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American Idol Fodder

American Idol: One More Go-Goes Home

I’d like to think there was some drama and surprise about most of tonight’s Bottom Three on “Idol.” I’d also like to think I was a millionaire, drove a fancy car and had a pet monkey. Alas, none of this is true.

After having a disastrous showing last night, let me cut to the chase and say both Paige Miles and Tim Urban were two of tonight’s bottom three. Both almost horrified the judges with their song selections, and you know it’s bad when Ellen has to make up good things to say about you. That being said, there’s still one more Stool of Doom that had to be filled and the contestant that filled it caught me a little off guard. But before we get to that, let’s take a look at the start of the show.

Having taken a week off, the cheesy group performance was back in full force. And continuing this season’s tradition of bad song choices, the 11 remaining singers were forced to perform Wham!’s 1984 number one hit (really?) “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go.” That’s right. Some producer thought a song with the words “go-go” in the title was somehow hip and current. And so long as they continue to drag this cheese-fest in front of America, I will continue to jot down snarky remarks as I watch it. Here’s a sampling of some random thoughts I had while watching it: this is not a good song; Casey couldn’t look less interested if he tried; whoever’s in charge of choreography should be issued a citation for all that uncomfortable bouncing; where are the solos?; and would it kill the producers to let us hear their real voices and not make them lip synch?

Just in case your brain hadn’t completely exploded and oozed out your ear as a side effect of Extreme Corniness Syndrome, it was time to watch this week’s Ford music video. (Side effects may include extreme napping, drooling, or throwing pens and mushy bananas at your television in disgust.) Apparently the director for the video was trying to recreate a scene from the credits of “Friends,” by having all the singers play around in a fountain. Here’s how I imagine the conversation went between the director and the contestants:

Director: We need to spice this up! Everyone’s seen water in a fountain before. We need something different!
Underling: What about jello? Or soap bubbles?
Director: Too predictable! We need an edge, something to shock the American public!
Aaron Kelly: Hey, you know, I was at Chuck E. Cheese last week and they’ve got this cool ball pit there.
Director: That’s it! Plastic balls! Brilliant!
Aaron Kelly: Brilliant!

At least that’s how I’m guessing it went. And so the singers “swam” around in a sea of plastic balls, singing “Our Time Now.” It all makes sense now. (Actually, no it doesn’t.)

Ryan then engaged the singers in some uncomfortable small talk, where we learned such priceless gems as “Casey flubbed his lyrics in rehearsal” (the scoundrel!), Siobahn’s boss Brooks is on a shaving strike and Katie’s dad is across the street at the Chili’s enjoying some chicken tenders while his daughter awaits her fate.

And just before everyone started yawning, Ryan dimmed the lights and proceeded with the results. First to make it to the Top 10, and to the summer tour, was Siobhan Magnus. Next Ryan made Lee and Casey sweat it out as he made Tim and Paige stand up too. If you read the beginning of this blog, then you know Tim and Paige were sent to the bottom. (And if you didn’t read the beginning of this blog, then you sure picked a strange place to start reading!) (P.S. Lee and Casey are safe, though Ryan made the poor guys stand all the way into commercial!)

The Top 11 were given a reprieve as Miley Cyrus showed up to sing her new song “When I Look at You.” You can tell she’s trying to change her image, starting out the performance at a piano, wearing an evening dress and trying to escape the dense fog that was being pumped on stage. I’m not sure what was going on here, but her vocals were not that good. I appreciate that she was trying to sound/look a little older, but at times she looked like she was straining. (At one point I thought she was getting the dry heaves as her head snapped back and forth. Fortunately that was all part of the performance. Phew! What a relief!) If anything good came out of this, it was that we got to see her dad Billy Ray sitting in the audience. Anybody for a quick rendition of “Achy Breaky Heart?”

Soon it was time to suck all that smoke off the stage and dim the lights. It was time for more results. In quick order, Aaron, Didi, Michael and Crystal were all given passes to the Idol tour and another week in the “Idol”-verse. That left Katie and Andrew. Based on last night’s performances, I figured Andrew was definitely going to the bottom. But remember earlier when I said there’d be a surprise? That’s right- Katie was sent to the last silver Stool of Doom! I definitely didn’t see that coming. (And neither did either of them!)

But it’s OK, because Ryan “King of the Fakeout” Seacrest, decided that 4.3 seconds later he would save Katie and send her back to the Couches of Safety. That left just Paige and Tim! Another shocker! (Not really…)

Before we could learn who was going home, it was time for the last two guest performers of the night- Demi Lovato and Joe Jonas. Yikes, neither seemed to be on key as they sang some song about a pebble in some water (or something…). Their performance almost seemed like an audition for “High School Musical,” but not one that would get them a call back. But, to quote Paula or Ellen, “you guys looked great!”

All that was left was tonight’s result. Who would it be, Paige or Tim? After all the votes and texts and weeks of singing for three judges and a cranky British guy, it was Paige who was sent home. As Ryan sent Tim back to safety (yet again! What the…?), he asked the judges if they would consider saving her. Simon put it bluntly, saying he would give her no false hope and that she was definitely going home.

So, here’s to you Paige Miles, the happy daycare worker who loves to color in coloring books, used to wow Simon and had a bad case of laryngitis. Don’t stop singing!

Is America voting the right way or are you upset that Paige was kicked off the show? Who’s next in line to get the boot if they don’t change their ways? Did I miss some good notes during tonight’s guest performances? And who has the best chance to win this whole thing? Post below and set your DVRs for next Tuesday as the contestants tackle R&B and soul songs with guest mentor Usher! –Chris Sardelli

Posted by Chris on March 25, 2010 1:05 AM
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