My Name is Earl Fodder

My Name Is Earl: Midnight Burn

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Welcome back to A. J. Johnson prison (“Honk if you know someone on death row”). Earl is busy crossing months off his calendar. Due to his time off for good behavior certificates, he’s gotten all but about six months knocked off his sentence. It’s just Earl’s good fortune (spelled kay ay ar em ay) to do time in a prison run by the governor’s ex-college football coach of a husband.

But Warden Jerry Hazelwood has other problems. And we’re not even going to talk about him getting his tie caught in his safe’s door. Scissors oughta take care of that. No, Jerry done got himself tricked at his wife’s press conference by one of them tricky reporters and his tricky trickiness (with all apologies and respect to Stephen Colbert). One of the other wardens has come up with a reconciliation program in which the inmate and his victim hash out their differences. Warden Jerry has to come up with a Super Duper Super Program of his very own. The difference is that Warden Jerry has a porn star-mustached ace up his sleeve.

With only six months and ten days left in his sentence, Earl jumps at the chance to get another six months knocked off his sentence by coordinating a reconciliation for the warden. And maybe get the remaining ten days knocked off with an omelet du frumage a la Hickey for the warden. But first Earl has to find just the right candidate. Who to pick…who to pick?

Ah, here’s just the right guy. John Clevenger, artist, meth cooker, arsonist.

Cue Johnny Cash’s Ring of Fire. Quick flashback to John painting in his parent’s basement as his meth lab explodes, burning down his parent house. And his mom’s eyebrows. One could see how there might be a need for some reconciliatin’. And an eyebrow pencil.

Earl explains the sitch to John, saying that if he hashes it out with his parents there might be an apology. John likes what he hears. Earl’s Super Duper Super Reconciliation Program is a go. Can I get an amen?

Earl’s being in stir kind of puts a crimp in Earl’s ability to talk John’s parents into the reconciliation, but Joy and Darnell are only too happy to pitch in. At first, John’s folks aren’t too keen on the idea, but Darnell saves the day by telling a stirring tale of woe regarding Mr. Turtle and a candle and an untimely visit from the fire department, and how Darnell and Mr. Turtle were able to hash it out and get past this unfortunate incident. John’s dad suspiciously gets something in his eye and gets a touch verklempt as well. John’s folks agree to meet with John and attempt to reconcile. Can I get a hallelujah?

In the prison, John meets with his folks. It looks like Earl’s going to get his Six Months Off certificate. Ah, but there’s eighteen minutes left in the show so we know it can’t be this easy. And we’re right. There’s lots of awkward silence as John’s parents wait for him to apologize. Oddly enough, John is waiting for his parents to apologize to him. The meeting fails spectacularly, surpassed in failure only by the warden’s admission to the tricky reporter that he and his wife the gov are in marriage counseling because of her addiction to sex. Now I’m no reporter, but that sure smells like a scoop to me.

Earl goes to John’s cell to explain the facts of prison life. But John’s already painted his parent’s portraits in the rear ends of two monkeys. (Man oh man, would I pay big bucks to own that picture.) Earl explains to John that he was supposed to apologize to his parents for burning down their house. That’s kinda sorta how a reconciliation is supposed to work. John explains to Earl that he was expecting his parents to apologize to him for screwing up his life. After all, they didn’t let him have a TV in his room or let him wear cargo pants. They didn’t even let him go to prom!

Earl tells John that he just has to apologize to his parents. John tells Earl that if Earl wants something big, well then, he wants something big in return. Like an aircraft carrier. Or a prom of his own.

Earl fills in Warden Jerry what it will take for John to git-r-done. A prison prom? It’s crazy, thinks the warden. Let’s get some women. Luckily, there’s a women’s prison nearby, and a handy stack of stolen gubernatorial stationery.

Earl doesn’t know a lot about organizing a prom, or proms in general since he’s never been to one. But luckily, Joy’s been going to proms since she was twelve. Joy and John pick an unforgettable theme – Underwater Wonderland – and Earl’s got the wherewithal to finance the entire shindig. It’ll take all that’s left from his lottery winnings, but if this gets him out of prison it’s worth it. Freedom is not free, and neither are nine foot tall purple and silver seaweed arches. To the Rolling Stones I’m Free, Earl writes the check and it’s Prom’s Away.

Basking in her promly glow, Joy says, “I made a prom in prison happen. I bet this is what it feels like to be Oprah.”

It’s the night of the big dance, and Earl’s date is the kind of gal who it might be easier to go over than around. She’s doing time either for protesting the treatment of Native-Americans or stabbing someone. She seems to have a very nice personality. And she’s a pretty good dancer. Much better than Elaine.

Earl’s Getting Jiggy With It. After all, this isn’t just prom, this is his Get Out Of Jail card. Earl is voted Prom King, and receives his crown from King Neptune, aka Warden Jerry. It’s a magical night. But Earl gives his crown to John. Without John, Earl tells the assembled and incarcerated party-goers, there would be no prom. John sits on his throne (a real prom-type throne and not just a euphemism for a toilet) and beams majestically. I particularly enjoyed the inmates having their prisoner numbers stitched onto their tuxes. Very nice touch.

With the prison positively overflowing with warm fuzzies like stoned tribbles on viagra, John’s parents make a return visit to try this reconciliation thing again. John warmly greets his parents with a pleasant, “Hi Mr. and Mrs. Hitler,” and things go downhill from there. Calling them “fat failures” and telling them to “…go back to communist Russia…” didn’t exactly help smooth things out.

Earl gets miffed. Not only did Earl promise the warden and John’s parents that John would apologize, he didn’t even score some strange from his round prom date. John blames his parents for everything that’s ever gone wrong in his life, including having two synonyms for a toilet for his first and middle name (John Lou). Earl’s had enough. Pouring a handy can of flammable liquid onto John’s paintings, Earl (to Fire by Prodigy) destroys John’s artwork.

Now it’s John’s turn to get miffified. But Earl’s got the cleverest of retorts. Quoting John’s complaints that he did bad because he was treated bad, Earl tells John that he’s treating John badly because that’s how John treated him. After a roundhouse punch to the jaw and a steel-toed kick to the breadbasket, John begins to see the light. After a righteous ass whupping, John realizes that what goes around comes around. He realizes that poor parenting does not justify burning down your parents house.

Funny thing…turns out that all that time that John spent in the basement cooking up meth, he was actually memorizing his parents most treasured paintings…paintings that went up in a big cloud of meth smoke. John was able to recall from memory every detail of those portraits, and he painted new ones to try to make it up to his folks. His folks were suitably impressed and touched, and they accepted John’s oil-and-canvas apology. Score six months for Earl.

Warden Jerry is so impressed with Earl’s psychological prowess that he calls Earl a “scumbag whisperer.” Nice sentiment that. Signing Earl’s Six Months Off certificate, the warden says to Earl, “What would I do without you?” Earl replies, very shortsightedly might I add, “Guess you’re gonna find out tomorrow.” Oops, shouldn’t’ve said that. Earl leaves. Warden Jerry realizes that he’s a much better warden with Earl in his jail, so unbeknownst to Earl, he shreds Earl’s Time Off For Good Behavior certificates. Which leads us to next week’s highlights…

Earl busts out of prison, and Joy is dressed as a nun for some bizarre reason.

Since this is probably the last new episode to be aired thanks to the writer’s strike, this truly qualifies as Must See TV.

I am so sad. Time to re-watch the DVD’s. And drink heavily.

Posted by Randy on November 30, 2007 07:16 PM
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