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Supernatural Fodder

Supernatural: The Real Ghostbusters

Sam and Dean go speeding to the Pineview Hotel (yes, hotel, not motel, for a change). Dean pulls in next to 3 identical black Impalas. He looks confused.

Chuck is waiting outside, and is very nervous, and surprised, to see them. That confuses the brothers, because they thought Chuck texted them, asking them to come immediately. Chuck denies it, then says, "Oh, no."

Becky, the superfan from "Sympathy for the Devil" comes running out. "Sam! You made it!" She stole Chuck's phone to text them. Chuck apologizes, "...for everything."

They go inside. A guy dressed like Dean says, "Dean, looking good." Dean asks him who he is, and the guy says, "I'm Dean, too. Duh." The scarecrow from, well, "Scarecrow"," walks by, momentarily startling them, until they realize he's a guy in a mask. They look around, and see people dressed like Bobby, Ash, and, of course, Sam and Dean. LARPers.

It's the first ever Supernatural Convention. Panel discussions include "Frightened Little Boy: The Secret Life of Dean" and "The Homoerotic Subtext of Supernatural". In the crowd they even see someone dressed as YED. And there's a "hunt," complete with $50 gift certificate to "Sizzler" as a prize. Chuck is there to speak.

Chuck takes questions. One guy, dressed as Hook Man, from "", asks why the Winchesters keep losing their weapons. "Why can't they keep them on a bungie?" he asks. He also asks why they couldn't tell Ruby was evil. It was clear she was manipulating Sam into some kind of moral lapse. That makes Becky angry, and she tells the guy, "If you don't like the books don't read 'em, Fritz." He sits down and shuts up.

Chuck also, in response to a question about what happens after Dean goes to Hell, announces that the series will continue, thanks to a wealthy Scandinavian benefactor. Everyone's elated, except Sam and Dean.

Later, at the bar, Chuck tries putting the moves on Becky, including buying her a drink called a "Yellow Eye Cooler", but she only has eyes for Sam, who interrupts. Dean accompanies him, and he tells Chuck they don't have time for this crap. Chuck is confused, he didn't call them. Dean means the books, he's angry that they are being published again. Sam agrees. Chuck complains that he has to eat, Dean wants to know who gave Chuck the right to their life stories. Chuck says an archangel did, and he, Chuck, didn't ask for it. He asks Becky to excuse them, and they go into the hall where Chuck presents his side. The books are the only marketable skill he has.

Apparition

There's a scream, and the Winchesters run toward, though Chuck tries to stop them.

Upstairs, and maid tells her story. She says she saw the ghost of an old woman. The Winchesters try to take over from the LARPers, but the maid gets excited when she has an audience. She tells them to gather round, and she begins reciting her canned story. It's part of the "hunt". Sam gets disgusted and walks away. Dean follows. Becky runs up with a paper explaining the rules, complete with a page from "Dad's Journal."

"You guys are so gonna win," Becky giggles.

Later, a dozen "agents" dressed in dark suits and carrying fake badges with "Agents Lennon and McCartney" surround the hotel manager, who tells them about Lutecia Gore, who used to run an orphanage on the site, but who became deranged and killed 4 boys, one of them her own, on this very night 100 years ago.

A pair of fake Winchesters, a short, heavy Dean, and a talk, gawky, dark-haired Sam stop close by.

"Dad told me something before he died," fake Dean snarls. "He said I may have to kill you."

"Kill me? What the hell does that mean?" fake Sam snarls back.

"I need a drink," the real Sam says. Dean agrees.

Real

Upstairs, a LARPer is using his fake EMF meter, and searching for clues. A woman dressed in 1800s clothing jumps out, claiming to be Lutecia Gore. The LARPer shoots her with a dart gun. "Oh, you got me," she says.

"You're supposed to vanish," the LARPer says.

"How am I going to vanish?" the woman says.

The LARPer shrugs. He wanders off, talking on his cell.

A scary looking kid in 1800s clothes appears.

"Help us, Ms. Gore won't let us have any fun," the ghost says.

The LARPer at first thinks the ghost is part of the game, but the ghost disappears, and he runs.

Once he escapes, he stops and looks back. "That... was..." he begins, and a ghost picks him up, turns him upside down, and throws him around the room. The real ghost of Lutecia Gore appears, saying "Naughty, naughty, naughty," then disappears.

Back at the bar

Back at the bar, Sam and Dean are doing shots. Dean is trying to pick up the fake Lutecia, who is texting on her cell. She blows him off, but once she looks at him, she decides he's different.

"Different how?" Dean asks.,

"Well, for one thing, you're not afraid of girls."

Right then they hear loud voices in the lobby. Sam and Dean excuse themselves, to find the LARPer talking to a friend, and telling him he got beat up by a ghost. He's leaving,

Back at the front desk, the hotel manager is talking to a new group of agents "Jagger and Richards." (Gotta love the LARPer knowledge of obscure band members, in addition to the knowledge of Dean's favorite genre of music.)

The Winchesters ignore him, and go straight to the desk clerk, who brushes them off until Dean slips him a couple of fifties. The stories are all true, except it happened in 1909, and it is the anniversary of her murders, which took place in the attic.

Heavy fake Dean and gawky fake Sam are listening in the background.

Real Winchesters, fake Winchesters, real ghosts

Real Sam and Dean head for the attic. Dean is amused. They have a real ghost being hunted by fake Sam and Deans.

"No way this ends well," Sam says.

While they're looking around, the fake Winchesters are walking up the stairs. Fake Sam breaks character, and fake Dean corrects him. He explains that this is part of the game.

A ghost child appears behind them and says, "Help us, Ms. Gore won't let us have any fun."

The fake Winchesters turn. Fake Sam is amazed by the "makeup". Fake Dean tells him again to stay in character. Fake Dean asks where the body is buried, and the ghost points behind the fake Winchesters. There's a painting on the wall, and when they take it down, there are children's handprints all over the back. They rip the paper from the back of the painting, to discover an old map.

"Okay, this is the coolest game ever," fake Sam says, laughing.

Scalped

Real Sam and Dean are still in the attic. Sam sees a child ghost cowering the corner, hands on his head.

"My mommy loves me," he says. "I said my mommy loves me."

"I'm sure she does," Sam replies.

"My mommy loves me this much," the ghost says, removing his hands to reveal a bloody wound showing his skull underneath.

Blowing Sam a lick

Back in the bar, Becky is drinking and sitting with Chuck. Sam is on his cell when she spots him. He nods at her, and she excitedly licks her hand, then blows over her open hand at him. (Did she just blow him a ... lick? FIrst time I have ever seen anything like that.)

Sam cringes and waves back, Chuck glowers and suffers in silence. "Awesome," he says.

Sam rejoins Dean. He's been on the phone with the local historical society. Ms. Gore not only butchered 4 boys, one of them was her own son, who she scalped.

"Oh, that's it, I'm gonna deep fry this bitch extra-crispy," Dean says. The society, however, does not know where she's buried.

They overheard fake Sam and Dean talking about the map. They walk over and Sam picks up the map. "It's real," he says.

Dean tries to take it, but they won't give him the map. "Besides," fake Dean says. "Dean don't listen to nobody." He moves his jacket to reveal his dart gun.

Dean reaches for his real gun, but Sam stops him. "Dean," Sam warns.

"What? They're friggin' annoying," real Dean says.

Sam tells them it might go faster if they work together. Fake Sam says they get the gift card. Sam agrees.

Fake Dean says, "We get to be Sam and Dean." Dean rolls his eyes, and says, "Fine."

"Yes," fake Dean says softly.

Rufus and Bobby

Fake Sam and Dean lead the way to the cemetary. "Hey, Rufus, Bobby, would you hurry it up?" fake Dean says.

"You all right?" real Sam asks real Dean.

"I'm trying to be," real Dean says angrily.

As they go, fake Sam and fake Dean role play. "Where were we again?" fake Sam asks.

"Dr. Ellicott had just zapped your brain," fake Dean says.

"Right, got it," fake Sam says, before falling into character. "Why are we even here, Dean? Do you just follow in Dad's footsteps like a good little soldier? Are you that desperate for approval?" Real Dean, behind them, cringes.

"This isn't you talking, Sam," fake Dean says.

"See, that's the difference between you and me," fake Sam says. "I've got a mind of my own. I'm not pathetic."

"So what are you gonna do, Sam? Are you gonna kill me?" fake Dean says.

"Man, I am so sick of you telling me what to do!" fake Sam says.

Dean stops them. "Oh, you know what, that - that's it."

"What's wrong, Bobby," fake Dean says.

"I'm not Bobby, okay? You're not Sam," real Dean says, pointing at fake Sam. "You're not Dean! What is wrong with you? Why in the hell would you choose to be these guys?"

"Because we're fans, like you," fake Sam says.

"No, I am not a fan," Dean says. "Not fans. In fact, I think that the 'Dean and Sam story' sucks. It is not fun, it is not entertaining. It is a river of crap that would send most people howling to the nut house. So you listen to me. Their pain is not for your amusement. I mean, do you think they enjoy being treated like circus freaks?"

Sam smiles grimly, like he's expecting an outburst.

"Ah, I don't think they care, because they're fictional characters," fake Dean says.

"Oh, they care. Believe me, They care a lot," real Dean says.

"He, uh, takes the story really seriously," real Sam says.

Bones

The find the grave of Ms. Gore and the four boys. The fake Winchesters look around while Sam and Dean get their tools out. The fake Winchesters stop them, wondering what they're doing. Dean tells them bones are usually in the ground. Don't they want to win the game?

Dean digs, and finally opens the casket. A wind starts blowing. The fakes begin to get nervous. That's not a plastic skeleton.

"You just dug up a real grave," fake Dean says nervously.

"Yeah," real Dean says.

"You guys said you want to be hunters," Sam says.

"Hunters aren't real, this isn't real, it's just a game," fake Dean says.

"Oh, my God, you guys have seriously lost your grip...." fake Sam stops, staring.

"What?" real Sam says, as Lutecia Gore appears beside him and starts beating him senseless.

Dean salts the bones and lights them, just as Lutecia attacks the fakes. She disappears in a blaze of fire.

"Real enough for you?" Dean asks.

Not over

At the bar, the fakes are drinking. Dean commiserates with them, buys their round, and the real Winchesters get ready to leave.

"How did you know how to do all that stuff?" fake Dean asks.

"We, uh, read the books," real Sam says.

They say good-bye to Chuck, and Dean tells him "Screw you very much."

But the door is locked, as are the windows.

They hear a scream, and the fake Lutecia runs out, telling them not to go in the next room. The scalped boy is there, and he asks why they sent his mommy away. Dean says because of what she did to him. The ghost tells him that his mommy didn't do that to him.

"What? Then who did?" Sam asks. But the ghost just disappears.

Upstairs, Fritz the Hookman sees three child ghosts. He's unafraid, telling them they are not original and they don't even look like real ghosts. They tell him that they can have lots of fun now, because Ms. Gore wouldn't let them have any fun, but she's gone now. They pull out knives, and Fritz dies.

Sam and Dean rush upstairs and find Fritz scalped.

Chuck is giving the farewell address, when Sam interrupts. He tells Chuck to keep everyone in the room. Dean hustles everyone into the room, locks the door, and salts the entrances.

Sam has a new theory. Lutecia caught the three orphans scalping her son, flipped out, and killed them. Dean says they have to get out, but Sam wonders how, the Winchesters got rid of the one thing the orphans were scared of.

Dean looks thoughtful. "Exactly," he says.

Dean talks to the fake Ms. Gore. She doesn't want to do it.

"You're an actress, aren't you?" Dean asks.

"I work at Hooters in Toledo," she says. Sam and Dean finally convince her. Fake Sam and Dean want to help, but Dean says no. They tell him they're terrified, but they have to help all these people. Dean asks why.

"Because that's what Sam and Dean would do," fake Dean says. Dean has to agree.

Chuck is answering questions about Croatoan virus on your crotch, and thankfully, suggesting the questioner see a doctor.

Fake Ms. Gore, finally convinced, edges into the room.

Sam and the fakes are pushing as hard as they can on the door, hoping to edge it open to allow at least one of them to escape. Dean has fake Ms. Gore's back, as she tries to call the ghosts. They show. The fakes and Sam push the door, as the fake Ms. Gore tries to frighten the ghosts. They become uncertain, and fake Sam escapes. Suddenly, fake Ms. Gore's phone cell rings. Dean winces. The ghosts look at each other and pull out their knives. Dean steps around the corner with an iron poker, and tells the fake Ms. Gore, "Run."

Fakes get real

The fakes dig up the boys' bones. Fake Sam complains about how Supernatural makes digging graves seem so easy. Dean is getting his butt kicked, as they knock the poker from his hand. As the ghosts approach, Sam grabs the poker and swings it through them. "Thanks," Dean says.

Suddenly, Sam is yanked backward, and the poker goes flying.

Chuck is talking about his first love, when he was 16. The desk clerk starts to leave, and disturbs the salt. One of the ghosts is at the door, and advances on the clerk with a knife.

Chuck appears out of nowhere, and swings the microphone stand through the ghost, and it dissipates. Chuck tells the crowd no one else leaves until he says, and tells someone to pour more salt around the door. Becky gets hot watching him.

Dean and Sam are about to get scalped. The fakes are having trouble lighting the bones. "How come Dean gets the stupid thing to light on the first freakin' try?" fake Dean complains. Finally, it lights, and the bones get burned. Dean is saved as the ghost attacking him burns away.

"You know, maybe that guy was right," Dean says, picking up the poker. "Maybe we should put these things on a bungie." Sam shrugs, and agrees.

Coda

As the police sort everything out, Dean thanks the fakes for saving them. "I don't even know your names," Dean says.

"Well, I'm Barnes, and this is Damien," fake Sam says. "What's yours?"

"Dean. The real Dean," Dean says. Damien and Barnes look at each other for a moment, then laugh. "Well, anyway, thanks," Dean says, and walks away.

"You're wrong, you know," Damien says. "About Supernatural. No offense, but I don't think you get what the story's about."

"Is that so?" Dean asks, skeptically.

"Look, in real life, he sells stereo equipment. I fix copiers. Our lives suck," Damien says. "But to be Sam and Dean, to wake up every morning and save the world, to have a brother who would die for you, well, who wouldn't want that."

"Maybe you've got a point," Dean says, thinking. "You know, you too make a pretty good team yourselves. How do you know each other, anyway?"

They met in a Supernatural chat room online. Dean smiles, and says that it must be good to get out of their parent's basement and meet friends.

"Oh, we're more than friends," Damien says. "We're partners." They hold hands, and Barnes puts his head on Damien's shoulder.

"Well," Dean says, uncomfortably. "Howdy, partners."

"Howdy," Barnes says.

Becky is breaking up, so to speak, with Sam. She tells Sam that they had undeniable chemistry, but "like a monkey on the sun, it was too hot to live." She tells Sam that she found Chuck, her ying to Chuck's proud yang. She apologizes, and asks Sam if he'll be okay.

Sam says, "I don't know, honestly. I'll just have to find a way to keep on living, I guess."

"Okay, oh, and Chuck, if you really want to publish more books, I guess that's okay with us."

"Wow, really?" Chuck asks.

"No, not really. We have guns, and we will find you."

"Okay, no more books," Chuck says, hurriedly.

Sam starts to walk away.

"Sam, wait," Becky says. She goes on to tell Sam that Bela didn't really give the Colt to Lilith, she actually gave it to a demon named Crowley.

"Wait, what?" Sam says.

"Didn't you read the book?" she asks Sam.

Sam wonders why Chuck never mentioned it.

"I'm sorry, I didn't remember. I'm not as big of a fan as she is."

"Tell me everything," Sam says.

He meets with Dean at Metallicar, and asks if Dean is okay. Dean says, "Believe it or not, I think I'm good."

Sam tells Dean he has a lead on the Colt. Dean is shocked. Sam tells him it's a long story, and he'll tell him on the way.

The final scenes show Chuck adlibbing to the convention crowd. His final line is "The way I see it, it's really not jumping the shark if you never come back down."


Posted by Miller on November 13, 2009 3:04 PM
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