I think this episode may hold the record for most list items completed. And Dixie cups of wine drank. Let's get to recappin'!
It's time for all the Chreasters to come out of the woodwork and scurry on over to the big church-sponsored festival. Randy and Earl don't go to church, even on Christmas or Easter, but they enjoy cheap greasy food and rigged carny games as much as the next couple of schmoes. Joy isn't having much luck at the fair winning prizes, but she's downing wine by the paper cupful - twenty-five to be exact - and is feeling a bit wobbly. The lovely Catalina is having a banner day winning prizes and even scoring the big AM/FM Headset raffle. Not sure which was bigger - the raffle or the headset. But I digress. Joy wants the car keys from Darnell, but he's the designated keep-the-car-keys-away-from-drunken-Joy-er and he ain't giving them up. Joy's mad enough (or drunk enough...the two do seem to go hand in hand) that she's walking home. Or staggering home. However you want to look at it.
Joy's headed in the general direction of home when she sees a riding mower not doing much of anything. She hops on, giggles gleefully, and starts that bad boy up. In her stupor, she sees three Catalinas (another fantasy of mine), takes aim at the middle one, and decides to run her over. Catalina, enjoying her newly-won radio headset, is caught unawares by Joy's MWI (Mowing While Intoxicated) and ends up plastered to the hood of the mower. Joy makes a drunken beeline to a shed and pins the poor Catalina bwetween the mower and a wall. Where o where is Dudley Do-Right when you need him?
Catalina: That psychic was right. I am going to die in a shack pinned to a wall by a lawn mower.
Earl and Randy have donated their $50 to the Can Toss game when they see a familiar face. The Reverend Greene is carny-hawking a Shoot Satan With A Paint Gun Game. And that reminds Earl of # 35. He doesn't give it a name, so let's just call it Stole An Organ From A Church Because We Thought There Was good Money In Black Market Organs. Livers and kidneys tend to have greater value in the mean streets of Camden that Wurlitzers, but that little nugget of information came to Earl and Randy just a tad late.
Earl confesses all to the good reverend, and promises to return the organ. The reverend, played by Faizon Love, understands Earl's plight. Seems the good reverend has a dark past and was himself once a gang-banging evil-doer by the name of Hash Browns.
Next day at the shed and generous-to-a-fault Joy is delivering some snacks to a still-pinned-down Catalina. Catalina promises, perhaps not too wisely, to go straight to the cops the second she gets out. Joy's already got two strikes, so a third is going to put her away for a long long time. Oops, sorry Catalina, can't let you out, see ya later, gotta go.
Reverend Greene is having a good day. He's got his church organ back, and Paint Ball Satan is dropping the lawsuit. Earl and the rev shake hands on a job well-completed, but as Earl grabs up his tools to leave the reverend notices that Earl's tools are actually HIS tools. Ah, that would be another numberless item on Earl's List: Stole A Tool Belt From A Guy While He Was In A Porto-Let Then Knocked Over The Porto-Let While He Was Still Inside. The reverend is mighty angry, but a heaven-sent prayer and a promise from Earl to volunteer at Sunday's mass and all is forgiven. Whooo...that was a close one. Good thing the rev isn't still Hash Browns because otherwise Earl would've ended up stitched inside Randy's belly like Luke in the Taun-taun.
Joy brings Darnell to the shed to visit Catalina and dispense with the wise and wistful words of wisdom. Catalina threatens to go to Hollywood so her story can be made into a Lifetime movie with J Lo starrring as Catalina and Sally Struthers starring as Joy. Ouch. Darnell protected Joy numerous times in the past, but this time there's only one viable solution: Kill Catalina and bury her in a shallow unmarked grave.
Darnell to Joy: You need to shut your hole and start digging one.
Sunday morning at the Triple Rock with the Reverend Cleophus...oops...sorry...wrong church...
Reverend Greene is delivering his sermon, and it's all about confession and forgiveness. As the parishioners call out their sins (Randy groped a statue) and the congregation proclaims forgiveness, the reverend's wife Jackie drops a bombshell. She slept with Earl. Taking up a lot of space on Earl's list is the good reverend.
Ten years back, Earl tumbled onto a scam wherein he waited outside the gates of the prison for a desperate and pretty prisoner's wife and pretended to be a Prisoner's Advocate who was willing to work Pro Boner, i.e., swap PA services for fleshy remuneration. Randy actually made a pretty good wingman.
This last tidbit is just too much for the rev to bear. He squeezes all of the blood out of Earl's hand and pummels Earl to the floor. Filled with rage, the reverend takes a powder and Hash Browns re-appears and steals everything on the altar that isn't nailed down, including a parishioner's hat. Hash Browns lugs the swag out to his blue pick-up truck, and oh crappity crap if it isn't # 172 - Shot Out A Tail Light On A Blue Pick-up Truck.
Earl fesses up - again - to the reverend, and the wind sloughs out of Hash Browns' sails. A few years back, Hash Browns was on his way to deliver some illicit flu shots and plastic explosives to a rival gang. But he got pulled over for the busted tail light, and failed to show up at the meet. Good thing for him because the meet went bad and his entire gang was killed. Reverend Greene realizes that it's not forgiveness he needs to express, but thanks. Thanks to Earl for saving his life. The congregation is soon back in the church singing a heart-felt rendition of Amazing Graze.
Catalina too is singing Amazing Grace accompanied by Darnell's stropping a big ol' Catalina-slicing knife. He's just about to remove her lovely head form her shapely shoulders when Joy bonks him on the bean with a shovel, knocking him out and saving Catalina's life. As thanks for saving her life, Catalina promises Joy that she won't go to the police. They hug. Sweetly. Not all dirty-like and sweaty and half-clothed and lustful. Not at all like that. Not at all.
Joy: I knew if we ever hugged you'd smell like burritos and stripper poles.