My Name is Earl Fodder

My Name Is Earl: Made A Lady Think I Was God

Watch the full episode here.

Another episode and another rerun. When o when will this torment end?

Next week, friends, if you believe NBC. Next week starts a run of five new episodes culminating with the season finale of Joy's trial. Be still my trailer park denizen-loving heart. Enough with the fol de rol -- let's have at it!

The ep opens with Earl and Randy lying on their bed watching a good old fashioned black and white WWII movie. In the movie, a G.I. is about to win his Purple Heart posthumously, and he is being consoled by another G.I. Turns out the two G.I.'s are brothers, and have had a bit of a communications problem; to wit, they have never been able to tell each other those three little words, "I love you." Then the fallen soldier purchases some rural real estate and the captivating drama ends.

Personal note - Expressing feelings is not a thing that men do well. We are much better with the whole slug-ya-in-the-shoulder approach when it comes to that sort of thing.

Earl's voiceover informs us that, while he and Randy are as close as two brothers can be, they also have never uttered those three little words, unless they happen to be, "Want a beer?" So the boys are looking mighty uncomfortable, squirming and shooting each other sidelong glances, until Earl speaks up and says, "I gotta drop a deuce," and Randy replies, "I gotta go squish some bugs," and they both hie off for parts unknown. Nuff said.

So Earl ends up at the Crabshack having a beer with Catalina. He asks her if she's ever told her brothers and sisters that she loves them. Catalina's reply is priceless. She tells Earl, "One I would say it to, two who would say it to me but I would not say it back, one who would interpret it sexually, and three I cannot locate since the flood." Throw in the fact that Catalina possibly killed her mother and her brother killed her father and we're practically talking Waltons here.

Joy comes over and tells Earl that she needs to borrow his car. Her car is infested with ants owing to the queen ant's sweet tooth and a Blow Pop under the seat. Joy's lawyer wants Joy to pay a social call on all the folks who have a restraining order out on Joy and ask them - politely and without calling them dummies - to drop said restraining order because that will look good for Joy in her upcoming trial. Joy's next visit? Hendersonville and Millie, Earl and Joy's cranky old trailer park manager and the poster child for misanthropy (wonderfully cast and played by Roseanne Barr). Earl realizes that Joy is not the only one who has business with Millie. Millie is on Earl's list as # 12 Made A Lady Think I Was God.

Flashback to Earl and Joy's living under Millie's personal brand of relocatable domicile terror. Millie hands out citations and fines for everything from non-matching lawn furniture to Christmas deer in the yard in April ("It's not a Christmas deer -- it's an Easter pig!") to loud music. What's the dif, Joy asks Millie, you can't hear anyway because of your hearing aid. Yeah, Millie says, but I can feel the bass notes. Millie turns down her hearing aid, and Earl and Joy plead their case, literally, to deaf ears.

"I hate her like the Taliban hates freedom," says Joy. Earl agrees with his lovely bride saying, "We gotta fight back." But Earl is swift enough on the uptake to recognize that utmost caution is called for because Millie is a dead shot with her wrist rocket (a type of sling shot). She should be: she practices frequently using poor little squirrels as her targets. Cut to Joy, Randy, and Earl scheming behind a bush. They are about to put Operation Overlord into action, and will use walkie talkies to communicate. Randy begins to sing C. W. McCall's Convoy, and it's not long before Joy and Earl join in. It's a wonderful moment needing only Kris Kristofferson and Ali McGraw to complete it.

Randy's walkie works just fine, but Earl fails to press the talk button when he tries his. Randy has to walk him through the whole "how to use a walkie talkie" thing. Earl presses the talk button, says, "Hello hello," and who responds? Not Randy, but Millie! Millie's hearing aid picks up Earl's transmission, and she believes the voice that she is hearing is the voice of God, and not a mustached Metallica t-shirt-wearing ne'er-do-well. (Editor's note - this walkie talkie plot device is a lot like Bart Simpson's dropping a walkie talkie down a well and fooling people into believing that he was in the well. This is not the first plot device MNIE writers have "borrowed" from another show.) "Oh snap," says Joy.

The gang just can't resist (who could?) having a little fun with their tormentor. So after having Millie do the hokey-pokey ("Putteth thy left foot in -- putteth thy left foot out...") and some general purpose calisthenics, Earl instructs Millie to " -- rippeth up all thy citations -- " and make some yummy desserts. But not carrot cake because the Lord hates carrot cake as it is the Devil's food. But Devil's food cake is okay. Eventually, the gang has done all they can do to Millie, and they instruct her to give all her gold and silver to " -- the blond lady with the nice rear end." God may be God, Earl tells Millie, but he's still a guy and he notices things.

Earl eventually ends up back at the Shack, drinking beer and chatting with Catalina. They said something something something, but I didn't really catch what they said because Catalina was wearing a crop shirt with a hole cut strategically in the cleavagular area and I was mighty distracted. Mea culpa. Randy asks Darnell at the bar if he's ever told his sister that he loves her. Darnell replies that he did once, but only because he thought she was dead.

Earl and Randy track down Millie. Earl is going to ask Millie to drop the restraining order on Joy, and he wants to apologize to her for deceiving her. Earl pulls up outside a building that looks a lot like a convent, which is strange because that's what it is. Randy starts to sing the Convoy song, substituting the word "convent" for the word "convoy". Two habit-wearing nuns come down the front stairs and Earl asks them if they know a Millie Barns. They do, but they know her as Sister Millie the Lord Whisperer, and she's inside. Randy is awed by the sheer basketball playing potential of nuns, especially the ones that can fly.

The nuns escort Earl to see Sister Millie, but Randy gets distracted by a roomful of prayer candles. He mistakes them for birthday candles and blows them all out. But not before wishing that everyone's wish comes true. Heart of gold, brain of Golden Grahams our Randy. Earl finds Sister Millie and she is overjoyed to see him. She even asks after his cuddly brother and lovely bride. "I'm nice now. Weird, huh?" she says. Millie is only too happy to fulfill Joy's request about dropping the restraining order. She serves the Lord by throwing birthday parties for orphans like little Celesta, who's carrying around her favorite little dolly. Celesta used to live in a storm drain and her dolly's head got washed away by the rain. (Note - this is a direct reference to episode 1-22 Stole A Badge when Randy found four doll's heads in a storm drain run-off.)

Earl explains to Millie that the voice of God that she thought she heard was actually him, Earl. Millie doesn't believe Earl, but a quick demonstration proves it to her, and she's none too happy about it. She started a whole new life based on a lie. Angrily, she chucks poor little Celesta's birthday cake into the trash. Celesta looks like she's going to cry, but Millie says to her, "Yeah, like you've never eaten out of a trash can before," and storms away.

Back at the Crabshack, and Earl is commiserating with Catalina. A prettier shoulder to cry on I cannot imagine. She says, "It's wild. You doing right actually did this lady wrong." Earl agrees completely, only he wouldn't've been able to phrase it so succinctly. Not only did Millie leave the convent, she reinstated Joy's restraining order, moved back to the trailer park, stopped watering her plants, stopped washing her hair, got even meaner to squirrels, evicted Darnell's beloved Mr. Turtle, and even stopped enjoyed her daily bread, or, in her case, grilled cheese sandwiches. Earl is despondent: his list is supposed to help people, not turn them into bellicose, foul-mouthed, unwashed, houseplant-killing, turtle-evicting squirrel-killers. Catalina tells him that he needs to make her go back to being a nun, maybe by giving her a sign, something like " -- a burning sheep walking through town -- " So Solomon-like is Catalina's advice that even Joy agrees. Earl sees the wisdom but he's against burning sheep, unless maybe it's on a spit, turning a delicious golden brown.

Needing to find a sign that could compel Millie's return to the order, Earl "borrows" a bible from the motel. Randy tries to help, but all of his plots involve killer whales and penguins and a trip to SeaWorld. Earl is quick to put the kibosh on any maritime adventures, but he does find something in the good book that's sure to work. Cut to Joy, Randy, Darnell, and Earl replacing the water in the trailer park bird bath with wine. Unfortunately, says Earl, " -- a bird bath filled with wine in a trailer park lasts about as long as a bird bath filled with wine in a trailer park." Score: Winos 3, Earl 0.

Randy consults Earl's bible and is excited to find another gambit that might send Millie back to her nunnery. But Earl calls it off when Joy informs him that Balaam's talking ass was actually a donkey. "Miracles are tough," says Earl's VO, "and that's why they're only done by God and TV magicians."

Finally, the gang comes up with a sure-fire plan: Joy will blowtorch a Jesus face onto a grilled cheese sandwich. Earl starts to critique Joy's handiwork, but she is quick to cut him off saying, "I know how to blowtorch a Jesus face onto a grilled cheese sandwich." Kudos to the public school system. Cue the Doobie Brothers' Jesus is Just All Right With Me, and Joy has prepared enough grilled cheese sandwiches to feed a multitude. Now the only snag is to lure Millie out of her trailer long enough for Earl to sneak in the blessed sandwich. Earl seems to have lost some of his sneak thief skills because Millie catches him red-, or maybe in this case golden-brown-, handed, and she shoots him with her wrist rocket. Randy comes in somewhat belatedly to warn Earl that Millie is coming back, and Millie shoots him in the chest. But Mr. Turtle is in Randy's pocket and saves Randy. Millie's second shot catches Randy's forehead and down he goes. Randy sends Mr. Turtle for help a la Lassie.

Earl yells at Millie to stop shooting and stop being such a miserable bitch. He tells her that they both were miserable people until they turned their lives around, and that they were both happier once they did, and she needs to go back to doing what made her happy even if the reasons weren't all that they might have been. Millie finally realizes that Earl is her sign to go back to being a nun, even if he's not exactly a beatific cherub. To the strains of Crosby, Stills, and Nash's Southern Cross, Millie bandages Randy's forehead and lifts Joy's restraining order, goes back to the convent/orphanage, and even gives Celesta a hug and a head for her doll.

Darnell is reunited with Mr. Turtle, and gushes "I love you" to his beloved friend. Mr. Turtle remains stoic as is his wont. Earl and Randy squirm uncomfortably at this blatant show of emotion. The lesson sinks in slowly. Shortly thereafter, Earl finally mans up and tells his brother, "I love you." Randy replies in kind. Earl pauses momentarily, then says, "I gotta go take a leak." Randy replies, "I gotta go play with the radio." It was quite the touching moment. Practically right up there with, "You had me at balls." FTB.

---

Posted by Randy Welk on April 6, 2007 12:30 PM
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