My Name is Earl Fodder

My Name Is Earl: Love Octagon

/earl/archives/randy.jpg

Earl is awake and boy is he thirsty. He's spending a lot of time at the Crabshack, drinking and dialing in his never-ending search for Billie. Earl paraphrases the Willie Nelson song, Billie's On My Mind.

Earl's recruited the usual suspects to assist him. Randy's at Earl's side, Joy and Darnell are living in the Crabshack because their trailer is still on its side thanks to youthful shenanigans a few episodes back. Earl will get it righted as soon as he gets enough money to rent a crane. And oh yeah, by the way, Catalina admits to being a lesbian. What? Yup, you heard that right. Catalina is now playing for the other team. Joy asks, What, Chiquita Banana ain't into bananas anymore? Yes, Catalina says, I am a Chapstick lesbian. But Joy's not buying it. She's convinced Catalina's only claiming Sappho status to double her income at Club Chubby.

Earl figures out that old pal Frank is the key to finding Billie. Joy notes that Earl drives Frank's car, lives in Frank's trailer, and is now after Frank's girl. She asks Earl if he just wants to sleep in everything that Frank slept in.

After finding out that Frank is out of stir and living in a half-way house, Earl and Randy go a-callin'. After hugs and knuckle bumps all around, Earl notices that Frank is wearing one helluva snazzy necklace. Well, it's not so much a necklace as it is a shock collar as Frank found out one day when he tried to catch the ice cream truck. And old friend Paco is at the halfway house with Frank. He's got Earl's old job as Camden County's Foreign Foods delivery boy. Nice lederhosen, Paco!

Randy lets slip that Earl is after Frank's ex-girlfriend Billie, but not to fear, Frank's cool with it, but he wants Earl to help him get a job. And Earl's just the guy to do it. Randy suggests Bikini Inspector or Beaver Hunter. A quick con-fab with Darnell and Frank is gainfully employed at the Crabshack. Score! But keep the noise down. Joy's boys Earl Jr. and Ford are bunk-bedding on (and under) the pool table.

Frank takes Earl to Billie's sister Jocelyn. A brief conversation ensues and we find out that Billie's gone over to the Dark Side. Billie stole Jocelyn's rent money and gas, and robbed a liquor store on Christmas Day no less. Christmas Day? Hmmm…that's the day that Billie ran over Earl with her car. Perchance she was fleeing from the scene of her crime? Randy's not paying any attention to any of this as he's busy letting Jocelyn's parrot escape from its cage. But thanks to Billie's last phone call and Jocelyn's Caller ID, the boys have a new lead to help track down Billie. Next stop? Gay Kenny. He's the only person they know who has access to the Wide Wide World of Web.

Gay Kenny is pleased to see the boys. Hell, he's pleased to see ANY boys. As Kenny surfs the net, Randy notices one of the tabs on Kenny's computer is titled DILF's. What's a DILF? Earl and company are none too pleased to find out. Looks like there's going to be lots of retina scrubbing tonight. But Kenny finds the phone number that Billie called Jocelyn from. It's a pay phone, so off the boys go.

To The Smiths Girlfriend In A Coma, we get a series of flashbacks of ex-cop ex-pro bowler Stuart Daniels' role in this whole fiasco. Daniels is the guy who ran over Billie after she ran over Earl. Daniels was glued to Billie's side while she was in the hospital. How else was he going to find out if she knew who hit her? His greatest fears were put to bed (so to speak) when Billie woke up and she told him that she had no idea who hit her. Phheww…that's a relief. But she is worried about Earl. But Daniels straightens her out on that score. He tells her that she killed Earl, and that the cops are looking for her. She needs to get gone, so Daniels sneaks Billie out of the hospital, and the unlikely duo hole up at the Palms Motel.

I swear, the Palms Motel must lie at the nexus of the Camden County universe. For it is here that all dreams come true.

The lovely Catalina is bringing towels to Stuart and Billie's room. Billie just got out of the shower and is looking particularly wet and clean and winsome, just the thing to bring an aspiring Chapstick lesbian out of her shyness. She combs Billie's wet hair - just to get the knots out - but things turn slightly creepy (for Billie anyway) when Catalina takes a little lick of Billie's neck. They are just two hot women enjoying each other's company "…like God intended…" Billie seems to disagree. She heads for the bathroom and can't lock the door fast enough. But Catalina recognizes Billie and tells Stuart that she's going to tell Earl where Billie is. Stuart knows that once again it's time to get gone. Sans bra and panties of course.

At the Crabshack, Earl is still worried about Billie. Darnell thinks that's all fine and dandy, but he really wants to know how's that crane rental coming? Earl's run out of ideas on how to find Billie so he pleads to Karma for help. Right at that moment, the phone rings, and it's Karma calling. No seriously, it's Gay Kenny. Guess who's come to visit Kenny? Nobody but Stuart Daniels and Billie. Kenny wants to know who's the ugly chick. Daniels introduces Billie as Roxanne.

Billie/Roxanne is tired of sitting around while Stuart and Kenny blog each other. Stuart fills Kenny in on the whole ball of lies. Kenny just wants to get rid of the icky girl so he can have Stuart all to himself. So Kenny calls Earl and tells him that Billie is hiding out at Kenny's house and would you please be so kind as to get this smokin' hot hardbody out of my house?

Earl and his posse head over to Kenny's house. Things go awry when Frank sees Billie and wants her back. Earl puts off the great reunion until tomorrow. That should be long enough for him to put down his love thoughts on paper and to have Darnell fire Frank so he'll have to stay at the halfway house and not get in Earl's way.

Earl plagiarizes a few Bret Michael's songs and Randy freaks out to see Jocelyn's parrot on the balcony. At least it's not hiding under the pope's mitre.

Next day and Earl goes to re-claim his soulmate. But before he can get to the door, Frank, freshly escaped from the halfway house, tackles Earl on Kenny's front lawn and forces him to eat manure. "Eat poo, Backstabber!"

Meanwhile, inside the house, Billie is robbing Kenny and Stuart. She's going solo on this escapade. Kenny eagerly agrees to tie himself to Stuart.

Right then, Earl busts in through the front door to Billie's complete and utter amazement. Billie is stunned, Earl has poop-breath, Stuart finally cops to having run over Billie, and Catalina shows up in a skin-tight flaming hot red dress. Everyone in the room, except for Kenny, claims to be in love with Billie. After Earl delivers a Jerry Maguire-type speech (sans "You had me at balls."), Billie tells Earl I'm supposed to be with you and they smooch. Catalina seems the most depressed about this turn of events saying, "This isn't the way I thought it would end. I though it would end with our naked breasts pressed together, our long smooth legs intertwined." To which Kenny replies, "Barf."

To Elvis Presley's Hunka Hunka Burnin' Love (a la Honeymoon in Vegas), Stuart and Kenny decide to retire together in Boca Raton surrounded by Jack Russell terriers, Paco and Catalina find each other, Catalina's adventures in the love-that-shall-remain-nameless coming to a premature closure, and Frank and Jocelyn get horizontal. Earl and Billie are finally not only re-united, but married, with their eyes closed in their marriage photo. And for the third time, Earl marries a woman he hardly knows. Earl, Billie, and Randy drive off into the sunset on their honeymoon, and we FTB. MNIE Trivia - Earl's license plate tag is 4MTB879.


Web	TV Fodder