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True Blood Fodder

True Blood: Frenzy

Not a lot actually happened in this episode. There were a couple of good one-liners, we got to meet the Queen of Louisiana, and several story lines were nicely advanced with all the key players put into position like the end game segment of a chess match. AND they used the entire allotted show time unlike last week. Quite frankly, they could've cut this one short by six or seven minutes and we'd still be in the same place. Can ya tell I'm a tad frustrated? Could it be that there's only one more episode left, and we have to wait two weeks to see it? Could be. Let's get to recappin'!

The camera pulls back and we see the Queen of Louisiana, Sophie-Anne Leclerq (played by the ever delightful Evan Rachel Wood) nibbling on the femoral artery of a young lovely woman. Bill's so whipped he can't get even a little titillated. Man, talk about Captain Buzzkill. The Queen offers Bill a wee nosh, but he's single-minded about killing Maryann the maenad. Sophie-anne tells Bill that she can't be killed, but all those orgies and all that cannibalism and all those sacrifices sound like a right good time. You know what they say, power corrupts, but absolute power rocks absolutely.

Jessica's nibbling on Maxine but Hoyt thinks his momma isn't a chicken-fried steak for his undead girlfriend to be noshing on. Hoyt chooses his momma over his girlfriend, and Jessica loses her boyfriend but not her hymen.

Tara wants to go save Eggs. Sookie tells her it's way too dangerous for a lone single human female to go up against supernaturals. Unless you're the central character. Lafayette whips out a rifle and some furry handcuffs and restrains Tara. Tara wants higher billing.

Sam, Jason, and Andy are at Merlottes. Sam is telling The Shirtless One that he is a shape-shifter. Jason says they're up against Zombie-geddon. Shape-shifting may be cool, but turning into a chicken who can lay an egg then morphing back into a human so he can eat it may not be the handiest of survival skills. Arlene's kids drop in for a sandwich while Jason and Andy go to the Sheriff's station for guns. Their question-asking skills rival Mackauley Culkin in Uncle Buck.

Lafayette's restraining Tara at gunpoint. It helps that Tara's handcuffed. They should've gagged her too because Tara is trying everything she can to guilt Lettie Mae into letting her go. Sookie and Lafayette come to an emotional understanding when Lettie Mae finagles the gun away from Lafayette. Sookie gives Tara her car keys and Tara speeds away.

Andy and Jason get to the Sheriff's station. Inside, they meet Rosie the Receptionist who makes Jason an offer he can't resist; namely, sex. Jason and Rosie get something straight between them while Andy raids the weapons locker. Sheriff Bud Dearborn emerges dressed in his boxers and a smile, and, at gunpoint asks Andy to square dance. Who could say no to an invitation like that?

Sam takes Arlene's ever-curious and no-longer-hungry children to Fangtasia. They're a little young to be fang-bangers, but you're never too young to annoy the undead. Sam needs Eric's help to get rid of Maryann.

At Sookie's house, Maryann the home-squatting maenad tells Tara that the only reason Maryann is in town is because Tara summoned her. Tara says, Whuh-huh? Back when Lettie Mae hired the now-heartless exorcist Tara needed help to free Lettie Mae from her 160 proof demons. Maryann tries the shimmy-shake to get Tara back under her spell, but to no effect. So Maryann bitch slaps Tara and Tara's eyes go all black oily.

Jason's got Rosie all tied up because he doesn't like to take advantage of girls who aren't aware of what they're doing. Well, maybe except for that one time in high school and those two times under the bleachers and that other time after prom and that one time, no make it three times in his pick-up truck... Sheriff Dearborn arrives just in time to put an end to the reminiscing.

Hoyt and his momma are watchin' rasslin' on the TV. Maxine is whomping up a nice peanut butter and banana casserole for the God Who Comes. They soon get to arguing about Jessica, and Hoyt realizes that maybe, just maybe, he chose poorly.

At Fangtasia, Sam brings in Arlene's kids for the fang show. Sam and Eric strike a bargain. They need to make a stand together or they will surely die alone. Eric agrees to go see someone who might be able to help. Hmmmm...could it be the Queen of Louisiana? Pam, at Eric's side, loves children. Lightly sautéed.

Sookie finds a whole bunch of strangeness in her old house. First there's a lady chopping off her own fingers, then there's a guy taking a bath in her kitchen sink. I'm all in favor of conserving water, but that might be taking things a bit too far. Watch out for that potato peeler!

At Queen Sophie-Anne's, the queen and Bill are playing Yahtzee. Really. Sophie-Anne tells Bill that Maryann just might leave if she thinks her god Dionysus has accepted her tribute; specifically, the sacrifice of the perfect two-natured Sam-shaped vessel. Eric arrives and that's Bill's cue to leave. Bill and Eric exchange a few heated words about who's going to take Sookie to prom, and Bill is Bon Temps-bound.

Maryann catches up with a gun-toting Lafayette. He shoots at her, but the bullet ricochets off of her and plugs Carl the cook. Maryann looks at Lafayette and says, You're a cook aren't you?

Jason and Andy have to clear the air about a few things. Like why does Andy hate Jason so much? Other than Jason being the star quarterback and all the girls throwing themselves at Jason they're pretty much the same guy. They throw on a couple of bandoliers, grab up their various bits of weaponry, and it's Maryann Season.

Sookie does a little recon around her house and finds Tara and Eggs upstairs. They're wreaking havoc, but with mysterious intent. They've turned Sookie's bed into a giant nest for a bizarrely over-sized egg. I prefer a Denver omelet myself.

The season finale is in two weeks. Hope that egg doesn't hatch before then.


Posted by Randy Welk on August 30, 2009 11:43 PM
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