My Name is Earl Fodder

My Name Is Earl: We've Got Spirit (or Dharma Loves Earl)

There are a great many things about Camden County that are wonderful and marvelous (Catalina springs quickly to mind), but fine dining ain't one of 'em. Earl opens the ep saying, "The best thing about finishing a meal at the Crabshack is finishing the meal at the Crabshack." MmmMMmmmm...sho is good. But Darnell is working on upping the reputation of his cuisine. For dessert, we have strawberry shortcake or German chocolate cake. Earl opts for the German chocolate: he doesn't like strawberries. Randy, ever quick to emulate his big bro, quickly adds that German is his favorite flavor. I've heard the Swiss are tasty, but I bet Uruguayan soccer players are positively choice.

Joy's having family night at the Crabshack. Dodge and Earl Jr. are doing their homework. They have to draw something beautiful for art class. Hey hey, not too good there, Joy chastises the lads. I'm gonna be needing you two to go to summer school for the free daycare. Ah, maternal bliss at its finest. Why, Dodge has indeed drawn something beautiful. What is that? Asks Joy. It's her, says Dodge, pointing at Catalina. Good eye on that boy. Joy sees Dodge's finger pointing square at everyone's favorite illegal hotel housekeeper, and immediately grows green. And not in a good way like when every show on NBC went all ecological and stuff.

On the TV at the Shack, a sporting event is highlighting some of the finer assets at any game; namely, the cheerleaders. All is well and good, panning and scanning up and down and slowly across the nubile - and might I add ever so bendy - young ladies until the camera gets to the end of the line and whuh-huh? It's a dude! A male cheerleader! Retinas be damned if it ain't! The crowd at the Shack mocks the misguided young man in cruel and heartless fashion. And that reminds Earl of another item on his list (you knew we had to get here sooner or later, didn't you?). Squashed Gay Kenny James' dream of becoming a cheerleader.

Back in grade school when Earl was the school bully and Kenny was just starting to realize his Rainbow-colored lifestyle, Earl caught Kenny with a "So You Wanna Be A Cheerleader" flyer in his backpack. Requisite humiliation ensued. So Earl decides he's gonna make it up to Kenny. Randy reminds Earl that he's already done Kenny a solid. But Earl is quick to point out that this is a separate item from Always Picked On Kenny James. Randy would like to see multiple entries for Made Randy Drink Toilet Water.

Joy closes out the scene by squirting Catalina with ketchup. Strangely, I was aroused by that.

Earl and Randy go to visit Kenny. Earl has a video from Kimmi Himler's Cheerleader Academy ("Come for the cheer...stay for the friendship." Quickly followed by the legal disclaimer, "Friendships are not guaranteed."). Where o where do I sign up? Gay Kenny drops a dime telling Earl that the cheerleader flyer wasn't his, it was Randy's. It was Randy all those years ago that wanted to be a cheerleader, not Kenny. Wow, that was a left turn I didn't see coming. Randy is distraught at this development, and locks himself in the bathroom with a bubble-bathing Stuart Daniels. It takes some of Earl's shrewdest cajoling to get Randy out. And that only after Earl promises to go to cheerleading camp with Randy so they can both make complete and utter asses of themselves.

They could've just asked Jaime Pressly about cheerleading from her Not Another Teen Movie days: "This is not a cheer-ocracy, I am the cheer-tator, I will make the cheer-isions around here, and I will deal with the cheer-onsequences." Ah, good stuff that.

So it's off to cheerleader camp for our stalwart heroes. Earl and Randy are surrounded by young nubiles at Kimmi Himlers. And when Kimmi herself (played by Jenna Elfman from Dharma and Greg, EdTV, Can't Hardly Wait with Seth Green, and Keeping the Faith) shows up it's SPECK-TACK-U-LERRRRR! Sorry, Kenny taught me to say it that way. But when Kimmi turns around, her face is hideously disfigured by a rampant badger (rented from Chubby's Pet Rentals no less) incident. Her eye is milky white and has a tendency to drip and ooze. Can I get an ewwww? The inept and decidedly unappealing Camdenite squad is quickly relegated to the dankest darkest dorm rooms in the academy. Nighty night girls. And two old dudes.

Meanwhile, back in Camden, Dodge sees Catalina in her work clothes, waiting for the bus. She's wearing her Club Chubby outfit: shorty skirt, sequined bra, thigh high white leather boots...

Um, sorry. Went away for a second there, but I'm back now.

Joy is even jealous-er than before.

Earl and Randy and the rest of the Camden County cheerleading squad - Preggers ("Hey, Juno..."), Black Girl, Head Gear, and Chunk are all dispirited. Again, I refer you to Not Another Teen Movie for your daily dose of clichés. Not good for Spirit Bunnies to be dispirited. But Randy pulls out John Belushi's motivational speech from Animal House (or was it Bill Murray from Stripes?) and gets the girls back in cheer-tastic form. But I think Black Girl could've done without the rat on her head.

Like Earl says, They went to bed as I's, but woke up as a team. The Camden cheerleaders put on a magnificent Dorf-style skit and win the respect of their peers. Kimmi just happens to be the mother of one the other cheerleaders, and she ain't puttin' up with this malarkey. She tells Earl and Randy unequivocally, "Pee-ay-cee-kay up your crap and go!" What kind of a world do we live in where grown men aren't allowed to bunk with teenage girls?, I ask you.

Earl goes to talk to Kimmi to try to get her to change her mind. Earl is ever so quick to pick up on the fact that Kimmi is one lonely lady. One suspects the goo-dripping milky white eyeball may have something to do with it, but who am I to say. So, painful as it was, after a night of making with the love, Kimmi agrees to let Earl and Randy back in her academy and the Camden squad.

Meanwhile, over at the Pimmit Hills Trailer Park, Joy is sexy-ing herself up, trying to get Dodge to notice her. Darnell tries to tell her that having your son want you "that way" may not be the healthiest thing. Hello, Norman Bates...hello, Hamlet... But Joy is terrified that when Dodge gets older he'll no longer need his gum-chewing cuckolding kidnapping trailer-trash mother. Darnell coolly calculates that knocking over a big old oscillating fan on to Dodge's head will send him scurrying, bruised and oscillated, to his mommy's arms. It works to perfection. Point, Darnell.

It's time for the final performance for the Camden squad. Earl's tummy is upset. Randy tells him if he's gonna hurl he should do it outside because if the judges think you're zooking to lose weight they'll take points away. So Earl goes outside for a bit of air, and who does he run into but Joy and Darnell. And Darnell's got a camcorder! This can't be good. And who else should show up but the entire gang from the Crabshack. This just gets worser and worser. Earl's out, he ain't about to perform in front of the whole damn town. And Joy's, "You're a douchebag" to Earl seals the deal.

Randy and the rest of the squad take the floor, and at the last minute Earl's conscience gets the better of him and he joins them. And with a quick, "Your vagina's showing!" to Randy (from Catalina no less), the gang starts their routine. They do a very nice routine ("Oh, it's been brought-en.") and win over all of their detractors.

After their performance, Kimmi, drippy eye and all, comes over to tell Earl that she gets her eye drained every Friday by a vet in Camden, so she's gonna be looking him up. With one good eye anyway.

Randy's learned that he doesn't have to do everything that Earl does, and Earl's learned that sometimes when you try new things you just might like 'em. And we FTB.

---

Posted by Randy Welk on October 17, 2008 12:33 PM
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