The show opens on Monday night. The Monday from the previous title about which I was confused. I'm less confused this time out.
Jack comes to the theatre. He's there to see Tom, who is being fitted in his Fruit of the Loom grape costume. Simon is going to be a Mungongo fruit. Evidently the big deal with these is the seeds, but if there were nuts in the Fruit of the Loom ads...well, yeah. Actually, so far my favorite thing about Mungongo is that the trees are male and female, so you have to have both to get fruit. I don't see that coming up in the sketch. I'm just saying.
Tom takes Jack into his personal dressing room and strips. With Jack's help. He wonders if he's done something wrong, and Jack says probably, but that's not why he's there.
There was a lot of the funny in this episode and some nice one-liners. This is good, because it helps to make up for what's going to happen in the middle of it.
While in the room, Jack keeps reinforcing the idea that Tom is a worm. Tom takes this all in stride. Then again, a surprising number of people in show business have terrible self-esteem. That, or Tom is just very easy-going.
Jack tells Tom that Kim Tao's being a viola prodigy at Juilliard is a great source of pride to her father, but if she were to go into comedy (and dress like grapes or nuts or do dolphin voices), that would be a source of shame for him. So it sounds like Tom's and Kim's fathers have that in common, anyway.
Tom absolutely, positively has to talk Kim out of comedy and back into viola. And he'll be doing it on a date with her at the awards dinner for Harriet. So there's not even any question about breaking his date with Lucy. Jack will, of course, be at the very next table to make sure that Tom doesn't fail or otherwise screw up. There is, by the way, to be no sexual touching on this date. Which should be okay, because Kim is too young for him, and besides, he's into Lucy. Right?
Of course right.
Having pointed out how big of a deal it is that he's come to someone as low and piddly as TOM for help, Jack leaves, pushing Dylan, dressed as the apple, on his ass.
Yay, Jack!
I actually don't know what my problem is with Dylan. I think it's just that he was such a doofus in the first episode and I never forgave him.
After the meeting, Jack and Jordan stay behind to talk. He tells her she WILL be doing the now-nameless show. Already on a roll from beating on Tom's ego last night, Jack blames Jordan for the Dracula movie shutting down. She did oversee it, after all.
He tells her about the TMG board meeting, and Jordan suggests getting Zhang Tao to threaten to take the Macao deal elsewhere, which, what luck, is what he was doing with the whole Tom-talking-Kim-out-of-comedy scheme. See, he's not just an empty suit, he's a problem-solver!
Jordan wants to know why Jack broght Hallie on, but he hedges (better than Danny did at Christmas, by the way) and gives her the standard answer about needing someone to handle alternative television.
He and Matt have a two-level walk-and-talk about the awards dinner and the auction that Matt's been bidding on to go to the dinner as Harriet's date. Danny points out that the auction proceeds go to a teen abstinence program sponsored by Women United Through Faith, but Matt explains that he's offsetting it by giving a matching amount to a group that promotes "polyamorous activities." He doesn't know what those activities are, but he bets they piss of abstinence fans.
Danny opines that the letters of recommendation were a mistake, though he perks up when he decides that maybe the letters will hit her later. He asks for Matt's personal opinion. Matt points out that Jordan asked Danny to stop, so he should stop. Danny wonders how that's been working for Matt and Harriet. Oh, sure. He had to bring THAT up. Danny actually declares that he'll apologize and leave her alone.
Despite all this, Matt says he's liked seeing Danny the way he's been lately. No, Danny, not "in pain." Twitterpated.
Out in the hall, Matt runs into Tom, who tells him about his enforced date with Kim. He wants to tell Lucy the truth, but Matt says not to. Considering that Matt's current track record with women isn't that much better than Danny's (okay, he's not thrice-divorced, but the Harriet thing ain't healthy), Tom takes Matt's advice. Foolish man.
Suzanne The Assistant says that the bidding on the date with Harriet is up to $5300, but at least it's just between Matt and lukes5858. Suzanne points out that Matt doesn't KNOW that lukes5858 is Luke. Ha, Matt says. Luke Scott made a movie in grad school called 58. Only Luke or someone obsessed with Luke would know about it. Suzanne points out that Matt knows about it, but he conveniently ignores her.
Matt points out that Loving More is NOT a sex organization, but an organization supporting the "polyamorous movement supporting the choice to engage in responsible multi-partnered relationships." Hopefully this is closer to what Robin was hoping to see. Any chance they actually talked to someone from Loving More before this episode?
Suzanne says they want to give him an award at the next meeting, but seems to think he should decline. No, an award's an award.
Matt presents the writers with some letters. From now on, everyone who writes a letter to the show gets a personal response. Well of course. The writers weren't overcommitted as it was already. Andy gets one for Matt calling him a god. All I can think of now is another Kids in the Hall sketch starring Mark McKinney, where he compares the fan mail one of the other Kids got ("Dear Dave: You're so hunky-wunky cutie-pootie lovey-dovey sexy-wexy and you're my FAVE! Keep up the good work!") with the mail HE received ("Dear Mark: I thought I was alone until I saw you on TV...). It's probably just as well Andy isn't on-screen talent, or he'd have to demostrate the Secret of Nudity on the show.
Lucy also gets a glowing letter. Darius doesn't read his out loud. Matt says that Simon wanted Darius to have that one. Sometimes Simon gets the "you're a god" letters; sometimes they're more like what Darius has. Darius leaves to go talk to Simon, and Matt opines that Simon is going to "kick his ass slow."
Cal is asking the snake handler about the snakes for his videogame ad parody. He wants to know that the snakes are harmless. No, they're vipers. But harmless vipers, right? No, regular vipers.
Tom takes Lucy aside and tells her that he had already agreed to do an appearance for NBS. That's okay, but then he says he's going to be a celebrity waiter. She seems to think he'd look cute as in the suit and the tie and the apron.
This, of course, is going to be very, very bad.
Lucy worries that Tom thought she would be angry. No, but she will be.
Dylan wonders why Lucy was working on the sketch, since it seems more like something Darius would do. As if by magic, Darius shows up to talk about the letter, and the proceed to have it out in front of Dylan and Samantha. Because having a fight in front of uninvolved parties is always a good thing to do. With the dressing room door open. Where you're going to call the other guy a moron AND Uncle Tom's pool boy (there's a pool off that cabin?).
Just as Matt predicted, Simon is kicking Darius' ass slow.
After the rehearsal, Luke invites Harry to dinner on Thursday, but she can't because she's getting this award because the Catholics think she's good enough to be Catholic. He offers to take her for drinks afterwards, but she worries that Matt was offended that so many of his friends saw them together at New Year's. Luke pointedly points out that even though Harriet and Matt broke up, they still see each other every day. They're broken up, but they aren't Broken Up. Doesn't she want and deserve better?
Danny's office is being cleaned. Which is convenient. He wants to talk to Jordan, though Matt says he has nothing to apologize for. Harry was going to go to the dinner with her, but decides to go on ahead when Danny takes Jordan aside. Clearly she's read ahead in the script and wants to get out while the getting's good.
Danny wants to talk in private, so he takes Jordan up to the roof. He apologizes, and all the craziness will stop and things will go back to normal (This reminds me of this awful crush I had when I was a teenager. When called on it, I claimed I was over it, but I really wasn't. And I'm pretty sure Danny's the same way. Hopefully he'll cover better than I did, but he hasn't been good at covering up until this point, so I'm not overly optimistic).
Then, something bad happens. Something very, very bad happens.
They go to get off the roof. And the door. Is. Locked.
I wish you all could see the notes I wrote down as I was watching. In letters 4 times bigger than the rest of my notes I have: "Argh! What a cliche!" And it is. I love Aaron Sorkin. I really, really do. But he can do so much better than this. I know he can. I've watched The American President. So this is really, really disappointing. Danny points out that this is a crucial scene in any romantic comedy. Right. It is. Which is exactly why it has no place here, where we expect so much more. Aaron, you're killing me!
Harry shows up to the dinner with Samantha. Matt joins them on the red carpet and sends Samantha away. She's been having to beat feet all night, poor thing. He tells Harriet he won her, which she thinks is sweet. Then they meet lukes5858, who turns out to be a huge Star Wars fan (Luke S.=Luke Skywalker, 5858 is the street address of Skywalker ranch...). He's a 15-year-old professional snowboarder (which is how he afforded to bid that much money) named Cody. He points out that he's at his sexual peak. Classy. Harry points out that she is, too. Even classier.
Kim is still making eyes at Tom, who won't let her have booze because she's only 20. Well, yes, if Jack caught that, he would kill him. She wants to take Tom back to her hotel and dance for him and talk about his cute ass. Tom is getting a little flustered. Simon is not helping things at all.
Since we can't find Jordan, Matt will get to present Harriet if Jordan doesn't make it in time.
About that time, Danny figures out that there is a snake loose in the theatre. Yeah, but he and Jordan are ON the theatre, so they're safe. However, Jordan says that snakes can get up. Sure, take away his feeling of security.
Darius came to the dinner with Lucy. He tries to talk to Simon, who shuts him down completely. And calls him "Amos." Well, hopefully Darius is getting used to this, anyway.
Lucy, however, has caught Tom on his date with Kim, who is still pretty boobalicious. Tom is quite clearly not waiting tables. She calls him a creep. Oh, I hate to think of the sketches she'll write about this. The last sketch she wrote after a break-up was pretty ugly. And sad. To distract him, Kim hands him a shot, and then moves in to ram her tongue down his throat when Jack, with absolutely amazing timing, breaks in between them. Though if his timing were really good, he would have stopped them before SHE had a shot. He takes Tom aside, who says he's doing his best. Jack tells him to do somone ELSE'S best.
He says if he deserved punishment for the way he pursued her, certainly multiple rejections from her, being locked on the roof with her now in this mood, and having a snake loose in his studio certainly qualifies.
On a roll, he gets mad that she ran the Dolphin Girl promo because all it is right now is a voice, there isn't a sketch yet. Everyone is online talking about what the sketch is going to be, and it doesn't matter to her or movie producers that there's no story, they'll make all their money based on the advance chatter, not on the quality of the product. "We elect presidents that way!" he declares, which makes my little West Wing fangirl/liberal heart very happy. The candidate has a name and money, we'll teach him how to be president later!
Jordan says it was just a promo, you doofus. I'm put in mind of the continuing gripe critics of the show have that they treat late-night comedy as if the fate of the world hung in the balance. I don't know if this is intentional, or it's just my general insanity. But I like the idea that this is a deliberate jab at those people. And it's certainly not beyond Aaron to address critics in his show.
Danny then beats the snot out of a cable, assuring that it will never bite anyone again. Danger averted, he says he's not worried about Matt and Harriet. They're surely having fun. Surely.
Or something like that.
And the story is to be continued. Again.
At least they aren't declaring their undying love as she's giving birth. Hopefully they won't decide to do that.
At this point, I'm clinging to the hope that NBC just cut the promo to make it look like they're going to get together to draw in viewers, but that doesn't have anything to do with the episode. It wouldn't be the first time NBC pulled that. The did it to the West Wing all the time.
It's practically a cliche.