In this week's episode of Modern Family, "Airport," Jay is planning on a lazy, sun-filled vacation in Hawaii. His wife has other ideas. Gloria purchases tickets for the entire family to join her and Jay in Hawaii. She's even ironed out the details of the trip, from daily morning hikes up the volcano to a talent show featuring Phil and his ventriloquist dummy.
Gloria: It cost me a fortune...but it was worth it!
Jay: [just mouthing it] Cost me a fortune.
The Dunphys have a difficult time making---and fulfilling---their scheduled appointment at the airport. Dylan had a slumber party in Haley's room at the Dunphy house, unbeknowenst to Claire and Phil. When the family rushes to the airport, they left the teenaged paramour locked in the house. And Claire's fear of flying, a too-true paranoia for many traveling folks, is not allayed by Luke's biggest wish: He hoped that the plane would crash on an island just like in Lost.
Claire's brother had quite the time of it, too. True to form, Mitchell forgets his wallet after devoting his time to scolding Cameron, who's too busy (dramatically) discussing Lily's potential playdates to worry about packing. Apparently, Jasper is the coolest kid on the playground and a primo friend for our little Lily. In a nice change of pace, the Pritchett children spend time with their sibling's spouses---Claire with Cameron, Mitchell with Phil---accentuating the similarities between siblings and the zaniness of the spouses. Thankfully, a slow-driving Phil figures out how to sneak Mitchell back in the house.
Phil: A Realtor's just a ninja in a blazer. The average burglar breaks in and leaves clues everywhere. But not me. I'm completely clueless.
The most flamboyant boys in this bunch also struggle to make this trip a success. While Mitchell is occupied with his return trip home, Cameron, who just screams Hawaii BTW, spends the pre-flight wait keeping Lily awake. Manny, dressed as a dapper man-child (a leisure suit!) once again, gets grilled by Homeland Security for having the same name as someone on the no-fly list.
Jay, depressed about the recent turn of events, heads to the airport bar: "Could you make it a double? I'm traveling with my family." Gloria, though, has the last laugh, as she explains that their couples trip will include an extra week in Hawaii sans the family, but does include some quality time at one of Hawaii's finest topless beaches. We'll see the results of her fullproof plan next week.