Biggest Loser Fodder

The Biggest Loser: Season 4 Premiere

”4luggage.jpg" We're back and we've got two hours to cover. Let's get to it...

Someone came back for season four, and someone didn't.

Jillian Michaels came back to lead a third team. Judging from the first three minutes of the show, her absence has apparently made her meaner.

Caroline Rhea, however, has not returned. We now have "Days of Our Lives" regular Allison Sweeney. To me, the "host" position was always crap anyway, so I could care less who introduces the challenges. Why not just have the trainers do it? Or maybe have one of the former success stories come in each week as alternating hosts and/or mentors?

Oh "someone" else that will be absent: Jell-O. Instead, Nabisco 100-calorie snack treats will be stuffed down our throats (get it?).

The crying kicked off early -- and so did the challenges. The trainers dropped from the sky, and the contestants had to race to them. The first person to each trainer was named as a team captain. As the captain, you could pick five teammates. This would leave six people going home.

After getting a half-naked introduction of each trainer, the challenge began. Did anyone notice that the race began on sand? Oof. I am guessing most of these people had one final food-fest the night before. That run must have been rough.

Jerry -- who is the oldest contestant ever at 62 years-young -- was the first person to reach Bob. Phil, an ex-football player, was next. Amber, the paramedic, came in last. Everyone got the chance to sell their sob stories. In the end...

Jerry picked:
• Kae Whang: 27, former military private
• Neil Tejwani: 25, chemical engineer
• Patty Gonzalez: 34, senior loan officer
• Nicole Michalik: 26, radio DJ
• Ryan Rodriguez: 29, lawyer

Phil picked:
• Bryan Washington: 29, music teacher
• Amber Walker: 30, paramedic
• Amy Zimmer: 28, 1st grade teacher
• David Griffin: 31, cowboy/rancher
• Lezlye Donahue: 34, paralegal

Sadly, the six that were left were not getting sent home -- they were getting Jillian. In bad-ass fashion, the former trainer rode in on a motorcycle to save the spirits of the six remaining contestants. So the final team is:

• Julie Hadden: 34, stay-at-home mom
• Isabeau Miller: 21, singer/songwriter
• Bill Germanakos: 40, medical sales
• Jim Germanakos: 40, police officer
• Jez Luckett: 24, children's case manager
• Hollie Self: 28, teacher/cheerleading coach

Totally oblivious, the other 12 contestants got dumped off at what looked like a college campus; no more pretty ranch. However, it was better than flipping tires, which is what Jillian's team was doing. She kept talking about beatings. I don't know... I wouldn't mind seeing her on the receiving end of that.

First product placement of the season: Extra gum.

After enjoying some gum, everyone was blindfolded and treated to a session of scared straight, where the contestants got to revisit some of the tasty treats they've eaten in the past -- as well as they quantities. Highlights included a 6-hot-dog gorgefest, a gallon of ice cream, and 50 chicken wings, each of which were consumed in one sitting.

Over an hour in, we had the first challenge. The teams needed to haul and load luggage that represented weight that each person wanted to lose, and then pull that luggage inside an airplane. Yes -- a real one. The blue team loaded the luggage the fastest, but the red team passed them on the tarmac. As a reward, they received letters from home.

At the 90-minute mark, we had the last chance workout, which featured a lot of screaming. Neil described it as "a murder." It certainly sounded like one. Heading into the weigh-in, Lezlye remarked about how many fat people were on the opposing team. Exactly how does she think she got to be on the show?

Here are the first week's results, including starting weights...

Red Team

Name	Starting Weight	Current Weight	This Week's Loss

Phil	403	377	-26

Amber	295	288	-7

David	368	348	-20

Lezlye	255	246	-9

Bryan	346	331	-15

Amy	297	287	-10

Total: -87 pounds, 4.43%

Blue Team

Name	Starting Weight	Current Weight	This Week's Loss

Jerry	297	266	-31

Kae	225	205	-20

Ryan	374	359	-15

Patty	280	267	-13

Nicole	279	271	-8

Neil	421	399	-22

Total: -109 pounds, 5.81%

The blue team won, with Jerry pulling out an amazing 31-pound loss during the final weigh-in. Someone from the red team was going home -- but it wasn't going to be Phil since he was this week's Biggest Loser.

The Black team didn't get a public weigh-in. You have to log into NBC's Web site for those numbers.

All of Amber's bitching during the workouts got her a first-class ticket back to Homesville. The first week is tough. You don't know anyone, so you don't want to make yourself stand out by whining.

There's another 2-hour episode next week. It looks like my fingers are also getting a workout. -- Rachel Cericola