Survivor Fodder

"Survivor" To Be Shot in HD - Snakes Worry About Their Wrinkles

As this article from The Hollywood Reporter website describes, CBS has announced that Survivor season seventeen (don't freak out, that's the next one...) will be shot in High Definition, bringing the Survivor experience a little closer to your living room. Fires won't be started...IN HD! CIrie will fail at swimming...IN HD! Votes will be cast...IN HD, with such clarity that you will know EXACTLY who wrote the name on the paper. Jeff Probst's chin will knock you on your ass IN HD, and fake immunity idols will look even more ridiculous IN HD. Finally.

The show's consistently high ratings have provided the producers with enough of an incentive to spend the extra money to shoot the reality series in HD. I applaud the effort and know that shooting a primarily unscripted series with mostly unplanned plot (besides challenges, tribal council, rewards, etc) must be expensive and difficult. I also think that Survivor, like nature footage such as in Planet Earth, will look beautiful in HD. The scenery will have more texture and it will be even more frightening to see that snake, bug, spider, or shark that is actually NOWHERE NEAR THE SURVIVORS. I'm not sure I'd go as far as Mark Burnett when saying that the HD will create, "An immediacy that draws viewers right into the frame." I mean, it'll look good, but I'm still watching it in my sweatpants while eating a bowl of ice cream and llying on my couch. Then again, Mark Burnett is probably a billionaire by now and I'm hoping you all click on an ad to make me a percentage of a few more cents.

Still, while I may not be a producer, I do know that while HD makes nature more beautiful, it can make people far more terrifying. They say the camera adds ten pounds-- well, the HD camera adds pimples, rashes, blood, wrinkles, creases, sweat, grime, bacterial infections, ingrown hairs, and skidmarks. Yeah, I said it. Remember when Rupert won that money for being everyone's favorite Survivor? Do you think he still would have won that money if we'd seen every single flaw, bruise, and bodily grossness that the island dealt him? Probably not. We probably would have wondered who let the homeless guy onto the show. And yet for every argument, there is a counter-argument. In this case, it's one word: "Hotties." Whether you liked watching Mary hop around in her bikini or James lifting...everything, I mean the guy is HUGE, HD will probably be a benefit-- until we get that one shot of human grotesqueness that you know everyone has. Then we might vomit. Regardless, I look forward to seeing what HD blurs look like during the first water or mud challenge.

So be excited, people. Because all the running, the mysterious underwater wreckage footage, the shelter building, the lying, the voting, and the akward night-vision body rubbings, will be IN HD.

Now Fans Can Think They're Even Better At Survivor, Go On the Show, and Get Their Asses Kicked,
Witz


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