down gallons of free booze. It doesn't take long before Sam's had enough and gives them the boot outta his bar. Pops scratches his grey-clad crotch, belches, gives Sam the stink-eye, and leaves.

Back at the storm drain, the corpse is proving hard to identify due to having no hands or head. Sherriff Bud Dearborn has had enough. He quits on the spot. Sounds like there's a job opening, Jason.

Back in 1868, Lorena and Bill are discussing their options with regards to Bill's (ex?) wife Caroline. Caroline wants Bill to kill her. Lorena thinks that sounds like a doozy of an idea. Bill Obi-wan's Caroline so she forgets about dead son Thomas and vampire-husband Bill. Back in present day King Russell's home, Bill wakes from his dream with morning wood.

Speaking of Russell, he's slapping down his boy-bitch Talbot, who's kvetching about the burnt rug in the foyer. Russell is more concerned with the missing werewolf that he'd sent to pay a social call on Sookie. They theorize that one Eric Northman may have had something to do with that gaudy flower wreath when Bill shows up looking very James Bond-ish, pledging his unliving loyalty to Russell. In return, King Russell will let Sookie live. Lorena not-so-quietly snarks.

Jason is trying to drown his sorrows at Merlotte's. He and Tara are doing that word-exchange thing where people express themselves using vocabules and sentences, predicates, subjects, nouns, verbs...talking...yeah...that's what it's called. Jason somehow fails to inform Tara that it was him, and not Andy, who killed Eggs. Later, at home, he gets his test results and burns them. Math may not be his strong suit, but even Jason knows that 3 out of 100 is not good enough to get him a gun and badge.

Eric gives Lafayette a new car for being such a good v-dealer. It was either a new car or the flock of chickens behind Door # 2. Lafayette chose wisely.

Arlene is waitressing (See?) and she tells Terry that she is going to have a baby? We are?, asks Terry. Yes, says Arlene, we are. She fails to mention that Terry may not be the father. He don't ask, she don't tell. It's a win-win.

Jessica is still moping over Hoyt and the disappearance of her dead body. There's a knock at the door. Who could it be? Why, it's Tara's bangtastic buddy, Franklin. Jessica tries to intimidate him by showing him her fangs, but Franklin's are bigger. Franklin quickly explains to Jessica that he "...finds things." Like heads. Specifically, the head from Jessica's corpus delecti. He cleaned up her dead guy mess, and he wants to know all she knows about one William S. Preston, Esq. and Wyld Stallyns. I mean Compton. And Sookie Stackhouse.

Sookie and Alcide are at a werewolf bar in Jackson, Mississippi. They split up to reconnoiter and put Sookie in a dangerous situation from which he can rescue her and become Sookie's Season 3's love interest in Bill's absence. She gives the blonde mating call ("I am so drunk!"), and soon guys are falling all over themselves to tell her what she wants to know. Sookie mind-hears one of the guys who kidnapped Bill. He's about to ravage her, she screams, and a bar-fight ensues. Didn't see that coming.

Franklin pays a call on Tara. He's found out her name and where she lives from Jessica. She won't invite him in. He glamours her. She invites him in for more tantric sex. And sweet tea.

In Mississippi, Lorena tells Bill that she doesn't buy his whole "I swear loyalty to you" routine. They fight and bicker, scratch and claw, fangs come out, he rapes the bejesus out of her, turning her head around a couple hundred degrees. He screams out in pain and anguish. Or maybe vampire-gasm. I'm not really sure.

Posted by Randy Welk on June 28, 2010 12:01 AM
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