Airdate May 12, 2008
The Hook:
Lights and scenes flash before a dazed House’s eyes. He’s in a bar where he has a dialogue with a stripper. He has no idea how he got there. He diagnoses himself with retrograde amnesia. “Someone’s going to die unless I find them.” Wandering into the street, he sees police, paramedics, and firemen swarming over a bus wreck.
Cue confused House music...
Act 1
House’s head is being stitched by Cameron in the PPTH emergency room, with Cuddy, Taub, 13, Kutner and Wilson hovering around. The room is full of injured people. House knows there’s something important he can’t remember, and starts detailing “You, you, and you” to tasks involving searching for his missing memories. Challenged to remember somebody’s name he calls 13 “lesbian”, which she protests she is not. (“Upgrade from fifty percent,” House responds.) The doctors tell him they have jobs to do in the ER, and to do his own remembering. House wants to see the bus driver.
House diagnoses the driver with some leukemia (fot about 5 seconds) which might or might not be the serious case he’s looking for. He wants everyone from the wreck to stay so he can question them, so he turns a patient with a stiff neck into a possible case of meningitis, requiring everyone to stay until tested.
Kutner finds out when House left from the hospital’s security video. Kutner suggests going straight to Houses pre-frontal cortex for the answer’s House seeks. Taub gets all sarcastic and proposes a Fantastic Voyage type trip in miniaturized submarine, but Kutner’s talking hypnotism, and says somebody in surgery must be trained in it. Cut to...
Chase hypnotizing House, as Wilson looks on. Wilson kibitzes, and tries to use House’s trance to get some honest answers. House is skeptical, then impressed as the hypnotism begins working. House remembers a bar, and a wise (and large) bartender who kept his keys, hence the bus trip. Amber appears in House’s trance, leading to jealousy from Wilson.
Back on the bus, House spots a mysterious woman... a nose-picking punk...
House snaps back to the present and interviews the punk, diagnosing brain tumor on no evidence, then dismissing the diagnosis. Nearby, the bus driver has leg pains and paralysis when he tries to stand up. Can he be the one?
Act 2
Team room. House consults the team trying to figure out what the bus driver’s problem is. As the team talks the smell from Taub’s coffee triggers a flashback to the bus, where someone is drinking coffee. House rushes out to...
The ER. House is sniffing discarded passenger’s clothes to trigger memories. [True, true, smell is a powerful memory stimulant. Every time I smell a tomato plant I flash back to my family’s vegetable garden from my childhood. Chocolate pie – my mom’s kitchen.] House is also gobbling Vicodin like candy, which concerns Taub.
House sinks his whole head into a pile of clothing.
Back on the bus. The bus driver, as a hallucination, gives House medical advice. Mysterious Woman (MW) talks to House, but he says she wasn’t a passenger. “So I must be a clue,” she says.
Wilson snaps House out of his reverie and insists he get an MRI.
Wilson conducts the MRI and quizzes House about his Amber sighting. House sarcasts back. Wilson thinks House has feelings for Amber, and “This is bad.”
Cuddy reviews the MRI results, Wilson participating. House has a cracked skull, and Cuddy wants him to go home and sleep
House sits alone in... (a deserted bar?) (an empty cafeteria?) and wracks his brain seeking memories. Nothing seems to be coming.
Act 3
Bus driver’s room. 13 and Foreman hold him. He can stand now, but begins to have stomach pains. Foreman notes House is bleeding from the ear. Not a good sign. “I need to take a bath,” House says.
With 13 in the hydrotherapy room. House is adding salts to a large tub with a cover. He’s planning to conduct his own sensory deprivation, and makes references to the movie “Altered States.” 13 isn’t entertained by the allusions since she wasn’t born when the movie came out. What, no old William Hurt marathons on AMC in her background? Really, you should all go get this at the video store – written by Paddy Chayefsky. Recommended.
House is back on the bus, and Cuddy is there. Since she wasn’t on the bus originally, House wonders why she’s there. “I must be a fantasy,” she says. “If you were a fantasy, you’d be wearing...” Suddenly fantasy-Cuddy is dressed in pigtails and a short skirt, bare midriff. Woo woo. This cheerleader-manqué criticizes House for having a sex fantasy when he needs to be thinking about his patient. “Why can’t I do both?” he asks, and cheerleader-Cuddy begins to do a pole dance while covering the possible symptoms he could have observed. She’s down to panties and a disconnected bra when House is getting visibly aroused [facial expression, not that other, you pervs] when she suddenly says “I’m distracting you” and changes back to fully-clothed, all-business Cuddy. “No!”
[That’s both House and me.]
The bus driver is back and House thinks maybe his shuffling gate might be a symptom of Parkinson’s. MW is back, and proclaims “I’m the answer.” “You were right,” House says, as a bright light snaps him back to...
Hydrotherapy room, where the whole gang watches him get out of the tub. I think he’s still wearing his underpants, otherwise this scene might have been a lot more embarrassing for the cast. He tells them to start the bus driver on leva dopa for the supposed Parkinson’s but they’re more concerned about his bleeding from the ear and his vomiting followed by collapse and unconsciousness.
Act 4
House is awakened by “Nurse Dickerson” shining a light in his eyes. Cuddy has assigned her and a security guard to sit on House and keep him quiet (I think they’re in House’s apartment.)
Team room. Foreman mans the White Board o' Symptoms as Kutner marvels at House’s x-ray. They debate the bus driver’s symptoms as House calls in on the speaker phone. Taub comes up with a swell diagnosis “Thyrotoxic Periodic Paralysis” (TPP). Nurse /R/a/t/c/h/e/d/ Dickerson takes the phone away as House yells that the genetic test for TTP is too slow, so “run the bagel test.” Sounds like my kind of test.
The bagel test turns out to be high carbs plus exercise – running on a treadmill while scarfing bagels. He’s lasted half an hour when House calls in from his bathroom. The nurse knocks on the door, all suspicious – House has her cell phone. The bus driver collapses – but he’s wheezing which apparently means it can’t be TPP, which I guess paralyses the chest muscles. And what were they planning to do if he’d dropped down paralyzed? Well, at least they’re in a hospital.
Act 5
The team crowds around the unconscious bus driver. House steps in - Cuddy has caved and allowed him back. So why did the driver collapse? Foreman wants to take him to the OR to check for breathing obstruction – piece of bagel down the windpipe, maybe? House wonders if they screwed up the intubation, but he checks and it’s OK. Blood clot? House notices the driver’s teeth have shiny new caps, and speculated that recent dental surgery pushed an air bubble into his gums, which has been migrating through the blood stream and blocking various organs and is now in his heart.
As the team starts to wheel the patient’s bed to the OR, House jams his crutch into the door, blockading himself and 13 in the room with the patient and everyone else outside banging on the glass door. House orders 13 to get a syringe and stab the patient in the heart with it to deflate the bubble, while Cuddy, outside, screams for “Dr. Hadley” to open the door. Well, we know House isn’t “Dr. Hadley” so 13 HAS A NAME, 13 HAS A NAME!
13 dithers while House demands she make a choice before the patient dies. 13 stabs the patient in the proper place just as Foreman manages to break in. The stabbing is a success, and the patient begins breathing normally.
House is back in durance vile, Cuddy now being the enforcer. She orders House to get some sleep. But he can’t and wanders the apartment, where Cuddy is asleep in the chair - but no, it’s not Cuddy, its Mystery Woman. She’s wearing a necklace with an insect. He caresses her cheek, wondering where this dream is going. Suddenly he has a red scarf in his hand and she asks “What are you going to do with that?” “I have to tie this around you,” he says. Oooh, kinky. “I’m cold,” she says. “Stay with me,” he says. “Why’d I say that?” Blood trickles over the red sash, and House flashes awake. For real this time. He makes his way to the real Cuddy. “I saved the wrong person!”
Act 6
House describes his dream, and says he inverted the causation – the bus driver was a result, not a cause. House says he has to get back on that bus with all 31 passengers...
But not the real ones. Various people wear pictures of the victims and sit in the same position on a similar bus. Cuddy, Foreman, Cameron, Chase, Wilson.. the whole crew plus two dozen bit actors. The stimuli do their job, and House is...
Back on the bus. A woman tells House to stop staring at her breasts. (It’s the woman Cameron is standing in for, again refuting last week’s assertion.).
House slips in and out his reverie. He gobbles a number of pills, and Cameron wonders if those are Vicodin. She checks. Nope, phisostigmine, an Alzheimer’s drug. “Are you crazy?’ Cuddy asks, “Alzheimer’s drugs will make your brain go into overdrive.” Which is sort of House’s point. Wilson’s concerned they’ll blow out his heart. House shucks the concern.
He’s back on the bus, talking to Mystery Woman.
“Why are you here?”
“You believe in reason above all else. There must be a reason.”
“You know who I am,” she says. “What’s my necklace made of?”
“Resin.”
More talk, then she repeats, “What’s my necklace made of?”
“ It doesn’t make sense.”
“What’s my necklace made of?”
“Amber.” AMBER!
FLASH! And House sees Amber sitting directly across from him, and a speeding vehicle hitting the side of the bus directly behind where she’s sitting, then chaos, the bus turning over, objects and people flying, gravity gone crazy. House reaches out to Amber, their hands clasp, then she slips from his grasp.
In the aftermath, House sees Amber, a large open wound on her forehead, dented metal fixture nearby. She’s breathing in short gasps. He crawls to her. She has another wound in her leg, and he removes her red scarf for a tourniquet. “I have to tie this around you.”
“I’m cold.”
“Stay with me, just stay with me.”
House passes in and out and sees firemen lifting the unconscious Amber.
Waking again, he rises and gets out of the bus, where his answers to a paramedic’s questions are confused and incoherent. Helicopters light the confusing scene from overhead and the heavy beat of their rotors contributes to the surrealism of the scene. People dash to and fro as House wanders, I guess, into that stripper bar we saw him in initially.
A woman’s lips met a man’s. A fist pounds on... something. House is still confused. We flash back to the here and now. The lips are Cuddy’s giving mouth to mouth resuscitation to a prone House. The fist is Wilson’s, pounding House’s heart to restart it, alternating with heart pumping. House revives. “Amber. It was Amber. She was on the bus.”
Wilson thinks it’s more fantasy. Amber is supposed to be working. But she hasn’t returned his calls. “How could she...?”
“Jane Doe number 2.” “She was on the bus with me. She’s the one who’s dying.” And as luck would have it, taken to a different hospital where no one knows her.
- Cecil
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Next week: “The drama continues, as one of their own is dying. But this mystery isn’t only medical. In a season full of surprises, we saved the biggest one for last.”
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Prev. Episode: 4-14 “Living the Dream” - 05/05/08
Next Episode: 4-16 “Wilson’s Heart” - 05/19/08
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Cast List Ep. 4-15, “House’s Head”
==================
Originally aired: Monday May 5, 2008 on FOX
Writers:............................. Peter Blake (IV)
...........................................David Foster (II)
...........................................Russel Friend
...........................................Garrett Lerner
Story...................................Doris Egan
Director:.......................... Greg Yaitanes
Starring:
Hugh Laurie......................Dr. Gregory House
Lisa Edelstein....................Dr. Lisa Cuddy
Robert Sean Leonard.........Dr. James Wilson
Jesse Spencer.....................Dr. Robert Chase
Jennifer Morrison..............Dr. Allison Cameron
Omar Epps.........................Dr. Eric Foreman
Anne Dudek.......................Dr. Amber
Peter Jacobson....................Dr. Chris Taub
Kal Penn.............................Dr. Lawrence Kutner
Olivia Wilde.......................Dr. Thirteen Dr. Hadley!
Recurring Role:
Bobbin Bergstrom.............Nurse
Fred Durst..........................Bartender
Sharmila Devar..................Nurse
Isaac Bright........................Goth Kid
Jennifer Lee Wiggins.........Stripper
Rebecca Rhae Larsen.........Bohemian Girl
Boogie................................Dreadlocks
Henry Hayashi...................Kaneshiro/Bus Driver
Julie Ariola.........................Nurse Dickerson
Ivana Milicevic...................Woman in Black)
Music:
There's No F***ing Rules, Dude....!!! Chk Chik Chick
Production Code: HOU-415
Airdate May 5, 2008 (¡Hola, Amigos!)
This is a capsule review – it will be supplemented soon by a full review.
The Hook:
A doctor takes a controlled substance prior to operating. He says he needs it to steady his hand. A nurse questions whether he is fit to operate – especially since the patent is her sister... and his fiancé... and she (the nurse) is having his baby. “Baby?”, the doctor croaks and collapses. Is House in big trouble, or is this some soap opera? The latter, we see as the camera (ours) pulls back to reveal the camera (theirs). “Cut!” Scene over, the ‘doctor’ Brock Sterling rises and leaves the set, deprecating the scene, and his acting, as “crap”, despite the director’s reassurances.
Leaving the studio, the actor, Evan Greer, gets in a limo which begins driving in the wrong direction. When the Evan objects, the doors lock – he’s being abducted! “What’s going on, what do you want?” “An autographed picture would be nice,” says the driver, who bears a suspicious likeness to a certain PITA diagnostician. “Oh, and to save your life!”
Cue sinister House music...
Act 1
Outside the PPTH Emergency Room, Cuddy talks to an inspector from the hospital accreditation board, making an unannounced inspection. [Hide all the weird characters and doctors making out in the locker rooms, janitor’s closets, and unoccupied patient rooms, quick!] A limo screeches up to the ER and a jaunty character in a sporty cap jumps out of the driver’s door. Cuddy professes not to know who he is, and hustles the inspector away. House coaxes the reluctant actor out of the car, claiming to have diagnosed a brain tumor from tics noticed in his performance. The actor agrees to take one little test, if this mad doctor will then leave him alone.
Cuddy’s office. Cuddy briefs the staff and forcibly recruits all the former Hice as House-watchers to keep House out of the inspector’s view. Cameron’s job is to get House’s charts current.
House directs the Evan though a visual field test, which, he says will map any area that the tumor is obscuring in his optic field. At the same time he presses Greer inside details on the goings-on in his role as Dr. Brock on House’s favorite soap. The test concludes and House tells him that the test shows a definite loss in his visual field and he needs a follow-up MRI test. But Foreman, who’s strolled in, comments that the test show his vision is just fine. Greer walks out angry.
Hallway. Wilson hobbles up and House asks if Wilson is mocking him. No, he says, it’s Amber’s damn mattress, Which is too hard of Wilson’s delicate tuchis. He says they’re going to shop for a new mattress. House suspects a trap, as Amber will bend Wilson’s will to buy the one Amber wants. [But doesn’t Amber already have the one Amber wants?] They walk into an elevator, where Evan already is. Seeing House Evan begins to dial the police. House takes out a syringe and injects him behind the ear, instantly rendering him unconscious, “He needs an MRI,” House explains.
Taub and 13 conduct the MRI on the unconscious Greer. They find nothing wrong. As they finish, Greer revives and angrily demands to see whoever’s charge. That would be Cuddy, they tell him, but 13 attempts to use a little briar patch reverse psychology to convince him that House would be pleased if he did go to Cuddy, since he hates her and it would screw up her inspection.
It doesn’t work, and an angry Evan strides down t he hall demanding to see Cuddy. But just as he reached her, his legs fail him and he goes down. “I can’t feel my feet!”
Act 2
Team room. The team debates this new symptom – foot numbness to go with vision problems – the vision problems he tested negative for. Cameron suggests that foot problems could be a pinched nerve from Evan’s fall when House sedated him. House tells Kutner to go out and test for that, then come back in thirty minutes and report negative results,. Kutner asks if he can use the thirty minutes to actually do the test.
Kutner runs the tests. As he does so, he and Evan have an exchange about job satisfaction. Evan feels trapped in a meaningless job, Kutner takes the common sense approach “Well. why not quit and do something else?” Evan says it’s not that simple. [Ah, those golden handcuffs. And I can’t quit ‘cause I’m a star, no thanks, Omaha, thanks a lot.] The tests come out negative for nerve impairment.
Staff lounge. The doctors watch the soap in high-def on the lounge TV, House leading 13, Taub, and Foreman in a search for symptoms evident in Evan’s performance. The doctors pick apart every twitch and gesture. “Research” he tells Cuddy when she comes in.
Cuddy takes House outside and demands he ‘tone it down’ for the duration of the inspection. House says he’ll do it in exchange for the high def TV from the doctor’s lounge moved to his office. Kutner reports the negative test. So the next theory is environmental toxins. House sends Kutner to examine the patient’s home, while House will tour the patient’s workplace – the soap set and dressing room.
Wilson and Amber test mattresses. They find one sort of acceptable, but expensive. When a salesman approaches, Amber puts on a poor act and he offers to knock a hundred dollars off the price. A little more pathos, and he goes off to ask his manager about a five hundred dollar knockdown. Amber is paged to the hospital, and tells Wilson to pick out any mattress he wants, Wilson calls House to gloat about how wrong House was, but House says it’s a more refined trap - Wilson forced to pick the one Amber would want to prove he loves her.
House tours the soap set guided by ‘nurse’ Anna. He finds no obvious toxins, but quizzes Anna on their social life. On finding that she dated Evan a few times but didn’t ‘go all the way’, House concludes that Evan is impotent and he has a new symptom.
Back at the team room, House explains that excessive sunflower seed eating (supplies noted in the dressing room) could lead to vitamin B6 toxicity, which could lead to impotence, and he wants to start plasmaphoresis right away to filter the toxins from Evan’s blood. The team objects that he’s diagnosing impotence from pretty slim evidence and wants a test to confirm. They suggest an overnight test for spontaneous arousals.
House thinks that takes too long and suggests they expose Evan to some stimulus. “I’m not showing him my boobs,” Cameron pipes up from the corner where she’s doing charts.
“Lack of response to your boobs proves nothing. 13 show him your.... Hmmm... Where can I find a decent set of knockers around here?”
“Your porn’s in the second drawer,” Cameron shoots back. [“Maintains hostile working environment.” I can see that inspector’s report now.]
Sleep lab. Evan is properly monitored for heart, lungs, and, well, you know, as 13 and Kutner ‘watch’ from the room next door with the blinds closed, and compare miserable jobs they’ve had versus actually being miserable. Next door, Evan ponders the centerfold of ‘Pandora’s Box’. He scores a ‘normal’ on all systems, but suddenly all the monitors go crazy – cardiac arrest!
Act 3
Team room. The new symptom is discussed. Possibilities are raised and dismissed rapidly. Cameron leans in from the corner and proposes “Gray’s disease” as she passes House charts to sign. It’s a new day, and the blouse she’s wearing (and the leaning over pose) are calculated to refute the proposal that her boobs are insufficiently stimulating. [Quite successfully refute, I should say.]
House wonders aloud if Cameron wants her old job back. If so, “I’ll fire 13.” She’s fine she says. “Good,” House responds that he was bluffing. House agrees with Cameron’s diagnosis and wants aggressive treatment to fry his thyroid. The rest of the team feels a little confirmation would be nice before sacrificing a major body organ. All but Foreman, that is. “House’s right.” He says, and leads the team off to fry the thyroid,.
As soon as they’re out of House’s earshot, he says they’ll do confirming tests of course.
Cuddy finds House eating a sandwich in the morgue. She tries to shoo him out, but he resists, since he’s sure the inspector is coming right there, and unless Cuddy caves he’s going to display some eccentricity. Cuddy tries to call his bluff, but of course he’s not bluffing, and as soon as the inspector shows Cuddy caves. House victorious! HD uber alles.
Workmen are installing the HD TV in House’s office. Again House offers to fire 13 if Cameron wants to come back. Cameron reminisces about the job, allowing as how she misses everything about it – everything, that is, except House.
Taub and Kutner are doing liver tests. The liver tests normal. Not Gray’s. But they notice the iodine used in the test is not being cleared from Evan’s bloodstream. His kidneys are failing.
Act 4
House and team stride down the hall. If it’s not Gray’s, the next candidate is auto-immune disease.
At home, Amber and Wilson start to give that new mattress a workout. But as soon as they hit it, Amber senses something is wrong. The new mattress is firm, like she likes, not soft like Wilson likes. She tells him she really wanted him to get what he, not she, wanted. He’s failed the test. Amorous mood broken, she tells him to try again.
House shows Evan the tabloids, which are noq making a thing of his hospitalization. Evan begins to talk about what he’ll do with his second chance. But House realizes he’s reciting dialogue from his last season. He’s bonkers, disoriented, and beginning to believe he is his character. [Wonder if Hugh Laurie ever has this problem?]
Act 5
The team meets. 13 says these new symptoms rule out auto-immune. Now an infection is the likely candidate. But which one? Evan’s organs are failing rapidly, and no time to test for all of them, most too small to see in a microscope. Foreman says maybe it’s a fungus - we could see that. House sends the team off to test for anything big enough to be seen. Meanwhile, he says, “I’m going to lie down.”
The lying down is being done in the mattress store with Wilson. Pressed by House to get what he really wants, Wilson decides on a waterbed, something he’s always wanted but his repressed, other-pleasing personality hasn’t let him do. House, whose id lives on the surface, encourages him to go for it. Then House has an epiphany while gazing at a floral-print pillowcase.
Back with the team, House proposes the problem is allergies, not infection, as evidenced by chrysanthemums in Evan’s dressing room, despite negative tests earlier for common allergies. House wants to start steroids immediately, given that Evan’s in a coma and failing rapidly. Everyone else is against it.
House asks the hospital pharmacist for 100 mg of methyl prednisalone, which the pharmacist says is enough for an army, and that large a dose for a single patient requires Cuddy’s signature. House barges in and takes the drug, as the pharmacist dials Cuddy’s number.
Act 6
Cuddy intercepts House in the patient’s room before he can administer the huge dose and orders him to get confirmatory tests before administering it. House gives an impassioned speech along the theme “protocol is for wimps”, and goes ahead and administers the dose. Cuddy sighs and tells him to tell her if the patient dies, and goes to hover over the Hice in the lab as they do the tests that should have been done first, as a little soft rock plays in the background.
Cuddy finds House in the hall and tells him the tests were negative for all floral allergies, and she’s putting the patient back on antibiotics for the presumed infection. But as she enters the patient’s room and tells Foreman to do so, he asks ‘Why?’ since the steroids worked. Evan is conscious. House is staggered – his treatment was right, but not for the reasons he thought – in fact he doesn’t know why it worked. “I was wrong,” he croaks.
The inspector tears Cuddy a new one (in a polite way) as he reviews the case of the patient who got better with the wrong treatment, and comes down on the side of truth, justice, and the American way of life, as well as always following protocol.
Amber tosses and turns on the gurgling waterbed. Waking, she notices Wilson isn’t there. She finds him on the living room rug. He hates the waterbed. [Wilson is a wimp. I loved my waterbed all through the sixties and seventies and wish I still had it.] She hugs him and assures him the store will take it back, and she’s glad he got it even if he turned out not to like it. I think this relationship may work out.
Late night. House’s office. House watched ‘Dr. Brock’ on his HD TV. He calls Cuddy at home, waking her. He asks how the inspection tuned out. (Two hundred thousand dollar fine, but no loss of certification). “You should have been fired.” he tells her. But he’s figured out what Evan’s allergy was. Evan is drinking simulated gin-and-tonics on the show, and has been for two months – the same period as his symptoms. Fake gin, real tonic. Evan is allergic to the quinine in tonic water. Cuddy says she’s taking back the TV. Again he tells her “You should have been fired.” [Wonder what this says about what they should have done to him?]
- Cecil
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Next week: House has an accident, then struggles to remember what he saw then, which he need to know to save someone’s life.
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Prev. Episode: 4-13 No More Mr. Nice Guy - 04/28/08
Next Episode: 4-15 House's Head Part 1 - 05/12/08
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Cast List Ep. 4-14, “Living the Dream”
==================
Originally aired: Monday May 5, 2008 on FOX
Writers:............................. Sara Hess
............................................Liz Friedman
Director:.............................David Straiton
Starring:
Hugh Laurie......................Dr. Gregory House
Lisa Edelstein....................Dr. Lisa Cuddy
Robert Sean Leonard.........Dr. James Wilson
Jesse Spencer.....................Dr. Robert Chase
Jennifer Morrison..............Dr. Allison Cameron
Omar Epps.........................Dr. Eric Foreman
Anne Dudek.......................Dr. Amber
Peter Jacobson....................Dr. Chris Taub
Kal Penn.............................Dr. Lawrence Kutner
Olivia Wilde.......................Dr. Thirteen
Recurring Role:
Bobbin Bergstrom.............Nurse
Guest Stars:
Jason Lewis.......................Evan Greer
Kimberly Pfeffer...............Anna
Joe Marinelli.....................Director
Robert Patrick Benedict....Dr. Jamie Conway
Brett Ryback.....................Salesman
Dominic Flores.................Pharmacist
Kristina Anapau................Marie Actress
Music:
Needles in my Eyes..........The Beta Band
Production Code: HOU-414
Airdate May 28, 2008
This is a capsule review – it will be supplemented soon by a full review.
The Hook:
Nurses picket outside PPTH. One nurse, Deb, is joined by her husband on his lunch hour. An evil deliveryman in brown who is not UPS bangs his boxes on Deb’s shins to force his way through the pickets. Hubby, though a large man, defuses the situation with a big hug and kind words for Mr. Deliveryman-who-is-not-UPS. But then hubby’s eyes begin to flicker and roll up in his head, and as he faints we learn his name as Deb calls out, “Oh, no, Jeff!”.
Queue far-too-long-missing “House” music...
Act 1
House hides from Cuddy in the admitting room, which is in pandemonium due to the striking nurses. He’s avoiding work, but becomes intrigued by the happy countenance of Mr. Nice Guy (Jeff) who’s calmly tolerating the wait. Since opposites do attract, House is drawn to the niceness pervading this end of the room.
House pulls his team off no-doubt less urgent cases to find the cause of this pervading niceness. Deb says he’s been nice for as long as she’s known him, and this strikes House as anti-evolutionary. The team argues that maybe he’s just the anti-House, but the positive-House is having none of that and presses for diagnoses.
After sending the team off to house-breaking and diagnostic tests, House goes bowling – with Chase since Wilson wasn’t available, all his spare time being occupied by Amber – which galls House. Chase (who has a mean hook) is waxing House (not literally). Chase mentions how he handles Cameron’s one insufferable friend – by simply allowing Cameron to go out with her one night a week. House gets a thoughtful look and leave Chase mid-game.
Flash-cut to Wilson’s apartment, where House proposes joint custody (of Wilson) to Amber. Initially aghast, Amber slowly comes around to negotiating terms with House – he can have Wilson on her Yoga night (Wednesday) and every other weekend. House naturally pushes for more. Amber demands Wilson choose. Wilson refuses.
Foreman and Kutner search the couple’s house and find hydrofluoric acid which might explain some symptoms.
Flash cut to Cuddy’s office where House asks Cuddy to decide between House’s and Amber’s proposals. Cuddy shifts the ground, reading House his performance review and stating she’ll decide when House turns in the three he owes her on his staff. House signs his own review and Cuddy reverses herself, going with Amber’s proposal, which House pretends was what he wanted all along.
Kutner reports disturbingly normal test results for the patient, despite the HF in his household which should have lowered his calcium levels. House theorized that that means the patient had elevated calcium levels which were lowered to normal by the HF, and calls the team together again to the patient’s room.
There he insults Deb, which angers her but doesn’t get a rise out of Jeff. Therefore, House concludes, he has Williams’ syndrome, which ‘lowers suspicion’. But the team wants to know, what about all the other symptoms that come with Williams – lowered IQ, elfin appearance and - perfect pitch? (Hey I know some guys who’d give up twenty IQ points for that.) But as Jeff warbles out a perfect refutation to any implication of perfect pitch, he also begins to suffer a stroke.
Act 2
Kutner reports the patient tested negative for Williams, and House responds by reading his performance review (which is just a copy of Wilson’s). House suggests neurosyphilis. Foreman can’t stand to see performance reviews made a farce, and volunteers to do them himself.
Kutner tells Jeff about the test, which Jeff says is impossible because he was tested negative ten years ago in the peace Corps and he’s had sex with no one else since then and he’s confident his wife has never cheated on him.
House plays the piano (on a Wednesday) as he waits. Wilson and Amber show up, and House chided Amber for being 16 minutes late. “So keep him an extra 16 minutes,” she says.
13 comes into Foreman’s office with new theories. Foreman tries to give her a performance review, but she won’t listen to it. Kutner comes in to report the tests for neuro-syphilis were positive.
Act 3
Taub gives 13 the sequence of thoughts a patient with a positive syphilis diagnosis goes through, which leads to horror at being betrayed by a partner. Kutner delivers said diagnosis to Jeff, who does not follow the script. The only possibility, he says, is the ten your old Peace Corps test must have been wrong – he must have been positive then.
Speaking privately with the Deb, she tells Kutner is positive as Jeff was that neither has cheated, and tells Kutner a story of how she feels redeemed and made a nicer person herself by Jeff’s niceness. Too bad House is not hearing this – his head would explode. Kutner tells her if the penicillin Jeff is now receiving improves his condition, his personality may change as well. Deb says her husband is not going to change. Nevertheless, Kutner tells her, she should get tested.
Foreman, Taub, and Kutner wonder how come niceness (Jeff’s) is a symptom and but nastiness (House’s) isn’t? Foreman tries to give Taub a review, but Taub’s not having it either, saying giving Foreman the job is just a sneaky House method of controlling Foreman. In the midst of this, Kutner jumps up saying there must be something wrong with House.
House and Wilson are in a bar, and House is trying to get Wilson drunk to piss off Amber. It’s working. The team calls to report the patient is coughing blood. House orders more tests.
In the midst of testing the patient’s blood, Kutner announces he’s tested House’s blood, and House, too, is positive for syphilis!
Act 4
House is watching his favorite soap when the entire team comes in. The patient tests positive for encephalitis, but the real news is he has syphilis. He denies it. They give him penicillin. House appears shaken. The team leaves.
Outside, the team, plus Foreman, Chase, and Cameron discuss House. They all want to know if Cameron slept with him, which she says is none of their business, although Chase says it might just be a little tiny bit his business. The team worries about how House may change if ‘cured’.
House enters Wilson’s office to make a confession. Amber is there and complains that House returned Wilson drunk last night. On time though, House responds. Amber announces there will be penalty clauses for future violations and leaves. House decides not to spill the beans to Wilson, because Wilson will tell Amber.
In House’s office, Foreman confronts him over his giving Foreman an impossible task – reviewing the team. Foreman wants his authority formalized. House says humiliating Foreman is a necessary step to building his authority. Taub reports the patient is negative of sarcoidosis and House orders more tests.
Jeff is now cursing at Deb for moving his book. Is he indeed being cured of nice-guyism along with syphilis? Then he suffers a heart attack.
Act 5
House turns the White Board o' Symptoms over to Kutner, who swaggers a bit while hypothesizing that the prednisone Jeff’s been taking could cause ‘roid rage. “In six hours?” Taub wonders, and speculates that Jeff’s real personality is emerging as the penicillin cures his syphilis. 13 speculates on PFO. House surprises everyone by (1) taking a vote – each votes for their own suggestion – then (2) having Foreman cast the tie breaker. Foreman, though suspicious that House is setting him up, votes “PFO” and House surprises him by going along with it. House leaves.
Now the team is worried they’ve ‘cured House of his brilliance along with his nastiness and syphilis.
House hunts down Wilson and spills the beans anyway, just not the beans we were expecting, first swearing Wilson not to tell “CB”. House doctored his old blood sample to mess with the team’s mind. Then he invites Wilson to ditch work and go bowling.
As they treat and unconscious Jeff, Kutner and Taub wonder if they can lower House’s penicillin dosage just enough to keep him brilliant without the ‘syphilis’ killing him. Amber strides into the room and discloses the deception, which she learned from Wilson, natch. Just how long after that previous scene is this one? Did Wilson call from the bowling alley? Taub remarks “We’re idiots.” Kuttner replies, “We’re not, positive blood tests are positive blood tests.” “Apparently not,” says Taub. Kuttner walks off mid-treatment saying “He doesn’t have syphilis,” his second misconstrued ambiguous remark this episode.
Act 6
Kutner finds House in the hall and reveals his theory – in the process revealing he knows about House’s deception – that the patient has something else that causes a false positive for syphilis – Chagas, a parasitic infection acquired in Costa Rica, and the niceness, instead of a symptom, is just Jeff’s personality. The Chagas plus the treatments caused the encephalitis flare-up. House is chagrined that Kutner gets the AHA! Moment this episode.
House and Kutner deliver the verdict of the couple – a cure is a simple 30 day pill treatment away. On the down side, House says, the reduction in swelling in the brain will no doubt lead to other personality changes – remember the screaming? Deb is confident that was from the drugs, not the result of a personality change. Deb isn’t worried. “Neither am I”, Kutner says. “Neither am I”, House says, “but that’s because I don’t care.”
House turns in his staff reviews to Cuddy/ “Well phrase, thoughtful” she remarks approvingly. Then she realizes all three are exactly the same. Plus there’s another one in there – House has reviewed Cuddy. It’s as impudent as we’d expect, but not without a few left-handed compliments. Cuddy says she got a call from Amber about House’s violation of their agreement. House counters that Amber breached confidentiality. House proposes they both should slide. Cuddy counters that they’re both being penalized.
Deb brings Jeff some ketchup for his bland hospital meal. Jeff says it tastes ‘off’ but Deb can’t detect any difference. “Guess I don’t like ketchup any more – I wonder what else I don’t like...” Should Deb be worried?
The episode ends with Amber and House changing bed linens, cleaning up patients, and verbally sparring as Wilson looks on. Grinning.
- Cecil
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Next week:
House apparently kidnaps his favorite soap star. To treat him for something he has no idea he has!
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Prev. Episode: 4-12 Don’t Ever Change - 02/05/08
Next Episode: 4-14 Living the Dream - 05/05/08
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Cast Ep. 4-13, “No More Mr. Nice Guy” Aired 04/28/2008
Writers...............................David Hoselton,
...........................................David Shore
Director.............................Deran Sarafian
Stars:
Hugh Laurie...................Dr. Gregory House
Robert Sean Leonard....Dr. James Wilson
Lisa Edelstein................Dr. Lisa Cuddy
Omar Epps....................Dr. Eric Foreman
Jesse Spencer.............Dr. Robert Chase
Jennifer Morrison..........Dr. Allison Cameron
Olivia Wilde...................Thirteen
Peter Jacobson.............Dr. Chris Taub
Kal Penn........................Dr. Lawrence Kutner
Anne Dudek..................Amber
Recurring Roles:
Bobbin Bergstrom.............Nurse
Guest Stars:
Chad Morgan....................Deb
Paul Rae...........................Jeff
Chris Emerson..................Young Man
Dina Defterios...................Luisa Maria
Marwan Ghazali................Delivery Man
Music:
Everyday People..................Sly and the Family Stone
Baby I'm a Want You..........Bread
You Keep Me Hanging On..Diana Ross
This was the first episode written after the writers' strike of the 2007-2008 season.
Airdate: Tuesday February 6, 2008
The Hook:
A Jewish wedding. A Hadassic Jewish wedding. Men in hats and beards. Some in yarmulkes. Wishes of “mazel tov”! The groom is Yonatan. The bride is Roz. Accepting congratulations from a “Mrs. Silver”, Roz says “I know you chose well for me. I’ve been blessed.” Arranged marriage? Dancing. Men and women in separate groups, separate by a cloth partition. The bride and groom are given rides on chairs, each clutching the end of a knotted cloth that passes over the partition. Smiles abound. But the bride’s expression changes. She looks down. Is that a blood stain on her gown? She tumbles from her chair as the groom looks on, distraught. He rushes to her side, holding her hand, feeling her forehead. Cue House music...
Act 1
Wilson walks though the lobby towards the elevator, to find his way blocked by a flame-decorated cane. House finds it necessary to chide him about “cross-species mating”, i.e. dating Amber. House gives it two months. Wilson offers to take him up on it, since they’re already four months into the relationship.
House wants to discuss Amber, while the rest of the team discusses the case. Kutner says he knew Amber was involved because he asked her out and she told him she was already involved. House wonders why Kutner would do that, wasn’t he afraid off Amber? Yes but she has “legs that go all the way up to Canada.”
13 reads the report: 38 year old female with loss of bladder control, blood in her urine, and a broken leg. Culture’s negative for UTI (Urinary Tract Infection). Taub points out that Hassidic Jews fast on their wedding day, ruling out food poisoning. House raises the issue of suicide, Taub points out that it’s a sin. House notes the advanced ages of bride and groom meaning both are “not on anyone’s hot list” and suicide may have been the ‘way out’ of a dilemma. House assigned 13 to check the patient’s innards, and Taub and Foreman to check her home.
Taub, though culturally Jewish, has little use for the religiously observant, and he and Foreman discuss the cultural differences as the check the cluttered storage areas of the bride’s home. Taub maintains that the Hassidic arranged marriages are psychologically unsound and two people should only marry after thoroughly exploring each other. Foreman discovers a gold record and tapes that show the bride was formerly a hard-rock music producer. Taub hypothesizes this means there should be drugs about. He makes a call.
Roz explains to 13 and Kutner that she only became Hassidic six months ago, and that she did heroin back in the day. But she’s been clean for a whole month. And that Yonatan knows about her past. The broad stokes anyway. Yonatan is remarkably accepting, and paces outside the room. Roz explains about what’s prohibited to her now – pretty much everything, pop music, movies TV. 13 says they’ll need a hair sample for analysis. Kutner is bummed he can never watch “Star Wars” again. I like this guy.
Amber returns to her apartment, and finds House waiting for her there. He maintains he understands her evil plan to get re-hired. Amber plays along. House says it won’t work. Amber’s wearing a McGill university sweatshirt – Wilson’s school, not hers.
Taub and Kutner meet House at the hospital, reporting the treatment’s lack of effect rules out endometriosis, and her hair sample was negative for drugs. House maintains her sudden conversion six months ago is a new symptom they haven’t considered before. His guess is porphyria. Kutner defends her right to change, and maintains she hasn’t exhibited the other symptoms of porphyria, such as sudden bursts of anger. House orders a phlebotomy.
As Taub and Kutner explain the treatment to Yonatan and Roz , Yonatan intelligently gleams onto the fact they are using treatment as a diagnosis – it she gets better that’s what she has.
Yonatan goes to Cuddy and asks for a different doctor. He wants one that doesn’t think that religion is a symptom of illness. Cuddy points out a possible alternate hypothesis of cryoglobulinemia. House asks if Yonatan lives according to God’s six hundred commandments. “Six hundred thirteen,” Yonatan corrects him. House argues that no one can understand all of them, and Yonatan follows even the ones he doesn’t understand because he trusts the One that created them. So he should trust House’s plans because “in this temple, I am Dr. Yahweh.”. . That’s enough for Yonatan, who walks out still insisting he wants a new doctor. House is summonsed by his beeper. The patient is hypoxic, and they may need to intubate. “Definitely not cryoglobulinemia,” Cuddy concludes.
Act 2
House and Hice go back to the White Board o' Symptoms. House argues lupus (it’s never lupus), and proposes they put he on a treadmill and see if she has a heart attach to confirm. Taub argues it’s Wegner’s instead, but they’ll keep the crash cart close by just in case.
House tracks Amber and Wilson to a restaurant for a “surprise meet”, despite Wilson’s placing a phony other restaurant in his date book. Amber invites House to join them, then wrangles a table from the maitre’ d. Wilson is non-plussed but smile at Ambers ability to get results, and House tumbles to the fact that Wilson likes he aggressive personality. Not really, Wilson say, but she’s good at it. House says “You like that she’s conniving, you like that she has no regard for consequences, that she can humiliate someone if it serves her purposes... Oh my God! You’re sleeping with me!” Wilson looks thoughtful.
Roz is on a stress machine, but not a treadmill. On this one you use your arms instead of your legs. I used to work out on one of those after a knee operation – they’re murder. Taub urges Roz to work harder, as Yonatan looks on. Yonatan is entertaining some doubts, and asks Taub Roz’s conversion is a symptom, and the disease is found and treated, will she go back to being like she was. Taub doubts it, but says if she did he’d find someone else. Yonatan says there is no one else. Taub says “you’ve had three dates.” Yonatan asks Taub how long he’s been married. Twelve years. “And is she the one?” Yonatan asks. “If she wasn’t, we wouldn’t sill be married – I love her just as much as the day we got married,” Taub says. “But shouldn’t you love her more, if you love someone more the more you know them?” Yonatan asks. Touché.
Taub tells Roz she can stop – her heart’s a strong as a battleship. “Does this mean Dr. House was wrong?” Yonatan asks. But as Roz gets up she collapses with pain in her leg.
Foreman meets House in the lobby and crows a little about House having been wrong about the change in mental status. Foreman is thinking blood clots, and House orders him to do an MRI, then do and fMRI, and give House ten bucks right now - “I missed lunch.” Guess Amber and Wilson weren’t buying.
The MRI showed no clot and 13 and Foreman are looking at Roz’s brain under the fMRI. 13 is arguing for human behavior being complicated, not easily characterizable. Foreman says she just wants to remain mysterious for ‘many reasons and not just because you’re bisexual.’ She gives him a look.
House comes in and tells them to restart Roz’s IV – just to see how she reacts to the pain. Foreman apologizes as he starts, and sure enough her limbic system lights up on the fMRI. House thinks this indicates masochism, but 13 probes a little and discovered Roz started praying when Foreman apologized, which makes an alternate explanation for the activity. When Roz stands up her blood pressure and heart rate drop. As soon as she lies down again, she stabilizes. House has Foreman repeat the cycle, and it happens the same way again.
Act 3
So the Hice gather around the White Board o' Symptoms and try to figure out the reason Roz’s BP and heart rate go the opposite way from the expected when she stands up. House rejects the first two suggestions. Taub is revealed to be touched by Roz’s prayer and he’s beginning to see the attractions of the live she’s chosen. Meaning he’s against the listing of her mental status as a symptom? “You drank the Manschewitz- flavored kool-aid,” House says in disgust. Kutner suggests ‘wiring problems’ in the brain. House orders some tests as the see’s Wilson arriving and rushes out to twit him. About moving in with “CB”.
Wilson take the “you’re right” tack, and says a female version of House is the perfect person for him. House counters she’s a needy version of him. Wilson want to know why, every time Wilson agrees with him, House thinks up a new argument. House has no answer but he’s thinking about it.
Kutner and Taub make the tests, as Kutner reveals his love for science fiction (at least of the low, Trekky variety). He says he rose to the position of Klingon Dar Master in college. I knew there was a reason I liked this guy. He likens his conversion to SF to her change and says Taub could change, too. Roz is babbling under the drugs she’s on for the tests and almost spills 13’s beans because she could hear some of the Foreman/13 conversation when she was in the MRI.
House goes to Cuddy and says she has to sleep with Cuddy to save him from Amber.
Roz is in a ‘thermal treatment’ room to basically study her sweat patterns. 13 and Taub are conducting the test as Yonatan looks on. Her mostly bare body is covered with a powder that will change color as she seats, and the areas that don’t sweat will tell them something about her central Nervous System function. Yonatan worries that he should not be seeing her like this, that being seen for the first time by her husband should be for their wedding night. 13 is touched by his caring for her modest, but Yonatan finds this patronizing, because he’s sure she finds it sweet, but archaic and ultimately irrelevant. Got it on one. He argues their tradition aren’t just blind rituals, the mean something and have a purpose. Taub, Reform Jew, continues to find enlightenment in the strangest places. As Yonatan turns his back, Roz has a seizure. He body temperature is falling. In the sweat room.
Act 4
Roz shivers in bed as the team again ponders her contrary symptoms. Now they’re looking for something missing. Possibly cortisone? Possibly Addison’s? 13 goes off to test Roz.
Cuddy stops to talk to Wilson in the hall about the Amber situation. Wilson says he’s happy.
Roz is felling better under the Cortisol. She chats with Yonatan about how he looks even better than the matchmaker led her to believe. Suddenly she goes into shock. 13 draws blood from her abdomen and diagnoses internal bleeding. Yonatan is shocked that she is saying a prayer that indicates she thinks she is dying.
Chase studies Roz’s MRI and discusses it with her. He wants to perform exploratory surgery to locate the source. Roz surprises him by refusing the surgery until after sundown. It’s Shabbat and she wants to share it with her new husband uninterrupted by surgery. Yonatan quietly points out that the Torah commands them to preserve life. Roz says she waiter thirty eight years to find what she wanted, she can wait another eight hours.
Chase tells the team he enlisted a rabbi, but to no avail. House blames Chase for their problem. Chase leaves. Taub argues for Roz’s right to decide what she wants. Chase reenters the room and reveals s little bible study, citing the case of Joshua asking Got making the sun stand still, so which shouldn’t God (meaning House) make it speed up. House likes that role.
So they’ve basically pasted black paper over the windows as they rush Roz through the halls telling her it’s sunset, and the fact she thinks it’s too early is drug induced time-misperception. Yonatan, for a wonder, goes along with the deception.
House invites Amber in, telling her if she solves this case, the job is hers. With a
“drop Wilson” clause attached she assumes. Amber tells him all her life she’s though she had to choose between Love and Respect, and she always chose the big R, but with Wilson she knows what it’s like to have both and that beats House’s paltry job offer. But she can’t resist a parting diagnosis, DIC (disseminated intravascular coagulation). House congratulates her on changing, but rejects the diagnosis die to normal platelet count.
Yonatan lights candles and chants in Hebrew. The team chafes as they wait, but House knows all reasons for the ritual even as he dismisses it. The team throw out more dd. House rejects them. We see cuts to the meal ritual and the wedding as the team ponders more choices. At one point, responding to Taub, House says “Things aren’t where the want them to be, just because we want them to be there.” Then he gets that Thoughtful Look.
House chases down the bed in the hallways as Roz is being transported to Chase’s OR. He orders the orderlies to stand her up. She weakens, just as he expected. He has 13 press hard on her abdomen and Roz improved. Now he’ll let her lie down again. The diagnosis is nephroptosis, also known as a floating kidney. The kidney is not properly attached in the abdomen, and whenever Roz stands it move a short distance, causing all her symptoms. Yonatan and Roz are amazed the reason is so simple and curable. And grateful.
House bestows his blessings on the Wilson-Amber romance. It’s a day for miracles all around. Wilson is flabbergasted. House is a little amazed at himself, and wishes Wilson Shabbat Shalom, which Wilson returns.
And that’s it, folks. No more House until the writers can get back from the strike and crank out a few more episodes (reportedly 4-5 of them to air in April and May).
- Cecil
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Next Week:
“No One Knows”
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Last Episode: 02/04/08 4-11 Frozen
Next Episode: ??/??/?? ?-?? (who knows? – writers strike - maybe April)
==========================
Cast Ep. 4-12, “Don’t Ever change” Aired 02/06/2008
Cast and Crew
Writers:................................... Leonard Dick
.................................................Doris Egan
Director:...................................Deran Sarafian
Stars:
Hugh Laurie.............................Dr. Gregory House
Lisa Edelstein...........................Dr. Lisa Cuddy
Robert Sean Leonard................Dr. James Wilson
Omar Epps................................Dr. Eric Foreman
Jesse Spencer............................Dr. Robert Chase
Jennifer Morrison.....................Dr. Allison Cameron
Recurring Roles:
Anne Dudek.............................Dr. Amber
Peter Jacobson.........................Dr. Taub
Kal Penn..................................Dr. Kutner
Olivia Wilde............................Dr. Thirteen/Huntington’s
Bobbin Bergstrom...................Nurse
Guest Stars:
Laura Silverman......................Roz
Eyal Podell..............................Yonatan
Faye DeWitt.............................Mrs. Silver
Yossi Mintz..............................Rabbi
Yanky Lunger..........................Cantor
Brent Katz...............................Uncle Moishe
Kirsty Pape..............................Female Guest #1
Heather Joy Sher......................Female Guest #2
Music:
Waiting on a Friend................The Rolling Stones
Jerry Weintraub.......................Waldeck
Nani, nani................................Accentus Ensemble
Niggun of the Alter Rebbe......Eshet Chayil
Airdate: Sunday February 3, 2008
The Hook:
A frozen wasteland that is NOT House’s personality. This one has snow and ice and wind and... giant windmills? A parka-clad figure kneels at a service panel near one of the windmills, wrench in hand. He closes the panel and does something at the base of the windmill (think hundred-foot tall power-generating wind turbines, not wooden shoes, canals, and silver skates.) We hear the turbine wind up and the blades begin to move. The figure trudges to a nearby snow-cat. On another tower, the blades of the turbine begin to vibrate, the turbine tears loose from its mount, and disintegrates on contact with the frozen ground. A giant piece of a blade bounces over the ground in a direct line with the serviceman, and the jagged at the base of the blade hits his thigh, sending him sprawling. He screams as arterial blood spurts over the frozen snow. He makes a radio call. Another figure sprints out of the swirling snow. The blood flow slows as the frigid air freezes the wound. The new figure, a woman, tells the bleeding man he’s severed his femoral artery. She drags him to a relatively sheltered tunnel. Where she glues his artery closed. She has him duct-tape closed the pants she ripped open to stop his bleeding, then examines his toes and tells him he’ll keep his leg. But, as she tries to help him up, she gives a cry and collapses. She vomits and clutched her torso – now the rescued must become the rescuer. She says “I need help.” Her companion asks “Who am I supposed to get?” Are the all alone on the station?
Act 1
House is standing on a chair in a coma patient’s room fiddling with the television when Cuddy walks in. This is the opening of a sub-plot that’s so stupid and uninteresting I’m going to mention it here and hardly again. Seems House goes into the coma patient’s room to watch cable TV, and the hospital has decided that cable is a extra charge which nobody’s paying for a coma patient, obviously, so House has lost his free source of entertainment. House will, throughout this episode but mostly unmentioned by me, conduct a petty, childish guerilla campaign to force the hospital board to restore free cable. Sorry, I’m not playing.
Cuddy tells House his newest patient is Cate, a psychiatrist who’s an adjunct faculty member of PPTH, but currently trapped at the South Pole.
House discusses the case with the Hice. No possibility of evacuation for months. The team kicks around possibilities, discarding (as is House’s wont) any that are hopeless or boring. Kutner shows his embrace of the house method by proposing not just a kidney stone but a struvite kidney stone (large and jagged) – more interesting and more painful. 13 opines that if it’s struvite stones, Cate needs to break it up quickly before it leads to complications. Taub mentions that Cate is on birth control, and sexual activity can lead to urinary tract infections, leading to struvite stones. House briefly alludes to “excessive Antarctic drilling” being bad for the environment and bad for the urinary tract. I’m not sure it this means that the researchers are working for oil companies, or this is just a dirty old House allusion. I believe drilling in the Antarctic is against international treaty, and while I’m at it can I say that this environment is a stupid place for wing-generated energy turbines and I am not aware of any actually in use in polar regions. There, I’ve got that off my chest. Carry on.
House dumps a medium sized box on the table and announces that the contents represent all the medical supplies available to treat the patient. Kutner again demonstrates some thinking outside the box asking what else they have available, because he’s been watching the Discovery Channel and knows that geologists use some equipment to break ice and rock similar to what doctors use to break up kidney stones.
The team has two-way video set up to the Antarctic post, and are watching Cate and the technician, Sean experiment with a sound wave device that (they hope) can break up Cate’s theoretical kidney stones. Sean has crutches but is looking remarkably mobile for someone just recovering from femoral bleeding repaired with glue. House boggles a little at the remarkable clear picture from Antarctica, (as do I, compared to my cable company) then sends the three new Hice off to harass Cameron as part of the sub-plot that shall not be mentioned.
Cate calls “ready” and the sonic death ray is unleashed on a jar with something floating in it – an egg? Cate and Sean wear headphones – for sonic ricochets? House and Foreman observe with interest as the object in the jar breaks – just like a well behaved little kidney stone – just before the jar explodes. Cate’s not unleashing this on her innards. She also denies having sex or urinary difficulties, discounting the possibility of kidney stones.
House snarks a bit about only one of them (him) being a real doctor, but Cate counters with the observation that only one of them (her) has any real control over the situation, thank you very much set and snark-match. The exchange intrigues House and rejuvenates Foreman, who asks “Dr. Milton” to run a chem-7 test to tell if her kidney function is declining. In the meantime House suggests she start an IV drip of Cefuroxime, but Cate signs off without acknowledging his ‘order’.
The tests show a decline, but Cate argues with House over the cause – could be coming from a gall stone she says. House correctly detects she isn’t taking the Cefuroxime, because, she says, her crewman Sean needs it more due to his injury, and her need is only speculative and she has a limited supply. House detects Cate’s breathing has become rapid and asks her to show her windpipe. As she moves closer to the monitor House and Foreman move closer to theirs and diagnose the beginnings off a collapsed lung. She reports chest pains as well. With no one else around at the time to help, House has her get a syringe and needle, pull out the plunger and stab it into her right chest cavity to allow the lung to reinflate. Dang. Intense. House uses the success of this to chide her for not listening to him, but Cate notes it means the problem is not a kidney stone.
Entre’ Act
The “Lost” fondness for character music videos seems to be spreading to “House”, as we are treated to a musical montage of House popping vicodin to the tune of Amy Winehouse’s “They Tried to Make Me Go to Rehab”. The link HERE is to the Winehouse video, I haven’t found one of the House version – yet.
Act 2
House, to Foreman’s amazement, includes the patient in his differential diagnosis sessions, as she sits in a bed – laptop on bed tray. She says tests taken before she went to the pole rule out TB. Foreman mutes the link for a minute to delicately suggest cancer could explain her symptoms. He suggests bringing in Wilson. House unmutes and discusses the possibility, and their lack of proper diagnostic tools. He asks her to x-ray every inch of her body and upload the images. She does, sucking on oxygen in between handling the giant apparatus. [Digression time. Are we supposed to assume that this is a two person Antarctic station? Cate and Sean are the only ones we see, and even Sean’s not helping out here. What gives?]
House and Wilson pore over the uploaded x-rays. Wilson spots an enlarged mediastinal node, but it’s too deep and hard to biopsy and anyway they have no surgical teams and no stains to make the analysis for lymphoma. Wilson and House engage in their usual banter on the topic of psychiatry and House’s aversion to it. House proposes they find a node closer to the surface that Cate can biopsy. Wilson agrees, and House’s suspicions are aroused by Wilson’s agreeableness and his lavender shirt which he decides must by a symptom of... what?
House tells Cate to undress and conduct a self-examination for swollen lymph nodes. She resists undressing while he watches, especially since House is now watching from the privacy of his apartment. She engages in a little ‘you show me yours and then I’ll show you mine’ negotiation, only by ‘his’ she means his apartment. If she’s going to reveal her goodies she wants some insight into the guy on the other end. She’s very perceptive and correctly scores hits on the Houseian psyche. “Great!” he says “You going to try to fix me now?” “I never said you needed fixing,” she replies and House’s interest grows.
Foreman and Wilson look for items that can be used as stains for lymph tissue that are available in the station and discuss House’s unusual behavior. Foreman observes that House likes Cate. Wilson opines that she is the perfect woman for House - spunky and unavailable for a real relationship – and afflicted with a serious illness.
Cate is stripped except for her socks. She says it’s freezing there and there are no lymph nodes in her feet. House says to start palpitating with her breasts, then move on to the ass... Cate interrupts to say she finds starting at her neck and working down to be a better plan. House says he’d never forgive himself if they find something before they get to her breasts. Cate does it her way. House puts on a little funky Marvin Gaye and Cate says “I can hear that.” She finds an enlarged node just above the belly button. “Looks like we’re doing a biopsy.”
Act 3
Cate is lying on her back, syringe in hand, using an ice cube to numb the area she’s going to biopsy as House and Wilson observe. [No topical anesthetics or just another consumable she refuses to use up?] She hesitates at plunging the syringe into herself, and House prompts “Cate, let’s hurry this up.” Wilson boggles over his using her name. She withdraws a few cc’s of clear fluid with Wilson coaching her to “pull harder”. House asks “Are you OK?” when the procedure is done.
Later in the elevator Wilson calls House on his sudden un-House-like compassion. House shifts the topic to where Wilson is going (to lunch) and who’s he seeing there (none of House’s beeswax)? House threatens to follow Wilson to his car, when Wilson breaks and runs faster than House can follow.
Later, Wilson talks to Cate, who asks how long the lymph fluid must marinate in the red wine. She projects the slide for Wilson to look at. She also reveals that she’s emailed a couple of colleagues to check up on.... Wilson. Because she wonders how a responsible nice person like Wilson can be BFF with a nasty, brilliant ass like House? Wilson wonders if she thinks House has undetected niceness. Rather, she says, Wilson probably has undetected un-niceness. “Do you always insult your doctors?” he asks. “It’s not an insult, she replies, “Indiscriminate niceness is overrated.” “No wonder he likes you,” Wilson says.
Wilson pronounces the slide cancer-free, but he does see some evidence of inflammation. Cate’s relief is interrupted by shooting pains on her left side. Is the other kidney going? She thinks not but announces “I’m through.”
Act 4
House is diagnosing again. Failing kidneys plus inflammation suggests auto-immune disease. He wants her to take prednisone. Cate declines to do so on only a theory – she wants to save the prednisone for others, such as an asthmatic who for sure need it. She wants proof before she’ll take it.
Foreman proposes sending Cate outside into the extreme cold, which should tell them if her problem is auto-immune. (It should help control the inflammation). Wilson notices his wallet on House’s desk, and examining it discovers House has taken his receipts. House analyzes Wilson’s restaurant tab and bar bill to determine that Wilson was on at least a third date. Wilson comes up with a test for auto immune disease – put some blood in a test tube with a paper clip and shake it up – the damaged blood cells will swell as the immune system over-reacts to the damage. It’ll be a couple of hours before the results can be read – in the meantime, the patient analyses the doctor some more.
Cuddy asks about the patient, then announces she’s fired Cameron (this is a working out of the plot that shall not be mentioned and is a lie, which House correctly deduces.)
The paper clip test was negative, but Foreman breaks in against House’s will to suggest the freezing-outside test. Cate agrees to do it, despite House’s repeated urgings to “Just take the prednisone.” But before she can do it she collapses in a coma.
Act 5
Sean has dragged his becrutched self in to put Cate on a table. Wilson, Foreman, and House discuss the case, although Wilson’s not sure why he’s still there. ‘To discuss your girl friend’ House says, dying to know who, in their limited set of mutual acquaintances, Wilson is covering up and why. Since more complicated tests are ruled out, House proposes a simple but yucky one. Sean should drink Cate’s urine. A strong taste indicated the problem is in the kidneys, a watery one that it’s in her brain. Foreman begins to talk Sean through a catheterization, but House interrupts, wondering why Sean isn’t asking more questions. He concludes (correctly) that Sean is nursing a crush on Cate and will do anything to save her.
In the unmentionable sub-plot House harasses the Hice for “getting Cameron fired”, then threatens to fire them if they don’t say the right thing, which turns out to be “N-O”, meaning they never should have let him harass them into the ridiculous sub-plot in the first place, which is to say stand up to him, challenge him, and stop worrying about getting fired.
Sean performs the test, choking only a little, and reports a watery taste – bad news, the problem’s in her brain. Self-brain surgery next?
Sean’s next task – drill a hole in Cate’s brain to relieve the (possible) intercranial pressure. If it works, that’s what’s causing the come. The other possibilities are worse, as in fatal. Sean panics at the possibility of hurting Cate, but House becomes all tender and reassuring, telling Sean he’s not going to let him hurt her, a facet of House Foreman has never seen before (and neither have we.)
Act 6
Hey, what’s up with this? House is always four acts, and here we up to six already? Post-Super bowl madness?
So Cate is strapped to a table and a drill (fortunately with some sort of holder) is placed to hit the proper place on the left side of her head around the corner from the forehead. Foreman talks him through the procedure. The hole is made. Fluid drains. Cate wakes up. She’s not cured, but they have more time to diagnose and treat now. The full team meets in the hallway away from the patient’s video to discuss the case. With the additional symptom of intercranial pressure, the team concludes the most likely culprit is some sort of blood clot, but can’t come up with a promising source of them.
Kutner, agin thinking outside the box, asks “What if the clot’s not a clot?”. As in, a fat embolism breaking off and plugging blood vessels. House dismisses the possibility since she has no risk factors for atheroschlerosis. Kutner sticks up for his diagnosis and suggest a different kind of embolism – one from a broken bone. Ridiculous, House says, he’s seen every inch of her body.... except for those stockinged feet.
Sure enough, when her sock is removed, there’s a broken big toe on her right foot, which she never felt because of the cold. Sean is talked though setting and splinting the toe, and she should be fine. She thanks House, but he points out that Sean is the one who saved her life. Cate and Sean share a hug as soft music plays.
Wilson is in a restaurant ordering when House barges in. Wilson’s date is not present yet. House speculates some more. And at last Wilson’s date shows up and the mystery is solved it’s.... Cutthroat Bitch! (Amber). She and Wilson kiss. House controls his emesis, but not his amazement. And she’s looking good. “Was she on your list?” Wilson gloats. House is, for once, at a loss for words.
- Cecil
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Next Week:
“House is rapidly losing friends and patients as he has to treat a Hassidic Jewish woman, and at the same time endeavors to break up the Wilson-Amber romance.”
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Last Episode: 01/29/08 4-10 It’s a Wonderful Lie
Next Episode: 02/06/08 4-12 Don't Ever Change
==========================
Cast Ep. 4-11, “Frozen” Aired 02/03/2008
Cast and Crew
Writer:..................................Pamela Davis
Director:................................Matt Shakman
Stars:
Hugh Laurie.........................Dr. Gregory House
Robert Sean Leonard...........Dr. James Wilson
Lisa Edelstein......................Dr. Lisa Cuddy
Omar Epps...........................Dr. Eric Foreman
Jesse Spencer.......................Dr. Robert Chase
Jennifer Morrison................Dr. Allison Cameron
Also Staring:
Kal Penn..............................Dr. Kutner
Peter Jacobson.....................Dr. Taub
Olivia Wilde........................Thirteen/Huntingdon’s
Recurring Roles:
Bobbin Bergstrom................Nurse
Anne Dudek.........................Amber
Guest Stars:
Mira Sorvino........................Dr. Cate Milton
Jeffrey Hephner....................Sean
Music:
Let's Get It On....................Marvin Gaye
Alone.................................Mungal and Nitwin Sahwney
Human...............................Civil Twilight
Airdate: Tuesday January 29, 2008
The Hook:
A climbing wall, with Christmas decorations. A young girl nears the top, as her mother belays and calls encouragement. The girl is in a tricky stretch, and violates some climbing tenets by releasing all but one hold to reach (or lunge) for another. She says her legs are cramping (and we can see they are) but mom pushes her to go just a little further. But the muscles finally fail and she drops off, to be caught by her mom. Mom is still positive and congratulates the girl for reaching her highest point yet. The girl says she doesn’t feel so good and begins to rappel down as mom slacks the belay. Mom gasps and stares at her hands as the rope begins to slip though her slack fingers. We “see” electricity flashing in muscles as the rope slips faster and faster. Finally the end slips though mom’s fingers as the girl is still twenty feet in the air and begins to plummet to the padded floor. Bystanders and trainers rush to the fallen girl, who says she thinks she broke her arm. She asks her mom if the rope broke and mom says no, something’s wrong with her hands – she can’t move them. [Reality check – If the end of the rope slips though mom’s hands when the daughter is still twenty feet up, how was she supposed to belay/lower her daughter all the way to the ground?]
Act 1
The Hice/Mark II discuss the mother’s case in a Christmas-decorated room... that is Drs. Foreman, Taub, Kuttner, and 13. Will we finally learn 13’s name in this episode, the first since they ‘won’ the dubious pleasure of working for House? Kuttner stirs his coffee with a peppermint stick, and wonders if House is going to keep all four of them. Guess the competition anxiety dies hard. You’re safe, Kuttner! Foreman says House said he would keep them, but Kuttner worries that House lies. Just then the liar walks in and begins his Grinch imitation, ripping down the “superficial decorations of a hypocritical season” and asking Kuttner why he put them up, which Kuttner denies doing. ‘Liar’ House accuses, “Homey knows better, Hymie doesn’t care, and Huntingdon’s would have done a better job.” “I don’t have Huntingdon’s.” 13 pipes up. But it’s the alliteration, you see. Now all we need is an “H” for Kuttner and we’re all set. And dang, we still don’t know 13’s name.
13 comes up with an excellent syllogism “The point of the game was to scare us. Telling us it’s over isn’t scary, therefore you have no reason to say that unless it’s true.” House gives a rueful nod, and Kuttner’s day is made “Good, then can we do a Secret Santa?” he pipes up. “I liked you better fifteen seconds ago when you were afraid for your job,” the Grinch replies. Kuttner deflates a little, and the team goes on to discuss the mom’s case. Taub presents the dry facts, and asks if there’s any history of drug use, to which 13 quickly replies “No.” House demurs that “She says there’s no history.” But 13 insists “She’s not a liar,” and the basic theme of tonight’s episode is off and running. House says he can’t treat aliens, and 13 acknowledges “everyone lies”, except this particular person, who’s and exception to the rule, which House insists doesn’t have exceptions – that’s what makes it a rule.
13 explains the patient’s mother died of breast cancer without telling her daughter she was even sick, so the daughter (who is now the mother, are we following this?) has sworn an everlasting vow never to lie to her daughter. Taub adds that the patient inherited the cancerous tendency from her mom and had a prophylactic double mastectomy ten years ago. House says then she lied about that. 13 says she told her co-workers and her kid. House says she lied to the world – in having reconstructive surgery. Aha, but Taub adds she didn’t have reconstructive surgery. Now House is interested – can his world view be crumbling? Kuttner thinks thIs rules out breast cancer, but Taub, former plastic surgeon, says even the best can’t remove every speck of breast tissue, so House sends them off to MRI what’s left of her chest. House will redo the patient history – searching for a lie, no doubt.
House sits with the daughter, sharing a lollipop with her (no, one each, you nasty minded folks). Daughter has a sling, but not, as far as I can tell, a cast, so maybe the arm was only sprained. He brings out that the patient has no secrets from her daughter, nor vice versa. Drugs, alcohol, and sex, no lies in either direction. House is stunned and his strawberry lollypop loses its savor.
Talking to Wilson later, he says that this much truth is “child abuse”. “Honesty?” asks Wilson. Wilson examines MRIs of the patient as the philosophical debate goes on. House struggles to analogize the need for dishonesty. Wilson is confused “Am I taking the ‘truth is good’ side? Isn’t that usually your argument?” “Lies are a tool...” House begins, then abandons that analogy for a better one. “Lies are like children. Hard wortk, but worth it because the future depends on them.” “You are so full of.... love, or something” Wilson opines. This whole debate/conversation/consultation is taking place in the service line of the cafeteria. Wilson’s conclusion: No cancer in the MRI.
House goes back to the Hice for a new theory. House, 13 and Kuttner trade analyses of the patient (whose name we learn is Maggie) in the hallways, and comment on her sex life (STD’s are ruled out, 13 says). [My pharmacy has a pick up phone in the drive up window just so the person in the car behind us can’t overhear any conversations with the pharmacist but the doctors in this hospital discuss case histories and sex lives in the hallway? Does HIPAA not exist in this universe?] House says sex with strangers can have other problems than STDs. Kuttner says they’ll follow up with any recent sex partners. House says send Foreman and Taub, they lie better.
Foreman and Taub sit (in their stocking feet) in the home of one of those sex partners. He’s a bit A-R about his recently refinished floor (and about using coasters, though he doesn’t seem to have provided any). He’s also drinking from a large water bottle as he denies drugging Maggie – she jumped him, he says. The doctors use a little creative iatrogenic hypochondria to elicit the admission that he slipped Maggie a little “E” just to enhance the experience.
House examines a good looking clinic patient with swollen glands. She’s wearing a St. Nicholas medal. “Patron saint of children,” she says. “Also seamen, merchants, archers, prostitutes and prisoners” House adds. House tells her she has strep, and to take a day off. When she says she can’t, he says he’ll give her a note for her pimp, having eliminated seaman, merchant, archer, and prisoner on various grounds, just leaving one role left. “Two actually,” she replies with a mischievous grin, “but I’m not a child, am I?”
In the hallway, Cuddy hits House up for fifty bucks for the “nurses’ holiday bonus.” House says he wants to hire forty more fellows. “You already fired the ones you hired?” Cuddy asks. “They work better when they’re scared.” Taub walks up to report the Ecstasy and what they’re doing about it.
Kuttner talks to Maggie. They’re scrubbing her blood through the dialysis machine to remove the drug. Maggie asks “What just happened?” “Nothing” Kuttner replies. “What do you mean, the lights just went out,” Maggie says in the brightly lit room.
Uh oh.
Act 2
The team reports. No adulterants in the “E”. Nothing that would cause blindness. House examines a scrap of paper and asks if you spell “Homey” with a “Y”. (Well obviously, I do.) Kuttner brightens at the idea they’re actually going to do a Secret Santa. House throws a bunch of papers in a red fireplace stocking and holds it out to Taub. “Pick a name.” After a little debate and a few more ethnic slurs, House tells them to spend twenty five dollars and “Learn to love.” They discuss theories and House analyzes each person’s reaction to the name they draw. Long-time House viewers are under no illusions as to exactly where this is going, are we folks? House sends them to go look though Maggie’s house for other drugs, or anything else useful in diagnosis. The team members each try to suggest alternate theories and House goes along with a bunch of tests but still insists they check her house – and he wants their computers, too.
Foreman and Taub are administering blood dye to blind-Maggie for another test. Her daughter is present, as she has been constantly. No secrets, remember? Maggie presses up to a machine to allow them to examine the blood vessels in the back of her eye. “Your boss is weird,” the girl says. Perceptive girl. They agree, adding that his manner often gets “information you may not have been telling us by...” “...being a jerk?” Maggie completes. “You’d be amazed how often it works,” Taub says. The dye reveals no leakage. The good news is the blindness is not a vascular problem. The bad news it that a vascular problem would have been fixable.
House plays a little solo foosball in the doctors’ lounge as Wilson comes in to inquire about the Secret Santa. House says it’s a built in conflict situation – gifts are inherently divisive and subversive, he says.
13 and Kuttner stroll through the lobby, Kuttner saying he might like to exceed the $25 limit a little. Which would be a bad idea, 13 says. Kuttner asks about House’s Huntingdon’s reference, but 13 doesn’t want to talk about it.
Taub reports the vascular test while House tried to break the security on the patient’s and daughter’s computers. It’s not hard, since there isn’t any – no passwords. And both computers were sitting right next to each other in an open area – a little hard to visit naughty web-sites that way. I think I can see TV-Fodder right up their near the top of both their “favorites” lists.
The other doctors report a complete round of negative tests. Only the patient can’t see or move her hands. “Or so she says.” House adds. “You can’t lie about that,” 13 responds. “What if she’s not lying – what if her brain is? What if it’s a conversion disorder?” Foreman puts in. Conversion disorder – a topic we were introduced to in “Airborne” last year in one of my all-time favorite House eps. Fancy doctor talk for what we lay folk call ‘hysterical’ blindness, or paralysis. Sounds like a perfect psych case, House opines. “I’ll set up a psych consult,” Kuttner says and strides out to do so. House countermands the order, and says “We need to trick her mind. Or better yet...”
House and 13 walk down the hall. 13 is agin’ it. whatever ‘it’ is. [Starting to sound Clintonish here]. They have a philosophical discussion on truth, and 13 refuses to lie to Maggie. House says “OK, but I still need you.”
House goes in to Maggie’s room to talk to “Jane” (finally we learn the daughter’s name.) In the lounge, he explains his plan – to administer a placebo to Maggie with Jane going along with the lie – or else the placebo won’t (can’t) work. They can’t, he says, just give her antidepressives and wait because the drugs take too long and there’s a chance they’re wrong. But “Mom’s not depressed”, Jane protests. “She’s hiding it from you, like any good mom would,” House counters. House says Jane’s never lied, so she can’t recognize it in her mom. Jane say she knows how, but just won’t do it to her mom. Plan B time. 13 takes Jane to the doctor’s lounge to play foosball so House can lie unchecked.
Taub spins some doctor bafflegab to Maggie about an infectious condition keeping Jane out of the room (he’s already been inoculated, he says) but not to worry, his magic somethingium treatment (an IV saline drip, apparently) is amazingly effective and she should be better in a few minutes. While the ‘treatment’ drips into her veins he asks her if maybe it might be better to lie to Jane occasionally. Nope, is mom’s opinion.
In the lounge it’s team foosball, Kuttner and Jane against 13 and Foreman. The doctors chatter about the Secret Santa. Kuttner talks about exceeding his spending limit. 13 says he must really like who he got. “Or really dislike,” Jane says, “Mom always gives the best presents to the teachers I get along with the worst.” This enlightened parenting stuns the three adults in the room. Jane uses the moment to score. Deeeevious child. In the moment of enlightenment that follows, they all realize what we all knew all along – they all have House’s name.
Elsewhere House and Wilson chat about this very thing. House says he’s sowing a little dissension and getting a few ties and sweaters. Ties, maybe, but try and find a $25 sweater these days outside of Goodwill. Wilson wonders what they’ll do when they find out. All part of House’s evil plan.
The finder-outera discuss just that. Jane thinks it’s sad that a grown man would do that to get presents. 13 says it’s pathetic. Kuttner is still buying him a present. “No, you’re not,” 13 says. “Fine!” says Kuttner.
Maggie takes a turn for the worse – her lymph nodes are swelling and cutting off her airway. Crash time. Watch those placebos, boys.
Act 3
Foreman and 13 treat the intubated Maggie while 13 and Kuttner talk to House. Not psychological, House concludes. There’s a nicely wrapped present on his desk. ‘From Santa’ House says. House is going though thousands of the patient’s emails, without finding any incriminating lies. House comments on several commonplace emails until 13 slams the laptop closed (on his fist) telling him to “Stop obsessing.” But House says his obsession has led him to the conclusion she has sarcoidosis. Evidence: sold her Stairmaster, cancelled a hiking trip. The team debates this as House unwraps his present.- an iPhone. Somebody’s way over the limits.
Taub, 13, and Kuttner administer a probe scope down Maggie’s throat and into her lungs as they debate who gave him the present. 13 thinks House gave it to himself.
In the cafeteria, House returns the phone to Wilson and gloats over the arguments he’s generated.
The team speculates. 13 firmly holds “It’s House”. Maggie coughs to assist in removing the probe, which has found nothing. But as Taub asks her to open her eyes, we see she’s bleeding from the corner of her right eye.
Double uh-oh.
The team reports to House, and speculate more causes. House orders a bone marrow aspiration.
Kuttner privately reports to House that he’s House’s Secret Santa, so how did House get a present already? Maybe somebody else wants to make me happy, House says. “Merry Christmas,” Kuttner says and hands him a present as 13 and Taub burn in the distance. Kuttner is taken aback when he turns and sees their look. House grins as his plans work to perfection
Same patient is back in clinic. Now she’s got pustules on her throat. “Clap on” House sings. But there’s “no rash on my labia”, the patient responds, “do you need to take a look?” For some reason House declines the opportunity. House examines her lips (not those, you dirty minded person, you), then asks “Do you do a ‘donkey show’?” Now who’s got the dirty mind? In New Jersey? (I’m asking? I thought such things were limited to back street bars in TJ.) She admits to it. Euuuw. ”Contagious exima,” House concludes. Not sure of the spelling here, guys, and not sure I want to look it up. He prescribes an antibiotic cream and she invites him to come see the show for which she’s apparently carrying around fliers! Which I can’t read. House declines – but keeps the flier.
Foreman and Chase have Maggie on an operating table with a drill. I guess this is the bone marrow aspiration House ordered. But as they start to drill (inside an incision with the bone exposed) the drill bit begins to smoke. The bone is harder than the steel drill?!?
Act 4
House, Foreman, 13, Taub, and Kuttner pore over the x-rays, wondering how Kuttner missed a “hot spot” causing them to drill in the wrong place. Kuttner insists he didn’t miss anything and the bone density is consistent throughout her body. Bad news if true, Foreman says, cause she’s turning to stone. Kuttner shows he’s learned the House method, saying they should treat one of the causes of osteo-petrosis, “CA2”, because it’s the only cause that’s treatable. House concurs.
House sees Wilson in the hall and tells him his evil plan is working and the others were now turning on Kuttner. Wilson starts walking, fast. House asks where they’re going. Wilson says “Nowhere, I just know it hurts you.” Evil tit for evil tat. House can respect that.
Taub describes the treatment for CA2 deficiency - a bone marrow transplant – to Maggie. They’re going to test Jane for a match, he says. Maggie objects to that. Adamantly. She won’t give her permission for the test, let alone a transplant. Taub tries to guilt her into it. Jane is hearing all this and begs her mother to let her have the test. Maggie won’t budge.
Taub reports to House that a “5 of 6” match has been found in Cleveland. House wants to know why Jane hasn’t been tested. Taub speculates on Maggie’s reasons, but House isn’t buying it. His little House BS antennae are quivering. Taub gives him a present. 13 walks in and says there was no CA2 deficiency – dum da dum dum. “The best we can do is make her comfortable.” She asks if the present is from Taub. “Yes it is,” House responds. She pulls one of her own out and hands it to House. “Who;’s going to tell the patient she’s dying?” “I will,” House says, “but nobody leaves here until we find out what killed her.” And a very merry Christmas to all.
The four Hice work on their dreary task on Christmas Eve in the lab. Kuttner asks if they’re mad a him for going ahead and giving House a present which more or less forced them to as well. 13 says nope, she’s not going to get mad, because not getting made will drive House nuts. “And you think that will make your life better or worse?” Foreman asks. Jane walks in and says she wants her marrow tested no matter what her mom thinks.
House talks to Maggie. Maggie says she can’t be dying, they don’t even know what she has. House says she’s got one last Christmas with her daughter, one last chance to give her a present of the truth. Maggie asks what he’s talking about. As most us figured out several script pages back, House reasons that a mother about to die doesn’t refuse a donor test because it will hurt, she refuses because she knows it won’t match. The one big lie revealed at last. Maggie admits she never wanted kids – she loved them but didn’t want to pass on her faulty genes. But when a drug-addict acquaintance got pregnant and didn’t want to have an abortion, she adopted Jane, promising never to tell.
Jane walks in and tells Maggie ‘the doctors have told me what’s happening’. Time for big lie number two. “It’s going to be OK, sweetheart. Doctors can be wrong. There’s still a chance...” But Maggie knows the truth (the dying part, anyway). The doctors leave them together.
House is leaving through the general Christmas merriment in the hospital lobby. Wilson commiserates over his dying patient and his bundle of gifts. In the cold outside, House marvels over having seen the cold hard truth told, stripping the patient of all hope. Wilson boggles at this, since House tells the cold hard truth all the time – “You get off on it.” Because I don’t care, House says, but she cared, and did it anyway – because she cared.
Wilson is wearing a hat with long red ears. House tells him to take it off. “It’s Christmas”, Wilson says, “it’s a reindeer”. “It’s a moose... on a Jew.” “Who cares?” Wilson asks, and somehow makes the ears flutter at House and I break out laughing even in the midst of this tragic moment. “Things have their place,” House says, “You wouldn’t hang dreidels from a Christmas tree.” “You could,” Wilson says, waxing philosophical, “things don’t care.” House gets that burning look in his eye – “No they don’t,” he says, and dashes back into the hospital as “God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen” breaks out on nearby church bells.
House comes into the lab singing the same song, irritating and baffling the Hice at the same time. “Give the patient resperidone.” “An anti-psychotic?” Taub questions. “I am going to perform a Christmas miracle” House announces.
“But you told me all the causes of osteo-petrosis are incurable.” The Maggie says. “All but the one we discounted early because it was impossible.” House says. Seems developing fetuses have breast tissue all over but as they develop it concentrates in the fun places and wastes away everywhere else. Except sometimes a little hangs around in out of the way place.
Risperadone will make breast tissue swell and easier to locate, he says, as he palpitates all over her body. He finds a swelling behind her knee and jabs a needle into the mass, drawing a milky fluid into the syringe. Risperidone, he says, also cause lactorehea. “What’s that?” Jane asks. “Open you mouth,” he tells her, and when she does squirts the fluid into her mouth. “Relax, you’ve had it before.”
The fluid is milky because it’s, well, milk . “We’ll cut out your mom’s tumor, start her on chemo, and all the rest of her symptoms should go away.” Smiles and expressions of love. House tells them to “Have a wonderful life,” and slinks off. All the love just too much for him.
The camera pans over the Hice, Chase, and Cameron enjoying an eggnog in the lobby. House limps by without acknowledgement as “Santa Clause is Coming to Town” tinkles on a piano. House walks off into the snow. Alone on the dark streets.
But wait. This is not the end. A long shadow enters a church., followed by a limping man. It’s a midnight mass, crowded but not completely full. House slips into a pew near the front. A Christmas pageant is just beginning. An actual donkey, led by a berobed Joseph, carries a very pregnant Mary into the front of the altar, and a Jazzy version of “Who Took the Mary Out of Christmas” plays. (Actually, it’s “Merry”).
But wait! We know this Mary. It’s House’s clinic patient. Her ‘donkey show’ contact was not what we thought all along – it was rehearsal. And she’s been titillating House for evangelical purposes. At least that’s how I interpret all this, and it’s my blog.
Merry Christmas, everyone, even if it is more than a month late.
- Cecil
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Next Week:
“House has to treat a patient from a long way away. She’s in an Artic (Antarctic?) station.”
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Last Episode: 11/27/07 4-09 Games
Next Episode: 02/03/08 4-11 Frozen
==========================
House Episode 4-10 – It’s a Wonderful Lie
Cast and Crew
Writer:..................................Pamela Davis
Director:................................Matt Shakman
Stars:
Hugh Laurie Dr. Gregory House
Omar Epps Dr. Eric Foreman
Jesse Spencer Dr. Robert Chase
Jennifer Morrison Dr. Allison Cameron
Lisa Edelstein Dr. Lisa Cuddy
Robert Sean Leonard Dr. James Wilson
Also Staring:
Kal Penn Dr. Kutner
Peter Jacobson Dr. Taub
Olivia Wilde Thirteen/Huntingdon’s
Recurring Roles:
Bobbin Bergstrom Nurse
Guest Stars:
Janel Moloney Maggie
Liana Liberato Jane
Cheyenne Wilbur Minister
Scotty Maguire Bystander
Jennifer Hall Melanie
Anthony Starke Roger
Music:
Hark the Heralds Angels Sing by Frank Sinatra
Trim Your Tree by Jimmy Butler
The Twelve Days of Christmas by Frederic Austin
The Little Drummer Boy by The Fab Four
God Rest You Merry Gentlemen by Roy Hargrove
Santa Claus is Coming to Town by Ramsey Lewis Trio
Who Took the Merry Out of Christmas? by Staples Singers
The TV.COM "House" website episode guide says the next two original episodes are:
80. It's A Wonderful Lie To air: Tue, 1/29/2008
81. Frozen To air: Sun, 2/3/2008
Episode 80 is Christmas themed, and was originally scheduled to air before Christmas, before the writer's strike turned the network schedules topsy turvy. Happy belated holidays, everyone.
According to Ausiello, "House" has three remaining episodes in the can, though when the third will air has not been announced.
]]>Merry Christmas, everyone!
Hope you weren’t too depressed by the Christmas-themed second-season rerun this week with House sinking deeper into Vicodin addiction as the police detective turns up the heat.
]]>A little news to keep help us get through the hiatus until House resumes in the new year.
First of all - for how long? Short answer: Nobody knows. There are at least a few episodes still in the can for the new year, returning, presumably, on Jan 8 (but stay tuned.) I've heard no rumors about the duration of the writers' strike, so your guess is as good as mine. Since most episodic TV takes a little over a week to produce an episode - and that's assuming everything is ready in advance - we can at the very least expect interruptions in the episode flow in the spring. If the strike goes long, then maybe the few remaining are all we get this year. So it goes.
For more news on the Survivor-style staff candidate eliminations, both the in-show logic and the production company logic behind who stayed and who got canned, see the TV Guide Michael Ausiello report at this location.
I'm getting the impression that the elimination-anxiety felt by the actors was just as great as that portrayed in the series. That is, the weekly eliminations were not known in advance, and maybe not even planned in advance by the producers, but instead were as real as the on-show doctor eliminations. So the forty original actors were in just as much a competition as the doctors they portrayed.
And a little more House news embedded in other series news at the Ausiello report HERE.
See you in the new year,
Cecil
Airdate: Tuesday November 20, 2007
This is a capsule review – it will be supplemented soon by a full review.
The Hook:
A magician is performing the old Houdini shackled-upside-down and submerged-in-a-tank-of-water trick. Big Love is drafted to participate in verifying the reality of the trick. But something goes wrong and blood drifts out of the mouth of the submerged magician. Big Love and Foreign Guy rush to get the man out of the tank.
Act 1
House rides a scooter into the lecture room. Sooo 1990’s, House. The candidates all wait, mute. Foreman reads the paper in the back, coffee at hand. House announces a new competition. FG interrupts to tell about the magician last night. House suggests there’s nothing interesting about a drowning man whose heart stopped, and tries to go on, but BL interrupts to say the man lost consciousness almost as soon as he hit the water. House wanders how BL could go on a man-date with his family obligations. FG tries to get back to talking about the heart stoppage, saying the ER confirms the man’s basic healthiness, but House maintains that he was lying – about everything – “He’s a magician, that’s what they do.” Cutthroat Beeyotch tries to get back to the challenge.
House says the winner gets to nominate two competitors, and House will fire one of the two. FG still wants to talk about the magician. House tells him to run along and perform his little tests, but if he’s wrong, he’s fired. CB is all ears to find out how she can oust a teammate. House says the challenge is all about demonstrating the skill of ‘breaking the rules without getting caught’: “Bring me the thong of Lisa Cuddy!” As House the shoos startled contestants out of the room to begin their quest, Foreman quips “That’s how I got hired.”
BL, 13, and Plastic Surgeon Guy all express disgust with the unprofessionalism of the assignment and declare they should all beg off. CB says “Fine,” but they all realize she doesn’t mean it and she acknowledges it. The race is on.
FG interview the patient, whose name is Flynn. 13 comes in and tells Flynn that if there’s nothing wrong with him, FG gets fired, which amuses Flynn. All his answers to FG’s questions are negative. He asks “Would it help if I puked?” and coughs up a stream of playing cards, then invites 13 to pick from a fan of them. Flynn appears unconcerned about his condition and keeps up with the tricks. He tells FG to check his wallet. FG hands Flynn the wallet. When Flynn opens it, it promptly bursts into flames, which he extinguishes with a brief puff of air. Then he opens it to reveal the card 13 picked. Now 13 and FG are intrigued, but Flynn declines to repeat the trick with a sly smile.
PSG stares at Cuddy in the halls. CB asks him why he’s staring if he isn’t playing. CB suggests spilling his coffee on Cuddy, working together to give her a reason to take her panties off. As they approach, CB trips PSG, making the coffee not spill on Cuddy. CB innocently asks if she can help with clinic duty.
FG asks Foreman for hints about the case, because he hasn’t found anything wrong with Flynn. Foreman wants to know why he should help one candidate over another. Foreman suggests an MRI of the patient’s lungs.
CB has Cuddy paged to the nurse’s station. [She doesn’t mention which one. There’s only one?] CB lights a cigarette and blows smoke on the fire sprinklers. [Points off for that – there’s no smoke sensor there – just a mechanical fusible plug that melts at fire temperatures.] CB apparently realizes her error and mounts a table to hold the lighter up to the sprinkler. Off go the sprinklers – and the fire alarm. She wades to the nurse’s station and berates the nurse for Cuddy not being there. The nurse says “Dr. Taub said she’d be right out.” Sure enough, there’s PSG and Cuddy, dry, in Cuddy’s office, PSG waving and smiling.
FG prepares Flynn to roll into the MRI. Flynn makes jokes, but as he rolls in he immediately cries out and writhes in pain. FG and 13 run to the rescue. Flynn has internal bleeding.
FG and 13 brief House on Flynn’s tests, but so far they mainly know what didn’t cause the bleeding, not what did. 13 drops the file and appears flustered, as House stares unhelpfully. PSG and CB enter the room, PSG holding up a pair of black thong panties. The others ask how he got them, but House declares they are not Cuddy’s. House declares Cuddy is wearing a red bra, and the thong would match. Foreman tries to direct the conversation back to Flynn’s problem, but House asks CB to hike up her skirt and show her underwear. When she refuses, House declares she is wearing a black bra and therefore she and PSG cut a deal. With a guilty look, CB retrieves her thong and declares “If you’re not cheating, you’re not trying hard enough.”
Foreman tries again to direct the conversation back to medicine. House asks to see the MRI film and FG tells him they never got any, Flynn started screaming the second he started to enter the machine. “You guys ever wonder,” House asks, “how that guy was going to get out of that tank?” He walks out and directs FG to follow.
An OR: a surgeon operates on Flynn, declaring he has lacerations in his digestive tract and a shredded spleen. Gesturing broadly, House, barely gowned and with no mask, announces his trick, reaches into the patient’s open abdomen, and produces a handcuff key, telling FG “Now you disappear.”
Some time after the operation, House drops the key on the patient’s tray, telling Flynn the MRI’s magnet ripped it though his innards from its hiding place. He tells Flynn that FG is no longer on his case since there’s nothing wrong with him. Flynn, however maintains he never screwed up the original trick, that there must have been something really wrong with him. House poo-poos this, saying everything’s explained by Flynn’s forgetfulness and incompetence. Flynn asks House if he ever did magic as a kid – “You seem the type, lonely and obsessive.” He fans a deck and asks House to pick a card. House picks the six of spades. House asks if it’s going to magically appear in his wallet. Flynn throws the deck against a glass wall. All the other cards fall off the wall, and we see the jack of spades stuck to the wall. House says “You are a hack,” and peels the jack off the wall, only to find the six of spades behind it. On the outside of the wall. House looks at Flynn with increased respect. Flynn says “I don’t screw up,” and promptly begins bleeding from the nose. Heavily.
Act 2
House talks to the team, now conceding that Flynn is actually sick. He tells FG to stop smirking. FG replies “That’s just how I look.” BL asks about the underwear challenge. House says it’s “Officially on hold.” “Not fair”, says BL, and pulls a red thong out of his pocket. Startled looks all around. House gives CB a quizzical look and she stands and pulls her skirt down a little to show the top off her black underwear. House says he thinks BL is lying and redirects the discussion to medicine, and the suggestions fly fast. PSG suggest illegal drugs as a possibility. House sends PSG and FG to check the patient’s clothes and home for drugs. CB and BL are to check for heart conditions. 13 he calls to his office.
There he asks for comment on a ‘hypothetical’ act of clumsiness by a girl. She spars with him. He wants to know what she’s afraid of. She declares she’s not hiding any medical condition.
PSG and FG find some pot in the patient’s rooms, which are cluttered and Victorian looking. FG is interested in a fortune telling machine. PSG pulls the cover off a cage and pronounces “Uh, huh. Tularemia.” FG say’s he’d have to have rabbits. PSG says maybe a tick jumped from a rabbit and landed on one of these white fluffy alligators”, pointing to a cage full of rabbits.
House approaches Flynn with a bag for his IV. Flynn asks “What’s in it?” House asks how he did the trick? Flynn says to explain it is to lose the magic. House suggests various ways Flynn could have planted the card. “The fun,” Flynn says, “is in not knowing.” House rejoins that “The fun,” as he cuts the IV line, “is in knowing.” Flynn complains of head pain. House asks if he has a headache. Flynn says “Maybe I’ll just take one of these... Vicodin,” as he produces one out of thin air. House checks his bottle. Yup, sure enough, short. Flynn makes as if to return the tablet, but it disappears before it can drop from his hand.
House tells Flynn, “You eat a lot of beets, you use an electric toothbrush, and you sleep less than six hours a night.” Flynn is impressed, but House promptly explains how he deduced these facts. Flynn says “That was way cooler before you explained it.” “It was meaningless before I explained it.” They have a discussion on the sense of wonder vs. the power of knowledge. Just like in the case of the dying girl judo devotee last season, House can’t stand not knowing, and he really can