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True Blood Fodder

True Blood: Scratches

We pick up tonight's ep moments after last week's ep ends. Bill's driving Sookie's car ("Don't drive angry!"), and boy is he in a full-on 19th Century Man Tara (the plantation, not the waitress)-sized snit. Sookie tries to apologize for her complete and utter lack of good judgment. Jessica just hates Bill for being the Billest Bill that ever Billed. Sookie gives Bill the Quiet Man treatment, and decides to walk the twenty miles home because it's a "nice stretch of the legs." Woe comes to she who walks through Bon Temps at night. A minotaur-looking creature gives Sookie a bit of a back-scratch, a three-fingered back scratch that goes all the way to Sookie's front. That's gonna leave a mark.

At Merlotte's, Sam is pensive and pouty, trying to decide between Less Filling and Tastes Great. Daphne's short a whole bunch of cash, and Tara comes in spouting Maryann-isms. Just what the doctor ordered.

Bill gets Sookie to Fangtasia and summons medical help. The crusty little old woman doctor says Sookie's been poisoned by a komodo dragon-like creature. Eric sends his fang-posse Pam and Chow into the woods to find the unknown creature that did the deed with Sookie. No, not Bill, the other creature. Pam doesn't want to ruin her eff-me pumps but goes tra-la-ing off anyway. Eric's new haircut simply does not take no for an answer.

Jason catching some z's in the Fellowship of the Sun (FotS) bunkhouse. All of a sudden, dead vampire Eddie crawls into bed with Jason and commences to spoon. Jason wakes from this horrific nightmare, and prays to God for another sign. Morning wood doesn't count.

The crusty little old doctor woman pours a gallon of hydrogen peroxide onto Sookie's gaping wounds and slaps a Hello Kitty bandage on. She digs around in there and finds a remnant of maybe fingernail. The poison has been defeated, and Sookie is better now. Those Hello Kitty bandages do work wonders. Pam and Chow return from their recce empty-handed. Pam's pumps are predictably ruined. Eric wonders if he'll be able to come up with some way for Sookie to repay him for saving her life. Oh whatever might it be?

Maryann is taste-testing the marinara sauce for tonight's shin-dig. Needs a touch more eye of newt and a skoche more toe of frog. And she's rolling splibs Bob Marley would've been proud of.

Sam's loading up his truck with his worldly possessions. Terry the cook shows up and Sam asks him if he's be willing to watch the bar for a while cuz Sam's gotta get gone to destinations unknown for who knows how long no nothing's wrong why do you ask?

At the FotS group hug, the pod people are taking turns sharing their tales of woe. When it comes to Jason's turn, he's got nothing. Apparently, he missed all of Season 1. But it comes back to him slowly, as does readin', writin', and rithmatickin', and he leaves the group. Sarah runs after him, and after stroking his ego (ego is what I wrote and ego is what I meant), they both kneel and pray. Vampires are seductive, Sarah tells Jason. And so am I, her eyes and tight sweater say.

Sookie's up and around at Fangtasia. She's in a large red t-shirt she doesn't remember putting on. She turns her back to a mirror (why there's a mirror in a vamp bar I don't know but there is), and lifts up her shirt. At first I thought she was checking out her own ass (B+), but no, she was looking at her unscarred back. The Lafayette-shooting bartender chick comes in. Sookie reads her mind and discovers that Lafayette is being held captive in the basement. Bill's happy to see Sookie healthy and practically under-garment-less. Sookie is righteously pissed at Eric. They haggle, and Sookie barters Lafayette's freedom for ten grand and an all expenses paid trip with Bill to Dallas to try to find Godric.

Jessica crawls out of her cellar hole in Bill's house. She sees her own shadow, and it's six more weeks of winter. She's scared and lonely so she does what other scared and lonely people do: She goes to a bar, Merlotte's. There she sees Hoyt, and makes with the goo goo eyes, and he offers to buy her a drink. She is, after all, seventeen, and ripe for getting liquored up. When she asks for a bottle of TrĂ¼ Blood (B+), he deducts (watch out Sherlock) that she's a vampire.

At Maryann's, the party is full Go mode. The Cult-flavored Kool-Aid is flowing, the girls are topless, and Detective Andy Bellefleur finds a pig, a real pig, not just a really ugly girl. But the pig pulls a Doug Henning-esque disappearing act. This confuses Andy because he's a good cop who knows a pig when he sees one. I'm not sure if that was some kind of a put-down, if Andy was merely looking in a mirror, or if there's some kind of Circe thing going on.

The Reverend Newlin and Jason are having breakfast. Jason's in a shirt and tie, and completely bewildered by which fork to use. The Rev throws a bit of quick math at Jason. Hating Evil = Loving Good, and Sarah's Pudding = Heaven. I'm not quite sure if that last one was a metaphor, but Sarah is dee-lish.

Jessica and Hoyt make it to Bill's Swinging Make-up Sex Bachelor Pad and Piano Bar. The two crazy kids get to setting on the couch. Hoyt tries to explain the Wii to Jessica, but she's got something a little more exchange-of-bodily-fluids in mind.

Lafayette gets dropped off by Bill and Sookie at his house. He stumbles in, curls up in his favorite banky and pee-yoe, and has a good cry.

At Maryann's, Tara and Eggs are joined in the hot tub by a topless chick. By topless, I don't mean to say she doesn't have a head. I mean to say that her boobs are enjoying the night air. Topless Girl is a massage therapist, and it's not long before her magic fingers start working their magic on Eggs. Tara looks around and sees that the party has Gotten Started with a Capital G and a Capital S, and is closing in on a full-blown (pun fully intended) Bacchanalian orgy, complete with shirtless fat guy toting a jug of wine. Tara's peeved that she's not getting the free massage from topless girl and snits out of the hot tub.

Bill and Sookie are driving along and they have a good old-fashioned heart-to heart. Must be time for more make-up sex. They get home to Bill's, and find Jessica and Hoyt on the couch doing what teen-agers have been doing for centuries on couches. Playing the Wii. I mean, necking. Dangerous thing that, to be necking with a vampire, but they seem to be enjoying themselves.

Sam is about to get gone, but he sees his old friend Collie Dog lifting a leg on a lamppost. They go for a long run off a short pier. Well, Sam does. The collie has sense enough to know not to go swimming in gator-infested waters. Sam's dog-paddling around when Daphne the tray-dropper shows up. This time, instead of dropping a tray, she drops her clothes and joins Sam in the water. But as she drops her shirt, we see three large long deep Sookie-like scratches etched in her back. Dum dum dum...

Next week, True Blood is in rerun mode. HBO is re-running the first three episodes of Season 2. The following week, July 12 True Blood returns with an all new episode.



Posted by Randy Welk on June 28, 2009 11:30 PM
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the show is great, your Blog is very nicely done

-- Posted by: Willie Raines at July 1, 2009 4:53 PM

nice articol see you

-- Posted by: ghoumari at July 4, 2009 8:24 AM

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