Final Four -- The final four had to be whiddled down to the final three, and so the first immunity challenge ensued. It was a water bucket filling, race chasing affair, and in the end, the only important thing to know is that Amanda won. Back at camp, Natalie was clearly the odd woman out of the alliance, but tried to make some things happen. Unfortunately, this season, as noted, has been pretty straightforward-- even if it seemed difficult to make it so (i.e. Erik was supposed to get voted out and while it took some great absurdity to get him out, it happened as expected). Natalie got sent home and the final three, Amanda, Parvati, and Cirie, were left together as they had allegedly always planned.

Final Three -- At tribal, Cirie had mentioned how she has always been at the bottom of the alliances she's been a part of throughout the game. When they get back to camp, Amanda loses her shit, and my respect. She calls out Cirie for "throwing her under the bus" and thankfully, Cirie comes back swinging, explaining to her exactly why that's the way it has been. Amanda talks like she can't understand what Cirie means, even though Cirie points out that Amanda had Ozzy, Parvati had James, and Parvati had SAID that she couldn't vote out Amanda ever. Amanda still acts baffled at which point Parvati earned her only points in my book by saying, "I see what she means, I think it makes sense..." to which Amanda actually replied, "I know..." and goes on to say how she's losing it after being on the island for so long. It all refers back to the "glazed over expression" that Amanda had throughout the game, as someone points out later on. While they referred to it as being her expression that feigned ignorance, I think it's actually the expression that Amanda had every time she was not respecting the person she was talking to, and was secretly not listening to what they were saying, because it didn't fit into her plan or she didn't believe them.

The three are elated, but nervous, as they wake up in the hopes of a Final Three breakfast. With so much talk of the "final three, final three" there wasn't any doubt in my mind that there would be only a final two. As they read tree-mail, it appears that I was wrong, except at the very end of the message, it makes mention of another immunity challenge. Everyone's hearts drop, and they proceed to Exile Island to do that awkward, often condescending thing where they remember all the people they stepped over on their way to potential victory.

At the final immunity challenge, the three must hold a stick made up of individual pieces together, while balancing a small ball. If the ball falls, they lose. Every few minutes, they add another block of stick that they must push together to maintain. Really, from everything we know, Cirie has to win in order to go to the final two. Parvati is the first to lose and it becomes tense as Amanda and Cirie battle it out. As Cirie reminds us after the fact, she is a nurse who assists with surgeries. In surgery, you have to be able to hold something like a clamp or tool stationary for hours at a time, so she should be good at it. Time passes more and more, but there is a momentary lapse in concentration or balance, or something, and Cirie's stick falls apart and the ball falls off. Amanda wins immunity again and is guaranteed a place in the final two.

Here's where things go poorly for Amanda and for me. I hadn't really cared who won the thing anymore until I decided I'd like Cirie or Natalie to win. After all, I was a James fan, and Parvati had betrayed him, even if she didn't have anything to do with why he had to leave. Amanda has been a bit holier than thou throughout the year with her numbers advantage, and I wasn't psyched about the Couples Alliance, even if it did include James. So I decided to root for the underdogs. Once Natalie was gone, I was for Cirie. So, somehow, I was hoping that Cirie would throw everyone a curveball and force out Parvati. Without that happening, Amanda had to make the decision of who to bring with her to the finals. At tribal council, she was still bursting out into tears and acting like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders-- while everyone in the jury wished they had that burden. Real or not, and I believe she was genuine, nobody likes seeing that. Ultimately, after what felt like a bit too much deliberation given that Parvati and her were BFF and together since the begining, Amanda did what everyone knew she'd do and sent Cirie packing.

Final Two -- With Amanda and Parvati in the final two, nobody seemed happy. Nobody had been rooting for them on the jury, nobody liked what they had done to get to the finals, and as a viewer, I didn't feel particularly psyched for either one of them. They made some very good moves, but I don't feel like that's primarily why they got where they were. They deserved to be there, I just didn't really care. They went into the question portion of the "trial" and this was more entertaining than it was useful. A couple of people called them out, like Erik who was near tears, and James who was clearly hurt by Parvati's betrayal, and Natalie, who walked an odd border between liking and hating them. Ozzy came out the champ though with his very heartfelt explanation of why he felt betrayed, why he felt his friendship had been compromised (very reminiscent of Lex), and ultimately with a declaration of love for Amanda. Fortunately, he didn't follow Boston Rob's lead and sat back down before a proposal could escape his lips. After the questions it FELT like James had said it best, "Amanda we all know you have this thing in the bag..."

THE VOTE -- Cut to the live (well, taped for me) finale in New York, and we're ready to hear the votes. Jeff opens them up and starts reading. It's tied 2-2 as we knew from the end of the voting session, and then it's 3-3. One more vote left. When it was 2-2 I thought Amanda was going to win. When it was 3-3, everything changed in my head. Amanda appeared to have it locked up UNTIL she cried in front of the jury, and until she answered some of her questions with that same condescending "glazed over look" that she used during the game. James' comment of her obvious victory seemed detrimental to her. The three votes we had already see or KNEW for Amanda were James, Erik, and Ozzy (I would hope). With Jason, Alexis, and Natalie more than likely voting for Parvati, it's up to Cirie and Eliza to make the call. The next vote is read and it's 4-3 Parvati. This leads to my shouting at the tv, "WHAT HAPPENS IF THERE'S A TIE???" Jeff doesn't tell us. He simply reads the next vote: Parvati. Parvati goes from being being referred to as Poverty to winning 1 million dollars. She is the sole survivor and champion of Survivor: Fans vs. Favorites.

I don't know if I care one way or the other. I will save the reunion show for tomorrow so I can separate the two and write some more for you all. Plus, sneak previews of next season's show. But really? After all that? Parvati?

Keep Your Fire Burning,
Witz

www.witzpickz.com

I'm not going to summarize the rest of the episode any more than I just did, because ultimately, none of it matters. Just know that the Amanda, Parvati, Cirie alliance is going strong. Once Erik won immunity by a pretty decent margin, had the top four in the bag. He's had a target on or around his back for the last eight weeks or so, and yet somehow he was still there and was still safe for the final four. Until everyone remembered that he's a complete moron.

While the girls were huddled around, it was suggested that Natalie try and convince Erik to give her his immunity. She didn't understand the angle and asked, logically, "Why would he do that?" She couldn't understand, because she hadn't been raised ON THE MOON IN A CAVE UNDER A ROCK WITH EAR MUFFS AND BLINDERS ON! Amanda, Cirie, and Parvati told her to say how he lost everyone's trust and how it would restore their faith in him for the jury. Then they said to tell him that Cirie and Natalie would vote Amanda out if he did this for them as a sign of trust. Natalie hesitated, which shows how ridiculous the plan was, since she's the next one to be voted out if Erik doesn't go for it. Even with her ass on the line she was like, "That's absurd." But she eventually decides to try for it...

While catching Erik alone, Natalie makes the pitch and initially, Erik doubts the idea. Then, Natalie appeals to the side of him that just wants to be liked by the favorites. She says that he's pissed off a lot of the jury (I guess), and that by giving Natalie the idol, he will show them that he can be trusted and do a good thing. The hook comes when Natalie explains that Cirie will vote for Amanda and they can vote her out since she will be tough to beat in the final 2. Erik ponders this, and after some great cajoling by Cirie (who pulls out explanations and evidence out of nowhere), Erik asks if they can vote out Parvati instead. It's important to note that his explanation for this is, "Parvati might have found the immunity idol at Exile and given it to Amanda..." which shows that a) he's not a great thinker and would rather bank on a decision with TWO "mights" than one and b) Erik clearly thinks everyone is giving away immunity left and right. So he's in the correct mindset. Cirie agrees all too readily, because why not, Erik suddenly feels like this is on HIS terms, and they go to tribal.

Some really good partisan acting at tribal council leads everyone to reiterate their points about Erik not being trustworthy. They say actions speak louder than words, and it's true, because Erik can't possibly have the words necessary to fully explain his stupidity. Instead, he gives Natalie the idol and EVERYONE bursts into laughter. Cirie's laughing, James is in tears on the jury, Ozzy, Jason, Amanda, and even NATALIE is laughing. The producers make a great executive decision to show EVERY vote just to drive home the punchline. With his fingers doubly-crossed, Erik is voted out and everyone explodes into laughter. "My reign as the stupidest survivor ever has ended!" James announces as Erik trots away into the jungle, where he will probably be taken down by some large creature and devoured.

And while Erik is definitely the worst ever, of all time, in the history of thinking, I think it should be noted that everyone missed a very good play here. Everyone keeps saying again and again that Amanda is going to be difficult to beat if she makes it to the end. So, wouldn't the ultimate blindside have been to play the game about Erik and Natalie, and then ultimately VOTE FOR AMANDA like they said? Amanda would NEVER have seen it coming, she would have been sent home, and everyone remaining would have a better chance at 1 million dollars. The other thing that Erik might have wanted to remember, is that THERE IS MONEY FOR 2nd PLACE! If one of his primary reasons for giving away the immunity was to get jury votes, then he should have thought about how far he'd gotten and how you can worry about jury votes when you get to the final two. "I was playing the game" is ALWAYS a valid argument that people begrudgingly accept. Worst case scenario, he comes in second and gets a lot of money anyway.

Keep Your Fire Burnin',
Witz

P.S. SEASON FINALE THIS SUNDAY!!!

There's no way I'm going to be able to write very much for this episode because I'm working until very late tonight and am busy all day tomorrow. So once again, The People's Post is back in full effect. I'm going to outline some of the key points, but if you want to write your opinions, details, etc. as a comment, I will post them back up as the post. Since I'm short on time, here we go:

1) James -- There have simply been too many people sent home because of injury this season. Three people have been forced out for medical attention due to the onsite medics saying, "I deem this too dangerous for them to continue." A gross finger, a knee, etc, should all be able to be treated by an on site facility-- make a medic boat if you need to, or have a sterile tent set up for a night. Sterilzation, stitches, and anti-biotics aren't that difficult and won't sway the game dramatically (if Jonathan had to eat an apple for blood sugar before having surgery for instance.) Forcing people out of the game for injuries like this will only make people more wary of competing hard in challenges. Part of the SURVIVOR slogan is outlast, and if the person is able to outlast an injury and pain, they should be allowed to stay. It's horrible that James had to go home.

2) Girl Alliance -- Nope.

3) Erik -- Stepping up in the clutch and winning immunity.

4) Alexis vs. Natalie -- Why would you send home Alexis when Natalie has clearly been the more actively strategic of the group and when Alexis already has an injured knee? In the same episode that James is forced to leave for injury, they vote out someone who is injured? It doesn't make sense. They had a potential no harm freebie getting Alexis out of the game, and now they pissed her off.

Keep Your Fire Burnin',
Witz

1) Cut Deep -- James has a gash on his finger that is not currently a big deal, but that might become an issue, esp if next week's previews are any indication. Too many people are having to go home with injuries. James and Amanda are also cut by Parvati's betrayal. Parvati acts like it's such a hassle to have to deal with the fallout of her actions, but James and Amanda aren't on her side anymore. James says it's going to be awkward and that once again someone has eaten the apple, and that he knew she would do it. She says he would never give her credit for having a plan. Amanda is ripped also and ready to bring some serious game.

2) Food Auction -- It's the food auction episode with a few twists. One of which is where Natalie ends up with bat soup and says she doesn't want it. James eats it and tells Jeff, "You gotta take off the skin first-- that's the trick." I love it. Later, Natalie gets a cake and is allowed to share it with 3 people. She chooses her alliance of women and they all pig out. Erik pays Cirie 40 bucks to lick her fingers and everybody throws up a little in their mouths. The BIG twist, however, is that Natalie buys a note which allows her to send someone to Exile Island. She asks if the idol is back there and Jeff says YES. She says Jason, who is desperately shaking his head not to go back.

3) Exile Island -- As soon as everyone except for Jason gets back to camp, Natalie starts talking about how Jason better not find the idol and how that would be the worst possible thing that could happen. THEN WHY THE HELL DID SHE SEND HIM TO EXILE ISLAND?? They intended to get rid of him next, apparently, and all agree that he CAN'T find the idol this time. I don't understand anybody anymore. Jason finds the idol.

4) Immunity Challenge -- Long and short of it is that the Girl Alliance wants James to lose so they can vote him out, even though they want to vote Jason out. It's a race to the finish between James and Erik, and Erik bounds ahead at the last second and wins. THe Girl Alliance quietly cheers. Then they all gossip and brag about it later. Yeah, right that alliance is gonna last...

5) Voted Out -- Natalie talks to Jason at the Immunity Challenge and says that she sent him for a reason. He says he realized that, because he is a raving idiot. After the challenge, Jason goes off to fish, etc. and Natalie rips into his things, searching for the idol. She finds it and it looks like James is the next to go. After all, they didn't want him to get immunity so they could vote for him, AND Jason has the idol. Right? NOPE! They decide to blindside Jason. Natalie tells him to vote for James (they figure it he DOES play his idol, James will get the second most votes and go home). Jason decides to trust Natalie because she voted out Ozzy (people need to stop trusting people for things that are in THEIR FAVOR. They need to start trusting people only when they take actions that at least superficially appear to be in SOMEONE ELSE'S favor). James hears about the plan from Amanda and can only hope that Jason doesn't play the idol.

At tribal, there's not much game changing talk and they all vote. Jeff asks if anyone wants to play the idol, and since Jason apparently SPACED OUT FOR THE LAST TEN WEEKS ON THE ISLAND, he DOESN'T use his idol. They all vote. James votes for Parvati, but 3 other votes are for him, and 3 other votes are for Jason. The last vote is read, and JASON is the newest member of the jury. A naive puppy-dog until the end, Jason is apparently the least street smart intuitive player Survivor has had in a while. I'm happy to see him go.

6) My Strategy: Having Jason go home instead of James is fine, but if I were James, who knew very clearly what the plan was that might send him home, I would have tried to rally the troops a little and change the path of the game immediately. Since the Girl Alliance of Cirie, Parvati, Alexis, and Natalie was voting for Jason (3) and James (1) that leaves James, Amanda, Erik, and Jason in play. Now, Jason thought they he was safe, but I don't think it would take too much to tell him that it was a trap and he should play the idol. If James, Erik (who has nothing to gain by the Girl Alliance existing), and Amanda voted for Parvati, she would have 3 votes, Jason would have 3 votes, and James would have a maximum of 2 if Jason didn't agree to vote for Parvati. If Jason played the idol to save himself because of the warning, Parvati would have been sent home in his place, thus breaking the Girl Alliance and evening out the numbers. OR, if Jason just LISTENED to them and voted for Parvati, he wouldn't even have to play the idol and it would be 4-3-1 with Parvati getting voted out. Instead, there are now the 4 Girls, Erik, James, and Amanda left-- the GA has the numbers to make their plan a reality. Simply Surviving might not be enough.

Keep Your Fire Burnin,
Witz

www.witzpickz.com

1) Jason -- After last week's debacle, with Eliza going home, Jason is chillin' at the end of a long, tribal plank. He's called out for his part in the move, and realizes that he needs to win the challenges if he's going to stick around very long. Ozzy is ready to get rid of him, and that usually means someone is going home. More on this later.

2) Ozzy -- The previous tribal council might have sent Eliza home, but it called out Ozzy on having the immunity idol, and put the thought in people's minds that maybe Ozzy needed to go. Even Ozzy gets this feeling and knows a target is on his back. He doesn't quite trust Parvati, and says he needs to keep winning. In the Reward Challenge, Jason, Erik, Ozzy, and Amanda win the challenge, while Cirie goes to Exile for a miserable night in the pouring rain and cold. When they get back, Ozzy describes in exteme detail the foods they ate and how great the trip was. I don't know who still thinks that's a good idea, but apparently one of them is Ozzy. Cirie cringes and everyone else shows that usual small seed of jealousy. Hubrus, anyone?

3) Reward -- Honestly, I don't want to talk much about this, but I think it's important to note that Erik is either the most innocent, puppy like person ever to make it on Survivor, or he's the best actor I've ever seen and he might slit everyone's throat when they sleep in the final four. Also, he vomits everywhere-- and that's good tv.

4) Immunity Challenge -- As always, the challenge was a major turning point for the episode. It was another "outlast" challenge, which was a little weird after last week's breathing challenge, but whatever. So everyone has to keep their arm up and when it falls down, water falls on their head-- it made me a little nostalgic for "You Can't Do That On Television" or old school "Double Dare." Anyway. As time goes on, people are offered food in exchange for quitting. After a while, Jeff offers up a bowl of candy. Cirie says she'll take it and bafflingly, Erik does too. Last we heard, Erik was saying he'd be SHOCKED if he didn't go home next (two weeks ago?), and NOW, he's quitting immunity challenges for SOUR PATCH KIDS??? What's happening?? No worries though, it gets weirder. After several people manage to lose BEFORE TAKING FOOD DEALS (which was tremendous), James gets out the same way while finishing sentence about how that "would suck--" SPLASH! Geez. Ozzy, target on his back and all, takes the next deal offered so that he can put his arm down, and I have to believe that he was about to lose and held out for the next offer.

Eventually, it comes down to Parvati and Jason, who knows he needs to win to stay in the game. The game that is called Survivor. Where you do whatever it takes to survive. SURVIVOR. Jeff says that whoever quits will get a ton of food that the whole rest of the tribe can share in. Jason asks if he quits, will they promise not to vote him out. Erik says he'll do it. A few more join in, and within a few moments, everyone is smiling, nodding, and saying they'll do it. Basically everone is lying, but for just to piss me off I think, Cirie and Alexis cross their fingers when they say it. Because THAT"S how life works. I can't even imagine doing that and not joking. Are we in 4th grade?? Is that a moral position? "Nono, it's ok to lie, but you have to cross your fingers so God can see..." Unfathomable.

Not to be outdone in the insanity category, Jason steps down, hoping he's not making the biggest mistake of the game. It's shocking that anyone could think they were making a legitimate "deal" in that situation, but Jason also fell for the stick idol. It takes about five seconds for Ozzy, James, etc. to say that Jason is going home. Kiss of death, right? Not so fast.

5) Tribal Council -- Before tribal council, Ozzy gets the bad juju from Parvati and thinks he might need the idol at tribal. Meanwhile, Natalie, Alexis, Erik, and PARVATI decide that Ozzy can get blindsided this time, and get Jason involved. They don't say a word to anyone else, and try and keep their mouths shut. Ozzy mentions to James that Parvati is spooking him, and James agrees, now being somewhat over the lazy around camp flirt.

At tribal, nobody says much, and Ozzy thinks he's secure. Jeff asks if anyone wants to play an idol and Ozzy DOESN'T. Everyone votes and Jeff counts em. 4 for Ozzy. 4 For Jason, with one more to go. Do I really need to say anything? Don't we all know that an idol played is worth a thousand times more than an idol delayed? Don't we know that hubrus is so often punished in life, games, and literature? So yes, Ozzy, blindsided, shocked, and unfairly bitter, goes home. In the same episode when he was basing his entire play on lying to Jason, he was lied to and sent home. They call that Karma folks, and it's been around for a while.

Keep Your Fire Burnin',
Witz

P.S. Next week we get to look forward to the old Girl Power plan. I'm glad they had that idea-- because it's 0 for 15.

The show's consistently high ratings have provided the producers with enough of an incentive to spend the extra money to shoot the reality series in HD. I applaud the effort and know that shooting a primarily unscripted series with mostly unplanned plot (besides challenges, tribal council, rewards, etc) must be expensive and difficult. I also think that Survivor, like nature footage such as in Planet Earth, will look beautiful in HD. The scenery will have more texture and it will be even more frightening to see that snake, bug, spider, or shark that is actually NOWHERE NEAR THE SURVIVORS. I'm not sure I'd go as far as Mark Burnett when saying that the HD will create, "An immediacy that draws viewers right into the frame." I mean, it'll look good, but I'm still watching it in my sweatpants while eating a bowl of ice cream and llying on my couch. Then again, Mark Burnett is probably a billionaire by now and I'm hoping you all click on an ad to make me a percentage of a few more cents.

Still, while I may not be a producer, I do know that while HD makes nature more beautiful, it can make people far more terrifying. They say the camera adds ten pounds-- well, the HD camera adds pimples, rashes, blood, wrinkles, creases, sweat, grime, bacterial infections, ingrown hairs, and skidmarks. Yeah, I said it. Remember when Rupert won that money for being everyone's favorite Survivor? Do you think he still would have won that money if we'd seen every single flaw, bruise, and bodily grossness that the island dealt him? Probably not. We probably would have wondered who let the homeless guy onto the show. And yet for every argument, there is a counter-argument. In this case, it's one word: "Hotties." Whether you liked watching Mary hop around in her bikini or James lifting...everything, I mean the guy is HUGE, HD will probably be a benefit-- until we get that one shot of human grotesqueness that you know everyone has. Then we might vomit. Regardless, I look forward to seeing what HD blurs look like during the first water or mud challenge.

So be excited, people. Because all the running, the mysterious underwater wreckage footage, the shelter building, the lying, the voting, and the akward night-vision body rubbings, will be IN HD.

Now Fans Can Think They're Even Better At Survivor, Go On the Show, and Get Their Asses Kicked,
Witz

1) Two Become One -- Like a celebrity wedding that you know will end in divorce, Airai and Malakal merged to become one tribe this week. Erik, thinking that he was certainly gone last week watched it happen like...well, like a guy who scoops ice cream, really. His bright eyed wonder made me actually feel good for him, although I imagine he will be shattered soon enough. Parvati is reunited with Amanda where she reveals that she has made a deal for them to be part of an alliance with Alexis and Natalie as well as their old alliance with James and Ozzy. Amanda's pissed off, but can't say anything, and reveals with tears in her eyes that she has to question her alliance with Parvati (the tears are most likely on account of the fact that she can't just ride one player to the end like she did with Todd). She also questions her alliances when Alexis starts to cozy up to Ozzy, leaving Amanda out in the cold-- well, out in the tropical warmth. Amanda wants to vote out Alexis, but it doesn't look quite that easy anymore. Jason and Eliza buddy up and Jason assures her that he has the secret idol and will give it to her if he wins immunity at the challenge. Eliza is in shock (or maybe her body just needs some food) and shows the most emotion I've seen from her. More on this later. The best part of the merge comes when Erik announces that he likes the name "Dabu" which is Micronesian for "good." Only, Erik admits that he doesn't know Micronesian and that Dabu is just a word he made up. At least he made an impact on the game in one lasting way, and it was worth it when Jeff Probst holds back a laugh when they reveal their new name at the challenge.

2) Immunity Challenge -- The key to this challenge, was the same as it was for me every time I fell asleep in the bath or sat down in the shower: don't drown. Each competitor stuck their head under a grate and let the tide rise over their heads. It came down to Jason, James, and Ozzy fighting with some great creativity, but in the end, James bailed out and Ozzy gave up, looking more roughed up than I've ever seen him and Jason won the challenge. True to his word, he goes to give Eliza the other immunity only....

3) Stickin' It To Eliza -- As we all know, Jason has a fake immunity idol crafted by Ozzy. When Eliza sees the idol, she immediately knows it's fake, and at first thinks that Jason was trying to trick her. Unfortunately for him, he wasn't, and sheepishly asks why it can't be real. Eliza tells him, "Because it's a #$&% stick!" It was uncomfortable watching Jason's embarrassment, but they ultimately decide to use the stick just in case. The plan is to get Ozzy to be voted out since everyone will be voting for Eliza.

4) Tribal Council -- At tribal, Eliza and Parvati get into it and Alexis refers to Eliza's game in the past tense-- not a shock, but a little bit of an awkward slip. Eliza calls out how people have made the same mistake time and time again by voting out the most disliked people and keeping around likable members. She then plays the fake idol and is rebuffed by Probst, but Eliza uses the opportunity to call out Ozzy on having the idol, which might come into play later on. She is then promptly voted out. What I don't understand is why Eliza and Jason didn't try and get Alexis and Natalie to vote out Ozzy since he'd never see it coming. He isn't part of their alliance and it would act as a barometer on how legit their alliance with Parvati and Amanda is. There would be no detriment to Alexis or Natalie, and it would even things out a little more as far as fans and favorites. Even without knowing about their alliance, it seems like it would have been worth a shot and made some logical sense. Oh, well.

The favorites are not strictly going for fans anymore, and with the mix up and the questionable alliances, next week might reveal quite a bit of intrigue and alliance hopping. Until then,

Keep Your Fire Burnin,
Witz

www.witzpickz.com

1) Returning from the last Tribal Council, Erik admits that he's pretty sure no matter what he does, he'll be the next to go. Maybe he should have thought about that when he DIDN'T vote for Ozzy in the last vote. Then again, if Ami wasn't going to do it, then he would have just made his target larger. Ozzy, on the other hand, realizes that he's overextended himself and taken too much control of the group. Now that he's been called out in front of the tribe, he says he needs to tone it down. Annoyingly, he continues to mention that "he doesn't see himself as the leader" to everyone he talks too and it just makes him sound scared and more guilty of being the leader. Also, for the record, HE'S THE LEADER OF THE TRIBE.

2) Food -- In this one episode we ran the extremes from catching giant crabs (not the kind that I imagine Parvati has caught), to eating skeazy rats (not Johnny Fairplay). Cirie and Ami hunt down the crabs which was kinda cool (and the only thing I've ever seen Cirie do), and Jason caught the rat to eat. He was a bit more excited than one might hope when he got it, and decided to cook it up on a kebob and eat it like in Season One. Parvati says that Jason is trying to prove himself to the favorites, but in actuality, he's just a loser. Nice girl.

3) Tree Mail and Immunity Challenge - Before the challenge, each tribe got a note saying they needed to select one member of the opposing tribe. If that tribe lost the challenge, they would go to tribal council that night, but the person selected would sit out the challenge and get individiual immunity. Alexis and Ozzy are selected not to participate and are given individual immunity. The rest of the players take their positions at The Gauntlet (not a cross-promotion with MTV) where two players from each team will throw sand bags at the other players who try to run a balancing act course and retrieve five flags. It becomes clear early on that a) the sand bags aren't all that dangerous) and b) Jason and Erik are going to be battling for victory. Erik brings back four flags, but Jason dominates the course and retrieves four flags with Eliza getting the other one. Airai wins the challenge and Malakal goes home unhappy. As a reward, beer and pizza is delivered to the Airai tribe. This raises the question, would you really drink the beer if YOU were on the island? I'm sure I'd want to, but is a dehydrating, heavy beverage the best idea when food and water is limited? I feel like I'd get drunk off one beer and wake up with a splitting headache in the heat. On exile island, Ozzy finds that someone has taken his fake immunity idol. THings could get interesting.

4) Malakal starts the tribal council process and its obvious that Erik is on the block. In a desperate act, he calls out Ami and tells everyone else what Ami has been planning and how she has ALMOST orchestrated a number of moves against them. It's not really a devious act as it's his only play, and they didn't have any deal or pact. Amanda, who I've been liking less and less each week as she gets more arrogant and snooty, says they'll take it into consideration, but tells Cirie and Ozzy that at least they KNOW Ami can't be trusted. Ozzy, on the other hand, doesn't abide anyone who makes a move against him, and once he finds out Ami tried to rally people against him last week, she's dead to him. But Ozzy isn't the leader, right? So we'll see.

Ami's defense once she's been called out is to say that while she HAS considered options and brought up plans to oust some of her alliance members, she never actually DID make those moves. It's almost convincing if you don't consider that maybe there were other circumstances involved, such as failing to get numbers, and not seeing that as the best strategy for her at the time. When Cirie and Amanda assure her that she's a part of their alliance, they all hug and Ami feels a part of the group for the first time. She then goes over to Erik and gives him the single Cold Bitchiest line of the season, THANKING him for calling her out because now they're closer for it. Erik stumbles like a puppy that has just been bludgeoned on the head, but manages to say "No problem" when Ami actually says "Thank you." STILL, for Ami It's a thin defense, but we go to tribal council uncertain.

5) Tribal Council -- You've heard the defenses, and they are just reiterated with some more fire at tribal. Ozzy calls out Ami, Ami defends herself and cries. Erik sits looking wide-eyed like the new guy in Cell Block 4, and the voting begins. Jeff takes the votes, reads them out, and, somewhat surprisingly, it's AMI who is going home. Everyone voted for her, so the other alliance seems together and everyone did exactly what OZZY wanted. Hm.

Keep Your Fire Burnin,
Witz

www.witzpickz.com

1) Eat It or Beat It? – There’s an opening argument at Malakal over whether they should kill the chickens and eat them for meat, or whether they should keep the chicken alive for the eggs. Ozzy is in favor of the renewable resource of eggs (aka Beat It) and Tracy leads the charge for killing the chicken. Words are exchanges, Tracy calls Ozzy out on being in charge, which he somehow continues to deny…

2) Reward Challenge – Airai has a MISERABLE night with the rain, unable to sleep and retreating further and further in to their cave, ultimately sleeping with the rats and the bats and the bugs. I give them some credit, because there’s no way I’d sleep in the Creepy Death Cave, so more power to them. Except for Kathy, who claims the most miserable of the group. She’s down and out, and that never ends well. At the Challenge, each tribe has to roll gigantic coins while blindfolded to crush tiles and reveal puzzle pieces. Apparently Micronesian coinage was bafflingly determined by SIZE. So the larger the coin, the more it was worth. I think this is both hilarious and possibly brilliant, as any LARGE amount of money is not YOURS at all—it’s however many people it takes to move the coin’s.

“Hey, help me move this coin…”
“What are we getting?”
“WE’RE not getting anything—I’M going to buy more palm fronds to pimp out my hut.”
“Oh cool—good luck paying for it, a-hole.”

It’s kinda brilliant—if we did that in our country, the richest people would no longer be able to keep it from the rest of us. Anyway, Malakal beats Airai, which is made worse by the fact that reward was a SPA with shampoo, and foods, and, ultimately, bare breasts. Jason is sent to exile as is Tracy, who is picked by Ozzy almost immediately and she is forced to miss the reward (but remember, he’s not in charge….right…). At the reward, they all enjoy the bounty of food and cleanliness, and Ozzy showers with the topless Amanda and Ami. Cirie ain’t feeling it, and Erik sits by like an Amish teenager who just walked into a strip club, and is trying very hard just to stay focused on the all-you-can-eat wings buffet.

3) Kathy (the K stands for Kwitter…that almost worked) – After losing the challenge and being emotionally and physically drained, Kathy decides enough is enough and it’s time to Chet—I mean quit. Jeff Probst is summoned and she tells him that she’s definitely going home and that she, “Can’t feel her family” anymore, confirming that she is not married to any bats, creepy insects, or sand-mites. Goodbye Kathy.

4) IMMUNITY CHALLENGE – The challenge consists of having to run out on a bridge in the water while towing a hook, strapping that hook to floatable puzzle pieces, and riding the floatables while the rest of the tribe cranks you in. Then you have to make the puzzle. Ozzy is an absolute beast, running back and forth 4 out of the 5 times with ease for Malakal. Meanwhile, Airai is slowly getting their pieces and ends up behind when it comes to making the puzzle. Malakal stalls, however, and Airai somehow manages to pull out the victory. Meaning that once again, they won immunity, but lost a teammate. Ooph.

5) “Strategery” – The initial plan that Ozzy draws up is to get rid of Tracy. Ami says, however, that she might be willing to flip and vote for Erik if Amanda and Cirie would go along with it. Amanda and Cirie are possibly alright with getting rid of Erik because Amanda FINALLY realizes that Ozzy is a bit arrogant and bossy. They say they’ll consider it. MEANWHILE, Ami, Tracy, and Erik come up with the idea to vote for Ozzy once Amanda and Cirie vote for Erik and Ozzy votes for Tracy. They would win the vote 3-2-1 and Ozzy would never see it coming. Very smart, but it means that Erik, Amanda, and Cirie need to say ok to their deals. Erik might find it tough to vote out Ozzy, since he’s rockin’ a major Man Crush on the guy. To tribal they go…

6) Tribal Council – With Ozzy, Erik, and Tracy on the block, anything can happen, and there’s no telling who’s decided to do what. I’m excited that a big move might be made, but it requires a lot of broken promises and betrayals of trust. In the end, much like Y2K, it’s all hype, and the trickiest part of voting Tracy off was knowing how to spell her name. How’s that work anyway? Do you go up to the person during the day and ask, “Hey, so I’m just curious—do you spell your name with a “y” an “ey” or an “ie?” Just wondering…” One tribe’s down to five, the other’s at six—the merge is coming.

Keep Your Fire Burnin,
Witz

www.witzpickz.com

Here’s what went down that led to my unthinkable thoughts:

1) JONATHAN:

Jonathan’s knee continued to be infected, forcing him to leave the island to go to a hospital. He first competed in the Rewards Challenge, which involved building a barrier so the other tribe couldn’t progress through a stick tunnel, and helped lead his team to victory. He dragged boards up the beach with his one pained knee hindering him, and then dragged his entire body through the obstructed tunnel to claim victory. He pumped his hands in the air as they won, proving that Jonathan not only WANTS to be in the game, but he DESERVES to be as well. He’s played a heluva game, and was finally in a position to make some moves.

Unfortunately, after the challenge, the medic checked out his knee, and determined that he needed immediate medical help or the infection could prove fatal. Now, this wasn’t exactly a field medic coming to scope out the injury. If it was a medic who took part in any wars, they would have shot some more antibiotics into the vein, performed some sort of semi-passable surgery, and Jonathan could have been on his way. No, this was more like the Ultra-Conservative-Paid-By-CBS-Not-To-Get-Their-Asses-Sued type medic, and she vehemently stood by her call that Jonathan had no other choice or it could be fatal. I don’t doubt the truth, just the vehemence. So after the challenge, in tears, hugging his teammates, some of whom he’d just met, Jonathan left the island. Not with a whimper, but raging against the dying of the light as Dylan Thomas kind of said. But how were we to know just how tough Jonathan was? Well, fortunately, we had a counterpoint later in the show.

2) EXILE ISLAND:

While on Exile Island, Chet lies in the water because his foot has a little cut that is getting infected. Jason goes off in search of the idol which Ozzy has already found, and ends up finding the fake idol that Ozzy fashioned out of a stick. He holds onto it and is excited to find it. Ozzy, aka Captain Jack now that he’s slowly looking like Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Caribbean, had already said that he heard Jason was naïve and might fall for the idol, so everything is going as he had hoped. Interestingly, at the immunity challenge, Jason calls out Ozzy on having already found it as a strategy to hide the fact that he found it (theoretically, at least). Ozzy denies it, and they get to the challenge.

3) IMMUNITY CHALLENGE:

It was kind of a cool immunity challenge this week in that one team went entirely against the planned way of completing the challenge and it gave them a huge advantage. Each team was supposed to hold up two supporting stilts that one member would slowly take steps across. Two tribe members had to get from one platform to another to win. Airai, however, utilizes Eliza and Poverty’s size and balance along with James’ tremendous strength and simply carry one stilt holding the person all the way across. They dominate the challenge and send Malakal to tribal for the second straight week. This leads to…

4) CHET

After dodging votes for the last four weeks, Chet returns home from their challenge loss and starts whining about his foot. He tells the tribe that he wants to be voted out. Ozzy makes a smart ass remark generally saying, “Who else would we vote out?” except considering that Mikey B and Joel were the last two to go in front of Chet, I don’t think it’s that obvious. Anyway, ordinarily, I wouldn’t have any problem with the worst Survivor of all team being sent home, except Ami and Tracy had a plan. Earlier in the show, the two had talked and made a makeshift pact. Ami would vote with the fans including Erik, Tracy, and Chet, to vote out Cirie—another plan I was hugely in favor of. Now, all of a sudden, Chet is ASKING to be voted out, and the plan is dead in the water. They come up with another strategic plan and ask Chet to vote out Ozzy before he quits. That way, They will surprise Ozzy, he won’t use the idol, and the other fans can stay alive once Chet is gone (the number’s without Chet are in the favorites favor). Erik pleads with Chet and Chet says he’ll think about it, but privately tells us that he’s doubtful. Somehow he thinks that being voted out like this will be honorable. So let’s take a look at that.

Chet has been the weakest, least useful, most horrifically lazy and whiny Survivor I can remember watching on the show. He’s so bad that I have to ask what the producers were pooooosssibly thinking when they cast him. What were his hooking qualities? He doesn’t get along with anyone, he’s not charismatic, and he barely is capable of walking upright. Was the fact that he watched the show the sole mark on his resume? Or did they think, “Let’s put someone massively underqualified in there to show everyone just how hard it is on the island. It’ll mix things up”?

This is in the same day when Jonathan had to go home despite his protests and tears because his knee was infected while he worked hard in a challenge. How can Chet possibly stand there and ask to go home? He has an infected nub in the bottom of his foot, but when the medics were there after the rewards challenge, he didn’t think to ask them to check it out? He didn’t even ask Probst to call in a medic to scout it out before asking to go home? If he had ANY dedication, he would have at least gotten it diagnosed first. But no, he asks the tribe to vote him out, and when the rest of his group asks him to do something clever and sort of noble and useful, what does he do?

Well, he folds. After thinking it over, he votes for himself (or throws his vote away), and is unanimously voted out. This leaves Tracy and Erik on the chopping block for Ozzy to eliminate later, and Ami stuck in a faulty alliance with the favorites. He wasn’t even able to make ONE play in the game, and as if to punctuate his baffling uselessness he says, “In the end, I decided not to vote for Ozzy. They can deal with that once I’m gone.” Only they can’t deal with that once he’s gone, because it’s a numbers game, and they no longer have the numbers now that he is out. Brilliant. Chet was seriously the worst Survivor the game has seen, and while I’m glad he’s gone, he wasted too many hours of my Survivor watching life not to be pissed off. “…Go gentle into that good night,” Chet. None of us would expect anything more.

Keep Your Fire Burnin,
Witz

1) Tribal Shuffle -- Not just a cool dance your fat, racist friend made up, this week the Survivor fans and favorites got mixed up into new tribes, meaning most bets are off. It was initially great to see Amanda, Ozzy, James, and Parvati's reaction, as they had a huge alliance AND the immunity idol (although Ozzy felt the need to tell them and I'm not exactly sure why. I mean, great you found the idol, but just shut up and play it safe...). What was even better was seeing Cirie, who after all her bluster last week, just lost all her clout...which she never really had to begin with...

The two tribes are now:
Malakal (which I thought meant Favorites...so that's weird): Ozzy, Amanda, Cirie, Ami, Joel, Erik, Tracy, & Chet
Airai: Jonathan, James, Parvati, Eliza, Alexis, Natalie, Jason, & Kathy.

While this shakes things up, I wasn't super excited that the couples are still together within each tribe and Joel was super unhappy that Chet was in the same tribe as him again. That aspect doesn't get any better for Joel as the show goes on.

2) The Reward Challenge: was astounding entertaining this week. A bunch of people got injured and Chet got straight up abused. But I'm getting ahead of myself. The winner of the challenge got steak and sides and wine, so both groups are amped up. Tied together in pairs, one pair must chase the other to grab their flag. They get a point for grabbing the flag within the time limit, and the other tribe gets one if they fail to catch them. Oh, and the whole thing takes place in an obstacle course reminiscent of crappy forts I used to build when I was little. There is wood and rope everywhere. Ironically, Joel and Chet are tied together, but this doesn't lead to an incident the first time around when they are the ones fleeing. The score stays relatively close as they try to reach 3 pts, and a couple of injuries occur. Parvati (aka Poverty as called by Jason by accident and from now on by me on purpose) wacks her lip and it starts to swell. Jonathan is stabbed in the knee by something sharp and will have to get medical treatment later. He grits out the pain while two medics stitch him back up, but infection is a big issue. Jason gets smashed into a tree when he gets wrapped up, and finally, Joel and Chet are back up again-- this time chasing. This challenge perfectly illustrates these two survivors. Joel runs quickly and with confidence, and Chet tries to keep up, falling and hopping along behind him like the gimp in Pulp Fiction. When he slips and can't keep up, he gets literally dragged through the mud by Joel, who then yells at him to keep up. Chet gets the worst of it when he is pulled along and smacks his head gruesomely against several obstacles while Joel tries to get the flag. Each time Chet can't keep up and hurts himself, Joel and the rest of the tribe yell at him. Eventually, Joel just barely misses getting a last second catch, and they lose the challenge. "I hit my head really hard," Chet says. "I don't care," Joel replies bluntly. "I know," Chet tells him and wanders off to sit down. Even though Chet's a horrible competitor thus far, and while I have to admit to laughing quite loudly and in shock as Chet was abused by the course and Joel, I have to feel horrible for him. Nobody deserves to get their ass kicked that badly and then thrown to the curb at the end. I'm sure Survivor edited out some consolation footage, but nobody could have felt that badly with Chet clearly being a liability and a mope around camp. I also have to question who came up with that challenge and if why they didn't do a little beta testing?? I like an element of danger as much as the next guy, but tying people to together was probably enough-- the whole sharp sticks and obstacles portion probably could have been left out. When they get back to their camp and start settling in, Chet goes over to the chickens and says he's good with chickens and grew up with them.

"You know who was good with Chickens?" I ask my girlfriend?
"Who?"
"Chicken," I reply. "And his ass got voted out quick!"

3) Immunity Challenge: Honestly, nothing too big here, but it's obviously important. They threw rocks at hanging tiles, which fell when the tiles were broken. Then the tiles formed a pattern. Tada! Airai comes back from being slightly behind to win, mostly because Malakal can't figure out the patterna and Chet tries to direct the puzzle project, which is like asking Stevie Wonder to play catch. Joel interrupts Chet's orders from the sideline and confusion throws them all off.

4) Joel and Ozzy meet to discuss plans while Erik watches them. It's clear they are the two leaders of the tribe, and the spokespeople for the fans and favorites. They agree that Chet should be voted out first and Cirie should be second, so that it's still 3-3. They need to improve the tribe to stay strong. Cirie hears that the plan is to vote out the weaker members first, which she'd be ok with except that she's included in the group of weaker members, which she seems to resent. There must be a vault of "Cirie Doing Useful Things" footage that was edited out and stored on the CBS lot somewhere, because I haven't seen Cirie do a damn useful thing the entire time they've been on the island. Even last season she was in, she didn't seem to contribute too much, and while her game was decent, she IS a weaker member. Seeing the path voting out Chet will take, she tries to convince Ozzy to vote out Joel instead. She says Chet is weak and a pawn, while Joel is strong, but a threat. I don't know exactly how this line of thinking SAVES her down the line, but at least it'll give her a few more councils to figure something out. On the other hand, by voting out Chet, Ozzy's crew would have the numbers and could vote out Joel at any time in the future. So we go to tribal council.

5) Not entirely inexplicably, but certainly not the most obvious choice, Ozzy makes the call and votes out Joel. For the third straight week, Cirie has determined the vote through, "I'm useless, vote out the strong" logic, and I can't believe it keeps happening. My one consolation is that these people aren't all blind, and ultimately, Cirie will get voted out for her uselessness as people almost always do (Amber...). Goodbye Joel, I miss you and your wild mane, crazy eyes, and gigantic club arms already. Go find Mary and have some fun.

Keep Your Fire Burnin',
Witz

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1) Cirie and Camp Dynamics -- I realize that sounds like the name of a new indie rock band, but I'm referring to Cirie's inexplicable rise to power and subsequent arrogance. This was the one problem the favorites had this week, and it's really pretty annoying. If you've been reading, you'll know that Cirie isn't my favorite person of all time. She's generally lazy, and as strategic as she might talk, she has rarely done much in the past. I'm guessing that producers asked her what she'd do differently if she came back this time, and she probably said, "I'd take control and make more moves." The last few weeks, Cirie has suddenly stepped up and become one of the major players in the Favorites Tribe. The thing is, she has made potentially bad decisions (siding with couples) and she has now started being extremely arrogant and not caring who hears her speak. With Jonathan in earshot, she told people that she doesn't trust Jonathan and that she wanted Yau-Man and Jonathan out. There's a difference between being honest and being arrogant and by intentionally making enemies and not caring because she thinks she has numbers, she is being arrogant. Incidentally, what the hell is Cirie doing back at the old people camp? She hates Jonathan, she just voted out Yau-Man and Elilza probably isn't best buds with her. After breaking that alliance, what right does she have to be there? And why don't the others get more upset, knowing that the alliance of 4 will now be able to pick them off one by one, especially since Cirie wants to vote out Jonathan? She even goes on the lecture Ami about Ami voting for her, as if she's the betrayed ruler. Cirie is riding a power high, and I don't see it being able to last very long.

2) The Challenges: This is where the Favorites came out and owned it. In the reward challenge, Ozzie showed that he's been there before and used a smart strategy that paid off in the long run (moving coconuts to the front of the 20 ft cage so that others wouldn't have to swim as far). It put them behind in the very short term, but paid dividends after not very long, especially when some weaker swimmers had to go out and get it done. The Fans played well, but they couldn't overcome the strategy. Also, James was the one who guessed what the scrambled word was at the end of the challenge, and even he admitted that was kinda shocking. In the Immunity Challenge, it was no contest. Strapped into that "Kerplunk" like matrix device, they had to maneuver through trees and obstacles to acquire necklaces. They all worked together and fluidly made it to the end and back by the time the fans even managed to get moving at all. Dominant. And this is all with Eliza being sick.

3) Exile Island Immunity Idol: Ozzie came up huge here as well. By taking advantage of Kathy's lack of enthusiasm for acquiring the idol, he snuck off and found all the clues on the different islands. Once he had the clues, he picked out just where to go and found the immunity idol. I have no idea how he thought to look UNDER A ROCK in a hollow tree stump, but well done. He then spent the rest of the day whiddling a new idol out of wood to put back to be found Yau-Man style. Meanwhile, Kathy Griffin was sitting back on Exile thinking up her next poor Hollywood B-Actress move.

4) The Fans camp is having issues. Mikey B and Joel became clear leaders in the tribe, and Joel already "betrayed" Mikey B once to vote out Mary. I don't see how he really betrayed him though on the first tribal council. Mikey B wasn't in charge, he was simply the one who stepped up and tried to be in control. The fact that Joel didn't do exactly what he wanted didn't make it a betrayal, it just meant he wasn't willing to give Mikey B control of the group so easily. This week, Mikey B acts betrayed, but willing to mend the relationship and wants to get rid of Chet, because he is miserable in-- no, he's just miserable. This week, Joel wants to vote out one of the weaker players (all of whom are already camping out on the ice berg waiting to be pushed out to sea), but Mikey B wants Chet out. Because of this point of contention, Joel goes and tells The Others that one of them is getting voted out. Tracy steps up and starts talking smack about Mikey B to Joel to get him to do what she knows he wants to-- vote Mikey B out. Joel says he's not sure what he'll do, but he definitely considers it. It would mean voting out one of the strongest players on the tribe, but it would also mean eliminating a potential threat-- even Mikey B says, "I want to keep Joel around until the very last moment before the merge and then we cut his head off." They go to Tribal Council with Chet and Mikey B on the block-- a very clever move by Tracy. The votes are cast and Jeff informs us that indeed, MIKEY B is going home. Furious, he leaves, but I'm pretttty sure they edited out him saying something to Joel as he left, and I'm guessing it wasn't for home audiences. Check that out on the DVD and reunion show. So the fans are in turmoil, Jason and Erik are going to be pissed, the tribe is weaker, and Chet is still around. The Favorites are strong mentally and physically, Jonathan or Eliza are probably the next to go, and Cirie is bafflingly still in control. Only on Survivor...

Keep Your Fire Burnin,
Witz

I'll get this out of the way-- the hardest hitting part of this week's episode was literal. During the reward challenge, each team had to physically fight each other to get five sacks into their end zone. It's exactly like Capture the Flag, only you need to capture five flags and the game starts at that point in the game where all the kids get frustrated and the game devolves into Kill the Carrier. There were some memorable hits, and some awkward guy crushing girl hits (Amanda gets flipped over Eric's head as she tries to tackle him), and ultimately the favorites took the five thanks to James putting in some intense effort. Joel vs. James was cool to see and I look forward to more of it.

Once the reward challenge was over, the episode basically became stagnant. Kathy and Ami went to Exile Island, but Kathy didn't wanna look for the idol again, so she talked Ami out of it since it started raining. I'm not exactly sure why Kathy didn't start looking on her own island since she KNEW that's where it was, but whatever-- she'll be back there. The rain meant that everyone had a terrible sleep and the huddling and sitting in place continued. This made more obvious than ever the breaks in the two tribes. On the favorites side, it's the two couples vs. the older members, leaving Cirie in the middle. On the fans side, Mikey B and Joel are vying for power as others fall in behind. Mikey B did call Joel on his move, but Joel isn't willing to grant him power of the tribe.

So somehow, due to the coupling on the favorites side, Cirie was handed vast amounts of power. Ozzy, Amanda, James, and Parvati decided a week or two ago to team up because they're all big targets now that they're schtupping. The old folks banded together because they had very little other choice, and because they have seemingly learned very little from previous years. Banding together by age or sex is rarely a good idea unless you have tremendous numbers and nobody breaks rank. Have you seen that happen yet? I haven't. So it's 4 v 4 and Cirie. She's SUPPOSED to be part of the older group, but is easily courted by the couples. There are two aspects to this that we need to talk about.

1) Cirie says she has to figure out what alliance is best for her. She doesn't trust Jonathan and says that she knows that when it came down to it, Jonathan would keep Yau-Man around longer than her. Fair enough...except that on the other side, she has four people who are HOOKING UP. I highly doubt James would vote out Parvati, Amanda would vote out Ozzy and vice versa BEFORE they would vote out Cirie. She's paranoid and in no logical position to be picky. She then ends up determining that the couples are somehow the better decision for her, but as Jonathan says, "What have I done TO YOU to make you distrust me?" Nothing. I don't get her decision, as clearly in that relationship, she is the odd one out.

2) Whichever side she chooses, Cirie doesn't have much power-- she OUGHT to just be the swing vote and be happy to be part of an alliance. Instead, the Couples group somehow decides that Cirie gets to decide who to vote for as she presses to vote for Yau-Man. They want to vote out Eliza, but end up changing their vote to get Cirie to vote with them. She says she's voting for Yau-Man no matter what, so I don't see what the danger is. Maybe you piss off Cirie a little while she'sfeeling inflated and self-important, but then it's 4-4 and it's not a big deal because you KNOW that your 4 aren't going to break for a bit. They give Cirie power that she doesn't deserve, but maybe that's a credit to Cirie for presenting herself as having power even when she doesn't. Yes, she is the "swing vote," but she's also not in a position to demand whatever she wants. She's the second most useless member of the tribe. I just don't get it.

Inevitably, the Favorites lose immunity in a strength and coordination challenge, or else the plotline wouldn't have even been that important. So Cirie becomes huge, they go to tribal council and after a prolonged argument between Cirie and Jonathan, they vote and Yau-Man, through no fault of his own, is sent home. Jonathan is pissed, Cirie is pleased, and the Couples are in control. The tribe is so obviously divided for no real reason that I just don't get it, and am not excited about the prospects for the next few weeks. Hopefully, the Favs can pull it together and win some immunity challenges, or else it's gonna be a very predictable few weeks.

Keep Your Fire Burnin',
Witz

The Favorites come home from tribal council upbeat despite having to vote out Johnny Fairplay (or maybe because they got to vote out Johnny Fairplay). The Fans, on the other hand, who didn't have to vote anyone out, start out the next day with bickering, concerns, and negativity. They need to build a new shelter and they need to start fire (with flint). The half of the tribe that wants the fire works hard to make it and keeps failing. I guess everyone was being such good fans of the show, that they didn't take the time to go buy some flint and try and learn to start a fire with it BEFORE going ON THE SHOW. Good to know the preparation hasn't changed at all over the years. So while they are trying for fire, the other half (Kathy, Tracy, Chet) are complaining about needing to build a shelter, but not doing anything. This leads to Mikey B, Joel, Jason, and Eric basically yelling at them to stop TALKING and start DOING. By the end of the argument, it's clear that there is a 7/3 majority in favor of the younger members. They go off and start building separate shelters-- not the spitting image of a perfect tribe dynamic.

Meanwhile, over at the Favorites camp, Ozzy is talking some big game about not wanting to get too close to Amanda so he doesn't become a target. Amanda, meanwhile, seems not to remember how Survivor works, and is flirting and getting closer to him. James and Parvati are also continuing to flirt and get close. There's a lot of TALK about not wanting to get too close or look like a target, but during the next night, while people sleep huddled together, Amanda and Ozzy start making out and James and Parvati cuddle up and follow suit. Cirie, who doesn't sleep because she manages to utilize so little energy all day, catches them, and the next morning the two couples wake up as two new franchises for Target, Inc.

At the immunity/reward challenge, everything's pretty straight forward. Individually run across lily pads, dive into water, climb a ladder, smash a block holding a key, and go dive into the water again to retrieve the key. Use all five keys to put open the lock box (the person who does so is called the Key Master, which makes me think back to Ghostbusters fondly and want to know where The Gatekeeper is), and then use the puzzle pieces to blah blah blah. We all know this. Anyway, all you need to know is that the favorites acted quickly and efficiently, only slowing slightly when Jonathan couldn't find his key, but otherwise, they cruised through the challenge. The fans did the same with one exception and it was that exception that cost them the challenge-- Chet. Chet looked physically exhausted VERY quickly and was incapable of diving down to find his key. By the time he gave up and came back to the shore while Joel yelled at him to hurry up, the fans were virtually out. Jason swam back out to get the last key, but it was too late. Favorites won. They get to send someone from Fans to send to Exile as well as one of their own members.

On Extraneous Island-- oh sorry-- Exile Island-- Kathy and Cirie do more in a day than I've ever seen them do before on any episode. The clues for the idol send them back and forth between small islands. They go through four clues, crossing waters, and even Cirie admits that she's moved more for this than ever before. After the third time, we do get a great quote from Cirie, "So now that we find the third clue...BACK across the ocean!" It was the first time Cirie said something that made me laugh and like her. The whole thing reminded me of a frustrating video game, where you have to go back and forth back and forth and it wastes a ton of time, but not very much actually happens. Regardless, they finally got back to the original beach with four clues, but aren't able to find the idol (that we know of). Still, they SHOWED me something searching for the idol, instead of maintaining the idle they usually make theirs.

Mikey B makes a super confusing, but ultimately intelligent plan for the 7 (including contingencies in case of an idol). They will vote out either Chet or Tracy, but all of Mikey B's talk and his recently developing relationship with Mary (of course), leads Joel to start some dissent. He goes and talks to the 3 and Kathy when she returns from Exile Island, and convinces them to vote for Mary in order to cut down on Mikey B's power. It's a very smart move.

At tribal council, Chet's on the block because instead of going against the rule and TELLING everyone that he can't swim or that he was tired, he SHOWED how poorly he could compete. However, with Joel's wrangling, Mary is on the block, she just doesn't know it. The votes come out and 2 chet, 2 tracy, 5 mary means MARY is voted out. Mikey B is shocked and astounded, Mary is completely blindsided, and Joel lets out a telling smile of relief. He and Mikey B are about to vie for power, and I'm excited to see it go down.

Keep Your Fire Burnin,
Witz

This episode was all about the clash of old and new as I imagine most of the season is going to be. There was a mixed reaction as the favorites were revealed to the fans. Everyone seemed psyched to see some of their previous counterparts, but some got more applause than others which was particularly awkward. I loved how Cirie got about five claps, proving to me that nobody liked her as much as Survivor wants us to think-- or if they did, it wasn't the up and coming contestants who want to win, it was the people at home who said, "I'm glad she's doing that so I don't have to." Anyway, Yau-Man, James, and Ozzy got the most applause from what I could tell, and Johnny Fairplay got the least applause and the most groans. This basically setup the entire episode.

In a bizarre twist, Johnny Fairplay was the first person voted off Survivor. Not that odd since he was the least trustworthy, but odd in how it went down. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that I felt more like I was watching Entourage than Survivor-- because instead of Johnny Fairplay, it was all Johnny Drama. First, the two tribes (fans and favorites) rush across the beach to get immunity idols that they can only use once. Fairplay grabs the idol off the wrong boat (which is why he didn't keep it to answer a comment from the last post), which leads him and Yau-Man to chase down the other one on the edge of the other boat. They bump into each other and Yau-Man comes up with the idol. Good for him. Fairplay starts whining to everyone around that Yau-Man tackled him and then tries to bad mouth him in the confessional. Nobody cares.

The rest of the episode, Fairplay stirs up trouble by first taunting the fans at the challenge and then saying to his tribe that with a kid on the way, maybe he wants to go home. He presents this to us as a decoy, but to everyone else as truth. Nobody really trusts him, and as the tribe breaks into two more obvious groups (more on this in future posts as it matters), Johnny tries to position himself in a place of power, while telling one group that he wants to go home so they'll vote for him (instead of Parvati) and lose at tribal to "his" alleged group (voting for Eliza). It's maybe a good idea, but since he's NOT ON THE CHOPPING BLOCK, it is entirely unnecessary to put himself in danger. When he's finally voted out, the vote is 9 to 1 where he voted for Ozzy. He says, "If I was gonna go out, I wanted to go out on my own terms," but he WASN'T GONNA GO OUT this week and if he meant what he said, he would have voted for HIMSELF not OZZY. Inexplicable drama from Johnny Fairplay.

Johnny wasn't the only one creating the drama this week, however, so now with that out of the way, here are some other interesting bits:

Some of the fans look very competitive and potential threats-- Joel is GIGANTIC and says that James was the largest competitor on the show until he got there. To his credit, James looks jacked as ever, and Joel has great respect for him. Mikey B got some face time this episode too, and while not much went down with him, he sounds like a legit player with strength and smarts. My boy Jason also looks solid. The women haven't really shown much yet, but I'm sure that will change next week.

One female Fan did stand out-- Kathy. Now, aside from the fact that she looks, sounds, and has the same name as Kathy Griffin, I'm told it's not her. She seems to run her mouth a mile a minute and already hit on the topic of sexuality with Chet (which to her credit, she wasn't offensive, just interested and uninformed, i.e., "But you don't actually want to BE a girl, right?"). She picked up the immunity idol at the beginning of the show thanks to Yau-Man pointing it out to her, so she's safe until the second time the Fans go to tribal. This means we'll get a bunch more drama out of her.

What made me happiest in this episode was watching the Favorites DOMINATE the camp aspects. They built a shelter in no time, starting bringing in multiple food sources, and got a fire started. Meanwhile, the fans struggled like all newbies do. It was just nice seeing everything work out the way that made sense.

At the immunity challenge, the Fans straight up trounced the Favorites. It was a typical challenge course with strength and puzzles. The favorites had a lot of pressure on them from the get go and couldn't put together their first puzzle. This led to the Fans getting a huge lead and the Favorites getting even more pressure. Eliza (who I didn't remember before the show and then remembered very vividly as she starting shouting directions to the group and annoying the hell out of me) tried to help, but mostly just added confusion and noise to the group. As a bonus, she was later tossed headlong from the cart she was riding in as it hit a root. This made me feel better up until I saw her eye was bruised at which point I felt bad for giggling. Eventually, the Favs got close to the Fans, but the Fans didn't let up and claimed the first victory.

First Entourage, now Temptation Island-- James and Parvati got very close very fast, which isn't surprising at all, and I'd be happy for James if it didn't put a huge target on his back. Next up, Amanda, coming off an entire season of being best buds with Todd, jumps right into the romantic mix with Ozzy, who is kind of like a bizarro Todd. It's going to be interesting to see Amanda on the show without Todd making all the major plays. My guess is those four aren't on the show that long unless they start winning challenges.

Final Note: Yau-Man wins player of the week in my mind. He got the immunity idol and fought off Johnny Fairplay to do so. He started fire by placing a drop of water on his eye glasses and magnifying the suns rays to light kindling. Despite the fact that I want him dating my grandmother, I'm glad to have him back on the island. Go Yau-Man.

Keep Your Fire Burnin,
Witz