The ep opens with Earl and Randy and Billie watching TV in the snug quarters at the Palms Motel. Billie it seems has a (somewhat) annoying habit of pointing out the good bits that are about to happen. I swear, there should be a special place in Hell for people who like to point out the good bits that are about to happen.

Billie also does all of the driving now. Apparently she feels that Earl drives too wussily. I suppose almost running over a school crossing guard is cool in Camden County, but ask my wife who's a crossing guard, it ain't too cool anyplace else. That poor little lead-lined metal lunchbox gets the worst of it.

Earl's lottery winnings are all gone, so Earl is living off of Billie's insurance money now. Easy on the tissues there, Rockefeller. One per sneeze. And poor Randy? Why, since Billie is making all the decisions he's sleeping al fresco nowadays.

Earl's favorite part of the day now is when Billie takes a shower, and not for the obvious "she's all wet and naked" aspect of it. Earl finally gets a little peace when she's otherwise occupied. He reminisces about his comatose sitcom life when things were all fuzzy hazy warm and perfect. Compared to now when Billie comes out of the shower saying, "Ahhh, there's nothing like a crap in the shower to make ya feel better." Now maybe Billie said, "There's nothing like a crap AND a shower -- ", but judging by Earl's reaction I think my first take on it was right.
Earl needs some marital advice on how to live with a difficult woman so he goes to the smartest man he knows.

Darnell's home/trailer is still on its side (thanks to Earl and some drunken strippers). Mr. Turtle is the only one who's happy about their current living situation. Darnell shows Earl his journal where he writes down everything that Joy does that bothers him. It's got more volumes than the Encyclopedia Britannica. Joy busts him, but Darnell explains that it's just his poetry. Joy reads a particularly revealing bit, but the point of the exposition eludes her. She points out that it doesn't even rhyme. Earl and Darnell wet their pants a wee bit having dodged a blond bullet.

Now we throw in a tidy bit of overt product placement. The Klondike Bar people paid a pretty chocolate-covered penny here for this next bit. Summary? Randy would do pretty much anything to get a tasty bit of chocolate-covered ice cream and let's just move along people.

Still seeking advice, Earl goes to the happiest couple he knows. Mom and Dad? Nope, Gay Kenny and Stuart. Their best bit of advice involves calling your lover lover and lots of foreplay. Earl tries it out on Billie but ends up getting a little some extra that's SO not on the menu.

Earl finally goes home to seek out workable advice, but Carl is working late at the office. Quite unfortunate since Kay needs help picking out drapery material. Quirky coincidence, that. Turns out that Carl is quite the genius. He's always had to work late whenever Kay had some goofy-ass wifely-oriented chore that needed doing. He could be the Dean of Husband University. Avoidance -- ahhh -- that's the ticket.

At the Crabshack, Earl is avoiding Billie. Joy walks in. She's mighty ticked off that her trailer is still on its side. In fact, the ceiling fan has lopped off one of her pony-tails. Blogger's Comment â€" Whoever does Jaime Pressly's hair must surely have one of the best jobs in town. Earl is unable to help Joy's trailer situation as he just doesn't have the money to rent a crane. He just doesn't understand. He's doing Karma's handiwork to get away from a nightmare of a wife, and Karma sticks him with a nightmare of an ex-wife. Randy gets to the heart of the matter. He realizes that ants can lift weights much greater than their own. And boy they must be ripped and get laid a lot. But that gives Earl a capital idea.

Earl assembles almost everyone he ever helped. With everyone pulling together they manage to right-side-up Joy and Darnell's trailer. Oh, Happy Day! Time for a kegger! But Captain Buzzkill Billie calls Earl while his trying to get a cold and frothy fuzzy.

But hold on -- what's that? There's a leg under the porch. It's a prosthesis. Whuh-huh? Hello # 86 â€" Stole a Car From a One-Legged Girl. Can you say Dee Dee? And I ain't talking about Dexter's Laboratory.

Earl and Randy go to visit old friend Dee Dee at her place of employment figuring that she'd be less likely to have her shotgun at work. She may not have her shotgun but she's got plenty of donuts to fling, and fling 'em she does. Earl chills her out, and to make things right, she wants Earl to feel her pain. She puts Earl through a one-legged ringer. It only needed an ass-kicking contest to round out the tasks she makes him perform. Earl finally understands what Dee Dee's been going through, and See Dee is satisfied. Earl can cross her off of his list.

Back at the Palms Motel, Billie is nice again. Seems t hat whenever Earl is nice to a woman, Billie is nice to Earl. Karma must have a uterus is all I can figure. Earl tests his theory by having Catalina whack him around a bit with a broom. And yup, Billie gets even nicer. This points Earl in the direction of # 204 â€" Seduced Seven Virgins.

Just outside of Camden County lives a community called the Camdenites. The Camdenites are a religious sect that broke away from the Amish because they thought the Amish were just a little too flashy and playful. And as part of the Camdenite experience, when a girl turns 21, she is loosed upon an unsuspecting world for twenty-one days so that she may judge for herself which lifestyle she prefers. Partly thanks to Earl, none of these girls has ever returned to cross over the covered wooden bridge to resume Camdenite ways. Earl referred to this event as the Running of the Virgins. As Earl says, "Some years the bounty is plentiful, and some years there's a drought. But a good farmer always finds something to plow."

Ruth, the Camdenite woman that Earl is explain his list to, tells Earl that if he wants to make things right, he has to make sure that her niece Greta must return. Earl will do his best.

First stop? The Palms Motel. Earl is showing Greta what outside life is all about. What better example than television. Right about then, Billie comes home. She's got lovin' on her mind. After giving Randy and Greta the boot, Billie lays down an ultimatum: It's either me or the List. Earl chooses the List, and Billie lays out Earl with a telephonic blow to the back of his cranium. And the Battle of Karma's List has begun.

At the Crabshack Greta meets Catalina, and she's in full Club Chubby regalia. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Thank God for a lax border patrol. The phone rings, and it's Joy calling for Earl. Billie has gone ballistic and she's up-ended the trailer again. And not only that, but she's set out to undo everything that Earl has done for the last two seasons. She's dropped a dime on Kenny's sexual orientation with Kenny's parents, mocked Rhino Man and Tiny Guy, and set afire Pop's hot dog cart.

At the Palms Motel Command Center, Catalina's keeping a list of Billie's other reversals that includes Too Tall Maggie, Donnie Jones' mom, Crazy Arms, Mistletoe the stripper and even Escobar-a-lop-lop. And it's not long before all of those unhappy folks are in Earl's motel room demanding that he do something about that wife of his.

Right about then the phone rings. It's Billie. She repeats her ultimatum, and this time Earl relents. She's just done too many mean things to too many nice people. Earl reluctantly chooses Billie over the List.

Earl and Billie meet up at the Camdenite bridge. As they talk the cops roll up. But it wasn't Earl t hat called Camden's finest, but Joy. Joy is pressing charges against Billie for tipping over her trailer. But Billie high-tails it into Camdenite territory, and Camden's finest are powerless to pursue. Billie threatens Earl's life, and Earl has five days to find Greta and return her to Camdenite Village or else Billie is going to end Earl in spectacular fashion.

Earl searches all over Camden County but is unable to locate Greta. He goes home to the Palms and there she is large as life making Alka-Seltzer champagne with Randy. Finally it's night0-time, but Earls dreams are haunted with visions of a homicidal Billie. When he finally does wake up it's to a real-life vision of an axe-wielding Billie come to call. Woe is Earl!

Billie explains that she isn't there to decapitate Earl, but that all Camdenite women carry an axe when they go out at night. That's what we do, she says. We, Earl asks? You're a Camdenite?

Turns out while Billie was hiding out with the Camdenites, she became accustomed to their ways. For so long she had been searching for herself and for her purpose, and she found it in the simple life of no mirrors, no wheels, no pitchforks, and no medicines.

Billie and Earl come to a most amicable understanding. She offers up divorce papers, and Earl knows exactly where to sign. She leaves him with a kiss and a check for seventy-two grand.

Earl has his list back, he has his life, and he's back where he belongs.

That's it for this season. I'll try and post some MNIE news as it happens. Drop a line if yer of a mind, and we'll see you in the fall. Have a great summer -- Hit 'em long and straight.

At the Crabshack, Earl's trying to enjoy his lunch but Billie keeps swiping his chips. How's he supposed to crunch-bite-crunch if she steals his crunch? Throws off the whole balanced meal thing. Marriage is all about give and take, but in Earl's mind, he's doing all the giving and Billie's doing all the taking. In Billie's mind, she's just sharing. To the Spin Doctors' Little Miss Can't Be Wrong, we learn that Billie's got some annoying habits like keeping Earl on a very short leash, dressing him in questionable attire, and barging in on Earl's private bathroom time ("Bashful pee-er here!"). Plus she likes Van Hagar and Skynyrd AFTER the plane crash. Wuzzup widdat?

Comparing lists, Earl and Bille espy a common victim: Joel Maloney (played by Jon Heder of Napolean Dynamite and Blades of Glory fame). Joel was a Championship Grocery Bagger until he went to a bagging tournament (Music bed - Papa's Got a Brand New Bag by James Brown), and all the Camden County ne'er-do-wells decided to help themselves to his stuff. Courtesy of the emcee (played by Ralph Garman, the host from Joe Schmoe - hold that thought) we learn that Youngstown, Ohio is the Rivet Capital of the world. Good to know. When Joel got home from the tourney - placing second and winning a $25 Applebees gift certificate - his place looked like Whoville on Christmas morning.

Earl and Billie decide to return Joel's purloined belongings. Billie swiped a ceiling fan, and Earl and Randy had "borrowed" a TV and some carpeting. (No word if Catalina was munching it due to her conversion last week.) So they go to Joy and Darnell's upside-down trailer to retrieve the items. While there, Earl asks Joy if they'd had a getting-used-to-each-other period when they got married. Joy says hell yeah, and she enumerates several of Earl's most annoying habits such as his crunch-bite-crunch OCD-ness, his raising-one-eyebrow-while-thinking thing, and his penchant for rasslin' during foreplay to see who gets bottom.

Earl and Billie take the swag back to Joel's place. Joel has obviously gotten big into home security in the intervening years. His door is plastered with home security stickers and a closed circuit camera. Earl and Billie explain who they are and why they're there. In flashback we learn that when Joel got home from the tourney to find his home trashed, he punched a wall and mangled his hand. He would bag no more, contrary to the "Teabagger - Get It?" graffiti spray-painted on his wall. We also learn that Billie keeps her list in her cleavage. Lucky slip of paper that.

Earl feels really bad about Joel's condition, but Billie recuperates much faster (as witnessed by her getting out of her coma much faster than Earl). She crosses Joel off her list. She's done with that one. But Earl's really disappointed in her Karma-tizin'. On his way to help Joel reclaim his former glory, Earl passes Billie while she's reading I Am 55 - The Sammy Hagar Autobiography (have yet to find it on Amazon). Earl finds out that Joel is no longer a bagger but a lowly sweeper and the local Try 'n' Save. When Earl reacts with mongoose-like speed catching an errant can of peas thrown at Joel's head by a surly co-worker, Joel tells Earl that he has the hands of a championship bagger. Joel wants to train Earl, and to the Theme From Rocky, he does just that. After an inspired montage of training bits (I loved the finger-running-through-the-donuts-as-tires bit), the penny drops for Earl and he's ready to compete.

Earl handily wins the his first round match, edges out Barry Schmoe (See? I told it would come back around) in Round 2, and in Round 3 wins by a nose against Angry Gustav who flips his bagging table ("Cleanup on table 2!") when he loses to Earl. Earl's on to the championship match against 12-time winner, Bagger Lance.

At the tourney, Billie enters and proclaims that she's done, she's finished her list. She derides Earl's lack of list-finishing ability, and poking him in the chest, she says "Work smarter, not harder, Grasshopper." Always did love a good Kung Fu reference.

Earl goes off on Billie. He may have a few faults (a few?), but this Karma-list-completing business ain't one of 'em. He chides Billie on her lack of sincerity and empathy telling her that when you do an item on your list you have to "...pour your whole damn heart into it!" But then Earl makes the crucial mistake of poking Billie back. She don't like that sort of thing and she gives Earl's poking finger a mighty twist. Pain ensues. It's funny because it's mean and it happened to someone else. Randy tries to help by re-twisting Earl's finger in the opposire direction. More pain ensues, and Earl's out of the competition.

Randy notices that Earl and Joel each have one good hand (and boy are they handsome!). Joel reads the rules and finds that there is nothing barring them from competing as a team just so long as they only use two hands. I flashed onto Stuck On You with Matt Damon and Greg Kinnear - good movie...check it out if you haven't seen it. Lance is okay with competing against Earl and Joel "...mano a mano a mano..."

The final match starts, and Lance is kicking butt. To Rick Derringer's Rock and Roll Hoochie Coo, Lance gets a big rabbit-versus-tortoise type of lead and begins to get overly confident. Lance is juggling apples and feeling fine until he cuts his hand on a pineapple. Those things are dangerous - they should be outlawed, but then only outlaws would have pineapples. Earl and Joel find their groove and sneak out a win. They not only bag the trophy, they double-bag it! Score!

Some grocery groupies give the wink-wink-nudge-nudge to Joel as Billie comes up to Earl. She explains to Earl that she finally gets it, that she gets what's actually involved with completing an item on the Karma list. But then she puts the whole thing in the crapper when she tells Earl that he's going to have to lose the 'stache. Randy sums it up nicely when he says that she's going to have to go. Earl without his mustache? That's like the Mona Lisa without her smile! And we FTB.

Next week is the one-hour season finale. Will Earl and Billie get off the island? Oops, sorry...wrong show...

Earl's recruited the usual suspects to assist him. Randy's at Earl's side, Joy and Darnell are living in the Crabshack because their trailer is still on its side thanks to youthful shenanigans a few episodes back. Earl will get it righted as soon as he gets enough money to rent a crane. And oh yeah, by the way, Catalina admits to being a lesbian. What? Yup, you heard that right. Catalina is now playing for the other team. Joy asks, What, Chiquita Banana ain't into bananas anymore? Yes, Catalina says, I am a Chapstick lesbian. But Joy's not buying it. She's convinced Catalina's only claiming Sappho status to double her income at Club Chubby.

Earl figures out that old pal Frank is the key to finding Billie. Joy notes that Earl drives Frank's car, lives in Frank's trailer, and is now after Frank's girl. She asks Earl if he just wants to sleep in everything that Frank slept in.

After finding out that Frank is out of stir and living in a half-way house, Earl and Randy go a-callin'. After hugs and knuckle bumps all around, Earl notices that Frank is wearing one helluva snazzy necklace. Well, it's not so much a necklace as it is a shock collar as Frank found out one day when he tried to catch the ice cream truck. And old friend Paco is at the halfway house with Frank. He's got Earl's old job as Camden County's Foreign Foods delivery boy. Nice lederhosen, Paco!

Randy lets slip that Earl is after Frank's ex-girlfriend Billie, but not to fear, Frank's cool with it, but he wants Earl to help him get a job. And Earl's just the guy to do it. Randy suggests Bikini Inspector or Beaver Hunter. A quick con-fab with Darnell and Frank is gainfully employed at the Crabshack. Score! But keep the noise down. Joy's boys Earl Jr. and Ford are bunk-bedding on (and under) the pool table.

Frank takes Earl to Billie's sister Jocelyn. A brief conversation ensues and we find out that Billie's gone over to the Dark Side. Billie stole Jocelyn's rent money and gas, and robbed a liquor store on Christmas Day no less. Christmas Day? Hmmm -- that's the day that Billie ran over Earl with her car. Perchance she was fleeing from the scene of her crime? Randy's not paying any attention to any of this as he's busy letting Jocelyn's parrot escape from its cage. But thanks to Billie's last phone call and Jocelyn's Caller ID, the boys have a new lead to help track down Billie. Next stop? Gay Kenny. He's the only person they know who has access to the Wide Wide World of Web.

Gay Kenny is pleased to see the boys. Hell, he's pleased to see ANY boys. As Kenny surfs the net, Randy notices one of the tabs on Kenny's computer is titled DILF's. What's a DILF? Earl and company are none too pleased to find out. Looks like there's going to be lots of retina scrubbing tonight. But Kenny finds the phone number that Billie called Jocelyn from. It's a pay phone, so off the boys go.

To The Smiths Girlfriend In A Coma, we get a series of flashbacks of ex-cop ex-pro bowler Stuart Daniels' role in this whole fiasco. Daniels is the guy who ran over Billie after she ran over Earl. Daniels was glued to Billie's side while she was in the hospital. How else was he going to find out if she knew who hit her? His greatest fears were put to bed (so to speak) when Billie woke up and she told him that she had no idea who hit her. Phheww -- that's a relief. But she is worried about Earl. But Daniels straightens her out on that score. He tells her that she killed Earl, and that the cops are looking for her. She needs to get gone, so Daniels sneaks Billie out of the hospital, and the unlikely duo hole up at the Palms Motel.

I swear, the Palms Motel must lie at the nexus of the Camden County universe. For it is here that all dreams come true.

The lovely Catalina is bringing towels to Stuart and Billie's room. Billie just got out of the shower and is looking particularly wet and clean and winsome, just the thing to bring an aspiring Chapstick lesbian out of her shyness. She combs Billie's wet hair - just to get the knots out - but things turn slightly creepy (for Billie anyway) when Catalina takes a little lick of Billie's neck. They are just two hot women enjoying each other's company " -- like God intended -- " Billie seems to disagree. She heads for the bathroom and can't lock the door fast enough. But Catalina recognizes Billie and tells Stuart that she's going to tell Earl where Billie is. Stuart knows that once again it's time to get gone. Sans bra and panties of course.

At the Crabshack, Earl is still worried about Billie. Darnell thinks that's all fine and dandy, but he really wants to know how's that crane rental coming? Earl's run out of ideas on how to find Billie so he pleads to Karma for help. Right at that moment, the phone rings, and it's Karma calling. No seriously, it's Gay Kenny. Guess who's come to visit Kenny? Nobody but Stuart Daniels and Billie. Kenny wants to know who's the ugly chick. Daniels introduces Billie as Roxanne.

Billie/Roxanne is tired of sitting around while Stuart and Kenny blog each other. Stuart fills Kenny in on the whole ball of lies. Kenny just wants to get rid of the icky girl so he can have Stuart all to himself. So Kenny calls Earl and tells him that Billie is hiding out at Kenny's house and would you please be so kind as to get this smokin' hot hardbody out of my house?

Earl and his posse head over to Kenny's house. Things go awry when Frank sees Billie and wants her back. Earl puts off the great reunion until tomorrow. That should be long enough for him to put down his love thoughts on paper and to have Darnell fire Frank so he'll have to stay at the halfway house and not get in Earl's way.

Earl plagiarizes a few Bret Michael's songs and Randy freaks out to see Jocelyn's parrot on the balcony. At least it's not hiding under the pope's mitre.

Next day and Earl goes to re-claim his soulmate. But before he can get to the door, Frank, freshly escaped from the halfway house, tackles Earl on Kenny's front lawn and forces him to eat manure. "Eat poo, Backstabber!"

Meanwhile, inside the house, Billie is robbing Kenny and Stuart. She's going solo on this escapade. Kenny eagerly agrees to tie himself to Stuart.

Right then, Earl busts in through the front door to Billie's complete and utter amazement. Billie is stunned, Earl has poop-breath, Stuart finally cops to having run over Billie, and Catalina shows up in a skin-tight flaming hot red dress. Everyone in the room, except for Kenny, claims to be in love with Billie. After Earl delivers a Jerry Maguire-type speech (sans "You had me at balls."), Billie tells Earl I'm supposed to be with you and they smooch. Catalina seems the most depressed about this turn of events saying, "This isn't the way I thought it would end. I though it would end with our naked breasts pressed together, our long smooth legs intertwined." To which Kenny replies, "Barf."

To Elvis Presley's Hunka Hunka Burnin' Love (a la Honeymoon in Vegas), Stuart and Kenny decide to retire together in Boca Raton surrounded by Jack Russell terriers, Paco and Catalina find each other, Catalina's adventures in the love-that-shall-remain-nameless coming to a premature closure, and Frank and Jocelyn get horizontal. Earl and Billie are finally not only re-united, but married, with their eyes closed in their marriage photo. And for the third time, Earl marries a woman he hardly knows. Earl, Billie, and Randy drive off into the sunset on their honeymoon, and we FTB. MNIE Trivia - Earl's license plate tag is 4MTB879.

Earl's getting the size 12 boot from the hospital. After all, he's been there a while and like any month-old vegetable it's time to go. The hospital staff gives Randy the option: Put Earl in long-term care, or take care of him yourself and we'll throw in a coupla grand of Camden bucks good at six local vendors. Randy wouldn't be Randy if he didn't make the obvious choice. So...

Randy's loaded Earl into a shopping cart like a mustached sack of potatoes, and the boys are taking in the sights and sounds â€" well, Randy is â€" of downtown Camden. Watch out for that curb! Oops, too late.

Comatose Earl is passing the days in his very own 60's-style sitcom, The Hickeys. Old Earl and Old Billie are driving down Memory Lane. One memory involved bisecting the house with tape a la Peter and Bobby Brady. Sly Old Earl is clever enough to put the business half of 60's Earl Jr. on Billie's half. And oh yeah, what about the time bindlestiffed Cousin Wendell came to stay with his favorite honkey cousins? My oh my, the laughs just keep on coming.

Back on the mean streets of Camden, Randy and Shopping Cart Earl run into (figuratively) Patty the Day-time hooker. Randy convinces Patty that Earl's not doing too bad. "Look," Randy tells Patty as he wets his finger pre-Wet Willie, "Every opening I stick my finger in I get a different reaction." Patty responds (GREAT QUOTE # 1) that that sounds like her job.

Patty has a remote control wheelchair left over from Snooky the pimp. And it is one seriously pimped out chair. So nice that Darnell and Joy are jealous. She even offers to cripple Darnell. He almost takes her up on it. Darnell's a little concerned that Randy is taking care of Earl, but he's just as happy to see that the hospital throws out white people too.

Darnell doesn't think that Randy is capable of properly taking care of Earl. I'm not really sure why. The chicken, fries, and beer IV Randy prepared for Earl sounded pretty damn good to me. As did Ann-Margret's Bye Bye Blues.

Randy figures out that if doing things on Earl's list made Earl a little bit better, if Earl was to resume list duty surely the results would be even more potent. I'm not too sure how that's going to work as Earl has the muscle control of a Stretch Armstrong. Hmm -- how about #241 â€" Made Derrick Stone Late For Work.

Back in the trailer park there was a guy named Derrick who had the audacity to find gainful employment. Poor Derrick. Little did he know that going to work in the morning would interrupt Earl and Randy's sleeping one off. But the boys showed him. They buried his car under a mound of dirt. As a result, Derrick lost his job and his girlfriend.

Randy's working on #241. He put Earl in the back seat of the car so Derrick can drive in the carpool lane and therefore not be late for work. But the car isn't Derrick's any more. Derrick sold the car to the cute girl next door. And she's none too happy to see a passed out (she thinks) mustache in her back seat. A can of mace later, and 60's Earl's eyes are watering. Billie thinks it's just the trauma of seeing Earl's mom in a see-thru outfit in the memory album. I think my retinas could use a good scrubbing too.

So looking over Earl's list, Randy chances upon #116 - Rolled John Bentster Down A Hill In A Porta-potty. You know how I know that's funny? Because it's mean and it happened to someone else. Randy seems to agree with me because when Darnell asks him if he'd like to roll down a hill in a porta-potty Randy gets his eww face.

So it's nix on #116. But how about # 126 - Stole From The Henson Kids. See, there was this family that lived by the Hickeys - the Hickeys, not The Hickeys - that went on lots of fancy schmancy vacations, and Earl and Randy were mighty jealous. I mean, after all, who wouldn't be jealous of a family that jumped out of a plane together and all broke their spines and ended up in wheelchairs? Young Earl and Young Randy stole the wheelchairs from the neighbor kids - Bret and Tiffany - and left them lying on the blacktop baking in the noonday sun.

Randy finds the paraplegic duo in the local wheelchair bar. After explaining the sitch to them, the Hensons explain how while they were lying on the blacktop they got humped by a Doberman Pinscher. "We got humped by a Doberman," Tiffany adds (GREAT QUOTE # 2) "...to completion!"

Randy laughs and laughs and laughs and laughs. And then he laughs some more.

So can I cross you off Earl's list? After all he did leave Earl out lying on the blacktop baking in the noonday sun to even things up.

Bret and Tiffany - still wheelchair-bound - roll away angrily.

Randy laughs some more. But only until he goes outside to retrieve Earl who's getting his pants yanked off by a bum. MNIE Trivia Point - Earl wears flannel boxers.

Randy motors Earl back into the wheelchair bar and they talk things over with Tiff. She agrees to let Randy scratch them off Earl's list if he'll help her make her old boyfriend, T.R., jealous. T.R. and Bret are opposing captains in the Camden Killerball league. If you've ever seen Friday Night Lights you'll know what Killerball is. It's when guys in wheelchairs pass a ball around trying to score goals and try to paralyze whatever bits of the opposing team still function. Due to a slight mis-communication, one guy on Bret's team can walk. Apparently being crippled is a prerequisite for being in this league. Who knew? So Bret's down a guy. Hmmm...who can we get to replace him?

Say, isn't that Earl person wheelchair-bound? When Randy decides to put Earl in the game is precisely the moment when Darnell makes up his mind over whether or not to testify against Randy. (He will.)

On The Hickey's, Old Joy and Old Darnell return from Florida. As does Earl's citified mincing lisping Cindy's-scarf-wearing twin brother.

According to Eal's voiceover, Randy (GREAT QUOTE #3) has a degree in Joystick from the University of Pac-man. To REO's Keep On Rollin', Earl, with Randy's assistance, even scores the game-tying goal. But now the pressure is on. And so apparently are the allergies of the woman sitting behind Randy. She lets out a whopper of a sneeze right on Randy's neck. Randy drops the remote control joystick and Earl is left rudderless.

Tiffany does the only thing she can to distract T.R. and make him jealous. She yells, (GREAT QUOTE #4) "I love you Earl, and your fully functioning penis!"

This has the desired effect. T.R. whips the ball, it ricochets off Earl's face and into Bret's lap. Bret scores the winning goal (give Earl an assist). Tiffany gets her old boyfriend back and Bret is the hero. Scratch off #126.

On the other side of Camden, the cute girl from the trailer park is still uptight over finding a near-cadaver in her back seat. She stops to pick up Derrick who's waiting at the bus stop. Derrick makes it to work on time, and he's taken the first step to getting a girl back into his life. Scratch off #241.

All these Karma points ring up like a pinball machine on HGH, and The Hickey's Earl realizes that coma world is not the right place to be. He gets up off his couch and steps right in front of a speeding car. Why a speeding car was in his living room...well...let's just let that one go for now, shall we?

On the floor of the Killerball arena, Earl's eyes flutter open. He wakes. Let me repeat that. Earl is awake. EARL IS AWAKE! But he's in serious need of a breath mint. Karnma may be all that when it comes to righting wrongs, but is good with the tooth brushing not so much.

Earl tells Randy and Joy and Darnell that he had a crazy dream, that he was married to Billie.

Who's Billie? Darnell wants to know.

"Oh crap," Joy says, (GREAT QUOTE #5) "I think Karma made him gay."

And we FTB.

Randy makes the poor decision (there's a surprise) to come up behind Earl with a big cake-cutting knife. Earl sees the blade out of the corner of his eye and reacts as any good convict would: He flings an elbow right into Randy's nose. As the saying goes, "You can take the boy out of the prison, but you can't take the prison out of the boy."

Catalina is happy to see Earl get out of prison in time for Christmas. (Almost as happy as we are to see Catalina.) Randy managed to retrieve Earl's list from the prison property folks. Earl may have to add "Broke Randy's nose" to the list now. Earl's a bit conflicted. He spent two years doing good for others and it seemed like only bad things happened to him, like going to prison. And when he did bad things, it seemed like good things happened to him, like getting out of prison. It's all a bit confusing for a flannel-wearing mustache life support system. So Earl tells Randy that he'd kind of like to get settled in before resuming tackling the list.

Earl and Randy's hotel room is full of homeless people thanks to the mayor's "Hide the Homeless for Christmas" campaign. So it's off to the only place around that'll take the boys – Catalina's room, aka the Laundromat. It's never quite made clear where Randy's been living while Earl was in prison, but let's disregard that for the moment, shall we? And what's an ex-con to do for a job? The only gig Earl can get is delivering food for Camden's only foreign food restaurant. Personally, I never thought about wearing a sombrero with lederhosen, but somehow, Earl makes it work. My favorite part of Earl's garb was the mustache extensions. There're Emmy's waiting for that costumer and makeup artist. Oh Well by Fleetwood Mac sums it up nicely.

Earl rings the doorbell and who should answer but old friend Ralph (Giovanni Ribisi), who we last saw busting out of prison Shawshank Redemption-style. But Ralph seems to have a new look. It rather smacks of Miami retiree, but he looks happy.

Cue flashback: After hitching a ride in his y-fronts by the first someone willing to pick up a practically nude hitchhiker (who else but Gay Kenny), Ralph made his way to old lady Doris' house. But not before imparting some automotive wisdom to Kenny, "Learn how to drive stick, you pervert!" Ewww. As Ralph tries to steal some Meal On Wheels chow conveniently left on the porch, Doris opened her door and naturally confused this funny little underwear-wearing man on her front stoop with her dead husband Stanley and invited him in. Doris' eyesight may not exactly be what it once was.

So, donning a sweater, a plaid pork pie hat, and some over-sized black frame glasses, Ralph chameleoned himself into Stanley and all is just peachy in the Johansen household. Peachy, that is, until one sombrero-and-lederhosen-wearing ex-con comes to the door bearing weiner schnitzel and fish tacos. Ralph explains the scam to Earl and Randy. He's particularly partial to the E D pills in the medicine cabinet. He doesn't know what they're for, but whoop-dee-do ain't they just a hoot! Ralph gives Earl and Randy the bum's rush. It's time for Doris' bath. Double-ewww.

That night in the Laundromat, Earl are Randy are having trouble getting to sleep. Maybe it's just Consuelo's farting. Or not. Randy suggests to Earl that he do something on the list. Ah, here's a good one: Number 205 – Ruined Club Chubby's Mistletoe. Randy likes it because it's Christmas-y.

Flashback: Randy and Earl are in Chubby's. The boys have acquired a laser pointer and are having fun shining it on strippers' breasts ("It's like a little green hand!"). All is skittles and beer until Earl shines the laser pointer into the eyes of a lovely stripper named Mistletoe. Mistletoe is performing the difficult High-pole Upside-down Thigh-crimp when Earl shines the laser into her eyes, blinding her and causing her to fall on her neck in painful fashion. Now she's in a neck-brace for two years. Earl relates the story of the list (as per every other attempt at making things right), but something is missing, Ah, must be the sincerity. Yeah, that's it. It's been said that if you can fake sincerity you've got it made. Mistletoe tells Earl how he can make it up to her.

If you've never seen Jason Lee in Daisy Dukes, Timberlands, and a belly shirt, you have to catch this ep on NBC.com. Well worth the price of admission.

Earl performs Mistletoe's stripper act, tassels and all. He was able to get one of the tassels spinning, but the other just hung there limp and uninspired. Elvira he is not. Strangely, I was unable to avert my eyes.

But this is the final straw. Earl's done being Karma's bitch. He storms out of Club Chubby and lights up a smoke. Even Randy is stunned to see Earl smoking again. Giving up smoking was the first thing Earl did when he moved to Karma-ville. And who should pull up in a big old Cadillac convertible but Ralph with two babes in the car with him. That's it. Earl is done with the list. For two years he did good things, and good things happened to other people. "Where's my good thing?" he asks Randy. Earl drops the list to the pavement and storms off.

Earl and Randy go back to Ralph/Stanley and tell him that Bad Earl is back in town. Ralph couldn't be happier. This calls for a celebration. So it's off to Club Chubby. As Catalina drops off drinks on the boys' table, Ralph gives her an appreciative ass-slap. (And these actors get paid to do this?) Catalina laughs it off. But when Earl gives Cat's ass a wee spanking, she slaps him but good. What's that for, Earl wants to know. Ralph did it and she laughed. Yeah, Catalina says, but she expects better from Earl. She doesn't like New Earl. Earl explains that this isn't the New Earl, it's the Old Earl that she never met before.

Earl and Randy and Ralph pick up a trio of strippers and bring them back to Joy and Darnell's trailer. Joy and Darnell have gone overnight up to Nathanville so it's Time To Par-tay! It's not long before they discover that the trailer has a tendency to rock ("Don't come a-knockin' if this Champion Doublewide is a-rockin'!"), and not a whole lot longer before they manage to tip the trailer over onto its side as if the trailer was a sleeping Holstein and they were a bunch of liquored-up Wisconsin teen-agers. There's another one for the list.

Flash forward to the next morning. Darnell and Joy come home to find their home is somewhat askew. Darnell's willing to see the humorous side of all of this (someday) until he finds Mr. Turtle on his back. Joy is righteously pissed. As soon as she finds the knife drawer there'll be cutlery being flung. She locates the Ginsu, and Earl's mongoose-like reactions save him from a VERY close shave.

Earl's dropping off Ralph at Chez Johansen. Ralph tells Earl that he can't come in as he's, how shall we say, exuberantly aromatically effervescent. Earl hasn't had a shower in three days, and that bird bath in the front yard is looking pretty good. After a whore's shower and a wee nosh of bird seed (to Willie Nelson's Blue Christmas), Earl says enough is enough.

While Ralph is in the shower, Earl nabs Ralph's Harry Caray-style Stanley glasses, hat, and musty sweater. Ralph comes out of the bathroom in his underwear (Giovanni Ribisi's tidy whities gets an extraordinary amount of camera-time in this ep) to find Earl as Stanley reading the paper in an easy chair. Earl kicks Ralph out of the house with a punch in the face thrown in for good measure. Earl tells Randy that he can't come in for a few days, until Doris gets used to the new Stanley. Randy and Ralph sleep in the El Camino (singing Silent Night) while Earl gives Doris a good night smooch. Triple ewww.

Christmas morning, and Earl wakes to find the entire gang in his living room. Even Tim Stack is there. This is an invention, says Randy. We're here to help. Joy explains that Tim is here because he's been on the receiving end of two of these interventions (" -- worked both times -- ").

Darnell reads a poem, and Catalina explains how special it is to have a male friend who isn't interested in raping her mother. Ralph thought they were all there to kick Earl's ass. Kenny is there because he's honored to have been Earl's first Karma-save, and as a result, he was able to experience the love of another man. (Not that there's anything wrong with that.) Randy explains to Earl that he does not like that bad feeling in his stomach. A feeling that I'm sure is nothing like climbing the rope in gym class.

Earl appears to be a tad weepy at this outpouring of sentimentality. Syrupy music plays in the background.

Earl takes a deep breath and says, "Screw all of you. I'm outta here." He storms out of the house in his jammies with no destination in mind. Ralph re-claims the hat and glasses and re-becomes Stanley.

Cue Something in the Air by Fish.

Earl walks down the street and is surprised to see what looks like his list trailing him wind-blown down the street. He picks up his pace but soon tires (damn cigarettes). The wind floats the yellow paper right onto Earl. He looks at it and finds it's just a cheeseburger wrapper.

Ha ha! It's just a wrapper! There is no Karma! An overjoyed Earl jumps, turns, and runs (as if he just scratched a winning lottery ticket) right into the path of a speeding car. End over end, arse over tea-kettle, Earl slams to the pavement. Think Brad Pitt in Meet Joe Black.

Earl had thought that Karma had forgotten all about him, but " -- Karma had just been laying low, keeping tally -- " of Earl's activities. Earl knows when he's beat, and yells at no one in particular, "Okay, you're there. You only punish me for being bad? How about rewarding me for being good? What about that? Where's the good?"

The driver of the car comes to Earl's aid, and -- it's Billie (Alyssa Milano), Frank (Michael Rapaport)'s ex-girlfriend! Earl and Billie recognize each other, at least until Earl passes out. Billie tells Earl to lie still, and as she turns to run and get help (as if she just scratched a winning lottery ticket), she runs right into the path of a speeding car. End over end, arse over tea-kettle, Billie slams to the pavement. Think Brad Pitt in Meet Joe Black.

And so we leave Earl and Billie lying unconscious in the street in Camden County for who knows how long. Most likely we won't find out what happens to them until at least in the fall when the new season starts. God willing the writer's strike will be over by then. In the meantime, I intend to lower my handicap, read a few dozen books, and construct a flagstone patio. ¡Vaya con Dios, amigos!

Earl's packing all of his stuff into his list-pillow, and old friends Frank and Paco stop by to give Earl a going-away present. Frank and Paco have made Earl a mirror with stripes on it so every time he shaves or combs his mustache he'll remember his time as a guest of the state. Seems doubtful that he would ever forget, but hey, with gifts it's the thought that counts. And a mirror with stripes on it is better than a stretched-out bunghole. By a longshot.

Outside the prison, Darnell, Joy, and Catalina are awaiting Earl's emancipation. Catalina and Joy get into it like only they can. God I love those two. Darnell tries to keep the peace as Randy the prison guard practices his slo-mo run 'n' hug. Darnell's even brought a caramel apple for Earl. Sweet. One can only assume that Mr. Turtle is on his way.

Earl approaches the gate only to find out that he's not getting sprung today. And to make matters worse, he's not on the extra pudding list either. ("Could be worse -- could be raining -- ") Earl goes to see the warden to get to the bottom of this foul-up only to be put into shackles and get told that all of his Time Off certificates have been shredded. To Supertramp's Long Way Home, Earl knees the warden right in the man marbles. I gotta agree with the warden: What's the point of the shackles if they can still do that?

As Earl gets escorted to solitary confinement, Joy and Darnell tire of waiting for him and they get into Joy's Brat to head back to the trailer park. Even Catalina's leaving. If she waits too long she'll have to stand on the bus. Holding the pole makes her feel like she's at work. Randy is left to make the congratulatory pyramid all by himself.

Earl gets tossed into solitary confinement (a la Shawshank Redemption) until he can get his head straight (must be a failure to communicate), agree to stay in prison, and keep making the warden look good. To Hocus Pocus by Focus, Earl gets to attend mass, shower, and exercise all while being contained in a two foot by three foot by seven foot box. Kind of reminded me of the monolith from A Space Odyssey. But with a peephole and a bushy mustache.

But soon it's back to a proper cell, and it's not long before Earl starts to lose whatever tenuous grasp on reality he might've had. Twiddling his thumbs (" -- now in reverse -- double-time -- "), playing charades, and Lawrence Welk-ing an imaginary band help to pass the time, but at what cost? Sixty days later, and Earl's drooling and cowering in the fetal position when the warden comes to let him out. But there's more to this porn-star-mustached ne'er-do-well than meets the eye. With a Cool Hand Luke (less the fifty eggs) steely glint in his eye, Earl tells Randy, "It's time to bust out of this place."

To The Animals We Gotta Get Out Of This Place, Earl re-assembles his gang like a modern day Henry Gondorff. (A personal best - two Paul Newman references in one blog.) Frank, Paco, and Randy plot Earl's escape. Actually, Frank's good at what NOT to do. Dressing like a female infirmary nurse (he was too good-looking - bad idea in a men's prison), hiding in mattresses (darn those pitchfork-wielding guards), and prematurely celebrating his freedom right outside the gate like a football player spiking the ball on the five yard line are all proven losers. What to do, what to do?

As Earl decorates the prison in garland and lights, he looks for a way out. A drain, a vent, anything. But it's a rat that shows Earl the way out. Luckily, the warden's always getting lost and conveniently left a blueprint of the prison lying around for any freedom-minded prisoner to use as he sees fit. With Randy inking a quick sketch of the prison onto Earl's back (BTW - Earl is very ticklish), the game's afoot.

It's not just good enough to get to the loading dock. They're going to have to get out the front gate. But how? Randy provides the answer here when he informs the boys that not everyone is searched entering or leaving the prison. The local priest and nun come around every Wednesday. God only knows what she's able to hide under that habit. (Calling Sister Bertrille -- ) To help in their escape, Frank's constructed a zip gun. He's only been able to make one bullet though. Sure hope Randy doesn't shoot a big hole in the blueprint they drew on the wall -- oooooh...too late. Frank is able to make another bullet from Earl's bedsprings so Operation Overlord is a go.

Frank and Paco stage a fight, so Randy hauls them and Earl away down a deserted hallway and unlocks a door. Outside the prison, the lovely Catalina flags down our mobil priest and nun. The next time we see the holy VW microbus, Joy is driving in nun's garb (I was strangely aroused), and Darnell is riding shotgun dressed as a priest. The guards at the main gate wave in Father Darnell and Sister Joy, and the dominoes are falling into place.

Earl, Frank, and Paco are crawling through the air duct. Taking roll call, Earl finds that they've been joined by Randy. Randy doesn't see a problem with this. After all, he's free to leave the prison, and it was never specified exactly how he supposed to leave.

Father Darnell and Sister Joy are leading a group of inmates in a loud and raucous revival meeting. I absolutely loved it when Joy had them chanting. "When I say Holy, you say Ghost" "When I say say butter, you say toast!" "When I say Springer, you say host!" Why, they're making almost enough noise to cover the sound of Earl and Randy crashing through the air duct right into the warden's office. As the warden grabs the phone to call for help, Earl grabs the zip gun. "Guess I shoulda grabbed the gun," says the warden.

Earl's fretting and pacing, worrying about what to do. Randy's not concerned. He just wants to get that darn frog across that darn road. The warden seems uncomfortable with his newly-acquired status of "hostage".

Darnell and Joy are looking to fill up the back of the van with escaped inmates and high-tail it. But no inmates are forthcoming. Darnell gives the guard a Vulcan neck-pinch telling Joy, "He'll be out for fourteen minutes and thirty-six seconds." Joy responds, "Is that what you did to me the other night when I was begging for Round Two?" Darnell can only respond, "I'm not a machine, baby." Darnell hops up and crawls into the air duct. In there, he passes Frank and Paco on their way out ("Never leave a man behind."). As Frank and Paco exit the air duct, Darnell crashes through and belly flops right into the warden's office. In the tumult, the warden grabs the gun. Things look very grim for our stalwart conspirators.

Outside, the neck-pinched guard is waking up. Joy attempts to re-neck-pinch him to no avail. So she clobbers him with a big old keyboard. Boom boom out go the lights. Frank and Paco are ready to take advantage of the situation. The next time we see Paco he's dressed as a nun and driving the VW right out the main gate.

Never one to fail to take advantage of the unconscious, Joy is wearing the sleeping prison guard's shirt. As she starts to remove his pants to complete her ensemble, she says, "Ewww, you need to do some grooming down there. It looks like a thimble wearing a clown wig." I dunno about anyone else, but I had a mental image of the guy who used to wear the rainbow wig to all those football games in the 70's.

Darnell wakes up, shakes off the dust, stands up and sees Earl. "Hey Earl." Earl responds in time-honored tradition, "Hey Crabman."

Darnell looks at the warden and says, "Richard Jammer?"

Whuh-huh?

Turns out, before he was married to the governor, our boy the warden used to make his living peddling the pink steel in porn. In Harry Monroe's -- I mean pre-Witness Protection Program Darnell's apartment. For a special treat, look up Richard Hammer's co-star, Darcy Donavan. She worked with Jaime Pressly in Tomcats, and was also in Anchorman. Hubba hubba la-boomski.

Agreeing to keep this whole unseemly episode quiet, Earl and the warden part ways. To Bob Dylan's I Shall Be Released, Earl walks out of A. J. Johnson prison a free man, his debt to society paid in full.

But Earl is confused. He did wrong, and Karma should be kicking his butt. As he walks out of the prison, Frank and Paco are getting escorted back in. Seems that as Paco was driving the VW microbus to freedom, he spotted his long-lost love Catalina walking on the side of the road causing him to crash head-on into a cop car. I can see that. FTB

Next week Bad Earl resumes his criminal ways as Karma seems to have deserted him. Until a car and Billie come crashing back into his life. Looks like that'll be the last MNIE until after the writer's strike ends, so enjoy it while it lasts.

But Warden Jerry Hazelwood has other problems. And we're not even going to talk about him getting his tie caught in his safe's door. Scissors oughta take care of that. No, Jerry done got himself tricked at his wife's press conference by one of them tricky reporters and his tricky trickiness (with all apologies and respect to Stephen Colbert). One of the other wardens has come up with a reconciliation program in which the inmate and his victim hash out their differences. Warden Jerry has to come up with a Super Duper Super Program of his very own. The difference is that Warden Jerry has a porn star-mustached ace up his sleeve.

With only six months and ten days left in his sentence, Earl jumps at the chance to get another six months knocked off his sentence by coordinating a reconciliation for the warden. And maybe get the remaining ten days knocked off with an omelet du frumage a la Hickey for the warden. But first Earl has to find just the right candidate. Who to pick -- who to pick?

Ah, here's just the right guy. John Clevenger, artist, meth cooker, arsonist.

Cue Johnny Cash's Ring of Fire. Quick flashback to John painting in his parent's basement as his meth lab explodes, burning down his parent house. And his mom's eyebrows. One could see how there might be a need for some reconciliatin'. And an eyebrow pencil.

Earl explains the sitch to John, saying that if he hashes it out with his parents there might be an apology. John likes what he hears. Earl's Super Duper Super Reconciliation Program is a go. Can I get an amen?

Earl's being in stir kind of puts a crimp in Earl's ability to talk John's parents into the reconciliation, but Joy and Darnell are only too happy to pitch in. At first, John's folks aren't too keen on the idea, but Darnell saves the day by telling a stirring tale of woe regarding Mr. Turtle and a candle and an untimely visit from the fire department, and how Darnell and Mr. Turtle were able to hash it out and get past this unfortunate incident. John's dad suspiciously gets something in his eye and gets a touch verklempt as well. John's folks agree to meet with John and attempt to reconcile. Can I get a hallelujah?

In the prison, John meets with his folks. It looks like Earl's going to get his Six Months Off certificate. Ah, but there's eighteen minutes left in the show so we know it can't be this easy. And we're right. There's lots of awkward silence as John's parents wait for him to apologize. Oddly enough, John is waiting for his parents to apologize to him. The meeting fails spectacularly, surpassed in failure only by the warden's admission to the tricky reporter that he and his wife the gov are in marriage counseling because of her addiction to sex. Now I'm no reporter, but that sure smells like a scoop to me.

Earl goes to John's cell to explain the facts of prison life. But John's already painted his parent's portraits in the rear ends of two monkeys. (Man oh man, would I pay big bucks to own that picture.) Earl explains to John that he was supposed to apologize to his parents for burning down their house. That's kinda sorta how a reconciliation is supposed to work. John explains to Earl that he was expecting his parents to apologize to him for screwing up his life. After all, they didn't let him have a TV in his room or let him wear cargo pants. They didn't even let him go to prom!

Earl tells John that he just has to apologize to his parents. John tells Earl that if Earl wants something big, well then, he wants something big in return. Like an aircraft carrier. Or a prom of his own.

Earl fills in Warden Jerry what it will take for John to git-r-done. A prison prom? It's crazy, thinks the warden. Let's get some women. Luckily, there's a women's prison nearby, and a handy stack of stolen gubernatorial stationery.

Earl doesn't know a lot about organizing a prom, or proms in general since he's never been to one. But luckily, Joy's been going to proms since she was twelve. Joy and John pick an unforgettable theme – Underwater Wonderland – and Earl's got the wherewithal to finance the entire shindig. It'll take all that's left from his lottery winnings, but if this gets him out of prison it's worth it. Freedom is not free, and neither are nine foot tall purple and silver seaweed arches. To the Rolling Stones I'm Free, Earl writes the check and it's Prom's Away.

Basking in her promly glow, Joy says, "I made a prom in prison happen. I bet this is what it feels like to be Oprah."

It's the night of the big dance, and Earl's date is the kind of gal who it might be easier to go over than around. She's doing time either for protesting the treatment of Native-Americans or stabbing someone. She seems to have a very nice personality. And she's a pretty good dancer. Much better than Elaine.

Earl's Getting Jiggy With It. After all, this isn't just prom, this is his Get Out Of Jail card. Earl is voted Prom King, and receives his crown from King Neptune, aka Warden Jerry. It's a magical night. But Earl gives his crown to John. Without John, Earl tells the assembled and incarcerated party-goers, there would be no prom. John sits on his throne (a real prom-type throne and not just a euphemism for a toilet) and beams majestically. I particularly enjoyed the inmates having their prisoner numbers stitched onto their tuxes. Very nice touch.

With the prison positively overflowing with warm fuzzies like stoned tribbles on viagra, John's parents make a return visit to try this reconciliation thing again. John warmly greets his parents with a pleasant, "Hi Mr. and Mrs. Hitler," and things go downhill from there. Calling them "fat failures" and telling them to " -- go back to communist Russia -- " didn't exactly help smooth things out.

Earl gets miffed. Not only did Earl promise the warden and John's parents that John would apologize, he didn't even score some strange from his round prom date. John blames his parents for everything that's ever gone wrong in his life, including having two synonyms for a toilet for his first and middle name (John Lou). Earl's had enough. Pouring a handy can of flammable liquid onto John's paintings, Earl (to Fire by Prodigy) destroys John's artwork.

Now it's John's turn to get miffified. But Earl's got the cleverest of retorts. Quoting John's complaints that he did bad because he was treated bad, Earl tells John that he's treating John badly because that's how John treated him. After a roundhouse punch to the jaw and a steel-toed kick to the breadbasket, John begins to see the light. After a righteous ass whupping, John realizes that what goes around comes around. He realizes that poor parenting does not justify burning down your parents house.

Funny thing -- turns out that all that time that John spent in the basement cooking up meth, he was actually memorizing his parents most treasured paintings -- paintings that went up in a big cloud of meth smoke. John was able to recall from memory every detail of those portraits, and he painted new ones to try to make it up to his folks. His folks were suitably impressed and touched, and they accepted John's oil-and-canvas apology. Score six months for Earl.

Warden Jerry is so impressed with Earl's psychological prowess that he calls Earl a "scumbag whisperer." Nice sentiment that. Signing Earl's Six Months Off certificate, the warden says to Earl, "What would I do without you?" Earl replies, very shortsightedly might I add, "Guess you're gonna find out tomorrow." Oops, shouldn't've said that. Earl leaves. Warden Jerry realizes that he's a much better warden with Earl in his jail, so unbeknownst to Earl, he shreds Earl's Time Off For Good Behavior certificates. Which leads us to next week's highlights --

Earl busts out of prison, and Joy is dressed as a nun for some bizarre reason.

Since this is probably the last new episode to be aired thanks to the writer's strike, this truly qualifies as Must See TV.

I am so sad. Time to re-watch the DVD's. And drink heavily.