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Survivor Fodder

Survivor: Week 5 -- Ravu-nous

With Ravu's numbers dwindling and a merge possibly right around the corner, this week's show might have been one of the most important of the season. Ravu needed a big win and something to build on after not having to vote anyone out last week AND with Papa Smurf going home. So without anymore pre-amble here's what happened this week.

We're welcomed with more of Ravu's hunger. Not metaphorical hunger--real hunger, like when you have very little to eat for 14 days and you need to step up and win a goddamn immunity challenge. That kind of hunger. Yao-Man and Earl have both been to Exile Island a few times and know that they each have an idea of where the immunity idol is. For some reason, Earl feels that it is Yao-Man's and not his, so he distracts the tribe to go off searching for food while Yao-Man digs around the cave. Unfortunately, he only has a machete to dig with and the clue says to "dig deep." It would have been good for Yao-Man to find the idol so everyone wasn't wondering where the hell he was, but he was unable to come up with anything! or so we're told. Who knows what really happened? All I know is that the tribe returns to camp and it doesn't appear Yao-Man found much of anything. Maybe they need to use the clues as a double entendre and dig deep to win a freakin' challenge.

For this week's reward challenge, each tribe picks two things out of a book that they want or need. Moto picks some toiletries and food and Ravu picks a better, more athletic, cohesive team--I mean fishing gear.

They get to the challenge and a little trash talk takes place between Boo (who is eating a mango) and Rocky (who really would like to be eating a mango). It's a head to head platform battle setup. First one to seven points wins. Each pair battle with a couch cushion to shove the other into the mud. Once again, I would dominate Survivor as I DID THIS WHEN I WAS LIKE FIVE.

Rocky and Dreamz square off to begin things--which seems like a strategically bad move. Why put one of your best people up against one of theirs? Wouldn't you rather guarantee yourself a point? The plan comes back to haunt Ravu as Dreamz fights hard and battles Rocky right off the platform. OF COURSE--HE WAS HOMELESS! Have you ever heard of those bumfight videos? Who do you think are in them? Homeless people! COME ON!

Two pathetic matches later, it's 3-0 Moto and then 4-0 as Lisi destroys Michelle. You'll never guess what happens next. Boo wins. Alex wins over Mookie--and it's 6-0. For the win, Stacey will go against Yao-Man which sounds like a great fight to me. Yao uses his massive frame and some intelligent weight shifting and beats her. 6-1. Rita goes against Cassandra for the second time--first time around, Cassandra RUINED HER. This time around! .Cassandra RUUUUUUINS HER. 7-1 victory for Moto. Ouch. Earl goes to Exile Island and Moto gets all 4 prizes. Potatos, Toiletries, Coffee, Fishing Gear (2nd set).

After the break we see Moto's camp, and start to realize how stupid in addition to uncharismatic they really are. Dreamz tries to be friendly, but no one talks to him or Cassandra. It's 5 against 2 in the Moto tribe. Lisi and Stacey harass Dreamz for not knowing how to make the coffee they won and Alex tells them to stop being so rude for no reason. Alex says HE doesn't know how to make coffee and Stacey runs off a long process that baffled me at home and then concluded with, "it's as easy as that." Hm. I'm with ya, Dreamz. Edgardo and Alex both think Lisi and Stacey are being ridiculous, and some internal camp politics finally emerge. Also, is it just me or does Lisi look like a rejected Care Bear that didn't get all of the 21st chromosome she would have hoped.

"Isn't it funny that we're both really into fashion?" Michelle says to Rita, and it's now that I know one of them will be voted out this week. They go on about skin tone and lip gloss, etc. and while it probably only took 10 minutes in real time, the rest of the guys get pretty annoyed by it. Rule #1: Don't be casually annoying--people will get rid of you for no other reason.

Back at Moto, Alex explains to Lisi how when the merge comes at 7 (moto) to 3 (ravu), they can't afford to have Dreamz and Cassandra flip to make the vote 5-5 and lose their voting advantage. Lisi replies to this possible scenario with, "Cool, whatever," to which Alex tells her, "No, not cool whatever. We'll lose our advantage." He then tries this with Stacey who also doesn't get it. He explains it to Boo and says they should grow a better bond with Dreamz and Cassandra so that scenario doesn't happen. In possibly the best moment of Survivor thus far this season, Boo, with a blank expression on his face, replies, "But we want them all gone! " to which replies to us privately, "Kill me! Kill me right now! How do you not understand this!?" Wow. Boo, Lisi, Stacey is duuuum. Edgardo and Alex converse and suddenly I like a couple of the Moto members. When the group is back together, Alex tries to get some solidarity going and Stacey condescends the hell out of Dreamz and Cassandra. Dreamz shouts out "Genocide," to show that he agrees (meaning get rid of the other tribe). I like him, but sometimes Dreamz is like one of those people who learned English by watching rap videos and has no idea when to say words at proper times. Anyway, secretly he and Cassandra says they're gonna flip when the time comes. Good.

I'm sorry, but "I have a big head and little arms! " is one hilarious line that Meet the Robinsons can't possibly live up to.


Despite recent results, the immunity challenge still isn't out of style, so they're gonna go ahead and have another one this week. This is HUGE for Ravu. They need a win to take another step forward and get over the annoying chatter back at camp and the loss of the reward challenge.

This week it's a memory game. Like, THE memory game. Each person reveals pairs of boards and tries to match them. There are four dummy boards that do not have a match. These boards are named Lisi, Boo, Stacey, and Anthony. The one memorable letdown was when Yao-Man goes out, ready to slam down the first point for Ravu! and then just blanks. The Warrior of the Mind dropped the ball and wasn't able to set the tone. Now, to be honest, I'm not gonna go through each one of these--let's just get to the good part. It's tied with one pair and the 4 dummy boards remaining. Ravu has the opportunity to win. Everyone talks in Rocky's ear at once and finally he heads out to get the match. He flips one quickly and then starts staring down the rows of boards. He doesn't know which to go for. He looks down and out, but then again, this is Rocky, and this is dramatic reality tv, so why not have him--No match. He misses it and Cassandra goes ahead and wins it for Moto.

After the challenge, Rocky apologizes and takes the majority of the blame for the loss! but then proceeds to lay into the group for the "mass confusion thing." Rita INEXPLICABLY interrupts him time and again during his speech to say people need to listen. I understand where Rock-Star (nickname based on a nickname, eh, eh?) is coming from, but you can't keep pissing people off. Anthony says that maybe Rocky is the one to go because he would remove a lot of the friction. Fortunately, NOBODY LISTENS TO ANTHONY BECAUSE HE'S A MASSIVE TOOL and so a group of four (Michelle, Mookie, Rita, Yao-Man) agree to vote out Anthony. Mookie goes to tell Rocky and instead gets swayed to possibly vote for Rita because she talks a lot. So going into tribal, it's either Anthony or Rita and who knows which will go! besides me! because I'm writing this after the fact.

Tribal Council: Comes down to this: "Love many, trust few, do wrong to none." Courtesy of Yao-Man. That seems kind of sad, but fair, and especially on Survivor, it seems smart. No immunity idol comes out and it's time to get the votes. But beforehand, let me say this--I purchased Dreyer's American Idol Ice Cream this last week and it completely overwhelms me. First of all, I can't figure out why it's even remotely related to American Idol. It is Birthday Cake ice cream, which means it has yellow cake batter in the ice cream with frosting bursts and sprinkles. What does that have to do with American Idol other than maybe there are some larger contestants on there occasionally, and clearly this must be how they packed on the pounds? The other part about this ice cream is that it is the only dessert item EVER to own me. I can't finish a bowl. I have three delicious scoops and I'm completely stuffed. It's amazing. Is that how it's related? It's the Richest Dessert Ever? Let me know if you've tried this stuff, because it's ridiculous all around.

Oh yeah, so then people voted and guess who got voted out? Rita! My fav lady. Apparently, no amount of blurred nipples (which wouldn't be blurred live) are not enough to keep you from getting voted out when you talk about makeup ONCE with the only other girl in your camp. Figures. Interestingly, however, Yao-Man and Mookie both flipped and voted for her, so the pack is getting questionable.

Until Next Week, Keep Your Fire Burnin' (and try cake ice cream),

PS. Next episode is March 21st, so have a happy St. Patrick's Day and I'll see you then.

PPS. "Sorry Roger, you tiger now." hahaha, that's hilarious.

Posted by jon on March 9, 2007 8:06 PM
Permalink |

You didn't mention the VERY BEST PART, Lisi falling flat on her face and round bear stomach because she was so excited to make a match, and then got it wrong. That was good TV right there. I have a DVR and I rewound it instant replay style four times. It was the only time I wished my machine made that high pitched squeal when you rewind, that would have made it better...squeeeeeeeeeal, splat. Squeeeeeal, SPLAT! Hahahahahaa. I know, I'm cruel, but I dislike that girl, and she wasn't hurt, it was just really funny. I'll be living off that image until they get smart and finally get rid of her.

1. Posted by: Sara at March 9, 2007 10:50 PM

I agree, the great Lisi face plant was clearly the highlight of the show. They should have taken a plaster cast of the impression she left in the earth. It'd make a great charity auction item.

2. Posted by: Cecil Rose at March 20, 2007 12:47 AM

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