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Survivor Fodder

Survivor: Introductions Part 2 -- The Contestants

Alright, let's be honest, who cares who I am, you want to meet the Survivors. Fair enough avid reader, fair enough. Thanks to CBS, and the power of keyboards, I can tell you all about this year's group.

This year's group is packed with ethnic diversity, but not current geography. A whole lotta Californians are reppin' and it makes me think that Survivor might not have gotten the budget for casting that they usually do. This could be a bad sign. As for the Survivors themselves, the group includes all sorts of people, from a fashion stylist to a lawyer; a civil engineer to a construction worker. And ya know what? NOBODY'S GONNA KNOW HOW TO MAKE FIRE WHEN THE TIME COMES! Call me crazy, but if I knew I was going on Survivor, I wouldn't be doing anything other than running, swimming, holding my breath underwater, and learning to make fire until the day CBS picked me up from the airport. Sure, the elementary-backstroke sucks, but at least learn the sidestroke people, it's easy and takes very little energy. And eat something gross--it's bound to come up. Having said that, here are the competitors:

There's no bafflingly flagrant racial grouping going on this year so just to keep things under control, I will do it! ALPHABETICALLY.

Alex is from Colombia, but now lives in LA and is a "freelance lawyer" which sounds suspiciously like a euphemism for a "not very good lawyer." He enjoys boxing, weight-lifting, running, and mountain-climbing as well as cheeze-its, Entourage, and clean smells. It also says his favorite game is Stratego, but I don't buy it. I mean, you're takin' filling out the survey for SURVIVOR and they ask what your favorite game is--what are you supposed to say, "Don't Wake Daddy?" No. Even if you can't get enough of Candyland or Mouse-Trap or Timber Tumble, your favorite game for Survivor is either Risk or Stratego. Go with Chess or Trivial Pursuit if you must, but we'll all know you're lying. Anyway, Alex looks like he'll be a hit with the ladies (his last name is Angarita! meaning if his nickname doesn't become Man-garita I will be disappointed) and probably win a few immunity challenges.

If you think you're getting the above length bio for all these people, you're crazy. I was just burning off some energy with Alex. Anthony grew up in Compton and like most people from there, he enjoys dressing up in genre/era clothing and live action gaming. This might seem strange to you, but a little known fact is that Snoop and Dre were HUGE into Magic: The Gathering and pogs. HUGE. Anyway, Anthony works in legal support services, which makes me wonder if Survivor is building a cast or a law firm to deal with all the lawsuits that must come with having this year's theme be "cannibalism." Oh--and he likes chess!

You're my boy, Boo. 34 year old construction worker from Lousiana. Gee, I wonder if he'll be lovable. He is a self-described cerebral athlete, great problem solver, and strong both mentally and physically. That's why he dominates at his favorite video game: asteroids. Aside from his physical advantage, lookout for Boo because his favorite tv show: GILLIGAN'S ISLAND! YES! Boo will be living a dream, and I'm psyched to live it right alongside him! .from my couch.

At 42, this Los Angeles civil engineer manager might not be expected to stick around long, but she's my current wild card pick. She seems likable, intelligent, and you need strategic thinking to be a civil engineer. Her husband's name is Clif which means that we might hear her say, "I just miss Clif so much," or "I'm doin' this for Clif and the kids," which inexplicably makes me happy. Her favorite scent is Angel which I'm assuming is a perfume, but otherwise, Cassandra smells angels and that has to be an advantage.

Growing up homeless in the projects of Wilmington, NC, it is no surprise that Dre has yet to acquire his doctorate. Seeing as how he has already won the Survivor of life, I have to assume he will dominate on the island so long as people don't get angry at him if they find out his story by thinking he is trying to keep them from voting him out. People are like that. There is one line in Dre's bio, however, that gives me pause. Dre, "began playing sports and quickly became an athletic superstar, excelling in cheerleading." I won't give anybody reason to get mad at me by saying anything, but the above sentence generally doesn't end that way.

35 year old Santa Monica Ad Exec might be riding the "My Name Is Earl" train all the way to Fiji. He's ambitious and intelligent (guess what he plays! CHESS!....!!!!) and likes Halo and Pulp Fiction. He'll be well suited to the island as he already enjoys Pom-Juice and Grape-Nuts, two of the least appealing products on the market.

Another Ad Exec, this time from Puerto Rico. 28, athletic, and enjoys Battleship. He was a member of the Davis Cup Tennis Team for Puerto Rico, but likes Pringles, so he might be living in the past. Only time will tell if Edgardo steps up and is the physical threat his beach volleyball enjoyment tells us he might be.

Well, I'm either gonna love her or hate her. She's 27 years old from Lousiana and has a kickass fro. I can't imagine the fro will survive the initial water jumping though, so I can't bank on that. She is self-desribed as subtle, confrontational, and outgoing, which are three traits that could hurt her or help her depending on how she uses them (and aren't subtle and confrontational mutually exclusive?). She works for a non-profit and likes O Magazine, but hopefully doesn't preach about them. We shall see.

Hands down my favorite of the Survivors, Gary is a 55 year old Bus Driver from Minnesota. He's also a carpenter. He's a do it yourself, work-hard, play-hard, children deliverin' bus master. He has competed in multiple in-line skate competitions. His pet bulldog recently died, so he's lookin' for revenge. His favorite scent is COOKING STEAKS. He favorite alcoholic drink--beer. His favorite non-alcoholic--root beer. This guy is a man's man with a soft side and I've got his back.

James could not possibly have submitted a worse picture for his bio. He looks like Ricky Riccardo after a stroke--but,you know, with a sun tattoo on his shoulder. He's a bartender in LA (did Survivor try at all this season to attract people from other states), but is originally from Boston. He describes himself as a "man's man" which means I can't wait for Gary to tell his tribally tattooed ass to know his role. One of his favorite sports to play is "catch." Man's man. Phff.

Jessica is a fashion-stylist in LA, but went to school in New Orleans. She's 27, attractive, and c'mon, clearly a party girl. She describes herself as ambitious, warm, and unbreakable, which, at least according to Bruce Willis, means that she might have some trouble with the water challenges. She likes Ms. Pacman and Ayn Rand, but can probably kick my ass. We'll see how this one turns out tomorrow.

Superficially I can say that I bet Liliana is a pretty coo girl. She's 25, of Mexican descent, and served in the US Marine Corps. She likes raisin bran and "anything with clusters of nuts." Sounds like Survivor: Fiji will be perfect for her-- Ohhhh (c'mon, gimme that one). Liliana might be someone that surprises us.

36 year old customer service rep! for a psychic service company! I don't have to tell you anything else about her because SHE'S GONNA WIN. Would she even be there if the psychics she works for didn't say, "You're gonna win!" I might as well stop writing this blog now (contractually impossible)! Oh yeah, and her favorite game! CANDYLAND! Psychics!

Ya know that movie, "The OH in Ohio"? Well first, I believe there are two "oh"'s in O-hi-O, and secondly, I bet Michelle puts the O's in Ohio as well. She looks peppy. She looks exciteable. She's a 23 year old fashion design student who likes 80's pop music. Her favorite smell is coffee. Her favorite cookie--SUGAR COOKIES. She's got all kinds of pep.

All business--literally. This 25 year old loan manager from Illinois loves the dolla billz. His favorite books are business books, his favorite magazines are business magazines (and Maxim), and his favorite colors are black and blue. Mookie wants to lay a corporate hurtin' on the other survivors.

Rita! .kinda scares me. Her bio pic looks like a forty-five year old woman trying to dress and look like an eighteen year old cheerleader (sorry Dre). Maybe that's why she's actually 38 and is a single mom from San Antonio, Texas. What's confusing is that she was born in Venezuela, lived all around South America and then settled in Texas. "Now that I'm in America, what state could I live in where the general population is most anti-immigration? Let's move to Texas." She seems nice and tough, however, not to mention a little creepy, with her favorite scent being, "the smell of children's skin." If that were a male contestant, CBS would have lawsuits on their hands.

She likes Guinness and Toblerone so she's all right in my book. She's an Interactive Internet Producer which sounds kinda cool, and lives in Boulder, Colorado which definitely IS cool. She likes knitting, making jewelry, and cooking, so we'll have to wait and see what her survivor game is.

This season's "old lady" is 52 and extremely intelligent. From Ross, California by way of Hong Kong, she is an architect and was once in charge of strategic design. I'm guessing she thinks out her moves quite a bit before she makes them, but will still buy into the "all women" thing and get voted out first. She's a tough lady though, her favorite cereal being Kashi GOLEAN, which makes Grape-Nuts look like Fruit Loops.

Bringing up the last of the Survivors is 54 year old Yau-Man who I'm really hoping pronounces his name "Yo, man." He will last an extra three episodes if that is the case. Anyway, I think Survivor might be trying to play love-connection here with Sylvia as Yau-Man is a computer engineer who works at Berkeley. Breaking no stereotypes, he is way into table tennis and thinks of himself as a natural leader. His favorite snack is "shrimp chips" by which I can only assume he means fun-size pretzels. All in all, he looks like a competitor who will bring a lot of mind to the game, but might suffer during the physical challenges.

Well, that's all I got. As one reader commented, the 20th survivor bailed when they saw the island, so we're already in the game. Will Fiji prove to be the best season yet? Who will we root for and who will we hate. How many minutes into the show will someone reveal to be gay and/or into yoga? All of these answers and more, tomorrow night at 8pm on CBS. Survivor: Fiji--it's here.

Pick An Apple, Put It In the Basket,

Posted by jon on February 7, 2007 10:36 PM
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