CBS
Now that CBS has officially fired Charlie Sheen, rumors are swirling around who will be tabbed to replace him on “Two and a Half Men”. I’ve heard a variety of names, including John Stamos, Matt Dillion, Donny Osmond, Jerry O’Connell and Rob Lowe (which has been debunked).
However, *who* is not the most important question. It’s all in the *how*. So, here is my thought on how the writers should handle the replacement of Charlie Sheen.
Scene 1 (at the Zoo)
Charlie is standing on an overlook above the wild animal reserve. His back is to the camera. Alan and Jake are in the foreground, a safe distance from the edge of the overlook.
Alan: Hey Charlie, you better be careful….
Charlie: [Falls in the animal reserve] Aieee!!!
Jake: Oh No! He’s getting mauled by the lions!
Alan: Is that a tiger helping him? It’s…it’s chasing off the lions!
Jake: It must think Charlie is part of his family
Alan: (Looks at Jake dubiously) Let’s get some help.
Scene 2 (at the hospital)
Charlie is in the hospital bed, face completely bandaged. Alan is talking to the doctor.
Alan: Doctor, is he going to be alright?
Doctor: He’s a very lucky man – a weaker man would have died…well, from the fall and the mauling and all. It’s just amazing. The heroic tiger who saved him was also mauled and died. Fortunately, the blood from the tiger seeped into Charlie’s wounds, keeping them moist. Without the Tiger Blood, he might have been scarred for life.
Alan: He’s *literally* got Tiger Blood in his veins?
Doctor: Yep. (pause – both look at Charlie, then to the camera) And, it’s pretty amazing – I think he actually looks *better* after the surgery. It’s like he’s got Adonis DNA – he really looks fabulous.
Charlie: (in the background): (moans) I’m a F-18, bro.
Alan: What was that?
Doctor: Ahh, it’s probably just a side effect of the meds.
Doctor walks over to Charlie
Doctor: Charlie – do you want to see your new face?
Charlie: (Nods slowly)
Doctor hands Charlie a mirror. Ominous music rised in the background as the Doctor slowly unwraps the bandages. The camera pans around to look over Charlie’s shoulder to see the reflection in the mirror.
As, we see the face of new actor playing Charlie, Charlie smiles and says:
Charlie: Win-ning!
End Scene!
At least, that’s how I see it. Charlie is irreplaceable – the writers should acknowledge him in some way, don’t you think?
