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True Blood: Hard-hearted Hannah

Excellent titling for this episode.

In Dallas at the Hotel Nosferatu, Eric is scoring some strange. Some seriously strange strange. The poor working girl of negotiable entertainment must've failed her hooker improv class because she just can't play hard-to-get or deliver the dirty talk to keep Eric's interest. His line about her wearing panties that her other laid out casts doubt on his dirty-talking abilities as well. Bill's brunette maker Marina Lorena shows up before Eric has to explain how this has just never happened to him before.

Bill and Sookie are post-coital when Isabel and her human Hugo come to call. Bill breaks out the mini-bar Trü Blood. That's gonna get expensive, but not nearly as expensive as the hotel robes that Bill and Sookie are stealing. Hugo and Sookie are going to infiltrate the Light of Day Institute (LODI) as Holly and Rufus.

Eric explains to Marina Lorena that he wants her help to get rid of Bill and score him some Sookie for his very own. This goes against the Vampire Code of Ethics in some way, but Marina Lorena is cool with it.

FLASHBACK - Marina Lorena and Bill are in Chicago, 1926. Bill's playing piano in a hotel lounge, and Marina Lorena is picking up a loaded (both financially and BAC-ly) couple. The two fun-loving couples are going to play a little swap-o-rama-lama-ding-dong later. Prohibition be damned.

Sam and Daphne are staining Sam's pool table with their funkified junk. Sam asks Daphne about the scratches on her back, but she claims she has no memory of how they got there. They start to rub each other and it's nine ball in the corner pocket.

At Tara's, I mean Sookie's, I mean Gran's, I mean Sookie and Tara's, I mean Tara's and Maryann's and Egg's and Carl's house, the hot water heater has crapped out. If you think Maryann is bitchy before morning coffee, you should see her - and smell her too I suppose - before she's had her morning hot shower.

Reverend Steve wants Jason and Luke to build a wooden platform for a Meet The Sun ceremony. Yup, that's just about as fun as it sounds...unless you're a vampire and you're silver-chained to a cross atop a big wooden platform surrounded by a vampire-hating cult when the sun comes up. Wonder if burning vampire affects the taste of the s'mores...

Tara and Eggs are on a mission from God - they're going to get the water heater back together again. Unfortunately, the only place that sells the required part is two hours away. As they're tooling down the road, Tara's doing the driving and Eggs is doing the déjà vu-ing. He tells her to stop and pull over at some place he's never been before, and soon he starts to wander off into the woods as if he knows where he's going.

Ex-deputy Andy Bellefleur shows up at Merlottes and starts questioning Lafayette about his recent whereabouts and oh by the way do you know anything about a woman getting her heart yanked out of her chest cavity? Lafayette starts to freak out (PTSD) at Andy's questioning and threats, and hallucinates, seeing Eric's face on Andy's body. Meanwhile in the back room, Sam is practicing a little sexual harassment, shape-shifter style, on Daphne. They're going to go for a little run.

Hoyt's mom is waiting on her lunch. Daphne is her waitress so it might be a while. Hoyt comes in and he ain't too happy with his mom turning off his cell phone just because he's been receiving late-night booty phone calls from Jessica. Hoyt gets his mom's panties in a bunch when he tells her that Jessica has to call at night because she's a vampire. Can you say boo-yah?!?

Jason and Luke are finishing up the Vampire Sacrificial Platform when they get into a deep theological discussion about abstinence. Jason can't spell it, but he's gonna give it a shot. His little contretemps with Sarah has tarnished his Ring of Truth and put a strain on his Vow of Honesty.

Sookie/Holly and Hugo/Rufus meet Sarah. Their cover story is they're engaged and are looking for a God-loving vampire-burning church in which to express their undying love and enter into holy undead-hating matrimony. Sookie gives Reverend Steve's mind a quick look-see and discovers that the LODI is holding a 2000 year old vampire hostage in the basement. She shoots, she scores!

Back in Old Chicago, Bill and Marina Lorena are sucking the life out of their unsuspecting victims. One imagines that both couples had differing ideas of the evening's festivities. Bill rips open the girl's throat while Marina Lorena snaps the man's neck. They grapple and grope and roll around in the dead girl's blood and Officially Cross The Line.

Tara and Eggs tramp through the woods looking for the Three Bears' cottage when they come upon a clearing where Something Strange Happened. Eggs is convinced he's been there before.

Sookie/Holly and Hugo/Rufus are on the official LODI nickel tour. Steve is showing off his super shiny new church and winning smile. Sookie listens in on Steve's thoughts and realizes that he knows who she is and what she can do. Steve enlists the assistance of the LODI DI R. Lee Ermey-wannabe and they force our undercover couple downstairs towards the LODI dungeon and video arcade. Sookie silent-screams to Bill. Bill wakes to find himself being held down by Marina as she does the spit-drool-dangle torture with a wedgie and purple-nurple to follow.

Andy's drinking and driving and Andy-ing when he sees a collie and a pig go trotting across the road. Now that's a man who knows how to party.

Pam shows up at Merlottes. Lafayette freaks out. She was, after all, his jailer. He thought they were evensies. Pam and Eric did sort of hold him captive and bite and torture him and force-feed him Twinkies. But they let him go and now he owes them a favor; specifically, they want him to resume selling V.

Tara and Eggs finally get home from their road trip to find Gran's home greatly resembling Delta House. There are bits of clothing, empty beer cans and booze bottle strewn all about. But the true festivities are going on in the back yard. There are drummer's drumming, swans a-swimming, lords a-leaping and a good old fashioned orgy going on. And Maryann is in full shake and shimmer mode.

Back at the hotel in Dallas, Jessica checks her cell phone: no messages. She's mad at Bill for being Bill so she opens up the mini-bar, takes out a couple bottles of Trü Blood and dumps 'em down the drain. There's a knock at the door and it's Hoyt bearing a truly pitiful bouquet of wildflowers. And with that he hopes to get lucky? If only that worked...

Jason's looking for Steve and Sarah, but Steve is busy imprisoning Sookie so it's just Sarah. She seduces poor poor Jason telling him that God told her to do it. What's a poor defenseless guy to do? Jason's vow of abstinence melts faster than a popsicle in July.

Daphne and Sam are walking through the woods. All of a sudden, some people pop out of the woods and grab Sam. They deliver him to Maryann's clothing optional soiree. It's soon apparent to Sam that Daphne has been working for Maryann from the start. Daphne puts the bull's skull on Maryann's head as Carl delivers the Crocodile Dundee-sized sacrificial dagger and cheese knife.

Posted by Randy Welk on July 26, 2009 11:55 PM
Permalink |

Nice recap, but Bill's maker is Lorena not Marina.

-- Posted by: Ingrid at July 27, 2009 2:26 PM

Y'know, I wasn't sure about that. I got distracted and couldn't make up my mind.

When I hear "Lorena" I always think of Diane Lane in Lonesome Dove.

Thanks for helping - consider it fixed.

-- Posted by: randy at July 27, 2009 3:33 PM

i am sorry but i dont have a time to see more

-- Posted by: ghoumari at August 23, 2009 1:32 PM

so informative, thanks to tell us.

-- Posted by: DedoVioheds at September 29, 2010 7:55 PM

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