House Fodder

House Vs. the Aliens

Did Wes Craven direct this week? Cuz the whole thing was Creepy Magoo. And I liked it. A little boy is pestering his parents at bedtime. Can he have a glass of juice? Turn the TV on? What if "they" come back and get him? (Huh?) After they close the door on him, there are close-up shots of little clown bobble head doll things. Uh. Ignoring their rules, he turns the TV on and hops back in bed. He's not down long before the channels start flipping on their own, and a wind followed by a bright light whip open his bedroom window. Cut to next morning; his parents can't find him anywhere. As they frantically yell his name, the camera pans to him outside, face down on the lawn, a huge blood stain on the seat of his pjs. Woh.

House attempts a run, but stops before he's even started. Bloody leg pain. He pops a pill and heads to work, limping, but still cane free. Wilson and Cuddy take note and tell him he better keep up with his physical therapy or the whole coma trick was for nothing.

Turns out "they" are aliens, who - according to the kid - have put a chip in his neck to keep tabs on him. They tried to abduct him the other night, and his rectal bleeding is from the famous anal probe. The gang think he's hallucinating - House thinks he's just having nightmares compounded by a blood disorder.

Cameron accidentally discovers Cuddy's dirty little secret from last week; wheelchair man is back in the clinic, cured, and asking for Viagra. Why won't they tell House, Ugly Chunky Bangs wants to know? Cuddy promises when she gets to the bottom of House's returning leg pain, she'll fess up. Cameron notices the effect it's having on House - his self-esteem is suffering, he's unsure of himself - and lets Foreman in on her discovery.

Some fun, mid-episode dialogue.
Cuddy: "What's going on with the leg?"
House: "First tell me what's going on with the boobs. They're firmer."
Ha! She claims it's an underwire, but I think there's a little Gregory House cooking inside.

Back to the kid. He appears to have a bleeding disorder, except when he's under stress, when his blood clots normally. House sees something funky in his heart and does a biopsy. Things get even weirder when the genes from the kid's heart don't match the genes from the rest of his body. Alien DNA? "Did anybody watch any X-Files that inspired an explanation?"

Cuddy and Wilson are like some ridiculous vaudeville duo. I feel like at any moment they're about to break into song, perhaps with top hats, definitely with tap shoes. They have both, certainly, lost their minds. Wilson, trying to prove to House that he's wrong about his leg (Wilson thinks it's just muscle soreness vs. the real pain returning) by keeping him in the dark about last week? "You're not always right, House. You've proven that lately." How mean, how stupid, how contrived. I usually love Wilson but I'm hating on him right now. It's an uncomfortable feeling and I want it to go away. (P.S. Hugh Laurie on a treadmill? Be still my heart.)

So...when did the big epiphany finally hit? Under duress, Cuddy finally confesses her secret - House really did come up with the right cure last week. Relieved, he leans down to Cuddy's stomach and starts to babble. "Oh, your Mommy's in such trouble. She's such a liar! That's why you don't have a Daddy, that's why she had to..." Lightbulb!

Turns out, the kid's mom used in vitro fertilization to conceive. Multiple eggs were implanted, and only one developed fully, but at some point early on, the other egg sort of crawled inside him and took up residence. He's like a "bad doubles partner" and they've got to get him - and his foreign DNA that's causing hallucinations - off the court. Brain surgery time. In they go, out comes the bad stuff, and the kid is cured. I've gotta say, this definitely one of my favorite episodes in terms of the medical mystery. I especially liked how Chase and House turned into little aliens at the end.

Oh, and. House is officially back on his cane. Glad I appreciated the treadmilling while it lasted.

-Amy Maloof

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Posted by Amy on September 13, 2006 1:16 AM
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