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True Blood Fodder

True Blood: Keep This Party Going

The ep picks ups right where it left off last week. Eric drops the bloody limb and Buicks up a gutful of redneck blood. His root-job in jeopardy, Eric gets the bad news from a still-chained Lafayette. Yes, there's blood in his hair, and Pam ain't gonna be happy about it. Pam, one can only assume, is the proprietor of the Gorgeous Pretty Vampire Beauty Nail and Hair Salon.

Bill and Sookie are still in the throes of post-coital afterglow. A week seems excessive, but it's been years since I wooed so I may be a poor judge. Makeup sex rocks, but what's a happy couple to do now that the nasty is done and the woo has been pitched? Why, naught to do but fight again, this time about Jessica. Sookie says she ain't so bad. Being a vampire is just like being a teen-age girl, but without the menses.

Eric's at the Gorgeous Pretty Vampire Beauty Nail and Hair Salon, and as he thought, Pam is snarky. She doesn't have time for a dye job AND a cut. Sheriff Eric hasn't quite accepted that his gorgeous locks are about to be snipped, and he's gonna take it out on Lafayette. What happened to Eddie? Lafayette doesn't know, but maybe it was Jason Stackhouse. Eric owes Jason's sister Sookie one, so Jason's sorta kinda get a freebie on that one. Know anybody dealing V-juice in Dallas? Know anything about a missing vampire sheriff named Godric? Lafayette says yeah, I heard of somebody named Pussylover9 dealing V-juice, but he doesn't know anything about Godric. Back to the dungeon for Lafayette.

Jason is on the Fellowship of the Sun (FotS) short bus, and he meets a fellow jock named Luke. They learn the lyrics to The Wheels on the Jesus Bus, and sing in off-key zeal.

Tara's hanging with Eggs. She's been burnt in the past by men, and this time she's taking it slowly, only sleeping with the guy thirteen or fourteen times before really getting to know him. Eggs fesses up, telling Tara that he's an unemployed homeless penny-less ex-felon. Cool. Tara had been worried for a minute there.

Sookie sees a PSA on TV. It's Jessica's parents and they want her back. No good reason given. Meanwhile, Jason receives his FotS Magic Decoder ring. Made of silver of course.

Daphne and Tara show up at Sam Merlotte's bar just in time to see Daphne (the new waitress) drop her fifth tray. Maryann's hungry. She wants four fried chickens. And a coke. Sam wants Maryann to stop effing with him. After all, this is a restaurant he's running. He ain't putting the band back together.

At the FotS Leadership Conference, the true believers are playing Capture The Flag. Jason and Luke get all alpha-male ultra-competitive, trying to one-up each other. Jason gets all sweaty comes the shirt. Hey, if I had abs like Jason I wouldn't be wearing a shirt either. Guess who captures the flag? Guess who gets all pouty-lipped?

Lafayette is having just about as much fun as an imprisoned black homosexual V-juice-dealing prostitute can have. But he remembers that dismembered redneck dude had a titanium knee. And titanium being stronger than steel, Lafayette digs out the metal from the bloody limb and frees himself. He tries to make good his escape, but some strange whack-job of a woman shoots him in the leg.

There's a teen siren doing her best Hillary Duff / Hannah Montana American Idol wannabe at the FotS Jesus sock hop pep rally. I felt for a moment I was back at The Bronze with Buffy and the Scooby Gang. Jason and sexy reverend wife Sarah do a little on-stage role playing. Jason jabs a pointed stick (must have misplaced his 16-ton weight) at Sarah's pretty white throat. Sarah's panties go moist.

Sookie shows up at Bill's house for some more makeup sex. Bill's out "running errands," so Jessica is left Home Alone. Jessica saw the same PSA that Sookie had seen, and she wants to go see her parents. Sookie says, Sure sounds like a winner. Oh Sookie Sookie Sookie...

Bill's errand is an actual errand, and not one of those lame excuses that people use when they want to get away from a really really annoying teen-ager. He's shopping for clothes for Jessica. Towels and mini-skirts can only take a girl so far in death. The saleswoman is a fang-banger, and she wants to take Bill into the dressing room. Just to see if he fits, I guess. Sheriff Eric shows up with newly shorn locks. Eric wants to borrow Sookie to help locate the missing vampire sheriff Godric. Bill says no. Eric says, Does this haircut look like it takes no for an answer?

At Merlotte's, Maryann has eaten her way through the entire menu, and is looking to burn some calories. Detective Andy Bellefleur is drinking and moping in the corner. Maryann wants to dance. Andy doesn't want to dance. Maryann wants to dance with Andy. Andy doesn't want to dance with Maryann. Maryann does the chin-shoulder thing. Andy dances. As does every other patron at Merlottes.

Sookie takes Jessica to see her parents. Jessica promises to stay in the car, but we all know how that's going to turn out. No surprise to anyone, Jessica sees her mom and Speedy Gonzales-es to the front door. Jessica's mom invites Jessica and Sookie in for tea. And blood-letting.

Sam drags Maryann off the dance floor and into his office. She does the shaky vibrate-y thing, unfortunately this time with her clothes on (much more entertaining au natural), and Sam morphs into his plaid shirt and jeans-clad canine alter ego self.

Lafayette is lying on a couch practically all bled-out from his gunshot wound. Since he's not particularly fond of the idea of dying, he tells Eric that he'd rather become a vampire. Seems to me he'd have to die to become a vampire, but let's not dawdle over details. Eric and his vampire pals pop out their fangs and have a Lafayette sandwich.

Sookie and Jessica are enjoying some sweet tea and a lettuce wrap when Jessica's dad comes home. It takes him all of seven and a half seconds to give her a hard time. And it takes Jessica even less time than that to pop out her fangs and tell her dad that she's here to kick ass and chew bubble gum and she's all out of bubble gum. The front door explodes inward, and guess who's coming to dinner? It's Bill, and it's a toss-up as to whom he's madder at - Sookie or Jessica. He glammers Jessica's kid sister into inviting him into the house, and he orders Sookie to get gone.

Best Quote - Luke to Jason: "Who do you think you are? Muslim Buffy with a dick?"

Posted by Randy Welk on June 21, 2009 11:26 PM
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The Tv show true blood is great i love it can't get enough..

-- Posted by: psychics at June 23, 2009 3:03 PM

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-- Posted by: DedoVioheds at September 25, 2010 11:51 PM

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-- Posted by: DedoVioheds at September 29, 2010 6:36 PM

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