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Did Anyone "Rock the Cradle?"

jsnider.jpgThrow another show in my crap-o-rama pile: I watched the premiere of MTV's "Rock the Cradle." As much as I hate fueling the fiery hell that comes out of MTV's "creative" department, I have to say... I am intrigued. Was I alone?

Let's review the contestants:

Jesse Money looks a bit like dad Eddie, but sounds more like Ronnie Spector. Not sure if that's because she was singing Ronnie's part in the clips before her performance. However, she sang "When I'm Gone" by 3 Doors Down on stage. The band completely engulfed and drowned her vocals. We'll have to wait another week to see whether or not that was a good thing.

Landon Brown is the extremely handsome son of Bobby Brown. I was excited to hear that he was doing Seal's "Crazy," only to see his performance go up in the aforementioned Hell fire. I think the guy was just a bit nervous, and who could blame him -- big daddy Bobby's "weed" eyes were probably burning a hole right through him.

Chloe Lattanzi is either the biological daughter of Olivia Newton John, or was constructed of her leftover plastic surgery parts. No seriously, I have heard that Olivia has had work and hasn't, and frankly -- who cares? However, Chloe looked like she had some work done, which makes me just plain sad since the girl is a mere 22. She sang the INXS hit "Never Tear Us Apart," which basically tore my tummy apart.

I expected Lucy Walsh to be a downright mess, but she's a real cutie. As horrible as it sounds, I was sort of happy to see that her dad Joe had some self-respect (and an apparent loathe for reality shows) and didn't appear to cheer on his baby. However, I'm sure he was proud that she was the big winner of the night -- but was her choice of Don Henley's "The Heart of the Matter" a slap in Joe's face or what?

Jesse Blaze Snider thankfully did not raid daddy Dee's makeup bag or spandex walk-in closet. Despite his lack of costume, I can't figure out if this dude is good looking or not. However, his lack of shirt during Led Zeppelin's "Rock & Roll" did not a rock performance make.

Note to Lil Al B Sure: Why not just have your stage name be "Al-B-Sure's-Son?" Lame name, crazy eyes, but a damn good rendition of Donny Hathaway's "A Song for You."

We heard many times that Lara Johnston was the daughter of Tom Johnston and that he was a Doobie Brother. Since he was wise enough to not show up either (did he?), I couldn't place him... despite the flashbacks. Maybe if they had shown that scene where Rerun gets caught bootlegging in a very special "What's Happening," I could have placed him better. Otherwise, her Avril Lavigne was just "al-ight" for me.

MC Hammer's daughter A'keiba Burrell-Hammer had a killer voice and reminded me a bit of Jennifer Hudson -- and not just because she sang Jennifer Hudson. However, like J-Hud in her early days, girlfriend needs a stylist. She could have walked out in Hammer pants and looked better.

Judge June Ambrose was right on the money when she called Crosby Loggins "secretly sexy." Not sure if it was the slight hippie/John Mayer thing he had going on, that he wants to live the bohemian lifestyle sans his dad's dough, or the guitar. Either way, he was a little wooden, but has a lot of potential. If I were him, I'd be dropping "Footloose" references in every bar in town. Guess that makes him an artist -- despite being a contestant on an MTV game show.

The judges included:
Belinda Carlisle: Not sure if it was the lighting, but this Go-Go was still the beauty of the beat. However, she seems like a graduate from the Paula Abdul School of If-Me-Judge-You-Can-Too.
Larry Rudolph: If you don't know this guy, you don't spend enough time on TMZ.com. Does the world need another Britney, Larry?
June Ambrose: She's apparently some kind of style guru. Not sure why she should even be allowed to speak at this point. Talent first, hair and wardrobe later.
Jamie King: This guy dropped names like the Fat Boys drop rhymes. That should be MTV's next game show.

Did anyone else watch -- and more importantly, will you keep watching? I can't decide.

See who will be destined to keep living off daddy's money when the next episode of "Rock the Cradle" airs next Thursday at 10:00 p.m. (EST) on MTV. -- Rachel Cericola


Posted by Rachel Cericola on April 6, 2008 8:48 PM
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The thing about Crosby is that he actually has more touring experience than any of the other contestants and even still he seemed really nervous on stage. I think he's got some legitimate musical talent, he just needs to come out of his shell a bit more.

-- Posted by: mtvcradlerocker at April 8, 2008 2:33 PM

Belunda Carlisle represents the new wave era that i so loved but that's all she was. A Great singer she was NOT. I have a hard time listening to her criticism of performers who are much better than she ever was. She was lucky to be in the right place at the right time. She needs to be reminded that she was a "GO GO" and that's ALL. Get off the high horse girl.

-- Posted by: N Mason at May 1, 2008 11:23 PM

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