My Name is Earl Fodder

My Name Is Earl: The Green Beret and the Porkpie Hat

Randy's trying on hats. It doesn't really matter why. He's Randy. He tries on hats. That's what he does. It's just the Pope's hat that bothers him. There might be a chicken under it. Or a duck. Or a cormorant. Oddly, but not wholly unexpectedly, Randy's hat makes him smarter like a crayon up Homer Simpson's nose. There is no good that can come from this.

Back at Pimmit Hills Trailer Park, Joy has seen something unusual. I guess that's not unusual, but what Joy has seen actually is unbelievable. It's Pigsquatch! Why can't I ever think of stuff like that? Joy has made up her mind: She's gonna catch that Pigsquatch and make a fortune. Seems simple enough.

In the meantime Earl is looking at his list and comes across # 47 - Stole An RV. Way back when Earl and Joy wanted to go on vacation, so Earl stole a neighbor's RV, and the gang is off to get their kicks on Route 66. Unfortunately, Randy was in charge of turning off the oven. Instead of turning off the oven he merely blew out the pilot light. The stolen RV explodes like the Death Star on steroids.

So now Earl is back on the Karma Trail, and he and Randy go to visit the guy they stole the RV from. The RV-less guy is still living in the same place so that makes it darn convenient. The guy, Jerry (played by Jerry Van Dyke (from Coach which starred Craig T. Nelson, Earl's ex-prison warden, and Yes, Dear), is a depressed old dude who had his RV stolen and is now just waiting to die. Earl explains the sitch, but Jerry ain't buying. It's not until Randy tunes in a radio station playing some good old fashioned jug music that Jerry's toe starts a-tappin' and Earl sees a possible way out. The music gets Jerry to reminiscing, and he tells Earl that all of his life's mementos were in that RV, irreplaceable items like hunting trophies and pictures of his dead wife.

At the Pimmit Hills Trailer Park, Joy has captured Pigsquatch. What? What's that you say? Yeah, you heard me. Joy caught Pigsquatch. Let me repeat that. Joy caught Pigsquatch. And it's a behemoth. How'd she do it you ask? Sleeping pills, fifty of 'em. In a big bowl of Purina Pig Chow. Or maybe in a Mason Verger Burger.

Earl borrows Joy and Darnell's lifelike rubber love doll and erstwhile babysitter, Gretchen, and brings it over to Jerry's house. A wig and a dress and Gretchen is looking pretty good. At least Jerry's digging her. Digging her enough that he's energized enough to go visit an old army pal, Joe, to get his pendant back. Earl's only too happy (or naïve) to help.

Earl takes Jerry to visit his old Army buddy. When they arrive, Jerry whips out a big old knife. He's gonna cut off that jackass's ear. Whuh-huh? What's that you said? Yup, Jerry's gonna Van Gogh his old army pal.

Turns out back in Jerry's Korean War days, he and his buddy Joe were in a foxhole when Joe decided getting shot at wasn't working for him. As Joe heads for the hills, Jerry drags him back into the foxhole and lops off an ear thinking that would convince Joe to stay. It didn't. Jerry got himself captured and Joe's ear became his Wilson.

Back at Joe's house, Joe (played by the great John Amos from Good Times, Roots, and Die hard 2) is terrified to learn that Earl delivered a killing machine to his front door. Now that's how to win friends and influence people. Joe tries to call the cops but the line is dead. Joe unveils his firearms locker, well-armed is Joe, but Earl wants to talk Jerry down from his homicidal heights. Joe accidentally pulls the pin from a grenade and as Earl nervously tries to re-insert the pin, Joe finally admits that he did leave Jerry in that foxhole all those years ago.

The moment finally arrives. Joe and Jerry are locked in mortal combat. It's milliseconds from the coup de grace when both old-timers have grabbers. They both collapse, grabbing their chests, gasping for air, death's icy cold grip on their malfunctioning hearts.

Joe reaches for his medication. He has one heart pill left, and he offers it up to Jerry. Jerry appreciates the overdue gesture, and they're even- steven. The ambulance arrives in the nick of time and both old soldiers live to fight another day.

Back at the trailer park, and Pigsquatch is reeking up the place. But Joe and Jerry have the solution. A little plastique later, and it's FIRE IN THE HOG!

Pigsquatch pulls an exploding whale, Earl's El Camino gets a new Pigsquatch head hood ornament, and we fade to black.

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Posted by Randy Welk on October 2, 2008 11:43 AM
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