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My Name is Earl Fodder

My Name Is Earl: Reading Is Funda Mental Case

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It's a good day for reading, even in the Pimmit Hills Trailer Park where the ability to read may not always be taken for granted. The Bookmobile - the rolling annex branch of the Camden County Library - has rolled up to impress upon young impressionable minds (like Earl's and Randy's) that there are more things in books than dog ears, coffee stains, and dead bugs. As Earl stated in a previous episode, "Who knew you could learn things from books?" But all is not skittles and beer for the eager young minds at PHTP. The CCL RAB is on a very limited budget and can only afford knock-offs like Chuckleberry Flynn (by Shania Twain?) and Trazan the Apeman (by Edgar Rice Borrower?). Earl is performing his Community Service and reading Trazan to the rapt youngsters.

A while back, Earl and Randy were sentenced to Community Service (and wearing pink shirts) for Crimes Against Humanity And Camden County, part of Camden County's Humiliate & Rehabilitate program. There they met a boisterous Scotsman named Raynard (played by Ewen Bremner from Snatch, Trainspotting, Pearl Harbor, Black Hawk Down) while picking up litter and various body parts off the side of the road.

Since Earl and Randy were currently homeless - Carl Hickey having booted his sons out once again, Raynard invited them to bunk with him. Raynard impressed the boys with his free-spiritedness. Raynard keeps his bathtub in the living room, and he even turns his globe upside-down. If an alien were to approach Earth in a spaceship, says Raynard, they would have no idea that our globes and maps are based on a centuries-old Euro-centric idea of the planet. Randy can't get over the fact that globes are in fact miniature representations of Planet Earth.

Raynard is not as cool and hep as one might imagine. In fact, he's downright inept with the ladies. Raynard and Randy and Earl are in the Crabshack trying to score some time with some groupies, and Raynard is just about to screw the pooch until Earl steps in. Earl spins a mighty web of lies and deceit (is there any other way to pick up groupies?) and tells the ladies that he and his buddies are in a band, and would you ladies like to sleep with us in our tour bus? The ladies think this is a capital idea, leaving Earl with the slight dilemma of coming up with a tour bus. Moments later, Earl pulls up in front of the Crabshack in his tour bus with his band's name "Bookmobile" painted large on the side. Earl and his merry band drive the tour bus out to the local scout camp and spend an enjoyable evening. To wit, # 219 - Stole a Bookmobile (and banged a bunch of groupies).

Back to present day, and Earl's going to make # 219 right. Earl and Randy head over to the scout camp to reclaim and return the bookmobile to its rightful owners. The last time Earl saw the bookmobile, and Raynard too for that matter, was right after he and Joy were married. Raynard was taking his turn at being homeless. Earl wanted to return the "you can crash here" favor, but Joy put the kibosh on Raynard's staying at their honeymoon double-wide palace. So Raynard, broke and homeless, moved into the abandoned bookmobile and has been staying there ever since.

Earl and Randy approach the bookmobile, and a feral Raynard leaps and snarls at them. Raynard's been shacked up with Charlene the raccoon and eating halluginogenic berries and has kind of let his hair and beard grow all crazy-wild. Earl knows all about those berries. On a camping trip years ago with Joy she ate a bunch and took a psychotropic voyage of extraordinary proportions (love the face-changing sp/fx in this scene). Earl suggests they all go for a pizza and a shower, but Raynard just high-tails it for the hills. We gotta bring him back to civilization, says Earl.

Meanwhile, Earl is reading Trazan to his young charges. The passages he reads are eerily similar to his adventures with Raynard. Kind of reminded me of the episode of Northern Exposure when Chris In The Morning was reading Jack London's Call of the Wild while Holling and Maurice were off burying their dead friend.

Earl baits his Raynard-catching trap with the bestest cheese there is: Catalina. Catalina looks heavenly in her Club Chubby best, scantily clad and jumping. Raynard soon succumbs to her bodaciousness (who could blame him? Not I.), and Earl captures him straightaway. Earl and Randy return Raynard to civilization, subjecting him to a shave, haircut, and a colonic (to get the wild out of him). Sorry Raynard, says Earl, mistakenly trying to force-feed Raynard, but that tube goes in the other end. But it takes a little more than a coffee enema to civilize Raynard the Beast Boy. That boy's gonna need himself a job.

Raynard strikes out job-wise at the Camden County Foreign Foods and at the Palm Motel (Soap instead of chocolate on the pillow? Mmmmm...tasty... Hope it's not Lifebuoy...it causes blindness...much like Red Ryder 200 shot BB guns...). But trying his hand as an exterminator and spraying Joy with the rat poison was the third strike. Raynard soon finds himself locked up in the Rubber Room Motel under the psychological care of an jolly white-bearded fat man. Dr. Santa has his diminutive green-and-red clad assistant escort Earl and Randy into the ward so they can chat with Raynard. Raynard begs and pleads with Earl to get him out of there. Earl works his magic, literally, and soon the slightly off-kilter but harmless Raynard is reveling in the serenity of nature's bosom. And Charlene's chirrupping.

Back at Pimmit Hills Trailer Park, Earl's finishing up reading Trazan to the youngsters. Trazan's adventures end as do Raynard's, with our hero returning to the wild where "...he could live freely...to truly live..."


Posted by Randy Welk on December 5, 2008 12:29 PM
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