My Name is Earl Fodder

My Name Is Earl: G.E.D.

This episode was written by Hunter Covington (wrote the Bounty Hunter episode, was a script coordinator on several other episodes, and worked on Yes, Dear with Greg Garcia). Also, in the episode titled Stole P's HD Cart, the name of the CEO of Winky Dinky Dog, Mr. Covington, may be a bit of an Easter egg. That said, let's have at it!

The ep opens in the Crabshack. The Camden Savings and Loan is giving away t-shirts emblazoned with a picture of the bank's mascot (aka Pack-away the squirrel), to every qualified credit card applicant. Randy sees an actual squirrel in a cage, and wonders if it's the same squirrel featured in the commercials. Earl informs Randy that the squirrel in the commercials is a cartoon, and the squirrel in the cage is not. Randy takes this information badly. No sign of Bullwinkle J. Moose or Boris or Natasha.

Earl is excited at the possibility of getting a credit card that he didn't have to steal. However, when the bank lady determines that Earl has no permanent residence, no occupation, and no formal education â€“ apparently "some high school or street smarts" is insufficient â€“ she turns him down. She does offer Earl a conciliatory Pack-away child's paper mask. Randy's no dummy - he requests an extra in case the first one wears out.

Trying to drown his sorrows at the Crabshack's bar with Catalina, who by the way is looking rather fetching in her Pack-away t-shirt as is every other non-Hickey patron in the bar, Earl regrets that his life choices did not entitle him to grown-up-type privileges. Catalina tells Earl that since he's always doing good things for other people he should take this opportunity to do something good for himself. Put yourself on your list, she tells Earl. She feels like she's Earl's conscience, like that little animated Jiminy Hiccup.

Earl takes Catalina's advice and puts himself on his own list. He writes #273 - Kept Myself from Being an Adult. And like adults do, he adds subtasks. A. Finish High School, B. Get a Real Job, and C. Move Out of the Motel. Darnell is impressed by Earl's use of subsets.

Earl's voiceover explains that lacking a high school education, the next best thing is a G.E.D. (General Educational Development test). So Earl and Randy take the test. Earl starts with the math section. He's unable to calculate the story problem, but he is able to compute the number of boobs in the room. Seems like his math was off by two as he neglected to count himself and Randy. Randy has his shoes off and is counting determinedly. Earl decides to skip the remaining math portion of the test, and moves on to the English section. But after getting stuck on the definition of a past participle, Earl decides to skip the English section also. So it's on to Geography. No problem. Earl rattles off the continents lickety-split. "A, E, I, O, U," he says. Personally, I think he forgot to add "and sometimes Y," but I digress.

Earl eventually comes to the conclusion that if he is going to pass the G.E.D., he's going to have to learn some stuff. Like Math and English and Geography. Wacky thought that. Randy meanwhile has drawn quite a nice picture of a sailboat on his answer sheet.

So it's back to high school for our boy Earl.

Editor's Note - Jaime Pressly has acted in several high school-themed movies including Can't Hardly Wait, and Not Another Teen Movie. She's also doing voicework in the new version of Horton Hears A Who with Jim Carrey, Steve Carell, and Carol Burnett due out in 2008. And she's due to deliver her first child pretty much any day now.

Flashback: Cue The Rolling Stones' 19th Nervous Breakdown. Earl's old teacher, Mr. Romex, has written on the chalkboard, "Chlamydia â€“ it's not just for college anymore." But all he gets in return for this sage and heartfelt advice is an "I Love Condoms" mug super-glued to his hand. Poor Mrs. Harden gets a faceful of exploding cigarette. Mrs. McCullum the Home Ec teacher gets a mousetrap in her oven mitt. And Mr. Baldwin finds himself duct taped to the chalkboard for Christmas break.

Earl meets up with his old educators in the teachers lounge. He wants them to teach him now what he made them regret trying to teach him way back when. But the folks in Room 222 have given up, they're burnt out. After twenty years of trying to teach smarmy brats, they've become babysitters, not the teachers and knowledge sharers and role models their idealistic younger selves dreamed they would become. Earl pleads and pleads to no avail. He'll do anything if they'll help him. Anything? Anything, Earl says. Wrong answer.

Cut to Earl's second trip to the front of a classroom. Earl addresses his class (like the opening credits), "Hello, my name is Earl -- " and gets a big old juicy spitball to the forehead for his troubles. Just like the old joke about why sharks don't eat lawyers, Earl recognizes kindred spirits. He knows this is going to be a challenge. "Bad attitude plus perfect aim," he says, "equals trouble."

Earl's first day didn't go well so he is determined to make up for it on his second. He tells the Wild Bunch that he's not just their teacher, he's their friend. (Editor's Note - My teachers tried that old chestnut too. I didn't buy it either.) But Earl makes the mistake of telling his class that he shares a room and a bed with his brother. After convincing the students that since he and Randy are brothers and therefore not homosexual ("Not that there's anything wrong with that"), Earl decides to take his class on a little field trip to show them that the choices that they make now will affect them later in life. So just like Ms. Frizzle in the Magic School Bus, Earl packs up the class in the back of his El Camino and it's off to Earl University.

First stop, the Palm Tree Motel, Room 231. This is my life, teacher Earl tells the Thunderbirds and Pink Ladies. But the boys in the class are much more interested in learning about Catalina, who just happens to be changing the sheets. So Earl loads them all up in the Magic El Camino once again and it's off to the Crabshack where they meet Earl's past - and their future - worst nightmare, Joy. She paints an unflattering picture of Earl "He's so dumb he thought it was called the Yimca, and not the YMCA. And he dove into an unfilled pool, and took a crap in a litter box," says Joy. "True story," says Earl. Then the kids mock Darnell, but he quickly convinces them that their futures might look much rosier (i.e., they might have futures) if they choose another pastime. Mortal fear makes a wonderful tutor.

So it's back to school sans Rodney Dangerfield. On the chalkboard, Earl has written

Drop Out + No Job = Sad Face
Graduate + A Job = Happy Face

The sweathogs are not impressed. They just know that they're not going to end up like some old dude (BTW â€“ Jason Lee just celebrated his 37th birthday April 25th) with a porno mustache. Dissing the 'stache -- now that's hitting below the belt. So to speak.

One of the kids has convinced himself that he's going to be a rock star because he's s'darn good at Guitar Hero. As soon as his mother buys him a guitar, that is. (Editor's Note - Real guitars have actual strings. Guitar Hero guitars do not.) Another kid tells Earl, "You were born a loser. We were born awesome." And with that, the bell rings and the class is dismissed. Except for one young lady named Summer. She doesn't want to be a loser, and she's willing to listen to Earl. Cue Ben E. King's Lean On Me. (Where's Morgan Freeman or Jim Belushi when ya need 'em?) So Earl tells her of the poor choices he's made, where he's gone wrong, and the things he'd do differently if he could. Summer opens up and listens, seemingly taking to heart all of Earl's heartfelt advice. Earl ends up by telling her that just because she has a stripper name doesn't mean that she has to become a stripper. Unfortunately, Summer's been shining Earl on just long enough for her classmates to tip the Magic El Camino onto its side.

Earl's had it. He lambastes the other teachers in the teachers' lounge. "I'm gonna kill 'em," Earl says. "Now you're talking like a real teacher," says Mrs. Harden. But since punkicide is apparently illegal in Camden County, although why that should be I do not know, Earl and the teachers realize the only way to get back at the students is to give them a taste of their own medicine. When meek Mrs. McCullum finds out that the Asphalt Junglers have been spitting ("They gave me mono!") and dangling their privates in her coffee mug, she says, "Let's get those bastards."

The teachers conspire to give the students their comeuppance. To Queen's Another One Bites The Dust, one kid gets a padlock glued to his hand, another gets a faceful of flour, and another sits in a booby-trapped chair and gets an assful of floor. But the teachers save the best for the ringleader. Mr. Baldwin fixes the kid's 1968 cobalt blue Camaro with a couple of juicy surprises.

Cue Low Rider by War. The punk-ass ringleader student presses the little whoop whoop device on his keying, and KAH-BLAMMM! His car explodes in spectacular fashion. (Editor's note - This had to be one of the best car explosions I've ever seen, better even than the beginning of Casino.) That was not supposed to happen, Mr. Baldwin says. Musta got a coupla wires crossed.

The teachers freak out. The students freak out.

The teachers are nervous that they're going to get arrested for terrorism or attempted murder or just malicious intent to cause pants-wetting. The students are scared straight. They're afraid that the teachers are trying to kill them. It's dÃ©tente. It's an uneasy truce, but it's a truce.

A few bars of Wonderful World (Don't Know Much) by Sam Cooke, and the kid who got his car blowed up (blowed up reeeeaal goood) puts a regulation non-exploding-type apple on Mrs. Harden's desk. With MAD as their incentive, the students learn, the teachers teach, the teachers re-discover their love of inspiring young minds, and the kids sit up straight and raise their hands. So inspiring is all of this (I swear I could hear Lulu singing "To Sir, With Love" in the background) that Earl and Randy even take a few classes not required to pass the G.E.D. Earl makes a tasty zucchini bread. Randy learns some basic spelling: he has numerous carvings ("Randy wuz here") to amend all over Camden County.

Earl takes and passes the G.E.D., and crosses off #273 Subtask A. Subtask B will have to wait until next week. Randy draws a nice picture of an elf. FTB.


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