Studio 60 Fodder

Studio 60: The Harriet Dinner Part II

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This episode picks up about where part I left off (which is what you usually do with two-part episodes).

Matt and Harriet are still going at it. Harriet's other charity date has disappeared. Probably he figures that for that kind of money, she could at least stop arguing with the other winner and talk to him for a minute. I'm guessing he can be ignored for free.

Harriet breaks all the good arguing rules, which is to say that she brings up all sorts of issues from days, weeks, and years in the past. Matt also points out that this isn't totally fair. She says that Matt didn't want her anymore, but he didn't want anyone else to have her, either. Then again, she was probably already feeling like an object since that possessive kiss during the taping of the Christmas show. This probably isn't helped when Matt says that he made her a star.

It then turns out that she told a tabloid that she and Matt were going out. Matt, who has a strict no comment policy with policies said--go figure--"no comment," which Harry thinks made her look stupid. Matt says that no one in their "mother-freakin' mind" comments to those rags (mother-freakin' is a much better substitute than the bad swear-word edits I see when HBO shows hit basic cable). Furthermore, she knew about his no-comment policy because she isn't borderline retarded. I'm pretty sure this also violates a good-arguing rule. And if it doesn't, it should. The word "retarded" pretty much shuts down any conversation I'm involved in, anyway. Even if you're saying that I'm not retarded.

Harriet describes the way he's been treating her as acts of cruelty disguised as cuteness. That retarded comment didn't actually seem that cute, but I'm guessing that's not what she was referring to. Matt says he didn't say they couldn't date because they work together; they can't date because they work together.

In print, that doesn't seem as obvious as it was when he said it. Still, it seems like a good point. One that, say, Danny (and Jordan) should keep in mind. Possibly Tom and Lucy, but at least neither of them is the other's boss. Harriet gets up from the table in a huff so we can smash to credits

Speaking of Danny (and Jordan), they're still locked on the roof. There is a homeless man sleeping in the alley (I don't know if he showed up since part I or if they just didn't notice him before). After trying to figure out a politically correct to refer to the gentleman (blue state, remember. Though Danny calls him a bum at first, which is decidedly neither politically correct nor stereotypically blue), they try to get his attention. Screaming at him doesn't pan out, so Jordan decides to hurl a rock to get his attention. Danny says that'll get her sent to a women's facility, but if he finds that idea titillating, he manages to keep it under his hat. No matter, Jordan's going to throw the rock at the dumpster next to the homeless man to get his attention. This also doesn't pan out, but at least we learn that she had field hockey scholarships to three different division I schools.

Danny suddenly remembers that there is a key up there in one of those hide-a-key fake rocks. If a bad person were trying to get into the studio from the roof, wouldn't they wonder how a rock with a perfectly flat underside had gotten onto the roof? Anyway, it's all academic, because that's what Jordan used to try to alert the housing- and employment-challenged gentleman's attention. Danny didn't mention the fact that the thrown rock was probably the one that held the key because he was too busy picturing her in the hockey uniform. Did I miss something? Are those uniforms hotter than I thought they were? Well, Danny is smitten. He says he's not, but we all know better.

Their patter is cute. It doesn't make up for the total cliche of them being locked on the roof (or throwing the desperately needed rock), but it's a start.

Back inside the studio, the animal handler has shown up with his coyote, Yote. Yote got his big break in the X-Files (we already know that I'm a fangirl, but I'm going to point it out anyway: Bradley Whitford and his surprisingly buff upper arms appeared in an episode of the X-Files, too. As did Ed Asner and Diana-Maria Riva). After nearly having a finger ripped off by Yote, Cal actually uses the word "hubris." That's a word you don't hear on TV a lot these days. Mrs. Animal Handler has called American Humane, who has to have a representative present on the stage. Cal would really like to avoid this, particularly since he's broken about 14 sections of the animal handling laws. Too bad. Mrs. Animal Handler had to go and have a conscience.

Kim Tao has pounded 5 tequilas. Apparently the Catholics in Media aren't carding tonight. She's licking the salt off her own hand. You'd think she'd have asked Tom if she could use him for body shots, but apparently she's just barely too demure for that. Tom wants her to eat something (I'm guessing the lime doesn't count).

He decides to show her all his cards. He would really like for her to tell her dad, at least for a while, that she's going back to viola, just long enough for him to do what Jack needs. Before he can finish making the pitch, though, Kim passes out and face-plants onto the table. Tom goes to find Jack to find out where Kim's hotel is so he can take her back, and Jack is the only conscious person at the dinner who knows where that is. He is now sure that Jack is going to kill him with his thumbs. Jack's thumbs, not Tom's. While Tom hunts for Jack, he wants Simon to go to a private corner, put Kim's arm around his shoulder, and pretend that she's awake and into him. Very Weekend at Bernie's. Only hotter. Bernie, by the way, is spelled with an "E," in spite of what NBC.com would have you believe.

Harriet, meanwhile, is actually trying to find Jordan, but only on the phone. Matt comes out and wants to know about the baseball bat. So now he's bringing up past hurts. Again, bad argument etiquette. Not that most people follow good argument etiquette during a fight. But it's still bad.

Matt reveals both that he was offended by receiving her used cocktail napkin/baseball bat and that he's from Michigan all in one sentence. Harriet was hurt by Matt dating Jeannie. It turns out that Harriet was really hurt that Matt never proposed to her. He says it's because they could never go six months without having an "eruption" like the one they're having right now. Harry says that's a big lie.

Before Harriet is introduced by Matt (who is desperately trying to come up with an introduction), Natalie Cole sings "I Say A Little Prayer." The proceeds from that song go to "Save My Life," which helps save the lives of children impacted by AIDS in Africa.

I realize there's probably something wrong with me, but to me and in this lighting, Natalie Cole looks just a little bit like an African-American Allison Janney.

Yes, almost definitely something wrong with me.

Despite the fact that he's still trying to figure out what to tell the audience about Harry, their fight continues. Harriet wants to know what eruptions he means, since for the last five months, he's been saying that show is why they haven't been dating. He agrees, because their relationship would disrupt the cast and crew (Again, someone should be taping this conversation for Danny. And Jordan). Harry points out that they broke up (this latest time) before he started working on the show. Well, sure. That time they broke up because she was singing for religious intolerants.

In spite of the fight, there are some good zingers in here.

Matt says that he thinks that Harry can't walk away, so instead, she's burning down the house. She agrees, and in turn reveals that she thinks every time he said he loved her, he was just lying.

Tom finds Kim and Simon in their corner. He couldn't find Jack, so he left a note at Jack's table. Good. Now everyone can know he got Kim sauced. Hopefully all he said was "come find me." Kim says that Simon is funny on the news. Which would probably mean more if she weren't totally blotto.

Tom says he needs to take Kim back to her hotel, which excites her a little too much. She has no idea which hotel she's staying at. Tom then answers her phone. I don't know why other than because Simon said to, and Tom is powerless to resist Simon. Zhang Tao is on the other end of the line, and Tom hangs up in a panic.

Back on the roof, Jordan is still struggling with what to call the homeless man, but not so much that she won't write him a note saying, basically, "look up and help." Only it takes about four times as long for her to say it.

Danny says that a lot of women would have found the letters of recommendation charming. Presumably those would be women that didn't think he was stalking them.

Jordan wants to know if he knows why they can't go out. He can't figure it out (Ah, the blindness of the twitterpated). She points out that she's pregnant with another man's baby. That's a good point. Here's a better one: SHE'S HIS BOSS. It's just a bad idea. Danny points out that he stopped hitting on her a while ago (by which I think he means earlier that evening), and she's the one who keeps bringing this up now.

Jordan also wonders if the attraction is physical. He points out he's huge. Which could be true (she's big enough that you know she's pregnant, but she has a while to go before she's huge), but it doesn't technically answer the question.

Several floors below all this, the animal handler has a lipstick camera in the ducts and has found out that the snake is both down there and still alive. Yote the coyote isn't moving because he's scared of the snake. The ferret won't kill the snake because it's scared of Yote. I'm guessing none of them are scared of Cal. Poor Cal.

An officer from American Humane has shown up (This is an episode of "Animal Cops: LA" I can't wait to see). She both wants and needs to see Yote. Which is a problem. Apparently the camera they're using to see the "animal kingdom Axis of Evil" under the stage isn't going to cut it for her.

He's going to be charged them $20,000 per animal for cruelty. And if the ferret kills the snake, Cal still owes the animal handler a bunch of dough for the loss of the snake. This is not looking good for Cal. He can avoid the possibility of massive fines and jail time if he tears up the stage and gets the animals out. He doesn't want to do that, what with rehearsal starting up again in a few hours, but he wants even less to pay scads of money and go to jail. He agrees, but says he's going to cook and eat the animals once they find them. I hear snake tastes like chicken. Of course, everything tastes like chicken except cow and ostrich.

Back at the dinner, Jack has gotten Tom's message. Tom accuses Kim of being Courtney Love. Nah, Kim's much cuter. Jack is going to have Kim sober up in Tom's dressing room, which Tom wants to avoid so Lucy doesn't hate him even more than she already does. Ask Jack if he cares. No, he doesn't.

Harriet is about to go on, but Matt wants to know what Harriet told Luke when he said he wanted to date her. She says she thinks about what being with Luke would be like, but when she starts to think about sleeping with him, she has to stop herself because of some false attachment to Matt. However, all Matt heard was that she was thinking of sleeping with Luke.

Harry is receiving the St. Clare award for excellence in television (St. Clare was able to watch an image of Mass on the wall of her room when she was too sick to attend services; hence her being the patron saint of TV. That's your catechism lesson for the day).

Matt goes to introduce Harry, but he's so distracted that Harriet wants to sleep with Luke that he completely biffs a joke. It's painful. Actually, I had a friend in college who told jokes this way. "There was this bear, and he was walking, and then something...and the bear...well, I don't know, but it was really funny!" Matt's joke also gets the same laugh that my friend used to get. Matt aborts the joke and lets Harriet basically introduce herself, but only after being out there long enough for everyone to figure out that he was supposed to actually say something useful.

Tom, Simon, and Jack have pretty well dragged Kim to Tom's dressing room. They drop her, but she's still passed out, so it's okay. She comes to enough to suggest Tom take his pants off, and Jack says that would just be disappointed. Tom still takes it. He wants to get coffee, but Jack says they should make her a prairie oyster instead. I was thinking of a Rocky Mountain oyster, which would certainly snap me out of many a stupor. However, a prairie oyster is a hangover cure. And amazingly enough (or not) Simon has all the ingredients in his dressing room

Cal calls everyone into the writers' room. On the way, Tom tries to talk to Lucy, but she shuts him down.

Cal wants to tell everyone the "truth" about why they're tearing up the floor. He says the studio failed a mold inspection, which understandably freaks everyone out, what with mold being dangerous. Cal tries to convince them that it isn't the dangerous kind, but Andy says in his typical, wonderful deadpan way, that it's all the dangerous kind. Cal accuses him of not being a team player to which Andy replies, "You're telling use the theatre has deadly spores in it." I still love Andy. I'm biased, but I do. Cal tries to convince them that it's okay that the dressing rooms weren't checked, because it's just that little spot under the stage that didn't pass the inspection. Is anyone buying this? Simon wants to know where the executive producers are, and Cal suggests they're also under the stage. Because if a coyote can barely fit down there, Danny will certainly have no trouble.

I also love Cal. He's such a doofus, how can you not?

Back in Tom's dressing room, Jack is connecting with Kim. It turns out he was in a fraternity, where the saying was "If you could lie down on the floor without holding on, you're not drunk." Which is better than the saying at the frat next door to the building I lived in in college, where the saying apparently was "If the house next door has an open window, stick a plank through it at 4 a.m.!" I don't know if they were going to try to cross that plank, but it was a real surprise to wake up with it across my lap.

Kim wants to know what favor Jack wants. He explains a little American football to her. He wants to know why she wants to quit viola when she's just starting out. She says she isn't just starting; she was practicing four hours a day at three years old (using, it sounds like, the Suzuki method). She slept in a graveyard to toughen herself up. Jack wants to know why a viola player needs to be tough, and she doesn't know. I'm guessing it's because you get torn up in every possible way when you go to conservatory, and it sounds like the one she was accepted to in Beijing was even tougher than Juilliard. Either that, or Zhang Tao is just a hard-ass.

We also find out that Jack and his wife are separated. We're just learning all sorts of tidbits about the characters tonight!

Kim tries to keep Jack from calling her father by threatening that if Zhang Tao knows his baby girl is blotto, he won't do Jack's favor. Jack calls anyway. He's a good egg. When he's not making up new swear words, that is.

Above all this, on the roof, Jordan reveals that she does magic. She pulls Post-Its out of his ear. I've seen this trick. I think the real magic is how she found Post-Its on the roof.

She also slips a Post-It into his watchband. I was actually hoping she would steal his watch, but she's too nice for that. Well, I didn't want her to keep it.

Jordan is obsessing about Hallie Galloway, the blonde vice president of alternative programming. Jordan thinks Hallie is being groomed to take over her job. She also thinks that's why it was especially bad timing that Danny picked that time to tell incredibly powerful people about his "ridiculous crush."

Jordan then says something that I wish had been said earlier: When one is a recovering drug addict (or alcoholic, or any other participant in a 12-step program), they say not to make any major decisions within a year of getting sober. He was only 100 days away from his relapse; she thinks his crush is related to the drugs. We actually could have spent way more time on this issue, and I would have felt much better about them being on the roof. No one asked me, of course. But it's a far more important issue than when Danny decided he was in love with Jordan.

Matt is smoking, drinking, and singing "I Say A Little Prayer" drunkenly, which is actually pretty cute in a pathetic way. Wendy of the Bombshell Babies (the woman from whom he tried to get a signed stiletto boot earlier this season) probably also thinks he's pathetically cute, because she comes over. He opines his bad joke telling. Wendy wants to sneak him to her car and drive his poor drunken self home, but he has to go back to the studio and work. Well sure. That Fruit of the Loom sketch is going to sing when he can't tell someone else's joke right. And he's in a mood. Yup, there's nothing wrong with this plan.

Andy is stressing out about the mold in the theatre. He knows plenty about the mold, but he still manages to call it "Memorial Sloan-Ketterling." Ooooh, so close. Simon comes into the writers' room and threatens to break Darius' arm, so Andy and Lucy head for the hills.

Simon again points out that he got Darius hired. Darius says that he gave the Fruit of the Loom sketch to Lucy because he thought she'd be better suited for it. Simon agrees, because Lucy is a Writer. Simon explains that "writing rules," and if you get the pitch, you better take it or you'll wind up just watching it from home. Simon says that both his character in that sketch and Darius are obsessed with white people. Darius is going to help Matt with the Fruit of the Loom sketch finally. However, Simon does pretty well promise to keep abusing Darius as long as he finds it funny.

Tom finally gets to talk to Lucy and explains the whole situation. He actually starts being honest with her, including explaining that he didn't expect to see Lucy at the dinner because she's far down the pay scale (That last remark is to prove how honest he's being). He explains that he's doing a favor for Jack. And that Lucy looks beautiful. They finally decide to go out on Sunday. Lucy then says that prairie oysters will just make Kim drunker.

Tom bursts into the dressing room to tell Jack this, calling Kim "Lunatic Girl" and completely missing the angry Asian couple in his room. Oh, yeah. The Taos have come to retrieve their totally wasted daughter. Jack tries to get Mrs. Tao to translate for him to Zhang Tao, but she's too busy ripping Kim a new one. They leave the room, and Zhang Tao reveals that he actually speaks a few words of English. How many? "All of them." He pretends he can't speak English because it's fun. Well, good. I couldn't figure out how his whole family spoke English when he was the international mogul.

Zhang Tao wonders if Jack could have screwed this up any worse. Don't dare him, he'll do it.

Jack says that Zhang Tao needs to let up on Kim, who isn't really going to give up the viola. He also calls Zhang Tao a "commie prick" (I'm not sure I knew you could say "prick" on broadcast TV). See? He could screw it up worse! Although, like Tom, Zhang Tao actually takes that in stride. Jack suggests letting Kim take the semester off, and then she'll come back to the viola with no problem. Zhang Tao finally gets on board to the Hail Mary deal.

Back on stage, Cal keeps joking about the animals getting hurt/killed, which doesn't amuse the Humane Society cop. He announces he's going to go to the roof to turn off the circuit breaker so that when they open up the stage, people don't die. This shows no sense of adventure on his part. Doing major renovations with the electricity on is what separates the boys from the men.

Matt seems to be working on a joke about a mathematician finding a way to prove that a rabbit is a sphere. It's an old reference. Stephen Colbert already did a really good bit on this several months ago (Apparently the rabbit is a sphere because it doesn't have holes--like a donut does. "First of all, rabbits do have holes. From what I understand, that's how you get more rabbits"). Wendy is in Matt's office and suggests he needs to go home. Probably because he's working on jokes from 2006. Well, he does wonder what day it is. Maybe he also needs to ask what month it is. Wendy then tries to get Matt to lie down. He can't do that; the Clock O' Doom is staring him down (Which should be an indication that it's Thursday, even if he doesn't know what month it is). She then wants to get Danny, which Matt also doesn't want because he Danny would worry.

Back on the roof, Jordan is basically afraid that Danny would leave her. Danny wonders what happened to that day where she declared that she would run the network as if she only had a year to live. What changed, she says, is that she is going to be a mother.

Danny wants to slip a note under the door to the roof because someone must be in the studio by now (and hanging out on the top level of the stairwell?) but explains as he writes that he wasn't going to lose interest, he doesn't feel sorry for her, and it isn't a sobriety high. When he goes to slip the note under the door, he tells her he's a hundred times smarter than she is. Again, an excellent way to win the girl. However, he does say that it's the best night of his life, in spite of everything, because he spent it with her.

As he goes to slip the note under the door, Cal smacks him in the head with it.

Danny reveals that he knows about the snake. Oops. Cal tries to redirect by asking how Danny and Jordan did up there. Cal explains the whole situation with the snake. As a recap, shooting the sketch at the botanical gardens was going to cost them $72,000. Shooting it in the studio cost $54,000. However, with all the fines and repairing the studio, it's now going to cost them $253,000, more if the ferret eats the snake. Danny says Cal better hope the ferret eats the snake.

He then discovers a note in his wristband. It reads, "I'm crazy about you!" written in Jordan's eyeliner. He runs after Jordan. When he catches up with her, they have one hell of a nice kiss. She tells him not to make fun of her magic tricks, and they kiss some more.

Matt can't write a sketch for Dolphin Girl and he seems to be mooning over Harry now. He tells Wendy that he could be a better boyfriend now than he was before, although I don't know how that evening with Harry proves that to either of them. Wendy, however, is engaged, so that's out. Matt's just striking out all over.

There is a lovely Sorkin-esque montage over music. Tom and Jack share cigars and drinks. Darius and Simon work on the Fruit of the Loom sketch, and Simon seems to like what Darius has done with it. Danny and Jordan are still making out. They're going to need to come up for air soon. And water. Cal oversees the crew cutting up the stage. Matt looks destroyed. So does Harriet. We watch them take pickaxes to the stage--the same one that Gypsy Rose Lee danced on. Couldn't they use saws? Wouldn't that be easier? Okay, I don't know from home improvement, stage renovation, or coyote rescue. Maybe pickaxes are the best way to do it. It just doesn't seem like it.

Right. Back to the montage. There's a really nice juxtaposition between the stage being torn up externally and Matt's face, him being torn up internally. Well, it might be a touch obvious, but I still like it. The last shot has the clock ticking down behind him as he watches his stage being hacked to pieces.

As a music geek, though, I have to say that that last shot would have worked better for me if the song were in time to the seconds ticking down. That's a really minor quibble, though.

Matthew Perry is doing angst quite well. I'd actually probably be happy if he and Harriet never got back together. Their chemistry was never great, and he's really showing some nice acting skills here.

I also appreciate getting to see more of Jack's human side. Plus, it was a nice antithesis to the total bastard he played on Monk last week. The whole Zhang-Tao-actually-speaks-English thing was a little contrived (and a little too Lost), but it also worked. It's a fantasy, but sometimes that's okay.

That said, the flirting between Danny and Jordan through the last half of the episode was nice. Aaron Sorkin writes cute flirting. However, as before, this is all too soon. I would have liked to have seen that last half of the episode about three months from now, when Jordan would have had time to come around and to realize that she was crazy about Danny. As it is, her coming around, and that completely, by the end of the episode is just unbelievably fast. Basically, if I look at that story line without considering what happened in previous episodes, it's a very cute, sweet story. However, in the context of the rest of the season, it's still just too darn early. And ill-advised for her to be dating him. And vice-versa. That said, Danny and Jordan now have far better chemistry together than Matt and Harriet. However, from the promo for next week's episode, they're going to be openly dating, which definitely seems like a bad idea. In real life, anyway, that would cause the very sort of problems that Matt was worried about at the beginning of the episode.

However, there were definitely some very nice things in this episode.

I wonder if the stage will be put back together in time for the taping. Or if they'll have a coyote loose in the studio.

Posted by gina on February 6, 2007 08:37 PM
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