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American Idol Fodder

American Idol: Austin Auditions

idoljudges.jpgTired of "American Idol" auditions yet? We only have one more installment, so hang tight. In the meantime, tonight was all about Austin. From what I saw there is only one reason why you shouldn't mess with Texas: It doesn't seem like they need help in the "mess" department.

The show kicked off with a slew of horrible singers. Big surprise. Correct me if I'm wrong, but all of the audition episodes seem to have started off with candidates that make me in the shower look like Madonna. How about shaking things up and starting off with some talent?

The most memorable in the first lot was Paula -- the one that isn't the judge. A word of advice: If you are going to tout your drawings of Paula Abdul, make sure they actually look like her. At least you'd be a stalker with talent!

While we're talking about the judges (sort of), who the hell is picking out Randy's shirts? I actually think the "Randy twin" was better dressed.

It's bad enough to have to sit through so many horrible singers, but I am just not ready for goofy "skits" yet. This is usually something that's saved for the final 12 and that humiliation is usually sponsored by Ford. I guess even the producers realize that this is just too many audition episodes. At the 30-minute mark, TWO people had gone to Hollywood. Now they are just punishing us. That's all I'm going to say about that.

The embalmer guy had a good hook (his job) and was pretty tasty to look at, which makes him nice "American Idol" material in my book. Being the first person in Austin that could actually sing made him seem even better than he was -- and he was good. Unfortunately, I just don't see him getting that far. Speaking of cute, it's a good thing that Sierra Johnson has two other jobs. I wouldn't quit either of them if I were her.

Allison had some serious music going while they were giving her story, and while I think the plane accident should earn her an instant ticket to Hollywood -- she was just horrible. A valuable lesson to be learned: The background story does not always mean you are going to Hollywood after all.

Disgusted that Ashley Jackson made it to Hollywood. Sure it was impressive that she could sing with her mouth closed, but it didn't sound so great when that piehole was open. She wasn't horrible, but certainly not "American Idol" material. Maybe the judges realized that they weren't getting enough out of this stop and just shoved another person through. If I were Ashley, I would only take a carry-on to Hollywood. Sorry sweetie -- at least you've got your looks!

Speaking of looks, that Ronny guy was not half as hot as he thought he was. His "rap" sounded like Will Ferrell in "Wedding Crashers." Hate to admit this, but he could actually sing.

Despite the repetitiveness of the auditions, I do have a favorite part: How come everyone thinks he or she is the next "American Idol," but when they get shot down, suddenly, the show sucks? How many hours of waiting do you think those contestants had to endure to come to that conclusion?

Between last night and tonight, I seem to have wasted two hours of my life this week. "I don't think I can do this anymore," Simon said. You aren't the only one, pal. Only one more hour of auditions is left. I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm ready to get on with the rumble. -- Rachel Cericola

Mac's Rambling Thoughts from This Episode

• There's an inordinate number of dancers (I'm looking at you, Julian Riano) who fancy themselves singers. Just because you can get jiggy doesn't mean you can wail.

• Uh, zombies?

• I know the judges receive an ungodly amount of money for a ridiculous job, but they still deserve credit for sticking through the auditions. These hour-long episodes are torture; I can only imagine what it's like to sit in a convention center for days on end, listening to no-talent wannabes yelp and howl.

• Jason Horn (the embalmer) doesn't have the chops to win this thing, but he earns my respect for singing "You Raise Me Up." This show needs contestants who understand the value of irony.

• Cierra Johnson's "Oh Holy Night" was clearly influenced by Cartman's classic version.

• I know two big reasons why Ashley Jackson made it to Hollywood -- and neither involves her "closed-mouth" singing.

• R.J. Norman (the flirter) is a tool ... and he's going to be even more of a tool now that he's through to the next round.

• William Makar won't be the next American Idol. He will, however, be the next Fred Savage. Makar is a ringer for the 16-year-old Kevin Arnold.

• Good News! The auditions end next week. Even better, the final audition spot is American Idol Fodder's very own hometown: Boston. Let's hope the contestants do us proud (I can hope, right?). -- Mac Slocum

Posted by Rachel Cericola on February 1, 2006 8:51 PM
Permalink |

I'm no Miss Cleo, but judging by the previews.... the only way Boston would make us proud is if the name of the show were "American Jackass."

-- 1. Posted by: Rachel at February 2, 2006 10:22 AM

I tried out for the American Idol Auditions twice, and I was dressed according to my mood,(Which was fabulous), hair done, makeup flawless. Behind a girl who had a big poster of simon on her back. She sang horribly and looked a mess, and she made it. I sang the classic rendetition of "If only you knew" by Patti LaBelle, and she never let me get 20 seconds into the song. Her reason was, "you are just not what we are looking for" I do not understand. If talent was about how stupid we look and act then next time I will not even come, because they are bias to stupid looking people.

-- 2. Posted by: LaToya Anthony at March 23, 2007 2:05 PM

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