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American Idol Fodder

American Idol: The Top Two

smercado.JPGAs we transition from the Top 3 to the Final Two, the results show becomes more about suspense than about actual content. So, it seemed a fitting time to switch gears here at the "American Idol" blog as well. Instead of the standard review, I decided to do a live blog detailing events as they happened. Co-host for this little journey was my roving reporter, and girlfriend, Katie. What follows is our play-by-play of the night's events. And for anyone who didn't see tonight's show, be warned, there are no surprises to be found here. It went just like you thought it would.

8:59 pm: In the first wide shot of the crowd, we get to view all the celebrities in attendance. Wait, the only celebrities they could find were the former contestants and Andrew Lloyd Webber. Geez, couldn't they at least get somebody like Fantasia to show up?

9:00 pm: Ryan announces Fantasia will be performing tonight. Hmm, it's like they read our minds.

9:02 pm: The final idols begin the show with a rousing edition of "Ain't No Stopping Us Now." Katie: While the disco song is a fun concept, all I can hope for is that they break out into the John Travolta move and I wonder which of the Davids would look more awkward doing it. I'm betting David Archuleta who would feel so self-conscious he might start giggling while singing.
Chris: Yikes, the choreography is awful as usual. And now they're walking into the audience. I hate when they do this. They all seem so out of breath after marching through the crowds of fans. As they returned to the stage, the camera quickly catches Paula twirling like a ballerina. Yup, that seems about right.

9:06 pm: Katie: Yay! My favorite part of the evening -- the Ford Music video. What's with the giant mosaic of David A's face in the pool?

9:07 pm: Katie: And now for the review of last night's show -- is this just filler? For someone who didn't watch it last night, it was a nice review of what I missed.

9:10 pm: Katie: Fantasia's been on Broadway? Who knew? My guess is she didn't have highlighter hair in The Color Purple. Does anyone have any clue what she's saying? And what's up with the gyrating back-up singers? Between the hair, the lights, the sparkly clothes and the sudden movements by Fantasia and her back-up singers, I feel like I could have a seizure at any minute.
Chris: What. The. Heck. Is. Going. On? Is this for real? Did Fantasia just hijack the "Idol" stage?

9:12 pm: Katie: Oh good, now we've added some random man who is also completely incomprehensible.
Chris: Who is that guy? Should I know him?

9:13 pm: Chris: Well, that was a whole lotta crazy. That might be the craziest thing I've ever seen on "American Idol."
Katie: I'm left wondering what I just witnessed. And apparently so is Simon. Did anyone else catch his absolutely stunned look when they panned to him about 15 seconds before the end of the song? And then of course there's the look he gave to Randy right after, which pretty much summed up what I was thinking -- "What the hell was that?"

9:14 pm: You know something is awkwardly bad when the best Ryan Seacrest can say is "great energy." I don't know what to make of what I just saw, but I do have some advice for Fantasia and here we go:
1. Change the hair color
2. Please enunciate -- I don't understand the words coming out of your mouth
3. Never ever ever dance again
And to sum up -- Fantasia, you frighten me.

9:18 pm: And we're back. I really do wonder what the remaining contestants thought of that. I imagine that David Cook is sitting there thinking, if this is what winning will get me, I hope I get voted out tonight. While David Archuleta probably just sat there hoping he was invisible and praying she didn't try to make out with him like she did with Ryan.

9:19 pm: Let's travel to Utah, shall we viewers?
Katie: This entire montage can be summed up with one word: uncomfortable. It would make an awesome children's book -- David's Uncomfortable Trip Back Home. Between the screaming ‘tween girls, the crying American Idol contestant, the mayor's mustache and the excessive use of the word "gosh," I can see it as a bestseller now. Maybe we just need to toss in a talking duck, or something similar. Now I understand this has got to be overwhelming for a 17 year-old, but is his biggest concern really "where did they park?"
Chris: I think the expression on his face when the high school cheerleaders mobbed him sums up the whole experience.

9:23 pm: Can someone tell me why after going through all of his songs in the previous re-cap they have to go through them again. I'm sure all little David wants is for Ryan just to tell him the verdict.

9:25 pm: Katie: Ryan announces this could be David A.'s last time on Idol. The sheer look of panic that came over his face made me worry he was going to pass out right then and there. Yet, can anyone really think that he's going home -- being the first on stage and showing nothing but clips stating, "Dude, you're the bomb"?
Chris: Yeah, there's no way this kid is going home. Like I said last night, the only way Syesha is getting through to the Top Two is if she kidnaps little David and holds him ransom. Which did not happen, because here he is looking like a deer in the headlights.

9:30 pm: Apparently little David will have to await his fate. So, now it's Syesha's turn. Let's travel to Sarasota, FL, shall we?
Katie: Syesha's fans are much tamer than David A.'s -- I guess that's to be expected without the screaming tweens. But, unlike David A., Syesha did get to kiss a baby -- you would think she's running for president instead of American Idol. But, keeping true to the theme -- she too started crying. It was very touching to see her reconnect with her family. And what trip home would be complete without a helicopter ride?
Chris: I laughed when the lady thrust her baby into Syesha's arms. Later on, while Syesha was riding in her stretch limo, I half expected to see her holding that snow globe somebody gave her in one hand, and the baby in the other!

9:34 pm: And to fill even more time -- we go through all of Syesha's songs, again. Blah blah blah.

9:35 pm: Katie: Now for Syesha's montage. She really is a great role model for young women, and I really like her clothes. But that's all I've got on her -- anyone else think she really hasn't showcased her personality as much as the others?
Chris: Yup, I call her the mystery contestant, because we still don't know much about her.

9:40 pm: Katie: David Cook's turn now. I'm left to wonder if there's some sort of psychological costuming going on with the AI stylists -- why are Syesha and David A. in a white shirt, while David Cook is in a black shirt?
Chris: Chew on that one, conspiracy theorists!

9:41 pm: Chris: I had no idea David Cook never intended to audition on the show! Apparently he only showed up to the auditions in Omaha to support his brother Andrew!
Katie: So what we've learned is that David Cook is living his brother's dream? I'm not sure how I feel about that. He never wanted to do it and beat his brother out for his spot. Hmmm!

9:42 pm: Off to Kansas City, MO.
Katie: As David Cook sings to a large crowd, one has to wonder why his family was stuck in the back. While David Cook may not have cried, he did make his music teacher cry. David does seem to have a unique portion of the vote locked up -- lots of children, moms and of course, Colonel Sanders.

9:45 pm: Katie: I take it back -- we've reached the American Idol homecoming trifecta -- David Cook cried! (And on a float no less!)

9:46 pm: Katie: So, Ryan asks David Cook's brother if he'll see him on the stage next year. You've got to feel bad for the kid -- not only did his brother steal his dream, but his mom responded to Ryan by shaking her head no -- what a confidence killer. It's okay Andrew -- we still love you -- you got to ride in the parade with your brother.
Chris: You've got to give the kid credit for showing up! Ryan cracked me up when he asked Andrew if he made a deal with his brother that if he wins, his baby brother gets half!

9:47 pm: Chris: After watching his montage, I'm reminded how bad Cook's hair was in the beginning. It started out as this weird pinkish-red mohawk thing, and has slowly evolved into that tamer Flock of Seagulls thing he's sporting now.
Katie: American Idol has had a good influence on his hair. Buck up David, even if you don't make it, your hair is my American Idol!

9:49 pm: And we've lined them up. And we're making them wait!.shocker. Oh how you toy with our emotions Ryan Seacrest.

9:54 pm: Katie: And now it's time for the Hallmark commercial -- oh wait, it's Paula. And don't worry folks, according to Simon, next week's show may be a "humdinger!" I can hardly wait.

9:55 pm: Katie: Why do they need to dim the lights to make a decision? And how does Ryan Seacrest read the results in the dark?
Chris: At least Seacrest has kept the fake-outs to a minimum this year. Taunting people is a little exhausting, for them and for me!

9:56 pm: Chris: Look at David A.'s face! He's actually worried! I figured that by this point he would actually think he could win it all. Don't worry about it David, you're my "boo."
Katie: They just announced it. Syesha's going home. It will be a battle of the Davids. What a surprise. I can hardly contain my shock. Oh my. I think Syesha's at the exact same place -- she knew she was going home and had prepped herself for it -- you've got to give her credit for doing it so gracefully.

9:57 pm: David A. is still in shock.

9:58 pm: Farewell Syesha! It's been real! Congratulations! Group hug.

Thus ends our penultimate results show. And there were absolutely no surprises here at all. The Battle of the Davids has been a certainty for weeks, ever since stronger contestants like Michael Johns, Carly Smithson and Brooke White all got the boot. So, let's raise our glasses high for "Idol's" latest casualty, Syesha Mercado, girl of many hairstyles, who loved Whitney Houston songs and can sing while she has laryngitis. See ya on Broadway, Syesha!

Is anyone surprised by the Final Two? If you could rewind back to the Top Twelve, who would you have loved to see make it to the final? And who do you think will claim the "Idol" crown in next week's Battle of the Davids? Before we go, I want to say thanks to my guest critic Katie who helped spice up this long, drawn-out results show. That's all for tonight, but post below and I'll see you all next week for the finale! -- Chris Sardelli

Posted by Chris on May 15, 2008 1:26 AM
Permalink |

Always well written. Smarmy Cook gives me agita! I just love a twenty-five year old referring to a seventeen year old as a kid. And what is with his touchy-feely? He never talks about a girlfriend -- past, present or future. Alas, he will be the singing celibate. But will that sell? Archuleta's naivete is near unbelievable. Could be here we have another religious vocational pursuit -- Saint Archie. I want Archuleta to win because I can't tolerate Cook's acceptance speech! Lord give me the strength not to watch the finale.

-- 1. Posted by: Charles at May 16, 2008 9:23 AM

Why are you interested in knowing Cook's personal life? You interested in dating him? He may look smarmy and arrogant but you got to admit that he's a good singer -- much better than the "kid". Archie is a kid -- acts like a kid, talks like a kid -- must be a kid. "Oh gosh" -- did I say that.

Just sayin' you know.

-- 2. Posted by: David at May 21, 2008 1:01 AM

i love alexis grace
she is the best singer on american idol

-- 3. Posted by: Anonymous at March 18, 2009 12:49 AM

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