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My Name is Earl Fodder

My Name Is Earl: Bullies


When I first heard about this episode, I thought to myself, Self (cuz that's what I call me) Joy bullies Randy? Pinky bullies Skipper? I s'pose I thought that maybe Joy would cut Randy some slack for a little while. But I s'pose cutting people slack just ain't Joy.

Then I thought to myself, Self (I talk to me a lot), first he bullied Gay Kenny, then it was French Pierre - how are they going to make this different? Not to be disappointed was I. This ep marked a nice return to the "old" format of Earl and Randy & The Gang, Earl's learning just how much impact he's had on those around him, full credits, and great use of music. I'm going to try something a little new from now on. I'm going to do flashback scenes in italics. I've seen it done elsewhere, and I kinda like it. Plus I don't hafta keep saying Way Back When... or When Earl Was A Teen... Nuff said...let's get to recappin'!

Earl's tidying up the apartment when Randy comes in. Randy would like Earl to perform a small favor; to wit, punch Joy in the face. A lot of people have asked Earl to perform this minor task, but Earl has taken the high Karma road each and every time. Actually, he's just a big wussy flannel-clad chicken and Joy is one scary bee-yotch, but that's beside the point.

She did it again?, Earl asks Randy. The "it" that Joy did again is swiping the Crabshack claw machine prizes that Randy wins. Randy needs to learn to stand up for himself because Earl's just not going to do it for him any more. Oh, and by the way, Earl's not going to kiss Randy's boo-boos any more either. Got awful cold in the apartment right there it did.

So while Randy tosses a pitiful and uninspired tantrum, Earl peruses his list and comes up with # 32 - Bullied Wally Panzer.

Due to a colorful series of misadventures, Earl is now receiving his education at the ruler-armed hands of the Catholic church. Earl sees a sensitive young man named Wally Panzer chasing butterflies with a net. And a sensitive young man chasing butterflies with a net to a bully is like a box of doughnuts to an Overeaters Anonymous meeting. Earl abuses the sensitive lad and nicknames him Wally Pansy, or, in the case of yanking down Wall'y trousers, Wally Pants-less.

So it's off to Wally's house. Wally's not too hard to find as he's never left Camden. Can't imagine why, but it makes for a convenient plot device so let's roll with it.

Knock knock knock on the door, Wally answers, and Earl and Randy are confronted with one of the largest men I have ever seen outside of the National Football League. Funny that, because Wally, played by guest star Matthew Willig is actually a retired offensive tackle in the NFL who played in 2 Super Bowls (won one, lost one).

Earl's petrified at the sheer size of the man, and his flabber is so gasted that he tells Wally that his name is Cliff, and they're there because of Wally's ad in the Penny Saver looking for a workout buddy. So it's off to the gym. At the gym, Wally and Earl psyche each other up by punching each other in the face. Earl's punch is more of the Hello Kitty variety while Wally's is more of the Hurricane Katrina variety. Earl bench presses forty pounds while Wally spots him, dripping sweat by the gallon right into Earl's face. Big-time ewwwwwww...

Randy's working out with two muscleheads. He's bouncing on a big bouncy ball, trying to get ripped. (Great quote: Randy asks them what's the best way to get big like you guys, and they tell him he's got to use free weights. Randy replies good because he doesn't have any money.) Randy explains his bully dilemma to his new workout buddies, and they tell him it's not so much size but confidence, and oh by the way how big is your bully? Randy explains that his bully is about so tall, so wide, and, cupping his hands, about a 32C. Your bully's a girl? they ask.You're going to need some shark adrenaline in your scrotum.

Earl's over by the drinking fouintain trying to find the strength to push down the little drinking fountain button when he sees Wally looking longingly at the Mr. Camden trophy case. Wally's in full "those grapes are probably rotten anyway" mode. Earl tries to talk Wally into competing in the upcoming event, but Wally feels that all that full-body shaving and no-tan-line tanning and manly-man-on-manly-man oiling will only make him into a bigger pansy than he already is. But Earl convinces Wally to go for it and it's punches in the face all around. Or, in Earl's case, more like limp-wristed little girl slap-fighting.

Randy meanwhile receives an injection of shark adrenaline right in the ol' man marbles. A quick lesson in anatomy might have been just the ticket because Randy seemed to be under a certain anatomical misapprehension as to where his scrotum actually resides. The juice kicks in quick. Next thing you know, Randy's back at the Crabshack claw machine, and when he wins a floppy puppy (stuffed, not real) and Joy tries to take it from him, he puts on his Pazuzu voice and intimidates her. The lovely Catalina exhorts Randy on saying, Kill her kill her, I know a guy who can make any death look like a suicide. Not the greatest line she's ever delivered but since it was her only line in this ep I thought I'd include it.

Randy brings home his twice-hard-won floppy puppy only to find Earl and Wally shaving their legs with Lady Bics ("Curved to fit the contours of her legs...") for the upcoming Mr. Camden competition. Feeling fully juiced, Randy goes into a 'roid-fueled tirade, mocking Wally and "Cliff", calling them pansies. (Another great quote: Earl tells Randy that he and Wally are prepping for the competition, and Randy replies, What's the competition for? To see who gets bottom?) Randy continues his rant, dropping the dime of dimes, that "Cliff" is even too afraid to tell Wally that Cliff's real name is Earl. Wally may be big, but he ain't no dummy. Earl? Pansy? Wally ups his intimidation factor geometrically saying I always dreamed of finding you again, Earl Hickey. Earl wisely scurries off and locks himself in the bathroom with a peeing Randy (Earl: Why's your pee blue? Randy: You can clean up my splatter, Lady Legs.). But a flimsy door is no safeguard against Wally whose arm crashes through the door and wraps itself anaconda-like around Earl's throat.

Wally yanks Earl and the bathroom door into the living room and flings Earl through the apartment wall right into the next apartment where show-runner Greg Garcia and Camden's Own Tim Stack are enjoying a little afternoon delight with a couple of lovely and willing blow-up dolls. An adrenalized Randy jumps into the fray, and he and Wally go at it like Godzilla and Mecha-Godzilla. Earl finds himself of the middle of Downtown Tokyo, and realizes that he created both monsters, one by bullying and the other by telling him to stand up to bullies.

At the Crabshack, Darnell steps out from behind the bar for a minute, telling old Sam to keep an eye on the place. Just at that moment, Randy and Wally come in and totally trash the place. As Randy smashes Wally's face into the claw machine, he sees a note with a picture from Joy: Hey Dummy - I got them all! Mount Rand-suvius erupts and he's off to deliver a Randy-sized can of whup-ass. Darnell returns to find his beloved Crabshack devastated. Turning to old Sam he says, May we have a word?

Earl and Wally are now both looking for Randy. Randy's already made his way over to the Pimmit Hills Trailer Park and barged on in Joy only to find her on the phone. Randy rips the phone off the wall, smashes it against his head, and growls Give 'em back. Joy meekly and wisely acquiesces. Randy takes his haul outside where he finds Earl Jr. playing with one of the claw machine toys. He demands it back. Earl Jr. hands it over and begins to cry. Randy hears the boy crying, and realizes what he's done, that he is the bully this time and that he's the cause of someone's crying due to bullying. It wakens Randy to what he's become, and as he turns to give the toy back to Earl Jr., Earl drives up in his trusty El Camino and runs Randy down.

Earl apologizes to an unconscious Randy, saying that it wasn't Randy's fault, that Randy was a nice and sensitive guy, and that he shouldn't have made Randy change. Wally overhears Earl's apology, and the same applies to him. Earl realizes that you can change what you look like on the outside, but inside you're still you.

Wally takes Earl's apology to heart, and after shaving, tanning, and oiling up, gets on stage and competes for Mr. Camden. As Wally flexes and poses, he releases several butterflies. Scratch off # 32, Earl.

As the ep closes, Randy is in several casts, trying to get from his wheelchair into bed. After a long struggle, he finally makes it. Randy asks Earl if kryptonite, garlic or apples work on normal people. No, Earl replies. Superman, vampires, and doctors maybe, but not normal people. Well, Randy asks, what can I use to keep Joy away? Try hummus, replies Earl.

Roll credits.

Posted by Randy Welk on April 16, 2009 9:45 PM
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