Well Hie-dlee-ho True Blood-arinos! And welcome to the new 2010 season of TV Fodder's blog recap/review of HBO's True Blood. I don't know about you guys but ever since Spartacus and LOST have finished their season and series finales, respectively, I have not been watching a whole lot of television. On a side/personal note, the Chicago Blackhawks won the Stanley Cup. Congratulations! Commit to the Indian!
My memory's fading and I can't quite recall exactly how long ago this show was last on...last September seems like forever ago...but there's been a whole helluva lot of articles and blurbs out there in the webosphere...here's a good one...
Wanna see a cast photo?
Wanna find out why Katee Sackhoff said no to 'True Blood'?
Want some inside scoop?
Enough with the appetizer course...On with the blog...
Last season, as you may or may not remember, Bill and Sookie got all dolled up and went to a fancy-schmancy hoity toity ooh-la-la Frenchy restaurant. Bill asked Sookie to marry him (art imitates real life), but Sookie needed a moment so she went to the bathroom to eat a Snickers. But Sookie is made of stern stuff. She came out of the head looking to tell Bill that she would marry him, but when she came out Bill was gone. Served her right. In her tender state, Sookie asked a French chick if she's seen Bill. The French chick was rude, insulted Sookie, surrendered, and dialed 911.
Jason had his own misfortunes last season what with the Fellowship of the Sun and Reverend Steve Newlin's hot whack-a-doo wife. But all that wasn't nearly as bad as how our old pal Eggs' season ended. That is to say...with a bullet from Jason's gun splattering his brains all over Perdition. Jason feels pretty bad about that, but a cold beer should set things right. While Jason is swilling cold one, Jessica is dragging home a soon-to-be corpse and finding some flowers on her porch that Hoyt left for her, and Bill - yes, Bill of the jilted restaurant proposal gone awry - finds himself a kidnap victim at the hands of the self-named F**k You Crew. Kinda catchy in a pathetic illiterate way. The FYC is drinking themselves silly full of V-juice at Bill's expense.
Bon Temps finest are on the case of Eggs murder. Deputy Jones is questioning Sookie. Perry Mason she ain't. And Sheriff Dearborn is questioning Arlene. Chief Brenda Johnson he ain't.
Jessica's comforting her victim when Sookie comes a-callin' cuz after all that's what folks do in Lewzeeanna. Sookie's looking for Bill, and Jessica's trying to hide the dead body. She can hide the body, but that smell Sookie detects is not the dead possum under the porch that Jessica says it is.
Jason finally sets down his beer as Deputy Andy comes to conversate with him. You see, Andy is accepting the blame/credit for killing Eggs for Jason so Jason doesn't go to prison.When Andy is the voice of reason we may sleep soundly knowing that they're ice skating in Hell. But Andy's got some good advice for Jason. He tells Jason to play it cool, act normal, and go score some strange. Jason's all like, "Okay."
Sookie heads on over to Fangtasia to try to enlist Eric's help. But Eric is a little pre-occupied with banging the new exotic dancer he's just hired. Personally, I think the six hours he claimed he was en flagrante seemed a little braggy, but as sheriff, he's duty-bound to look into Bill's disappearance. Just give him another two or three hours to pleasure his special gal pal and he'll be good to go.
Meanwhile, Bill and the FYC find themselves with a pressing need to call AAA as they go careening down the side of a hill after Bill breaks the driver's neck. OnStar anybody?
Tara's taking Eggs' death pretty hard. But Lafayette and a bottle of tequila should soon set things to right. Sookie comes home - bad timing, Sook - and blabs that she had talked with Eggs earlier in the day and had helped him remember his serial killer past. Tara's none too pleased with that little tidbit of information and she goes to wailing on the Sookster. A little more tequila should make everything better.
Eric's on the phone with Bill's kidnappers. I think we were all pretty much hip to the fact the Eric was behind the kidnapping, weren't we? Eric's pissed because the kidnapping went over like a lead balloon and now Bill's gone missing. Pam thinks Eric should call
Lorena Sophie Anne, the vampire queen. Eric says bite me. Vampire humor. I guess you had to be there.
Sam Merlotte is writing in his journal. All's I could catch was, "Dear Diary, today Janey passed me a note in gym class..." There's a knock at the door and it's a shirtless Bill Compton looking for a shower, a shirt, and a little man-love. I did not make that up. But shut down the gay-dar. Turns out that Sam was merely dreaming the entire encounter. Sam's phone is ringing, and it's the Magnolia Chamber of Commerce calling with some information about a family named Mickens.
Jason and Hoyt are working, picking up brush on the side of the road, all very Cool Hand Luke-ish. Hoyt needs himself a girlfriend (Jessica's unintentionally kind of giving him the cold shoulder) and a place to live (his mother kicked him out for dating the undead). Jason offers to provide both.
Tara's mom, Lettie Mae, has heard about Tara's troubles, and comes over to pitch in and make Bloody Marys, but Lafayette has seen this act before. Let's just say that if you're having a cocktail party you may not want to invite both of them. If you like your furniture upright and unsullied. Not long after, Reverend Daniels arrives and proclaims that Tara's woes are all part of God's plan. So is tequila, but he didn't say anything about that.
Sookie goes to Sheriff Dearborn looking for help finding Bill. A decidedly unconcerned Sheriff Dearborn looks her square in the eye and says, Meh." The aforementioned Bill meanwhile, having seen Night of the Living Dead, emerges zombie-like from the earth where he had entombed himself to regenerate from the car crash needing a shower (sans Sam) and a breath mint, not necessarily in that order.
Jessica's dead guy is still dead. And stinky.
At Fangtasia, Eric's new pole dancer (pun intended) is a big hit. But not so big that she's invited to stay when the Magister and Queen
Lorena Sophie Anne show up to question Eric about a whole bunch of V-juice that's been hitting the streets. If Walter White shows up in an RV I'll really be impressed. The Magister believes that with so much V-juice being sold out there that a vampire must be responsible. And I think we know exactly which vampire(s) he thinks is responsible. And the Magister is looking to make some poor undead schmuck an example. We're gunna need us a patsy... And that turns out to be really bad timing for Queenie because she's in a bit of a financial crush at the moment (damn that IRS anyway) and she needs her some liquidity. How to get more money fast? Easy. Convince Lafayette, her V-juice-selling prank monkey to sell lots of the stuff fast.
Back at Merlotte's, Arelene is sniffing out the cinnamon in Lafayette's chili, which convinces her that she's pregnant. (Blogger's Note - Don't put cinnamon in chili. Ever. Please. Seriously.) In a booth over yonder, Jason's got a couple of NYU Veterinary School dog psychology majors on the hook. I didn't know that NYU had a veterinary school, let alone offered a dog psychology major, but so be it. They're looking to get into a little ménage action, and after twisting Jason's arm for a record .13 nanoseconds, he agrees. Hoyt as wingman? Even Jason shoulda known better.
Bill's meandering shirtless down dusty, strangely backlit country roads. He comes upon a house with an old woman in it. She has not much but a ratty old housecoat, 27 cats, chewed up slippers, an O2 tank, and an asthmatic wheeze. But she has a pulse, and that's good enough for our boy Bill. After glamouring her and finding out that he's now in Mississippi, he slips her a couple of Benjamins and beats feet.
Jason's with the NYU grads, and after all their machinations and oral pleasuring attempts, Jason is still unable to get Mr. Happy to the party. Might have something to do with all those imagined bullet holes he keeps seeing in their heads. Be that as it may, the girls skedaddle to get some proper pipe laid.
Tara, having pulled the old I'm-going-to-take-a-shower-now gambit, locks herself in the bathroom and starts downing pills like they're Thin Mints at Fat Camp.
Sookie and Jessica find Bill's overturned car, and there's a dead guy in it. He has an odd tattoo. A quick Google search of the image, andit turns out that the guy belonged to something called "Operation: Werewolf." Cue dramatic dum dum dum music.
A newly-shirted Bill, still meandering down dusty, strangely backlit country roads, finds himself surrounded by a pack of wolves. Smells like Season 3 conflict has just arrived. Don't mess with me, says Bill. I'm here to kick ass and chew bubblegum...and I'm all out of bubblegum.