My Name is Earl Fodder

My Name Is Earl: Got The Babysitter Pregnant

The holidays have come and gone, and it's time for Part II of Season 4 of My Name Is Earl. And hold on to your gotchies cuz the joint she is a-jumpin'.

There's lots of post-holiday happiness (thought I was gonna do a Joy pun, didn't ya?) going on at the Crabshack. Not the least of which is a winsome young lovely waving her piss-stick all about proclaiming, "I'm not pregnant!" Keep that thing away from my mixed drink, will ya?

Seeing her reminds Earl of another item on his list - Got The Babysitter Pregnant. Back in Earl's pimply-faced rabidly hormonal teen days (ah, remember them well...not fondly...just well), he had a cute young babysitter named Rachel (played by Brie Gabrielle). Rachel had everything a young man could want - looks, tight jeans, boobs, hair, a pulse, and boobs. Young Earl used his best moves to woo and win her, all to no avail. Stunning Rachel was Earl's first true love. He even burned a leather bracelet with their names on it.

But Rachel had other plans. She wanted to put her troublesome charge to bed early and suck face with her boyfriend while watching Risky Business (Tom Cruise, Rebecca DeMornay). Earl was crushed. So he did the only thing a heartbroken lad could do. He poked pinholes in Rachel's boyfriend's condom. As Earl told Rachel seven months later, "Look on the bright side. We know you're a good babysitter."

Back in the Crabshack, Joy shows up. She was apparently Mr. Turtle's designated driver, but to Darnell's great dismay, she arrives sans turtle. Darnell had just gotten the temperature in the dishwasher just right for Mr. Turtle's schvitz.

Earl tracks down Rachel, who has now by this time grown up to become Faith Ford (Murphy Brown, Hope and Faith, Carpoolers). Rachel and her hubby are still happily married and unhealthily smitten with their love-child Ronnie (played by Adam Rose) who's been getting phone calls from the Jerk Store because they are out of him. He's a man fully growed, but lives in his parent's basement, has no job, no future, and seemingly no pants.

Meanwhile, Joy's looking for Earl. Catalina's no help. She tells Joy that she is Earl's maid, not his secretary. Joy responds, "You foreigners sure have a weird way of bragging." Point Joy.

Earl tells Rachel that he feels responsible for making Ronnie as a baby, and now he feels responsible for making Ronnie into a man. So Earl kidnaps Ronnie and, with a little help from Randy's elbow, tosses him into the man-making El Camino.

Joy, meanwhile, has rescued another turtle from the Palm Motel swimming pool. The coloring is about right, but there's something just off in the twinkle of the eye. To Darnell, the faux Mr. Turtle seems depressed.

Next day and Earl and Randy are brushing their teeth (with the same toothbrush...and toothpaste...very frugal). Earl's deposited Ronnie in the motel room next door, and he peeps through the bullet hole in the adjoining wall to see what his young protégé is up to. Ronnie hasn't much changed. He's still the same pale-skinned slack-jawed TV-watching lump of loser that he was the night before. Who'd'a thunk it? So Earl barges into Ronnie's room and swipes the TV set. Ronnie finds other ways to occupy the few brain cells he has left, but Earl finally removes all distractions until Ronnie is left, once again, pants-less. As Earl leaves Ronnie sitting on the floor in his skivvies, Ronnie shouts at Earl, "I hate you!" That's how you know you're a good parent, says Earl. Too true, too true.

Joy's trying to teach (the new) Mr. Turtle the ol' ball-snap chain-step kick turn shuffle kick. Mr. Turtle II is a reluctant student. Slow on the uptake, if you will.

The Palm Motel may be many thing to many people, but a haven for non-rent-paying deadbeats it ain't, and Ronnie - after a luxurious three day stay, finds himself homeless. Not to worry. Young Ronnie has sidled up to a homeless lady living under the stairs, and they're enjoying a lovely repast of robin's egg omelet and Doc Marten sole lightly braised.
Earl's giving Ronnie an earful. He says that Ronnie has no skills, no job, no prospects, and mooches room and board off of his parents. Randy picks up on the similarities between himself and Ronnie and gets his hackles up. Randy tells Earl that he's going to prove to Earl that he can live like a grown-up. Ronnie gets in a timely Yeah!, and Randy and Ronnie head off in search of their manhood.

I've resisted the urge up until now, but I suppose this is as good a time as any to fess up and confess that I have a brother named Ronnie. Many's the time we went in search of our respective manhoods in various taverns and golf courses. Similarities end there, I assure you. Back to our story.

Catalina and Earl are chatting on the motel balcony. Catalina asks Earl if he's worried about Randy. Earl isn't. Randy will be back, says Earl, when he gets hungry or forgets he ran away. It's a dangerous world out there, Catalina says, thinking of Mr. Turtle. Earl agrees, thinking of Randy. Catalina continues: he's on his own, he's helpless, alone, vulnerable... Yeah, yeah, yeah, Earl agrees. And when he's on his back, Catalina continues, I have to help him turn over. Well, that's the last straw for Earl who's helped Randy roll over more times than a brother should. I gotta find him, says Earl, and he rushes off.

Earl heads over to Rachel's, and interrupts their Risky Business role-playing evening. I must admit that Faith Ford does a right good De Mornay imitation. The tense trio go off in search of - no, not Leonard Nimoy - but their missing loved ones.

Joy comes home to find Darnell burying Mr. Turtle to Johnny Cash's Amazing Grace. His sorrowful demeanor melts her turtle-substituting heart, and she confesses fully. Blogger's Note - Mr. Turtle's first name is Sidney, and he's Jewish.

Dawn comes to Camden County, and The Searchers have given up the search. And who should pull up in a pimped out golf cart but Randy (on his Bluetooth) and Ronnie wearing suits. What gives?

After Randy and Ronnie stomped away from Earl, they were walking down the street when a plump wallet fell to their feet. Ronnie wanted to take the money and try crack, but Randy, the voice of reason (don't get to write that very often), told Ronnie that they must return it. So they returned it to its rightful owner, who just happened to own a thrift store. And as a reward, the man let Randy and Ronnie have anything they wanted from his store. Choosing surprising wisely, the boys opted for suits.

Dapperly attired, Ronnie then asked Randy, So what do we do now? And right at that moment, a gaggle of suit-wearing businessmen walked past. So, naturally, Randy told Ronnie let's follow them.

The platoon of suits soon found themselves at the American Flange, Stoppers, and Fasteners Convention. During the Keynote speech, Randy and Ronnie got up to leave. When asked why they were leaving, Randy replied, This is boring. And with three simple little words, Randy started a revolution in the ranks of the conventioneers. Admittedly, the three simple little words weren't Liberte, Fraternite, and Egalite, but they were sincere. After re-igniting flange and fastener passion in the breasts of the Flangemen, Randy and Ronnie then won their golf cart in a dance contest. One can only wonder at what Catalina might've won...

Earl's flabbergasted at Randy's story. But Randy chills Earl out saying, I only did what I saw you do, returning the wallet, putting on a suit, and acting like a grown-up. And Earl realizes that all a parent can do is teach their children (or their simple-minded meaty man-child of a brother), and get out of the way.

Even Ronnie took steps toward maturity. He's moving out of his parent's house. Into their garage, but at least that's out of the house.

Before credits roll, we find Mr. Turtle in the parking lot of the Palm Motel. He's going nowhere fast, but he's homeward bound. We end the episode with a close-up on Mr. Turtle who affirms to the viewer that no turtles were harmed in the filming of this episode. Roll credits.

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Posted by Randy Welk on January 9, 2009 9:30 AM
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