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The Office: The Chump Review

We now know that Michael would shoot Toby twice instead of shooting bin Laden or Hitler. Nobody likes that idea, so Michael takes suggestions.

"Curve the bullet like my favorite James McAvoy film, 'Wanted.' - Creed. There's more than one James McAvoy movie?

Dwight figures out you need to shoot all three with one bullet in the neck, lined up. This will come quite in handy in case I'm ever trapped in a time warp with only seconds to kill society's villains and the human resources manager of a mid-sized paper company.


Erin and Pam try to plan ahead for Michael's inevitable depression after he discovered his girlfriend, Donna, is married. At least, that's what they're doing in this scene, even though Michael seemed fine in the last scene. They've got ice cream and Kevin in the conference room - already giggling - to watch "Mr. Bean."

But then something strange is going on, and it's not the fact Kevin isn't jumping all over a chance to eat Cake It to the Limit ice cream. Michael doesn't seem sad, and even spurns a chance to play Billy Joel Rock Band with the Halperts. Oops, that's why. He's still seeing Married Donna, as she shall thus forth be named.

"If you asked her husband, or if you take a random poll, yeah, it's wrong." - Michael

Michael says Scranton is the Paris of northeast Pennsylvania, which is funny, because I used to live near London, Pennsylvania, on the western side. For real. Actually, there is a Paris, Pennsylvania, too. We're a weird state.

In Paris, it's rude to have less than four lovers, Michael says. That must explain why they are so skinny.

Michael rudely points out Andy got cheated on, but then makes a good point that Stanley was a cheater (and Phyllis?). Andy, who is a cuckold - that just sounds dirty - challenges Michael's premise that Donna's husband is a jerk. Of course, when they meet him at a baseball game, the guy (a coach) is really nice, and Michael feels horrible. Or like James Freakin Bond. Whatever.

The entire office thinks he's awful, but he doesn't care. That motivates Ryan to tell Erin he wants to sleep with her/showcase how B.J. Novak is a mediocre actor who has a half-baked character at this point.

All the comments eventually get to Michael, and he doesn't go through with his motel rendezvous.

Weird moment though. In the tag to the show, Michael gets approached by an NBC news crew in the parking lot. You knew what was going to happen before anyone said a word- they were going to ask him what his response was to the situation, and he was going to think they meant the affair and not situation X (the printer fires). Kind of wish they hadn't used that - I would have rather they shown more awkward Halpert moments as they listened to Dwight and Angela.

Plus, there was a girl holding a boom mic for the news crew, but the reporter had a hand held mic. That's not how that works. Just saying, NBC.

DO NOT DO A BEET JUICE CLEANSE! I just learned that after seeing Angela's hideous beet-covered teeth. It was one of the stipulations in the baby-making contract - ahem, alleged contract - she and Dwight signed. They are using a mediator to get out of it. That teeth thing was easily the funniest thing Angela's done all season. Damning with faint praise.

The mediator decides the contract is good, but that Dwight can't be forced to impregnate Angela, as that's some form of womb rape or something. So, he should pay her $30,000 instead. Anyone wonder why they are allowed to have this meeting at the office? No? Just me?

Dwight instead agrees to be what amounts to a stud- have sex with Angela five times in lieu of $30,000.

Oh, and suddenly Jim and Pam aren't getting enough sleep because of the baby, even though you'd think they would have been tired for weeks now. Gabe catches them sleeping, but only reprimands them with a verbal warning and then asks for advice about getting info out about the printer fires Andy discovered. Jim can barely stay awake, as it's so warm in the office, "it's like a sleeping bag." Well put.

The two subplots come together, as subplots tend to do, when the Halperts learn of a secret place in the warehouse where they can nap that just happens to be near where Dwight and Angela like to bang one out. So, everybody is sleeping together. Bam!

Dwight Good: There were definitely some things I could have done without - the news crew bit, which was telegraphed; some of the baseball game stuff, which went on too long; and Ryan's moments.

But otherwise, it had the old-fashioned Office laughs: Kevin being Kevin, Dwight and Angela's twisted relationship, people thinking Michael's an idiot and some good sight gags, like Kevin sitting in the conference room so excited to watch the movie.

As I noted, the first scene and the second didn't jive, because they would have already known his mood. But it makes sense that they would all be better prepared for his bad moods, and would want to avoid it. And even though it was a terrible thing to do, I get why Michael's character would want to keep the Donna thing going, because at least she liked him and made him feel good.

I just wish the show was more consistent. I never know on a given week if it'll be good or mediocre. And it's rarely excellent anymore, in the same vein that Parks and Rec is now, and even Community, have done this season. There's always next year.

Nice touches:

  • Kevin getting nervous and going "Boooiinnngggg"

  • Ten minutes of silence honoring Michael Jackson

  • Dwight trying to ruin his sperm count. Humping the bike seat was a nice touch.

  • Best quotes:

    "You probably shouldn't keep a baby up that late, though" - Erin

    "OK, Morgan Freeman narrating everything." - Michael

    What did you think? Leave a comment, and vote in the poll...And follow me on Twitter @officetvfodder

    Posted by Andy Shaw on May 14, 2010 12:40 PM
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