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Supernatural Fodder

Supernatural: Changing Channels

"Supernatural is filmed before a live studio audience."

Short, sitcom-style transition music, showing Dean putting items in a refigerator. He's building a huge sandwich. He examines his work, and says to the camera, "I'm gonna need a bigger mouth." Audience laughter follows.

Sam walks in to audience cheers. "Hey, there, Sam," Dean says. "What's happening?"

"Oh, nothing," Sam says. "Just the end of the world." More laughter.

Sam sees Dean's sandwich. "You're gonna need a bigger mouth." More laughter, as Dean mugs for the camera.

Sam asks Dean if he's done his research yet. Dean says he has, tons of it, all night.

The door behind Dean opens, and a beautiful bikini clad girl stands there. She asks Dean if he's ready for more "research."

Sam says, "Dean," in a warning tone.

"Sonofabitch," Dean says, sounding like a kid caught by his parents.

Cut to a gentle, sitcom-style theme song, showing Sam and Dean hunting in a comic style. They bump into each other in the dark, and are frightened, then laugh. Sam finds a ghost (wearing a sheet), in a wardrobe, and hurriedly closes the doors.

Dean is working on the Impala, and accidentally wipes grease on his forehead. Sam laughs and points it out, Dean laughs with him.

Sam and Dean on a tandem bike, Dean in front. Dean lifts his legs to let Sam pedal, Sam lets go of the handlebars.([my wife pointed out this is a satire on "Laverne and Shirley")

Sam and Dean race scooters.

Sam throws a football to Dean. He catches it, spikes a ball, then they choreograph falling to the ground together. (satire on "Perfect Strangers", I think)

Sam and Dean sit at a table, and clink beers together, then turn and smile at the camera.

(and I know you're wondering, so here are the words to the theme song)

"Town to town, two-lane roads
The family biz, two huntin' bros
Livin' a lie, just to get bye
As long as we're movin' forward, there's nothing we can't do
Together, we'll face the day
You and I won't run away
When the demons come out to play
Together, we'll face the day"

2 days earlier

Cut to 2 days earlier, Wellington, Ohio.

Two doctors get on an elevator. As soon as the doors close, they start making out.

Dean is watching it on TV, while wearing a suit. Sam asks what he's watching. Dean tells him it's a show called "Dr. Sexy, MD". It's based on a book.

"When did you hit menopause," Sam asks.

"It's called channel-surfing," Dean says.

A man was killed by what the local police say is a bear attack. They pose as FBI, and interview the wife. They finally, after much encouragement, get her to tell the truth. Her husband was killed by the Hulk.

"Bana or Norton?" Dean asks, barely keeping from smiling.

"Oh, no, those movies were terrible. The TV Hulk," she says.

"Lou Ferrigno," Dean says.

"Yes."

"Spiky-hair Lou Ferrigno?"

"Yes."

Dean researches while Sam goes to the crime site.

Dean found that the man had an anger problem.

"You might even say you wouldn't like him when he's angry," Dean tells Sam.

Sam found candy wrappers at the scene. Pretty clear it's a trickster.

Dean wants to kill it. Sam ... doesn't. He wants to see if he can get the Trickster's help to end the Apocalypse.

Dean is, eh, skeptical.

"A bloody, violent monster, and you want to be Facebook friends with him? Nice, Sammy."

Sam explains. The Trickster is one of the most powerful beings they've ever met. With the world ending, Sam says they can't afford the luxury of a moral stand. If he doesn't agree, then they'll kill him.

Dean wants to know how they'll find it. Sam says the Trickster never takes just one victim, so they wait for it to show up.

Over the scanner

They hear a request for backup over the police scanner. The officer sounds frightened, says he can't explain what happened. Sounds like their guy, so they head out.

They get to the location, grab their stakes (required for killing the Trickster), and take stock. Murder call, backup requested, but the place is deserted. It looks like a trap, but they have no choice, they go investigate.

They quickly duck through the door, and suddenly, they're in a hospital, stakes and flashlights gone. And they're wearing lab coats, and confused expressions. People address them as doctor. They reopen the door they just walked through, to find a couple making out in a hospital room.

A female doctor walks up to Sam, slaps him, tells him he's brilliant, and a coward. A brilliant coward. Sam doesn't know what she's talking about, she slaps him again, and walks away.

Dean recognizes her as Dr. Piccolo, the sexy, yet earnest, doctor. Dean sees a sign. Seattle Mercy Hospital. They're on Dr. Sexy, MD.

Confrontation

Sam thinks they're trapped by the Trickster. Dean scoffs, it doesn't make sense. Dean recognizes several different characters, including one that's a ghost.

"So, this show has ghosts?" Sam asks. "WHy?"

"I don't know," Dean says. "It is compelling."

"I thought you said you weren't a fan?"

"I'm not. I'm not," Dean says.

Dean sees Dr. Sexy, and tells Sam, in an excited voice.

Dr. Sexy greets the Winchesters. He asks Dean why he defied his order to perform an experimental face transplant. Dean, pressed for an answer, looks at his feet, and notices Dr. Sexy's tennis shoes.

He slams Dr. Sexy up against the wall.

"You're not Dr. Sexy," he says.

"You're crazy," Dr. Sexy says.

"Really? 'Cause I swore part of what makes Dr. Sexy sexy is the fact that he wears cowboy boots, not tennis shoes."

"Yeah, you're not a fan," Sam says to Dean.

"It's a guilty pleasure," Dean replies.

"Call security," Dr. Sexy says to passers by in the hall.

"We know what you are," Dean says. Everything stops, everyone frozen in place, except Dean and Sam.

Dr. Sexy morphs into the Trickster. Dean tells him to let them out.

"Or what?" the Trickster says. "I don't see your wooden stakes?"

Dean asks where they are. The Trickster tells them he's created his own TV. Sam tells him they need his help. The Trickster already knows what they want. Sam asks for 5 minutes. The Trickster tells them if they can survive the next 24 hours, he'll listen. Survive what? The game. They're already playing it. Dean asks what the rules are, the Trickster wiggles his eyebrows, and disappears. Everyone starts moving again.

Playing the Trickster's game

Dean tells Sam talking to monsters was a hell of a plan. His plan is: "I'm leaving."

Dr. Piccolo walks up and tries to slap Sam again. She starts to tell Sam he's a brilliant coward, again, but Sam stops her. He tells her he's not even a doctor. She tells him not to say that.

"You're the finest cerebrovascular neurosurgeon I've ever met, and I've met plenty." She tells Sam it wasn't his fault the girl died on the table, sometimes people just die.

"I have no idea what you're saying to me," Sam says.

She tells him he's afraid, afraid to operate again, and afraid to love.

"Yeah, we're getting out of here," Sam says.

A bearded man stops Dean, tells him his wife needs that face transplant.

"None of this is real, and you're wife doesn't need jack squat, okay?" Dean says, and walks away.

The man pulls out a gun, and shoots Dean in the back.

"Real. It's real," Dean says.

"We need a doctor!" Sam says.

Cut to Sam in the operating room, Sam is operating on Dean while Dean is awake, and face down on the table. All he can see are shoes and the floor.

Sam is frozen, he doesn't know what to do. One nurse announces Dean's blood pressure is falling.

"Sam, do something," Dean says, urgently.

"I don't know how to use any of this crap," Sam says.

"Figure it out," Dean says. "Sam, c'mon, I'm waiting."

Sam turns to the nurse. "I need a pen knife, some dental floss, a sewing needle, and a fifth of whiskey." Dean's eyes open in shock. Everyone stands there.

"Stat!" Sam commands. Everyone scurries off.

Sam finishes the surgery. Dean asks if it's okay. Sam tells him he'll be fine. Sam looks up to see Dr. Piccolo watching him through the OR window. She mouths "I love you," and sighs.

The feet disappear from Dean's view, to become a set of doors, through which you can hear stamping feet and chanting.

Game show

The door opens, and through fake fog, a Japanese man in a shiny suit runs in. He's the host, and he addresses the audience in Japanese. He tells them it's time to play "Nut-cracker."

Sam and Dean are attached to platforms with their feet locked into boots on the platform. They can't get free. There's a giant stick with a ball at the end at their feet, and a timer with 20 seconds on it on the wall.

The host asks Sam a question in Japanese. "What was the name of the demon you chose over your own brother?" Sam says he doesn't understand Japanese. The timer runs out, and the host says, "Ruby. I'm sorry, Sam Winchester."

"Sorry? Sorry for what?" Sam asks, as the stick hits him in the groin.

"Nut-cracker!" the host says, as Sam writhes in pain, and Dean cringes.

They show it again in slow motion.

They pause for a commercial, while Dean asks Sam if he's okay. Sam just gives him a look. Dean notices, with horror, that there's a stick on his platform also.

They hear banging. Cas walks in. Sam wants to know if this is a trick, and Cas says it's him. He wants to know what they're doing there. They want to know what he's doing there. He tells them they've been missing for days, he's been looking for them. Sam tells Cas to get them out of there. Just as Cas goes to touch their foreheads, he disappears.

The host returns.

"No, no," he says. "Mr. Trickster does not like pretty boy angels."

He addresses Dean in Japanese.

"Would your mother and father both be alive if your brother had never been born?"

Dean is frantic, he asks Sam what to do.

"I don't know," Sam says. "Just, just, um...wait... I played a doctor."

"What?!"

"In Dr. Sexy, I played a doctor."

"So."

"I played the role the Trickster wanted me to play. So maybe we just have to go along with it."

"Go along with what?"

"With the game. You're on a game show, right? So just answer the question."

"In Japanese? I don't know Japanese."

"Try!"

Dean says, in Japanese, "Yes."

The host pauses, repeats Dean's answer. Dean also repeats it.

The host shouts, "Dean Winchester, Nut-cracker champion!" The crowd goes wild.

Sam asks Dean how he did it, Dean says he has no idea.

"So maybe that's it," Sam says. "We play our roles, we survive."

"We play our roles for how long?"

"Good question."

Commercial break

(Note. I accidentally skipped this the first time. I thought it was a real commercial!)

Cut to a woman doing yoga by a lake.

"I've got genital herpes," she says.

Cut to an older man sitting on a couch.

"I've got genital herpes," he says.

Cut to Sam, playing basketball.

"Seriously?"

Dean runs up. "Hey, you're the one who said play our roles."

"Yeah, right," Sam says, looking down. Finally, he looks at the camera, and says. "I've... got... genital herpes."

"I've tried to be responsible," the woman says.

"And I tried," the older man says.

"Now I take twice daily Herpexia to reduce my chances of passing it on," Sam says.

"Ask your doctor about using Herpexia," the woman says.,

Dean does the voiceover for the disclaimer on side effects, which include permanent erectile dysfunction and thoughts of suicide. And nausea.

Sam finishes with, "I'm doing all I can to slightly lessen the spread of ... genital herpes. And that's a good thing." Dean passes him the ball, and Sam lays it in.

Sitcom

Voiceover: "We now return to 'Supernatural'" and we pick up where we left off at the beginning of the episode.

Sam ushers the bikini girl out.

"How long do we have to keep doing this?" Dean asks, without moving his lips.

"I dunno. Maybe forever," Sam says, without breaking his smile. "We might die in here." Studio laughter.

"How is that funny?" Dean asks, to more laughter. "Vultures."

Cas bloodied

Cas walks through the door, his face bloody and scratched. He tells them something isn't right, the Trickster is too powerful. If it is a Trickster.

Suddenly Cas is thrown against the wall, and duct tape magically appears over his mouth. The Trickster walks through the door to cheers and applause. He makes Cas go away.

Dean tells the Trickster they're done, they get it. Playing their roles is the game.

"Half the game," the Trickster says.

"What's the other half?" Sam asks.

"Playing your role out there."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Dean asks.

"You know. Sam, starring as Lucifer. Dean starring as Michael. Celebrity death match. Play your role."

They tell the Trickster that means the end of the world. The Trickster asks whose fault that is, who let Lucifer loose. He says it can't be stopped, let's get it over with.

"Heaven or Hell, which side are you on?" Dean asks, looking the Trickster in the eye.

The Trickster says neither side. Dean says it has to be one, which is it? The Trickster says he doesn't work for either of those S.O.B.s.

"Oh, you're somebody's bitch," Dean says. The Trickster picks him up, and slams him against the wall.

"Don't you ever, ever, presume to know what I am," the Trickster says. He tells them they're going to play the roles destiny has chosen for them, or they will stay in TV Land, forever.

"300 channels, and nothing's on," he says, and snaps his fingers.

Police procedural

The Winchesters are at a crime scene, in the dark. They're wearing dark suits, blue shirts, and sunglasses.

"Oh, come on," Dean says.

"What do you think?" a forensics guys asks Dean.

"What do I think? I think go screw yourself, that's what I think," Dean says.

Sam asks for a minute. He tells Dean to calm down.

"Calm down? I'm wearing sunglasses at night. You know who does that? No talent douche bags. I hate this game. I hate that we're in a procedural cop show, and you want to know why? Because I hate procedural cop shows. There's like 300 of them on television, and they're all the freakin' same. It's like, 'Oooh, a plane crashed here.' Oh, shut up!"

Sam sees a guy eating candy. He tells Dean to follow his lead.

The cross the police tape as a fake rendition of a song similar to "Won't Get Fooled Again" plays (even the closed captioning gets it wrong, it says The Who song actually plays, but it's just very similar. Just different enough to avoid the copyright fees.)

Sam puts on his glasses. Dean tries, and fails, to do Horatio from CSI. They look at the body, as the forensics tech explains the evidence - a hole in the abdomen and a roll of quarters in his throat. Sam does a pretty good Horatio impression as he says, "Jackpot," and puts his glasses back on. Dean pokes at the wound with a stick.

Dean says, "Well, I say, no guts no glory." The tech chuckles.

"Well, I say, get that guy... a tums," Sam says. The tech chuckles again.

"Gutter ball," Dean says.

"Good one, guys," the tech laughs. Dean stands up, and stabs the tech in the heart with the stick he was using to poke the wound. We see CSI-style closeups of the stick going through the heart. The tech dies as Dean watches.

He hears laughter, and turns. One of the cops turns into the Trickster. "You got the wrong guy, idiots," he says.

"Did we?" Dean asks, as Sam stabs the Trickster from behind.

The whole scene fades out, and they're back at the abandoned paper mill, standing over the Trickster's body.

Knight Rider

Cut to the Day-Z Motel (advertising color TV), where Sam and Dean are staying. Dean is brushing his teeth, talking to Sam in the other room about being worried about Cas. Except Sam isn't in the other room. In fact, he's nowhere to be found.

Dean tries calling Sam, but gets no answer. He gets in the car.

"Dean?" Sam says.

"Sam, where are you?" Dean asks.

Dean can't tell where it's coming from, until he hears it coming from a new accessory on the Impala's dash.

"Oh, crap. I don't think we killed the Trickster," Sam says.

Dean drives back to the papermill, with electronic music in the background, as a red light bounces across Metallicar's grill. They're talking about why the stake didn't work. Sam says maybe it wasn't a Trickster. It was too powerful, and it looked at Cas like he knew him. He also got angry when Dean mentioned Michael and Lucifer.

"Son of a bitch," Dean says. " I think I know what we're dealing with."

Dean is getting some supplies out of the trunk.

"Uh, Dean," Sam says. "That's really uncomfortable." Dean slams the trunk.

"Ow," Sam says. "Are you sure this is gonna work?"

"No, but I have no other ideas."

Dean shouts, "All right, you son of a bitch. Uncle! We'll do it."

"Should I honk?" Sam asks.

The Trickster appears, asks if they're ready.

Dean says, "Nobody's going anywhere until Sam has opposable thumbs."

"What's the difference? Satan's going to ride his ass one way or another."

Sam steps out of Metallicar.

"Tell me one thing," Dean says. "Why didn't the stake kill you?"

"I am the Trickster."

"Unless maybe you're not. Maybe you've always been an angel." Sam throws a lit lighter on the ground at the Trickster's feet, and a circle of fire forms around the Trickster.

The Trickster laughs, and scoffs. Dean tells him to just step over the holy fire.

The Trickster claps, and the scene changes to the inside of an abandoned warehouse.

Monologue

The Trickster wants to know where they got the holy oil.

"You might say we pulled it out of Sam's ass," Dean says.

The Trickster wants to know where he screwed up. Sam tells him he didn't, it was how powerful he was compared to Cas. And Dean adds that talking about Armageddon also gave it away.

"Well, call it personal experience, but nobody gets that angry unless they're talking about their own family."

Sam wants to know who the Trickster is.

"Gabriel, okay. They call me Gabriel."

Gabriel says he left heaven, changed his appearance, and carved out his own space in the world, until the Winchesters ruined it.

Sam wants to know why he left Heaven.

"Well, do you blame him?" Dean asks. "I mean, his brothers are heavenly douche-nozzles."

"Shut your cake hole, you don't know anything about my family. I loved my father, my brothers, I loved them, but watching them turn on each other? Tear at each other's throats? I couldn't bear it, so I left. And now it's happening all over again."

"Then help us stop it," Sam says.

Gabriel says it can't be stopped. He just wants it to be over, so he doesn't have to watch his brothers kill each other.

"Heaven, Hell, I don't care who wins! I just want it to be over!"

Sam says it doesn't have to be that way. They can stop it.

"You don't know my family," Gabriel says. "What you guys call the Apocalypse, I used to call Sunday dinner. That's why there's no stopping this. Because this isn't about a war. It's about two brothers who loved each other, and betrayed each other. You'd think you'd be able to relate."

"What are you talking about?" Sam asks.

"You sorry sons-of-bitches. Why do you think you two are the vessels? Think about it. Michael, the big brother," he points to Dean. "Loyal to an absent father. And Lucifer, the little brother," he points to Sam, "Rebellious of Daddy's plan. You were born to this, boys. It's your destiny. 'As it is in Heaven, so shall it be on Earth.' One brother has to kill the other."

"What the hell are you saying?" Sam asks.

"Why do you think I've always taken such an interest in you? Because from the moment Dad flipped on the lights around here, we knew it was all gonna end with you. Always."

Dean shakes his head. "No, that's not gonna happen."

"I'm sorry, but it is."

Gabriel wishes it was a TV show, so it could have a happy ending, but it's real.

"And it's just gonna end bloody for all of us," he says.

Sam and Dean are stunned.

Gabriel wants to know what happens now. Dean says if he doesn't bring Cas back, they're going to fry him in holy oil. Gabriel brings Cas back.

Gabriel asks Cas how the search for God is going.

"Let me guess, awful," he says.

The Winchesters and Cas turn to leave.

"Are you just gonna leave me here forever?" Gabriel asks, panicky.

Dean stops at the door.

"No, we're not. Because we don't screw with people the way you do. For the record, this isn't about some prizefight between your brothers, or some destiny that can't be stopped. This is about you being too afraid to stand up to your family!" Dean says. He pulls the fire alarm, starting the sprinkler. "Don't say I never did anything for you," he says, then walks away.

Dean asks Sam if Gabriel was telling the truth. Sam says he thinks Gabriel believed it.

"So what do we do?" Dean asks.

"I don't know," Sam says.

"I'll tell you one thing, right about now, I wish I was back in a TV show."

"Yeah, me too."

They get in the car.


Posted by Miller on November 6, 2009 9:50 AM
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